Happy Halloweener

Halloween seems to be a little different here in Far Right Religious Republican East Texas.  They really want to it to be a Christian themed holiday.  I can’t quite wrap my little brain around that scenario but when I remember that Jesus was the original zombie and you throw in the Holy Ghost plus the fact that these religious wackos are some of the scariest people I have ever met. Well….

I am still way more comfortable with spooks, goblins, scary stories and bags full of teeth-decaying candy for the kids rather than brain-washing myths from the Bible.

On a positive note, I met two really incredible ladies this week. If you haven’t voted already, I really urge you to vote for Leticia Van de Putte for Lt. Governor and Dr. Shirley McKellar for Congress. It was quite an honor to speak with both of them this week and hear what they want to do for the state of Texas.

I saw a very strange billboard in town this week. It said in very large letters. “Had Enough? Vote Republican.”  Now the Republicans have been running Texas into the ground for two decades and they have the gall to put up a sign that says “Had Enough”. What a bunch of Assholes. Every last one of them. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Mid-Week Blah Blahs

Have you seen the new Viagra ads on TV? They finally decided to put a woman in their commercial and she is a not very good blonde actress with a British accent.  After seeing the ad a few times I have decided their target audience is 13 year old boys, 50 year old men who act like 13 year old boys or old white men who watch Fox News.

I don’t know why Viagra spends tons of money making 2 minute commercials talking all around the subject when they could make a 15 second commercial that would sell their product by the truck loads.  The scene would open with a mature gentleman sitting in a doctor’s examining room.  The man says, “Doctor is my heart healthy enough for sex?” to which the doctor replies, “Hell yes, it’s your limp dick that is the problem.”

Pat (I’ve Got God on Speed Dial) Robertson is on a roll.  In the past week he has told his small audience (of 700, that’s why it’s called the 700 Club) that you could get Aids from towels in Kenya and that we have the ability to raise the dead but we just don’t use it.  Why hell no we don’t use it. Have you ever watched The Walking Dead?

If you missed Stephen Colbert talking about the Congressmoron Louie ( I Really Am the Dumbest Asshole on the Planet) Gohmert. Check it out.

It's the best laugh I have had all year.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday All Over Again

Here in TeaNut Republican Religious wacko East Texas, Farmers Insurance won’t cover you and the family doctor won’t see you if you’re a liberal minded person.

And the flip side really tells you what kind of assholes these boneheads really are.

If these jerks actually cared about children, they would have said, pray for the sick kids, or hungry kids, or kids without families, not the unborn. But no, once they come out of the womb, these assholes could care less. Needless to say, I will not be getting any insurance from Farmers or letting this quack near me.  
   
I wonder how the home office of Farmers Insurance feels about their agent here in Lufkin getting so political.  I think I’ll send them the picture and see what they have to say.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Stuff To Think About

If you haven’t voted yet, here is a last minute run down of some of the main candidates.

On the Republican side we have an Asshole, a Bonehead, a total Moron and a Criminal.  

The Asshole is Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who wants to be dictator of Texas. As Texas Attorney General he has sued the government 27 times and has lost 23 times costing the state of Texas well over 3 million dollars. He is for cutting millions of dollars out of education and of course doesn’t give a damn about anybody’s health care except his own.

The Bonehead is Dan (I Use to be a Sports Nut, Then I was a Religious Nut and Now I Am Just Nuts) Patrick who wants to be Lt. Dictator of Texas.  Dan told his constitutes that God was speaking to them through the Duck Dynasty TV show.  The Houston Chronicle, which endorsed his opponent Leticia van De Putte, said that Dan was divisive, disruptive and self-aggrandizing. Dan also has a long history of racial comments and slurs and has been named worst Senator in the state legislature every year he has been in Austin.

The Total Moron is Louie (I Am Beyond Dumb) Gohmert who is running for re-election for Congress. Looney Louie went on Christian radio this week and said the reason we shouldn’t have gays in the army is because they will sit around having massages all day and would not be ready to go to battle. That’s so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comment.

 The criminal is Ken (I’m Above the Law) Paxton.  Kenny wants to be the next Attorney General of Texas. Here is the poop on this creep.

1.       Ken Paxton broke the law when he solicited investment clients without being registered with the Securities Commissioner. (Source: Texas Tribune)

2.      The Texas State Securities Board fined Paxton for failing to register. Existing state law says that failure to register is a 3rd-degree felony, which can result in up to 10 years of jail time. (Source: Austin American-Statesman)

3.      Since news of Paxton's actions broke, his hometown police force withdrew their endorsement of him. (Source: Dallas Morning News). Paxton has not received the endorsement from a single major daily newspaper in Texas, and since winning the primary, he has gone suspiciously silent. 

4.      A Texas group filed a complaint with Paxton on the matter, and he is expected to face investigation after the November election. (Source: Austin American-Statesman).

If he wins, his first case will more than likely be himself.

On the Democrats Side we have three articulate, intelligent women and a man who is not under any kind of criminal investigation.

Wendy Davis….Governor
Leticia van De Putte… Lt. Governor
Shirley McKellar….Congress
Sam Houston….Attorney General
Need I say more?

Faux News co-host of The Five Kimberly (Stepford Wife) Guilfoyle went on the TV and said that young women should not vote. "It's the same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea," Guilfoyle said. "They don't get it!"  What I don’t get is why this ignorant bimbo is on TV.  Oh wait, that is all Faux News hires. Never mind.

Gee, I wonder why nothing gets done in Washington.  Here is what TeaNut Republican Congressmoron Jason (I Don’t Have a Clue) Chaffetz of Utah had to say on Faux News this week when asked about the President’s Ebola response coordinator. He said, “Why not have the surgeon general head this up? I think that’s a very legitimate question. At least you have somebody who has a medical background whose been confirmed by the United States Senate.”   You would have thought someone on his staff would have informed him we haven’t had a Surgeon General in over a year because his obstructionist party has blocked the nomination.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Time to Vote

Early voting has begun here in Texas and hopefully everyone will get out and cast their vote.  It is a fact that low voter turn out produces Republicans in office.

This is the way Republicans like to see the voting process take place.

Here is something we should all be embarrassed about.  All of these countries, Belgium, Australia, Greece, Italy, Spain, Netherlands, Japan, Germany, Portugal, UK, Canada, Korea and France turn out to vote at a much higher percentage rate than we Americans do. Remember, you don’t get to bitch about the assholes in office, if you didn’t vote.    

Kim Jong-un, North Korea’s kid Dictator is alive after all. He showed up last week after playing hooky for six weeks. He said he was playing hide and seek except nobody came looking for him. He will now be known as Kim Jong-undead.



Stay tuned for future adventures. 

Monday Morning Quarterback

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Big Mouth, No Brains) Cruz was running his mouth off all week end about how those little Ebolas are going to get us. Little Teddy wants to stop all flights coming into the United States even though all of the experts say that is impossible and would actually make things worse. Teddy Boy has never been one to listen to the experts who know what to do. I find it stunning that about 35,000 people die in this country every year from the flu and one person dies from Ebola and these fear spouting boneheads want to close the airports.  

Of course we don’t have a Surgeon General during this time of need because Just Say No Teddy is blocking the President’s nomination. Teddy had this to say on the TV.  "And we don’t have one because President Obama, instead of nominating a health professional, he nominated someone who is an anti-gun activist.”  The man is a doctor so I’m pretty sure he is a health professional and I guess Two-Gun Teddy doesn’t think guns pose a health problem even though about 100,000 people get shot every year in the United States. 

Another future star in the NFL (Numerous Felons League) is playing football for Hoquiam High School in Washington.  He is still playing because Hoquiam school Superintendent Mike (Boys Will be Boys) Parker refuses to suspend him even though he is charged with two counts of rape. Mr. Parker said, "We felt that he's innocent until proven guilty."    Of course what he didn’t say was that he thought the two girls are obviously lying. Superintendent Parker must be going for the Asshole of the Year award in education.

More football: A Georgia high school football player went on Faux News last week to tell the world how devastated he was because his school has to remove a statue that stands in front of their stadium because it contains bible verses. Boy that silly ole Constitution can sure jump up and bite you in the ass.  Of course if that statue contained some verses from the Koran, he probably would be out there with a pile driver.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Picture is Worth a Bunch of Words

This church is down the road from my house.  I’m trying to figure out what the relationship is between their pastor and Michelle Obama.

 I would think that if they were talking about the pastor’s wife, they would have said “Pastorette”.

I noticed this place was closed so I’m assuming Him-a-laid-off.

 

I think I would just limp my car on down the road to the next garage.  

There are some pretty scary places that crop up this time of year.

But here is the one that is truly full of evil shit.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Pinocchio Party

 Hey little Teddy (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz finally got some attention. He won several awards in the Washingtonian best and worse of Congress survey. He was named “most partisan, biggest show horse, most clueless and biggest disappointment.”  You know his family is proud of him. I just came across a new word that describes little Teddy to a T.

\MITH-uh-meyn\

noun 1. a person with a strong or irresistible propensity for fantasizing, lying, or exaggerating.

I also think this applies to everyone who works for Faux News.

Louisiana Congressmoron David (I Love Hookers) Vitter is trying to block Obama’s Ebola funding because he says most of the money is going to Africa. He thinks it should be spent on our borders. That reminds me of the drunk who was looking for his car keys. When asked where he lost them, he replied right over there by my car. When asked why he was looking over here, he said because this is where the light is.

I remember when little Davey got caught going to hookers a while back.  Someone asked him how he rationalized his family values stance and hookers, he said that hookers have family too.  

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman really should get a job with Cirque du Soleil.  I don’t know many people who can stick their foot in their mouth at the same time they have their head up their ass.  Short-on-brains Steve said this week on a radio show that he wondered if President Obama was using Ebola to take over the Government.  Huh? I can’t quite wrap my head around how that would work, but guess who’s show he was on when this dribble fell out of his mouth?  It was Christian radio host Rick (Born Again and This Time Without a Brain) Wiles who a couple of weeks ago said that Ebola was a good thing because it would get rid of the gays and atheists. Just anther good Christian spouting their version of compassion.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

More of The Walking Dumb

I am pretty sure North Korea’s kid dictator Kim Jong-un is no longer among the living or if he is breathing, it is in Dennis(America's Ambassador for Uranus) Rodman’s basement. He hasn’t been seen in almost six weeks and I understand the top leaders in North Korea are now referring to him as Kim Jong-done.

Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott is very upset that a federal judge has ruled against the state’s ban on same sex marriage. Little Greggy claims that same sex marriages will cause heterosexuals to not have children. I have thought about that statement for two days and it still doesn’t make sense. It is becoming obvious that when that mean ole tree fell on Greggy Poo, it caused quite a bit of brain damage also.   

I do believe Alaska has as many idiot Congressmorons as Texas. Alaskan Congressmoron Don (I Sure as Hell Ain’t) Young said this in an interview. "Don’t you ever touch me.  The last guy who touched me ended up on the ground dead.”  Of course what everyone is wondering is who did this bonehead kill?  Ole Donnie is 81 years old and seems to have gotten dumber every year he has been on this planet. 

I think it is time to shoot my mouth off again about guns.  I believe there are legitimate hunters who own guns and there are gun nuts who own guns. The gun nuts are exactly what it sounds like. They are mostly people who own 32’s,45’s and 44 hand guns and AK-47's and have I.Q.’s much lower than that. One of their big talking points is “well hell, you can kill somebody with a knife or a fork, I don’t hear anybody wanting to take away knifes or forks.”

 I have to agree, a person can kill someone with a knife or fork. In fact you can kill someone with a number of different items.  The difference is that I believe it takes quite a bit of skill and courage to kill someone with one of those items as opposed to any wimpy, limp-dick, chicken-shit asshole who can pull a trigger. Yes I am saying that gun nuts are wimpy, limp-dick, chicken shit assholes. Are we clear? 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Special Saturday Edition

Oh drat, the TeaNut Republicans are having a hissy fit over Wendy (I May Not be the First Lady Governor of Texas, but I Will be the Best) Davis’s latest TV ad. It opens with a shot of an empty wheel chair. Her opponent Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott was paralyzed in 1984 when a tree fell on him proving that even trees don’t like this asshole. Little Greggy Poo sued the owner of the tree and has so far collected $5.8 million and will continue to collect money for the rest of his life. 

 I have no problem with that, but the problem I do have is that Asshole Gregg doesn’t want anyone else to be able to do the same thing. He has supported a number of efforts to make it harder to sue, including a controversial 2003 Texas law that capped non-economic damages in medical malpractice cases at $250,000 and he has fought tooth and nail to block the courthouse door to disabled Texans who sue the state.

This jerk has been running ads with him surrounded by kids and the announcer talking about how important education is for the state of Texas, but in reality, he supports cutting millions of dollars from education. Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott doesn’t give a shit about kids, poor people or women’s health care. Gregg only cares about Gregg.

My reaction to Wendy’s ad is, wow, finally a politician with the courage to tell the truth.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Stuff

 Wow, I learn something everyday.  I just found out that Annie Oakley, famous American sharpshooter had a sister. I believe she was a singer. Her name was Kara Oakley.

Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who wants to be the next Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry, is all a twitter about his endorsement from Carly ( I Can Run Any Business into the Ground) Fiornia. Carly was the former CEO of Hewlitt-Packard where she left a legacy of thousands of laid off workers, unmet earnings projections and tumbling stock prices.  She was also an advisor to John (Civil War Veteran) McCain's campaign when he picked Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin to be his running mate. That alone should tell you enough about Carly’s I.Q. Quite an endorsement. Sorta like having Attila the Hun endorsing you for the Nobel Peace Prize.  

A guy in Dallas dies from Ebola which he became infected with in another country and the news media has gone All Ebola, All the Time.  But see if you have heard one word from any news media or politician about this. The Journal of Patient Safety recently published a study which concluded that as many as 440,000 people die each year in this country from preventable medical errors in hospitals. So 440,000 people die each year that could have been prevented and nobody says word. NOT A WORD. There are no Senate hearings, nobody on the Sunday talk shows ranting and raving about 440,000 people dying needlessly.  Am I missing something here?   
    

                                              
A superintendent at a high school in New Jersey has canceled their entire football season because the bullying by seniors and juniors of the lower classmates on the team was so bad.  A football coach and several of his players at a high school in Pennsylvania have been suspended for duct taping a sixteen year old autistic student to the goal post and leaving him.  Sounds like some future All-Stars of the NFL (Numerous Felons League) to me.

I just read where Faux News bonehead Eric (I Get Paid to be an Asshole) Bolling apologized for his sexist remark of “boobs on the ground” when talking about the first female pilot in the United Arab Emirates Air Force. He said when he got home that night; he got the look from the wife. I am still in shock. I can’t believe this jerk is actually married.  Please tell me they don’t have any children.



 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day

 Same ole Humps:

The TeaNut Republicans are running an ad here in East Texas that begins with “Wendy Davis is back in the news in another scandal.”  The problem is that Wendy is not back in the news and there never was a scandal.  The incident they are talking about happened back in the spring, you can actually read a date on newspaper picture that is April 18, 2014, and on top of that, nothing came of it. Just some more blatant lies by these assholes, but let’s talk about today.

The Feds have been asked to investigate Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott’s involvement in Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry’s Texas Enterprise Fund where they gave away 222 million dollars to friends who didn’t apply or even ask for the money.  These boneheads really should be locked up and go into the history books right beside Ken ( I'd Rather Be Dead) Lay, Jeff (The Smartest Guy in My Jail Cell) Skilling and Alan (Trust Me) Stanford. 

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Will Someone Please Pay Attention to Me) Cruz threw a hissy fit about the Supreme Court not taking up same sex marriage. He said it was “tragic and indefensible,” and went on to say, “This is judicial activism at its worst.” Wow and this is the same bunch of boneheads that a few months back when they gave the thumbs up to Hobby Lobby he thought were doing a great job. Look up hypocrite in the dictionary and you will find this.

Iowa GOP candidate for the Senate, Joni (I'm Really Not) Ernst must be related to Perry and Abbott.  Seems while she was the Montgomery County, Iowa auditor, she awarded contracts totaling 215,665 dollars to her dad’s company. When told the state had a conflict of interest law, she said there was no problem, she and her dad pretty much agree on everything.



Stay tuned for future adventures.