Resolve This

It is almost time to start making brand new resolutions we can break in the coming year.  Coming up with new resolutions at this time of year is quite old.  The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar.
With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.
Hey ole two-faced Janus could fit right into our political system, but that’s another post.  Anyway I thought this year I would come up New Year’s resolutions that I could keep.  If you have any you would like to pass along, please do.

THIS YEAR I RESOLVE TO:

Not get any younger.

To eat all the hamburgers, ice cream, cookies and pizza that I want.

Not jump out of an airplane…..without a parachute.

Not attempt to stop a speeding train or bus by standing in front of it.

Not join the Tea Party, Republican Party, Democratic Party, Tupperware parties, pajama parties, or block parties.

Not to hold out any hope of the Houston Texans having a winning season.

To stay up and sleep as late as I want.

Not to join the Roller Derby or World Wrestling Federation.

Not to attempt to climb Mt Everest.

Not to swim the English Channel.

Not to run in the Houston marathon.

Keep breathing.



  AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

A guy in Michigan just returned a library book that he had checked out 76 years ago.  I’m assuming the man is not a graduate of the Evelyn Woods speeding reading school.


Top five unanswered questions in Hollywood for 2010.

1.    Did Ashton Kutcher cheat on Demi Moore?
2.    Is Miley Cyrus becoming the next Lindsay Lohan?
3.    When did Sandra Bullock really find out that Jesse had strayed?
4.    Does America really like Briston Palin or did the producers with “Dancing With The Stars” rig the results?
5.    Is Mel Gibson really mentally impaired?


And the answer to all five questions………



                            WHO CARES………


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Let's All Have A Great New Year

Well here we are wrapping up another year.  Time sure flies when you’re having fun and I have had some fun.  I also had some times that weren’t so fun but I am choosing to not remember those.  All in all, I’m a happy man.  My lovely wife and I have a roof over our head, food in the fridge and paid off automobiles.  I get to sleep til noon a lot of days and work on my writing. I have a good life and I am very grateful.  Diana came across this article this week and I really liked what it said so I thought I would pass it along to everyone.  It was written a few years ago so you may have already read it but it is well worth perusing again.  Here is wishing everyone a great new year.

 The Awakening  by Virginia Marie Swift

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

Re: The Awakening...definitely worth reading...I promise! timetobefree: You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.


Stay tuned for future adventures and check for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Going Postal

I got a little Christmas present in the mail.  It was a survey sent out by the postal system.  Now first of all, I think the postal system overall does a decent job.  I know some people who work for the post office and they are good people.  When you compare the prices on sending a letter, it is still one of the cheapest things going, which is why they lose billions of dollars every year.  

A lot of people, including myself, thought the post office had a motto.  You know the one about rain and snow and all of that stuff.  The original saying was actually "Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these courageous couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" and was said about 2500 years ago by the Greek historian, Herodotus. He said this adage during the war between the Greeks and Persians about 500 B.C. in reference to the Persian mounted postal couriers whom he observed and held in high esteem.

The actual U.S. Postal System motto is “Sorry, I’m off duty..”

So I’m not here to rant about the postal system, I’m here to bitch about my postman.  We have lived at the same address for over nine years and this jerk still can’t get the mail right.  About twice or more a month someone will call and say, “Did ya’ll move?  I got your letter back.”  Nope, same address. Don’t know what that’s about?  We still get mail for everybody who has ever lived at this address.  At least once a week, I get my neighbors mail or he gets ours.

My wife and I won’t order anything online unless we can’t get it anywhere else and then we have it sent to a friend’s house because the post office has lost so much stuff over the past few years. 

So I just filled out my survey and told the fine folks at the postal system what I thought of the mailman on my route.  I think it may be a part time job for him as he only shows up about four days a week and is obviously hitting the booze on the days that he does make it by.

 I’m not sure if he keeps the mail for himself, just loses it or is an idiot.  It could be all of the above.  I also know I’m not the only one in the neighborhood who thinks this guy is a jerk.  Every dog in a three block area hates him.

I am pretty sure my survey, if it gets delivered won’t have any impact or will make things worse (ha, I don’t think it can get any worse) but at least I got tell them what I think of my part-time mailman.

Also I want to tell you that my novel SURGE is now available on Kindle http://amzn.to/g9J3Qh


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Moon This

Through the years there have been great feuds, Hatfields and McCoys, Leno and Letterman, Barnes and Noble, macaroni and cheese to name a few, and I have the feeling the eclipse of the full moon early Tuesday morning really heated up the rivalry between werewolves and vampires.  The werewolves were hung up with do I change or not? And Tuesday being the winter solstice and the longest night of the year is a vampire’s best night of the year.

I was going to stay up and watch the eclipse which was suppose to be around 2am in the morning but then I remembered you are not suppose to stare directly at the moon during a eclipse, so I went to bed.

And now for something completely different…..
I’m still not sure why all the fuss about the Wikileaks stuff.  Mostly it has been embarrassing for a number of people in Government but so far no real damage seems to have been done to our national security. 

We have to look at it this way.  There is some really, really important stuff hasn’t been leaked.  Things like Colonel Sanders secret recipe for fried chicken and the real ingredients in Coca Cola.  How about what women want or McDonalds secret sauce?  These are things that could change the world.  

• Larry King’s last show was this past week.  He finally hung up his red suspenders which of course caused his pants to fall to his ankles and we got to see why he has been married eight times.

• Since the 1980s, The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery, or TIGHAR, has been engaged in a search effort called The Earhart Project for famed aviator Amelia Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan.  Earhart and Noonan disappeared in 1937 during their attempt to make a round-the-world flight. Evidence has come to light that has given them new hope.  They’re bags arrived this week.

• “Don’t ask, don’t tell” has moved into “Can’t ask, so shut the f*#k up” 

• Harris County commissioner Jerry Eversole and  Harris County's former facilities management director, Michael Surface, were indicted on conspiracy, accepting bribes and paying bribes.    "Anything they ever did with each other -- whether trips, presents or anything -- were always done as part of friendship and never had anything to do with Jerry Eversole's official duties," said Rusty Hardin, Eversole's attorney.  Rusty actually said this with a straight face.  No wonder they pay these guys so much.  This is Oscar worthy stuff.

Stay tuned for future adventures and see more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Beauty Rest: Scientific Fact

I have written about this before but a number of people have asked me if I really do sleep till noon.  I tell them that I do as many days as I can and here is the reason why.  It is healthier for you.   A new Swedish study out has proven my point.  You can check it out at http://on.msnbc.com/fiUr99

It states that people who get more sleep are not only healthier but more attractive.  I can attest to this.  I know I am stronger as some days I able to go the whole afternoon without a nap and I’m pretty sure I’m more attractive because stuff sticks to me a lot more.  I have an old sock and a gum wrapper stuck to me right now.

I started sleeping till noon as much as possible when I started this blog back in February and as you can tell from these before and after photos, it has made a difference.

This is before. 

And this is now.




It has done me a world of good. Not only do I feel better but my eighth grade teacher says my grades are improving every month.

There are some draw backs, not only have I had to replace my wardrobe but my favorite singers are now Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.  It’s a good thing that I quit drinking because I doubt if I could get a bar to serve me.  I have also noticed that my attention span is much shor….hey look at that, a movie trailer for TRON….cool.

Anyway I probably need to start getting up earlier in the morning because if I keep this up, I’ll be drooling, eating Gerber’s and back in diapers by the middle of next year.


Today's good read is Power Down by Ben Coes.  If you are a fan of Vince Flynn, you will enjoy this good read.







Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Hoping To Get Your Stocking Stuffed

If you were planning on getting that special Christmas gift from your sweetie this year, you might want to take a look at this.  There is a new sex questionnaire out that is causing quite a stir.  I’m not sure if it was in Cosmopolitan or GQ, but here are a few of the questions in it.

You are not getting any sex for Christmas if:


You think Viagra commercials are about a woman's Viagra.

You think erectile dysfunction is when the elevator is not working at your office

You think premature ejaculation is when your cd player ejects the disc before the song is over

You don't know the difference between a hand out and a hand job.

You think hot flashes have to do with global warming  

You think menopause is the middle button on your tv remote?

You think oral sex involves a telephone.

You think foreplay is a new rock group.

You think multiple organisms mean group sex. 

You need a resume to get a blow job.


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

More Pondering, Musing And Meditating

A friend of mine was injured on his trip back home.  Said he got a groin pull at the airport.

It looks like all the public’s complaints about the pat-downs at the airports are starting to have some effect.  A new directive has just come down from the TSA to all airport agents.  NO TONGUE.

Bret Farve’s 297 game streak of starts has come to an end.  The headline said Bret Farve was listed as inactive for the Monday night game.  That was a typo, it should have read Bret Farve listed as inaccurate.
  
Poor Haiti.  They have suffered through a terrible earthquake, a hurricane,an epidemic of cholera that has killed 2000 people and now a visit from Sarah Palin.  How much can a country take?

Larry King is retiring at the end of this week.  Larry has done over 50,000 interviews on radio and television.  His first radio interview was with Guglielmo Marconi, who invented the radio. Talk about being in the right place at the right time.
-
The incoming Speaker of the House John Boehner appears to have taken crying lessons from Glen Beck.  He can turn the tears on at the drop of a hat.  I came across a list of his songs which might give us some insight.
Cry Me A River
Cry Softly
Crying
Crying In The Chapel
Crying Time
Crying Game
Crying In The Rain
Cry Like A Baby
Cry
Cry Myself To Sleep
Cry Baby
But his all time favorite is “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”

A postal worker in Wisconsin said he was only trying to cheer up a woman on his route when he delivered her mail in the nude.  She said she didn’t think he meant her any harm; she was just upset where he was holding her letters.


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Keeping It Real

Here are some role models for you.  Kate Gosselin and her eight kids went on a camping trip with Sarah Palin in Alaska.  I understand Kate never left her tent, it was raining and she had just spent a thousand dollars on a new hair-do.  Sarah didn’t let that spoil her fun.  She shot a reindeer.  They haven’t released the name yet and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it wasn’t Rudolph.


Governor Charlie Crist of Florida has pardoned Jim Morrison’s conviction on indecent exposure in 1969.  Governor Crist said he was very pleased to grant the pardon and his next step was to bring Jim back to Florida for a concert.  When told that Morrison had been dead since 1971, the Governor told the reporter he was mistaken, Jim had never been a member of The Grateful Dead.

Howard Stern’s new contract is 100 million dollars less than his last deal.  Man I’m glad I got out of radio before the bottom fell out.

A key vote on the “Do ask, don’t tell” policy has failed.  When asked why, a spokesman said “They aren’t going to tell, so don’t ask.”

The Christian Right is having a problem finding a suitable candidate to back in 2012.

Mitt Romney won’t work.  They are looking for someone who can heal the sick and he just seems to make people sick.

Sarah Palin is not the one.  She’s a woman, the only way she could cut it is if she had had Bristol by Immaculate Conception.  

Newt Gingrich is not in the running because two ex-wives is two too many.

Mike Huckabee.  We had a President from Arkansas, enough said.

The hot new thing in the book world is Amish Romance novels.  I understand they are quick read.  There is no sex, so they are only three pages long.



Today's good read is Fall Of Giants by Ken Follett.  If you read Pillars Of The Earth and  enjoyed it, you will certainly like this one.  It is the first of new series by Mr. Follett.


 Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Wikileaks...Deep Throat Of The 21st Century

There has been a lot of controversy over the classified documents that have been leaked on the WikiLeaks website; however, I have come across some of their information that hasn’t been released yet.  As a public service I thought I would leak it on this blog.

Willie Nelson smokes pot.

Sarah Palin will be remembered as a half-ass Governor of Alaska.

Bret Farve is way too old to play football.

Charley Sheen has a drinking problem.

Over 290 million people DO NOT listen to Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck every week.

Air travel will be a touching experience this year.

Most members of The Tea Party are revolting.

Bristol Palin is not a very good dancer.

There is no Santa Claus.



This just in, the U.S. Travel Association is calling for the creation of a "trusted traveler" program for airline passengers.  Under this system, passengers would be screened for security risks before arriving at the airport.  You would go to room 213 at the motel 6 near the airport. Ask for John


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Houston's Ten Million Dollar Kubosh

A number of cities around the country have what are called red light cameras.  These are cameras mounted at intersections and when people run the red light, they take a picture of the car’s license plate and send the owner a ticket.  We had red light cameras here in Houston for a couple of years until this last election. Then a proposition got put on the ballot and people voted to turn the cameras off.  I am still trying to figure out why.

The proposition was the brain child of a sleazebag ambulance chaser by the name of Paul Kubosh..  If you are wondering about the sleazebag reference, just google ole Paul and read some of the comments of people who have paid for his services.  Back to the red light cameras, I can’t quite get a grip on why he and his brothers were so all gung ho about getting them turned off. 

The only thing he ever said at every press conference was that it was just a scam for the city to take in money. It’s illegal to run a red light.  If you do, you get a ticket.  Where is the scam? Is it a scam for the cops to use a radar gun to give you a ticket for speeding? 

Here is what I can’t get my head around.  We expect the city to provide certain services to us, fire and police departments, emergency service, streets, garbage pick-up and libraries. You know, stuff that we need.  In order for the city to provide these things it takes money and supposedly the red light cameras were bringing in about 10 million a year.  Ten Million Dollars.  That is a pretty big chunk of change if you ask me and if you didn’t run a red light, you didn’t have to contribute one dime to that 10 million.  Only the jerks running red lights paid.

So now the only way the dipshits who run red lights will pay anything is if they happen to get caught red handed (couldn’t pass that up) or have a wreck and kill somebody.  By the way, the cameras are still on but they are not giving out tickets and a report out last week says that the number of people running red lights is up 27% since they turned them off. 

Now because of the Kubosh brothers we have to raise that money somewhere else.  Probably like raising property taxes or cutting out things we need. The city is in the middle of a multi-million dollar shortfall right now. The mayor is asking city employees take a voluntary furlough. The ten million wouldn’t bail us out but it would nice to have it.

Did these assholes owe a bunch of red light tickets?  I’m not sure what their angle is, but I believe there is one, and I have the feeling it involves them putting money into their pockets and taking it out of ours. 

Today's good read is Running Dark by Jamie Freveletti. Good plot and well written about today's piracy on the high seas.



Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Queen Of The Tea Party

No wonder Sarah Palin is the Queen of the Tea Party.  She is closer to the Red Queen in Alice In Wonderland than we thought.  You do remember that the Red Queen in Alice was nuts?  Ok, just wanted to make sure. 

The story coming out of Hollywood from one of the contestants on Dancing With The Stars is that Bristol didn’t want to be on the show but Sarah brow-beat and guilt-tripped her until she said yes.  Sarah, it seems, blames Bristol for losing the election.  You know the little thing about getting pregnant and not being married.  It sorta hangs up the family values crowd.

Anyway Sarah felt Bristol owed it to her and told her that this would pave the way to get back into the running for President; that with all the publicity, America would once again fall in love with Sarah.  Poor little Sarah who is so misunderstood, misguided, misquoted, misinformed, but mostly missing her last two years as Governor of Alaska.

The Sarah Palin who uses words like “refudiate” and “misunderestimate.”  Who thinks North Korea is our ally and that the Vice-President presides over the Senate.  I am pretty sure she thinks bipolar is how you get from her house to Russia.  Damn, this woman ought to be married to Gov. Rick Perry.  Talk about two peas in a pod…..or is that pea-brains in a pod.    

On a serious note, I don’t really think that Sarah the Queen of the Tea Party is insane.  I think behind the perky, winking, smiling mom from Alaska is a cold, calculating, self-centered bitch who would cut the heart out of anyone that gets in her way and could care less about anybody else.






Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Sleeps Til Noon Declaration

I think congratulations are in order to Steve Jobs. Seems Apple has dropped the app “Manhattan Declaration.”  It’s an anti-gay app which condemns same sex marriage and abortion.  The Manhattan Declaration is a group that was founded by Chuck Colson.  If you’re my age, that name rings a bell.

He was Richard Nixon’s hatchet man while Tricky Dick was screwing the country and he went to prison because he was smack in the middle of Watergate. He was once quoted saying “I would run over my grandmother to get Nixon re-elected.”  Nice guy, huh.  It’s very obvious that family values are important to him.

After he was indicted, he found Jesus.  Isn’t it funny how that happens?  Most people thought it was convenient timing.  He was sentenced to three years and did seven months.   So here he is lecturing the world about public morality.  What a creep.

Here is the Sleeps Til Noon declaration. I think it’s App.  If you are against abortion, then you should never have one under any circumstance.  If you are against gay marriage, you should never marry a gay person. 

I see where Bill O’Rielly called “The Simpsons” pinheads.  No, they are cartoon characters Bill.  I believe we know who the real “Pinhead” is here…..

According to news reports, Black Friday was great and Cyber Monday did a billion dollars worth of business on-line.  I guess the economy is doing better than all those Tea Party candidates claimed after all. 

Having Bristol Palin as spokesman for Abstinence is like hiring Michael Vick to head up the Humane Society or Charley Sheen to be the national representative for AA.   



Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon atwww.hotslop.com

My World Has Gotten Bigger

 I just discovered that Sleeps Til Noon is being read in 29 different countries around the world, so I would just like to say HELLO HONG KONG!…. I am completely blown away by this fact.  When I started this little venture a few months ago, I thought it might get read by a few friends and family members. That’s pretty much who I think of when I bang something out every few days but now I get it, I have a wider audience and that’s exciting.  I would love it if you would comment at the end of this post so I can get to know you better.

This all began back at the first of the year when I was trying to finish up my second novel and had already started on a third when I kinda got stuck.  My lovely and extremely creative wife, who by the way is the real writer in this family, writes a newsletter at www.energizieyourcreativity.com.  She has killer stuff in it every week. 

Anyway she said, “Would you like to try blogging?” and I said, “No.”  And she said, “Why not?” and I told her that I didn’t like the music, that the shoes were really stupid and I thought people jumping around like their feet were on fire was dumb.  She said, “That’s clogging.”  

So I thought I would give it a try.  I told Diana that I thought I would call it “That Little Ole Blog from Texas.”  She said that was dumb and asked me if I was ZZ Top?  I said, “No”.  Then she asked if I was going to write about ZZ Top and I said, “No”.  So she said, “Well, there you go.  You need to call it something that fits you, a name that says something about you.”   So here we are with Sleeps Til Noon.

It really does fit because I do like to sleep late when I can and my lovely wife lets me.  Also it fits my anti-authority state of mind to a zzzzz.

Back to why I started this little ramble in the first place.  I just want to thank everyone, everywhere who takes the time to read my ramblings and musings every week.  I want you to know that I really appreciate it.  I hope that I can make your day a little better, make you chuckle or smile ever so often and that maybe every once in a while I can get you to think of something just a little bit differently.  I will keep poking fun at, ridiculing those who need ridiculing and pointing out some of the dumber things in our world if you will keep reading and laughing.


Since this entire post is a shameless self-serving plug for Diana and myself, my good read for today is SURGE by Rod Tanner.  It is thriller about a Category 5 hurricane hitting the Houston/Galveston area. It was published the year before Rita or Katrina hit.




Stay tuned for future adventures and remember there is always more Sleeps Til Noon stuff at www.hotslop.com






  

TSA....Touching Sensitive Areas

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said on Monday that TSA procedures would continue to evolve.   I don’t know if I like the sound of that.  You know what your parents always told you what light petting would lead to.

I believe the TSA is the only place where being a convicted sex offender could be plus for getting a job.

TSA is working on a new plan to make the screening process more tolerable but I’m afraid taking everyone out to dinner before the pat-down is really going to slow things to a crawl.

Actually I’m hearing what is really slowing the line down is the cigarette break after the pat-down.
                  
Not everybody is upset with the TSA.  A number of people in line said they weren’t going anywhere.  They were just there for the pat-downs…
                  
Here is a headline that caught my eye.  Has Dancing With The Stars lost it’s credibility?  What credibility?  The real question is “Why do they have judges?”.

I guess the Pope wanted a little spotlight time.  At first he said that male prostitutes using condoms would be alright and then a couple of days later he amended it to include women prostitutes.  I understand Mother Superior worked him over pretty good with her wooden ruler.  I think she rapped him pretty good on his,..uh, er …knuckles.

The FBI raided three hedge funds on Monday in what could turn out to be one of the largest insider trading probes ever, according to news reports.  They say this is a trillion dollar industry.  I had no idea the landscaping business was that big.

Here is a quote by Sarah Palin during an interview with Glen Beck, “Obviously we gotta stand with our North Korean allies."   Yeah this is someone you want running the country.   I’m pretty sure she thinks that Rio De Janeiro is in North America and Columbia is a city in Ohio.

Vince Young is living up to his name.  He is certainly acting like a kid.  This week after the blow-up with Coach Jeff Fisher of the Tennessee Titians he said, “I want to go to the Super Bowl. That's it.”  Well he needs to get down to the ticket office and buy him one.  That’s the only way he’ll be there.

I see where Rush (I may have a tiny brain but I make up for it with my big mouth) Limbaugh is pissed off that Motor Trend Magazine named GM’s Volt the car of the year.  I thought it was kinda nice having an American made car make the grade.  I guess Rush has all his stock money tied up in Mercedes or some other foreign manufacture.

It looks like Tom DeLay will be re-districting from Sugar Land to Huntsville.






Stay tuned for future adventures and remember, more Sleeps Til Noon stuff at www.hotslop.com

Not The Day To Be A Turkey

Supposedly the first Thanksgiving was held in 1621 but for some reason we only celebrated it a couple of times over the next 242 years.  Then Sarah Josepha Hale, a magazine editor, who spent 40 years writing editorials and letters championing a national day of Thanksgiving, finally saw her obsession become a reality when President Lincoln in 1863 proclaimed the last Thursday in November as a national holiday.

I’m assuming during the 242 years that they didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving was because they didn’t have much to be thankful for.  They didn’t have a microwave, so I don’t see how they could have had Thanksgiving dinner anyway and there was no TV to watch football.   Even the day after Thanksgiving was a drag because there were no retail stores to go shop til you drop.  People didn't have jobs, so they didn't even get the day off.
    
I don’t know how they discovered any new territory, after all their wagon trains didn’t have a GPS.  I’m not even sure why they went west, they didn’t have Rush or Glen to tell them which direction the country should go.  And why discover new territory anyway? They couldn’t tweet anybody to tell them how cool it was or what the natives were wearing that year.

Of course in my warped little brain, I look back and think they had a lot to be thankful for.  Hey, they had no computers, cell phones, automobiles, television, movies, fast food, airplanes, microwaves, Sarah Palin, Rush Limebaugh, Glen Beck, The Tea Party, Republicans, Democrats, The Taliban, Randy and Eve Quaid, al-Qaeda, red-light cameras, traffic jams, dependency on oil, airport security pat-downs, rap music or text messaging. 

Stay tuned for future adventures and I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.  It could be a little bleak around here.  I just found out that our favorite pizza place is going to be closed. Damn….Remember more Sleeps Til Noon stuff at www.hotslop.com

Stuff This

I’m not sure where the origin of Black Friday came from.  The only Black Friday I can think of was Robinson Crusoe’s buddy.  Anyway I thought this might be appropriate since we are coming up on Black Friday to start the shopping frenzy portion of the year.  I don’t know if you have ever heard Delbert McClinton’s song, “Too Much Stuff” or listened to George Carlin’s great monologue on “Stuff” but we Americans have more Stuff than anyone on the planet.

We have so much stuff, we don’t have room to keep all of it at home.  We have to rent places, known as self-storage, simply to keep our stuff. To give you an example, America now has over 40,000 self-storage sites.  All of Europe has only 1350 sites and Mexico just has 250 places to store their stuff.  I think they put a lot of their stuff in jalapenos.  

Of course we have all of this stuff because we keep buying more of it.  The reason we keep buying more stuff is that our economy depends on it.  If we don’t buy more stuff, businesses will go out of business and people will lose their jobs.  And, if there is nobody making stuff, then there is no stuff for us to buy; but since we don’t have a job we don’t have the money to buy more stuff anyway.  If this seems like a never ending loop; it is.  And if this seems depressing; it is.

I’m not sure exactly how we got here, but I have an idea.  The Indians who were the original Americans didn’t seem to have a lot of stuff and neither did the Pilgrims that came over and evicted them.  In fact for hundreds of years, most people didn’t have a lot of stuff.  You just had what you needed to get by on.  Somewhere along the line, we started buying more stuff.

The change seems to have started with the advent of advertising.  You know Christmas wasn’t really a big deal for thousands of years until the first advertising people convinced the retailers what a great time it was for selling us more stuff.  

Since then the advertising world has convinced us, (John Q. Public), that we are too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too poor, too bored, and just plain not good enough the way we are.  That what we needed was stuff.  Stuff to makes us happier, prettier, richer, and better than the next person.  So now we are bombarded everyday on the TV, radio, newspapers, the Internet or as we are driving down the highway about more stuff we need to buy. 

I’m not sure how we break the stuff cycle but we might try by asking ourselves one question.  When do we have enough stuff?



 Stay tuned for future adventures and for more Sleeps Til Noon stuff, check www.hotslop.com

The Same Ole News

When Rep. Charles Rangel spoke before the House Ethics Committee yesterday, he kept saying, “I’m not a crook.”  Didn’t someone else say that?  Sounds familiar…..He also said, “I didn’t try to hide anything.”  Well hell, no wonder he got caught….

Have you noticed how under the radar Tom DeLay’s money laundering trial is?  Did you even know it was going on?  That’s because nobody gives a shit about Tom DeLay anymore.

A gay couple got married on a plane while flying over Canada where gay marriage is legal.  Pat Robertson said he was shocked…..He couldn’t believe that God hadn’t struck the plane down.
                                             
Lisa Murkowski's has won the Alaska election for Senator as a write-in candidate.  Sounds to me like the TLC producers screwed up, maybe it should be Lisa Murkowski’s Alaska

Here is a little Christmas present for everybody that is unemployed. Republicans in the House have blocked a bill that would have extended jobless benefits for the long-term unemployed beyond the holiday season.  I guess there are no unemployed Republicans. Isn’t that nice? Could it be that the G in GOP stands for Grinch?

Two former longtime employees at Bernard Madoff's firm were arrested on Thursday in connection with the investigation into the now-imprisoned swindler's Ponzi scheme, the FBI said.  What?.....Bernie didn’t pull off the 65 Billion dollar scheme all by himself.  I sure didn’t see this one coming.

I feel bad for all those folks in Haiti.  No wonder they call it Haiti.

In 1867 when Congress approved of the purchase of the territory that is now known as Alaska, the Republicans were against it.  They said it contained nothing of value but furbearing animals, and these had been hunted until they were nearly extinct.  Wow, sounds like Sarah Palin’s Alaska to me.


The TV show Medium just got canceled.  The star of the show is a psychic who works for the Phoenix police department.  You would have thought she would have seen this coming.


Today's good read is Fly By Wire by Ward Larsen. A well written story with a twist on a terrorist attack on the US. 



Stay tuned for future adventures and see more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Extra, Extra, Read All About It

I just want to point out to all the folks who were so excited about the big change voted in the election a few weeks ago that the same four people, Boehner, Pelosi, McConnell, and Reid will still be running Congress.

Sarah Palin’s Alaska.  The TV show about the woman who loves Alaska so much she quit in the middle of her term as Governor.

When a reporter asked Sarah Palin about her reading habits, she snapped, “I’ve been reading since I was a little girl.”  Unfortunately it’s the same book, Alice in Wonderland.  She says liked the tea party.

When it comes to being un-ethical Rep. Chales Rangel is proof that the Democrats can stand toe to toe with the Republicans.

I’m not sure why the critics are so up in arms about the airport X-ray scanners.  There is not a single incident where Superman’s X-ray vision ever killed anyone.

News headline on MSNBC.  Are you a GPS Addict?  It may be eroding your brain.  Did MSNBC hire the guy who writes The National Enquirer headlines?

I see where the Tea Party is pressuring the GOP to get behind the ban on earmarks. I’m not sure where this is coming from.  I checked and other than the few women in Congress, there is not a single Senator or Representative wearing ear rings.  So far the Tea Party has made no comment on tattoos or nipple piercing.

A World War II military-style airplane has crash landed in upstate New York, and the pilot is injured. The plane, a 1940 Aeronca L-3, is considered a light observation aircraft and was used to support ground forces and direct artillery fire on enemy troops in World War II.  I know we have been re-deploying soldiers for longer assignments since the Iraq war began but this is ridiculous.  I think this guy has done enough.

I saw a news story where The Rev. Cedric Miller, the leader of Living World Christian Fellowship Church in Neptune, NJ, has told his congregation to give up Facebook because it causes infidelity.   I am pretty sure there was a typo in the story.  I believe the Reverend is from the planet Neptune.

 Texas governor Rick Perry, elected this month to a third term, said in a recent interview with Newsweek that the Troubled Asset Relief Program, used to fund GM, was a mistake.  Let’s see, GM earned $5 billion in the first nine months of 2010 and is on track for its first full-year profit since 2004 and their IPO will be the biggest ever on Wall Street.  It should raise around 22.7 billion.  Yeah buddy, here is a guy who knows what he is doing.  No wonder Texas is the 9th poorest state in the United States.


Stay tuned for future adventures and see more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com
                                              

A Letter To The Editor From The Tea Party

Here in Houston we have red light cameras. These are cameras that take your picture when you run a red light and then you receive the ticket in mail.  I might add there is no mention of red light cameras anywhere in the Constitution.  The fine folks here have voted to turn the red light cameras off, which is only a small step in the right direction.  I say turn off the red lights.  

Why does the city have the right to prevent me from driving down to the local pub for a cold one as fast as I can? I could make it in half the time if I didn’t have to stop for those pesky red lights.  And especially on the way back home when I really need to make up time because I have lied my ass off about when I would be returning. My new cute little secretary wanted just one more for the road

Besides after 10 or 12 beers it’s hard to concentrate on everything while your driving, like red lights, stop signs, buses, trains, other cars, people walking or jogging and especially those peasants on bicycles (if you can’t afford a car, then you need to go back to your own country).   It’s hard enough trying to remember where you live without all those distractions.

While we are at it, we need to turn off all those TV and radio programs except for Rush, Glen, and Fox News so we can only hear the truth; not all that blathering about fair play and how much money we wasted on uncalled-for-wars.  While we are turning everything off, could we please include that terrible talk about our wonderful Wall Street bankers; these guys are the backbone of the country.  They are always looking out for the common folk. Some of them have even taken a cut in their bonuses.  Well, they talked about maybe doing that.  I guess they turned that idea off.

If we would just turn off the red lights, give everyone a gun, quit paying any taxes, disband Congress and let Wall Street make the laws, we could really be the home of the brain dead and land of the free ride. 

Straight Talk About The Military's Gay Policy

According to a story on the net, Senator John McCain and his wife Cindy are on opposite sides of the policy for gays in the military.  John prefers “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.”  Cindy likes “I’m gay and I have a gun, so shut the fuck up.”

As I have reported in a previous post, Lady GaGa spoke before a congressional hearing on the policy of gays in the military early this year.  She is proposing they change it to “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”

I understand that Elton John has weighed in on the “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” and wants to change it to “Oooh do tell. Where did you get that fabulous scarf?”

 The late Jerry Farwell said he thought the policy ought to be “If God hates gays, then so should Uncle Sam” then he died and went to hell.

Well it seems ole “W” didn’t write everything in his book after all. More than likely the only thing George actually wrote in “Decision Points” is his name at book signings. Sources have found 16 instances of similarities between Bush passages and previously written books, newspaper or magazine articles.  It appears that George lifted quotes from other people and used them as if he said them and put in conversations with people that never happened.  Sounds pretty much like his presidency to me.

Mitt Romney is not running for president, yet but, a number of big donors have given $100,000, or more, to Mr. Romney.  The problem is that only takes care of his hair stylist.

Voters in Arizona just approved medical marijuana this past election.  They also have the toughest immigration laws in the country.  Obviously these people don’t know where pot comes from.

Speaking of the election, it’s been almost two weeks since the Republicans swept into office and I haven’t seen one thing change.




Stay tuned for future adventures and check for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Politics And Mid-Term Erections

Cover of George W. BushWhen a reporter asked George W. Bush if the rumors were true that he used a ghost writer to help write “Decision Points”, he replied, “Hell no, he was real.”  

George W. said on Oprah that he was through with politics.  You Think…….?

If you thought the voting process in Florida was bad, check out Alaska.  They are not counting some of the write-in ballots if the name is mis-spelled.  It’s an election, not a spelling bee.  No wonder a pinhead like Sarah Palin got elected governor.  Oh wait, I live in Texas where we just elected a sleazebag highly coiffured con-artist serial politician for his third term.  Never mind…..

Someone wrote me and said that I pick on the Republicans and the Tea Party more that the Democrats.  I wrote back and said that was probably true, but it’s only because I am actually pretty lazy (the name of the blog is Sleeps Til Noon after all) and the Republicans are so much easier to pick on.  I have stated before and I will say it again, I really, really can’t stand politicians….No matter what party they are in and the parties stack up this way with me.
Democrats……Dumb
Republicans….Dumber
Tea Party………Just Plain Nuts

My job is to make fun, poke and point out just how ridiculous most politicians are, no matter which side of aisle they sit on.  Speaking of that, where are the Tea Partiers going to sit?…in the aisle?  They actually should stand in the corner but I doubt that will happen.

So to be fair and balanced like Fox News says,…..  that’s a good one.  I made myself laugh.  Anyway, I think Nancy Pelosi’s real title is Wrecker Of The House.  Harry Reid should be called Speaker (out of both sides of his mouth) of the Senate and Shelia Jackson Lee’s incompetence, ineptness, and total lack of intelligence makes Dan Quayle look like a political genius.  These are just a few of the many on the Democratic side that deserve the harsh spotlight of ridicule. 

Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

And Now For The News

More bad news on the employment front, General Motors has fired Mr. Goodwrench (not to be confused with Mr. Goodtool, a huge porn star in the eighties) after 37 years on the job. 

A cruise ship off the coast of Mexico with 4500 passengers aboard has had an engine room fire which has left the ship without air conditioning, telephones or hot water.  I understand the Skipper has blamed Gilligan for the incident but the good news is the Professor thinks he may can get the power back on.

I see where Halliburton is refusing to voluntarily disclose the chemicals used in the controversial drilling practice known as hydraulic fracturing or "fracking" that was used in the disastrous oil well spill in the Gulf.  Wow you would think that Dick Chaney is still running the company.  

A special prosecutor cleared the CIA's former top clandestine officer and others Tuesday of any criminal charges for destroying agency videotapes.  The prosecutor said due to the fact that Blockbuster was now in bankruptcy, the videotapes were not a problem and the CIA had paid the late fee.

When a reporter asked George Bush if his book “Decision Points”was available in large print, he said, “Of course, that’s the way I wrote it.”

Boeing has delayed their 787 Dreamliner again.  It is already three years behind schedule  I can't imagine when their bags are going to get there.

Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

I'll Drink To That

Wow, I just read where Lindsay Lohan says she has a addiction problem.  Man, I never saw that one coming.

Michael Jackson’s mom said he was addicted to surgery.  Too bad he never tried brain surgery.  He might still be grabbing his crotch.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people over coming their addictions.  The one exception is George W. Bush, if that bonehead was still on the booze, the world might be a better place today.

Could beer have helped lead to the rise of civilization? It's a possibility, some archaeologists say. A new study out says that stone age farmers were growing grain to make beer.  I am pretty sure this is the reason wars began.  Probably the very first fight was “Tastes Great” un uh. it’s “Less Filling.”

Now that Charley Sheen’s wife has filed for divorce, I can’t wait for Charley and Lindsay Lohan to get together.  I ought to be able to get a year’s worth of material out of that match up.

Speaking of addictions, someone wrote me and asked if I said Glen Beck was an addict.  No, I said he was a dick….. 

I just read a headline that says “Charley Sheen is taking sobriety seriously.”  Maybe he should be taking his drinking seriously.

Skating With The Stars is coming to a TV near you.  This could go on forever. What’s next, Surfing With The Stars.  Think of it, Skiing, Racing, Skeet Shooting, Duck Hunting, Golfing, Bowling, Shooting Pool, Clogging, and Synchronized Swimming, all with the Stars.   I can’t wait until they get to Drinking With The Stars. Think of line up they will have for that one.

Today's good read is Inside Out by Barry Eisler.  This is a page turner about black ops/spy assassins that will keep you up late reading.






 Stay tuned for future adventures and be and check for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Tap Dancing With The Stars

Speaking of dancing, it is pretty obvious that dancing has very little to do with “Dancing With The Stars.”  Why don’t they just go ahead and change the name to “Voting For My Favorite Dip-Shit Wanna-Be-Celebrity.

So Charley Sheen has hired a sobriety coach.  I can’t quit laughing. I’m not sure there is such a thing. It sounds more like something the pr people thought up.  Maybe he should hire a grow-up-and-be-a-responsible-adult coach or a quit-acting-like-a-jerk coach.  Maybe he should hire Sarah Palin to show him how to quit drinking and drugging.  After all she quit being Governor in the middle of her term, so she certainly knows how to be a quitter.

I love finding where words came from.  Do you know the origin of the word dagnabit?  The Beverly Hillbillies.

Another jerk water CEO has bit the dust….for a while anyway.  Randy Michaels, who recently was paid millions of dollars to run the Tribune Company into bankruptcy, has resigned. This was after he ran Clear Channel Radio into bankruptcy.  I’m sure some other large corporation with tons of money to lose will come along and pay him a truck load of cash to ruin their company also.  Why I can’t get jobs like that?  I can screw up a ball-bearing if you give me enough time.

Have you noticed these CEO’s are just like football and baseball managers? No matter how bad they screw things up, they just move from job to job.  You know, like the priest in the Catholic Church. The only way they break the cycle is if they go to prison.  The corporate world is the epitome of the good ole boys network. They each have a hand in each other’s pocket, or with the priest, it’s their hand in your pants.

I see where Randy Quaid just forfeited a million dollars in bonds by not showing up in court again.  He is seeking asylum in Canada.  The keyword here is asylum and I think maybe an asylum is exactly where Randy should be.



Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check for more Sleeps Til Noon stuff at www.hotslop.com

Win Some, Lose Some and Loathsome

According to the pundits, the senior vote and not the Tea Party put the Republicans back in the house.  So it’s official, the GOP is now Gassy Old People, or Gullible Old People, or Grumpy Old People, or Grasping Old People.  Take you pick.  I can say all of this because I’m an old people.

Quite a week for Texas; The Cowboys lose; The Texans lose; The Rangers lose and now four more years of Serial Politician Rick Perry; the whole state loses.

The faces may change in Congress but I’m willing to bet the way they do business will remain the same.

Have you noticed that Serial Politician, Pretty Boy Rick (How’s my hair-do look today) Perry hasn’t mentioned a single word about his daughter Katie getting married to Russell Brand in India?  I thought he was against out-sourcing.

I never could get what the Tea Party was so angry about.  Do we pay that much tax on tea?

Now that the election is over we can get back to all those pharmaceutical ads.  I haven’t known what to ask my doctor about for weeks.

Speaking of TV ads, a new study out says that alcohol is more dangerous than heroin, crack, marijuana, crystal meth and ecstasy. The study shows alcohol is more addictive and harmful to your body than any other drug.  That will make you think about all those thousands of beer ads on TV.  Gee, should I ask my doctor which brand of beer is best for me.

Worlds toughest jobs.

1. Soldier in Iraq.
2. Coal miner in Chile
3. Charley Sheen’s publicist.

Today's good read is The Whisperers by John Connolly another of my favorite authors.  A great crime thriller with a touch of the supernatural.
                                    Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Those Angry Voters

 I don't know who wrote this so I can't give them credit but I agree with every word and I couldn't have said it better.

 After The 8 Years Of The Bush/Cheney Disaster, Now You Get Mad?

 You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and
 appointed a President.

 You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to
 dictate Energy policy and push us to invade Iraq.

 You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

 You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

 You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no
 threat to us.

 You didn't get mad when we spent over $800 billion (and counting) on
 said illegal war.

 You didn't get mad when Bush borrowed more money from foreign sources
 than the previous 42 Presidents combined.

 You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars in cash just
 disappeared in Iraq.

 You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

 You didn't get mad when Bush embraced trade and outsourcing policies
 that shipped 6 million American jobs out of the country.

 You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping
 Americans.

 You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden. You didn't get mad
 when Bush rang up 10 trillion dollars in combined budget and current
 account deficits.

 You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

 You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

 You didn't get mad when we gave people who had more money than they
 could spend, the filthy rich, over a trillion dollars in tax breaks.

 You didn't get mad with the worst 8 years of job creations in several
 decades.

 You didn't get mad when over 200,000 US Citizens lost their lives
 because they had no health insurance.

 You didn't get mad when lack of oversight and regulations from the
 Bush Administration caused US Citizens to lose 12 trillion dollars in
 investments, retirement, and home values.

 You finally got mad when a black man was elected President and decided
 that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are
 sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, job losses by the
 millions, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, and the
 worst economic disaster since 1929 are all okay with you, but helping
 fellow Americans who are sick...Oh, Hell No!!
 Author unknown.

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Boobs And Dumbasses

The day after The New York Post reported that a naked Charley Sheen had trashed his Plaza Hotel room in a drunken rage, a pr spokesman said that Charley had an allergic reaction to some medication.  I’m assuming the scantly clad unidentified woman in the room with him was a nurse.

It seems the picture Bret Farve texted to the woman with the New York Jets was just a regular picture of him and not of his genitals, which proves that Bret really is a dickhead.

 TSA agents are starting new pat down procedures at airports.  The agents are doing a full pat-downs including sliding a hand up the inside of your pants leg.  Airlines are reporting a large increase in 18-24 year old male passengers.

Evidently the only true reality show on television is Two & Half Men staring Charlie Sheen.

I just saw a Rick Perry ad that said “Obama’s policies would destroy our health care system as we know it.”  First of all, Obama is not running for Governor of Texas and secondly we pay more and get less in our health care system that just about every country in the world.  Gee, sure wouldn’t want to change that.

Looks like St. Peter has booked “Danno”.

Randy Quaid said that he and his wife’s lives were in danger because they were being stalked by “Hollywood Star Wackers”.  I don’t think Randy ever qualified under the “Star” category.  Maybe if they were being stalked by the “Hollywood WannaBeStar Wackers”

Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife are getting divorced.  Billy Ray issued this statement to the press.    “But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man,Ooo”

Well it seems that Rand Paul, son of Ron Paul is a chip off the ole block.  Or maybe I should say blockhead.  Maybe Mrs. Paul should have fed them more than fish sticks for every meal.

Charley Sheen got a text from Bret Farve that said “THANK YOU.”

I just saw where a guy robbed a bank inside of a grocery store.  Man I knew groceries were going up but that’s ridiculous.

So Bret Farve may not play this week because he has a broke foot?  What’s the deal?  He’s not the kicker.


Today's good read is The Lion by Nelson DeMille, one of my all time favorite authors.  This is the sequel to The Lion's Game and it is a great read.


 Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and checkwww.hotslop.com for more Sleeps Til Noon.

A Hooker's Lament ;Trick Or Treat

I have been trying to decide how to dress for Halloween.  Here are a few costumes I have come up with that I think are pretty scary.

Rick Perry……Perfectly Coiffured Serial Politician. 

Dick Cheney…..Evil smirk with shotgun in hand.

Sarah Palin …..As President.

Bret Farve…… Wranglers around your ankles.

Mel Gibson….. In a Nazi uniform

Charley Sheen……..Naked with a drink in hand.

Glen Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Michael Savage….. Giant fake lips and a large hot air ballon..

Lady Gaga….. A meat dress  (this only works at a vegetarian’s house).

Snookie from Jersey Shores……Dressed like a $2.00 hooker.

A Wall Street banker or CEO of a pharmaceutical company…..Suit made out of thousand dollar bills. 

Any Tea Party candidate…..A straight jacket.

A Catholic Priest.....Need I say more?


I just read the dumbest story ever on the internet.  It was about the ten good and ten bad Halloween candies.  How stupid, there is no bad Halloween candy.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.  Be sure and check Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Guess Who I'm Voting For

Well it’s finally election time and the politics are getting slimier and slimier.  Rick Perry is really showing his true colors with the ad using the wife of a slain Houston policeman. The policeman was killed while on duty by an illegal immigrant. Bill White was mayor when this happened.  I wonder how many people have been murdered in the state of Texas while Rick Perry has been governor.

It reminds me of Daddy Bush and the Willie Horton ad years ago.  Here are two people that have spent their entire life in politics and as far as I can tell, have never done one thing that has benefited anybody but themselves.

Rick (how do you like my hair-do) Perry who thinks students should be able to carry guns on campus, made pov virus vaccine mandatory for young girls, and has us pick up the tab for his $10,000 a month house and tried his best to ram the highway corridor down our throats so he could make a pile of money, is a lying, slimy, sleaze ball politician.  Over 16 million dollars has been given in state technology grants to companies run by Perry’s top donors.

This bonehead has even talked of Texas seceding.  I guess Governor is not enough, he would rather be king.  I wonder why he has refused to debate Bill White.  Could it be that he doesn’t have the IQ to get into a verbal battle without his spin doctors in the wings?

The sad part about this whole saga is that I am pretty sure Rick(smiling and lying) Perry is going to be a three-time winner and the state of Texas will be a three-time loser.





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The Never Ending Saga Of Judge Pinocchio Thomas

I’m still laughing at Clarence (check my nose) Thomas’s wife calling Anita Hill and wanting her to apologize to her world famous liar husband.  I always knew that something must be really wrong with her, after all she married Clarence, but this takes the cake. It’s only been 19 years.. You know the asshole never utters a word in court so maybe he just now told her.

It seems the Parents Television Council, (doesn’t that sound like three religious right-wing-nuts from some dip-shit town in a red state) have decided the photo shoot that three cast members from the tv show Glee did for GQ Magazine borders on pedophilia.  Granted they portray fictional high school kids on tv but they are in real life, ADULTS.  One of the actors is 28, the other two are 24.  I know some people are very narrow minded but I would have thought by now that they might have figured out that things on tv are not real.  Even reality shows are not real, they just don’t have a script.  Hey maybe Dan Quyale is head of the Parents Television Council.


The highest teen pregnancy rates in the country are in New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma.  Looks like the fucker is working a tri-state area.

People are asking if Kanyne West, the rapper, really had his bottom row of teeth removed and replaced with diamonds.  Probably, I’m pretty sure he had his brains removed and replaced with a sack of shit.

I keep seeing an ad on tv from Texas Governor Rick (how’s my hair-do) Perry that says Texas added 850,000 since he took office.  To be honest, I find that very hard to believe.  I just read a report that out of the 50 states, Texas is now the 9th poorest and that we added 358,673 people this past year to the poverty level.  Now that I believe.


Today's good read is Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins.  This is the final book of the trilogy and I have to admit, I'm worn out.


Stay tuned for future adventures and check Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com
for more good stuff.