Mid-Week Blah Blahs

Have you seen the new Viagra ads on TV? They finally decided to put a woman in their commercial and she is a not very good blonde actress with a British accent.  After seeing the ad a few times I have decided their target audience is 13 year old boys, 50 year old men who act like 13 year old boys or old white men who watch Fox News.

I don’t know why Viagra spends tons of money making 2 minute commercials talking all around the subject when they could make a 15 second commercial that would sell their product by the truck loads.  The scene would open with a mature gentleman sitting in a doctor’s examining room.  The man says, “Doctor is my heart healthy enough for sex?” to which the doctor replies, “Hell yes, it’s your limp dick that is the problem.”

Pat (I’ve Got God on Speed Dial) Robertson is on a roll.  In the past week he has told his small audience (of 700, that’s why it’s called the 700 Club) that you could get Aids from towels in Kenya and that we have the ability to raise the dead but we just don’t use it.  Why hell no we don’t use it. Have you ever watched The Walking Dead?

If you missed Stephen Colbert talking about the Congressmoron Louie ( I Really Am the Dumbest Asshole on the Planet) Gohmert. Check it out.

It's the best laugh I have had all year.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor

I know I have talked about this before, but they run this commercial about every five minutes.  The Viagra commercial starts by saying “This is the age of Knowing.”  Then it shows some bonehead driving his pick-up truck which is pulling a large horse trailer full of horses into a giant mud hole where he gets stuck. One would think this dumb ass would KNOW better than to drive into this mud hole pulling a trailer with so much weight.  Later we see that he has the idea to pull the pick-up out of the mud hole with the horses. I am assuming that the lamebrain took a couple of Viagra pills and it made his brain bigger. Funny, I always thought the pills made some other part of his anatomy bigger.

I don’t know about you, but if I see a commercial for a pill that is 60 seconds long and they spend 45 seconds telling you all of the horrible things that can go wrong if you take it; I’m passing.

Then there are the car commercials where they are driving nine hundred miles an hour out on the salt flats of Utah.  How many people do you know that drive out on the salt flats of Utah?  Speaking of that, why build cars that can go 120 miles an hour when the speed limit is 70?

Has ABC morning or talks shows ever had a program that didn’t promote another ABC or Disney show? Dancing with the Stars just had Disney week on the show.  It’s a small world after all.

Don’t you love it when commercials try to pass actors off as real people and then you start seeing the same actors in nine different commercials?

And there are the commercials where the spokesperson for the company is an idiot, like the Sonic ads, or where the customer is an idiot, like all beer commercials. Don’t get me wrong, I find some of these entertaining, but it seems to me the not-so-subtle message is, “Hey you’re a dumb ass for buying our product.”

 

There were so many extremely stupid things said by extremely stupid people, ie Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin, Rick (I need to be in a) Santorum and Wayne (Shoot First and Ask Ques….Oh to Hell with the Question) LaPierre at the NRA (National Rabid Assholes) convention this past week-end, that I decided to pass on any commentary. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

From The Research Department

Happy Birthday to the Girl Scouts.  They are 102 years old today and most of them don’t look a day over 12.

It is also National Plant a Flower day so get out and do a little digging in the dirt. It will make you feel better and who knows you might grow something other than older.  Speaking of flowers brings us to the question of the day asked in Tanya Tucker’s song Delta Dawn when she sang “Delta Dawn what is that flower you have on?” It was Betty Crocker; she fell down in the kitchen.

Viagra ads are called “The age of knowing” and they show a guy driving down the road and his car overheats so he stops and puts water in it. Wow, who would ever think to do that? Apparently they feel their customers know very little. 

Cialis ads feature a man and woman sitting in two bathtubs side by side on the beach.  I have seen this commercial at least a thousand times and I haven’t figured it out yet.

Wouldn’t it be great if the giant pharmaceutical companies would stop playing with their dicks long enough to cure cancer. 

I am really surprised that officials involved with searching for the missing Malaysian airplane haven’t questioned J.J.Abrams, the creator of “Lost.” 

Thanks to CPAC (Creepy Pathetic Assholes Conference) for once again showing the world what creepy pathetic assholes they are.

Someone stole $600,000 dollars from Joel ( I Declare I Love Money)Osteen’s Lakewood church last Sunday night.  Wow, I am shocked.  It must have been really low attendance Sunday. 




 Stay tuned for future adventures.