Humps Of The Day

Oh those poor little whinny Republicans just can’t win for losing.  First of all they have been cultivating bigots and racist for years and manipulating really stupid people into voting against their own self interest so that they could win elections. Then out of nowhere they ended up with a racist bigot as their nominee and they don’t know what to do with him. But they were sure they had an ace in the hole because they just knew the F.B.I was going to throw their most hated arch-enemy in jail.  WRONG….

The Clintons have gone through more congressional hearings, investigations, and special prosecutors than anyone on the planet in the last twenty years and not one thing has stuck.  This tells me one of three things is happening.  One the Clintons are the greatest criminal minds in history. Two the Republicans couldn’t find their ass with a GPS flashlight. Or three they haven’t done anything illegal.  I’m betting on the latter.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Bubbles From My Soapbox

I think if you have to get a loan to buy a candy bar, you may have bigger problems than a sweet tooth.

Here are a few Republican bumper stickers that crossed my mind over the week-end.  Feel free to use them.

          GOP
The BIGot TENT PARTY.

Vote Republican and take America back….150 years.

Republican Party seriously damaged by misgided Cruz missile. 

Texas Attorney General Criminal Ken (I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton was hit with a Federal civil suit from the SEC yesterday charging him with three counts of felony fraud.  This of course is on top of his state criminal charges on the same topic.  I guess little Kenny really is a triple threat guy after all. I don’t pray, but if I did I would be down on my knees hoping his buddy Gregg (Hell-On-Wheels) Abbott would be his cell mate.

Not to be out done in the sleaze department, Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid (It’s Never) Miller time was caught taking a trip to Mississippi to be in a rodeo and paying for it with taxpayer money.  He pulled the same stunt a few weeks ago on a trip to Oklahoma.  Sid is also known for giving relatives and close friends high paying jobs on his staff. I’m pretty sure J.R. Ewing was Sid’s role model.  



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Tell It Like It Is

President Obama’s State of the Union Address 2016.

My fellow Americans, since taking office seven years ago, gasoline prices are under $2.00’s, unemployment is at it’s lowest point in 6 years, over 18 million more people now have health insurance and we have reduced the national debt by a trillion dollars.   I have started no wars and have executed 68 less executive orders than my predecessor.  So to the Republicans who have said NO and fought tooth and nail against everything I have tried to do and who have NOT offered one single solution or alternative plan to anything, I would like to say FUCK YOU and you all can line up at the door and kiss my black ass goodbye.

 DISCLAIMER: This was written prior to the President’s speech and I am

pretty sure the President didn’t say this last night, but I truly believe this was what was in his heart.     

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Last Hump Of The Year

The year that was.

The Republican Party stayed with their motto.

No Policies

No Solutions

No Candidates

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump has replaced the Confederate Flag as the symbol of racism and has proved without a doubt that racism and bigotry are alive and well in America. Trump wants to “Take America Back”…actually back to 1950, with his campaign, “Make America Hate Again”

His town hall meetings have been described as a proctologist's dream…assholes by the hundreds.

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush proved that his little brother George Warmonger Bush doesn’t have a lock on dumb.  Jeb even tried the “Prince Plan” to try improving his campaign by changing his last name to an exclamation point.

The boys in the black robes brought out the hypocrites with their ruling on same-sex marriage.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Yea...It's Hump Day

Now that all of the statements and comments that were made by the candidates boneheads in the Republican get together in Cleveland last week and all of the reactions to said comments by the viewers have been considered, it is official, the debate has been downgraded to a debacle.  It is very obvious that the all inclusive big tent that the Republicans love to talk about is filled with homophobic, misogynistic, racist assholes with very low I.Q.’s.

The pastor at the 1^st Baptist church in Panama City is Dr. Craig (I’m Not A Real Doctor, But I Play One In Church) Conner says that if the government doesn’t defund Planned Parenthood he might not pay his taxes. Here is a better idea Reverend Dumbass, why don’t you and your megachurch buddies actually pay taxes.  That would be quite a load of money for the government.

Ole Craigy went on to say that he was sure that God was the one that released the videos circulating about Planned Parenthood. I think maybe crazy Craig is angling to take over Pat (I Have God On Speed Dial) Robertson’s place when he has his face to face meeting with Jesus.  A meeting, by the way, that I am pulling for to happen really soon for Mr. Roberson.

  

Just when I thought we  had heard the last from former Congressmoron Michael (I’m Even Dumber Than Palin) Bachmann, she pops up on the radio to say we should all feel very "privileged to live in" the End Times, which she says are currently upon us.  In fact I do feel privileged to see the end of her political career. I’m sure that’s what she was talking about.

The Oath Keepers arrived in Ferguson, Missouri armed to the teeth. When asked why they were allowed to carry weapons, an Oath Keeper replied, “I’m happy that we’re able to defend ourselves, It’s been our right for a long time.”  Gee I wonder what would have happened if a black group showed up with guns.

The Oath Keepers are a bunch of boneheads who comprise the latest patriot group to claim they are here to protect Americans from, what looks to me like, other Americans. They say are here to protect the Constitution, but also vowing to disobey "unconstitutional" orders from what they view as an increasingly tyrannical government. If that makes any sense, let me know. My question to these assholes is if you’re so hot to protect America, why don’t you drag your ass overseas and fight ISIS?  Of course they are not about to do that because those people have guns too. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

New Week, Same Ole Stuff

All 6 candidates from the Republican Party who have officially tossed their hats halos into the ring to be President King and 4 more waiting stage far right were at South Carolina’s Freedom Summit this past weekend.   The amazing thing is that every single one of them indicated that Jesus will be their running mate.

The other topic discussed was how President Obama tried to disrupt their little “Jesus loves me more than you” fest by allowing tropical storm Ana to come into South Carolina the same weekend. 

Word was that Obama signed an executive order allowing Tropical storm Ana to break the rules by forming early.  They said everyone knows that hurricane season doesn’t start until June 1^st.  It’s been that way for two thousand years.  It’s in the scriptures.  Ignoramus 3;14  in the Bible clearly states that “thou shall not blow until the rising of the sun on the first day of the 6^th month” and for a tropical storm to form that early was an abomination.   

They all agreed it was just another way of Obama showing that he wasn’t a good Christian.

  

In keeping with the age old Republican tradition of flip/flopping, I noticed that Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neal) Bush has gone from this

To this.

Jeb, what a dumb name, announced last week that brother Warmonger was going to be his foreign policy consultant.  That’s like making Al Capone the warden.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

GOP: Gang Of Parasites

I don’t know who Roy Rigordaeva is ,but I couldn’t agree more with what he has to say.

So if you think what Roy has to say is out of line with true Republicans, let’s see what they have done lately.

Last week, the House Science, Space, and Technology Committee, headed by Texas Republican Lamar (I’m Not A Scientist, But I Am A Moron) Smith, approved a bill that would slash at least three hundred million dollars from NASA’s earth-science budget. Earth science, of course, includes climate science.

Then we have the Fetus Rights Bill (aka, Sanctity of Human Life Act) wherein fetuses are given more rights than the women carrying them,

Also the Republicans have a presented a new budget that calls for $4.2 trillion in cuts to benefit programs like Medicare, Medicaid and food stamps over 10 years. Domestic programs at Congress’s annual discretion would be cut by $496 billion below the already tight limits imposed by the Budget Control Act of 2011.

This would cut off health insurance to as many as 27 million people covered by either the president’s health care law or Medicaid; and slicing $600 billion from “income security” programs like school lunches, food stamps, tax credits for the working poor and nutritional assistance to poor mothers.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday boneHead Lines

I believe the Republican Party can now officially change their name to The Benedict Arnolds.  47 Republican Senators have sent a letter to Iran telling them not to deal with the President.  If that is not treason, I don’t know what is.  These boneheads must have a lot of money tied up in military defense stock because they are just dying to start another war.

Former ambulance chaser, full time misleader, Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz has written a book.  Well his name is on the title but I seriously doubt that he wrote anything other than his name. Anyway the title and I’m laughing quite hard right now so if there are any typos, ignore them, is Time For Truth.

The ironic thing about that title is it really is time for truth.  Truth from little Teddy that is. Politifacts which is in the truth finding business says that liar, liar, pants on fire Teddy only tells the truth about 20% of the time. The only person Teddy is more truthful than is Bill (America’s Bully) O’Reilly.

The problem with the Hilary email scandal is that there is no scandal.  Once again the TeaNut Republicans are playing the sky is falling game because that is the only game they have.

Here is news flash for you.  Lindsey (I Need Another Mint Julep) Graham says he has never sent an email.  Well of course, why would anyone who still lives in the 1950’s send an email.  




Stay tuned for future adventures. 

Happy Halloweener

Halloween seems to be a little different here in Far Right Religious Republican East Texas.  They really want to it to be a Christian themed holiday.  I can’t quite wrap my little brain around that scenario but when I remember that Jesus was the original zombie and you throw in the Holy Ghost plus the fact that these religious wackos are some of the scariest people I have ever met. Well….

I am still way more comfortable with spooks, goblins, scary stories and bags full of teeth-decaying candy for the kids rather than brain-washing myths from the Bible.

On a positive note, I met two really incredible ladies this week. If you haven’t voted already, I really urge you to vote for Leticia Van de Putte for Lt. Governor and Dr. Shirley McKellar for Congress. It was quite an honor to speak with both of them this week and hear what they want to do for the state of Texas.

I saw a very strange billboard in town this week. It said in very large letters. “Had Enough? Vote Republican.”  Now the Republicans have been running Texas into the ground for two decades and they have the gall to put up a sign that says “Had Enough”. What a bunch of Assholes. Every last one of them. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

GOP...Gang of Prevaricators

I find it interesting how the Republicans love to invoke Ronald (Bad Actor, Worse President) Reagan’s name all the time.  When you look at his record, he was a pretty lousy President.

• 32 convictions in his administration during 8 years.

• HUD Scandal 16 convictions   8 billion in taxpayer money lost  
• Ira-Contra scandal 14 convictions

• S & L scandal over a trillion taxpayer dollars lost

• Supply side (voodoo) economics.

• 130 separate investigations against the Defense dept contractors.

• Record deficts.

• Decisions made by Nancy’s astrologer

Then when you consider the Grand Ole Party has disintegrated into a mishmash of TeaNuts (Me Me Me), Libertyrants (Every Man For Himself), BirchBoneheads (Everybody is After Us), Religious Right (We Invented God So We Know He Is On Our Side) to a sprinkling of Leftovers (Tired Old Republicans Who Haven’t Died Yet). I doubt if little Ronnie could even get in the door today.  

I think this is the Republican dilemma. They are sure as hell aren’t going to mention One Term Daddy Do Nothing Bush, Dipshit Son “W” Do Nothing Right Bush, Crook and Quitter Nixen or I Didn’t Have to Do Anything Ike. I mean let’s face it; at the time when Ike was President, Mr. ED the talking horse could have done the same job.   

So that leaves Abe and Ronnie and since the Party has come barreling out of the racism closet, Abe is out of the picture.

Congressmoron Louie (I Am More Than Dumb, I’m Just Plain Stupid) Gohmert is back ranting to everyone who will listen about those little terrorist coming across the borders.  Louie is all for sending the military down there to shoot them. When asked what sorta terrorists were they, he said, the worst kind… Democrats.

Not to be outdone in the incredibly stupid department. Kentucky state senaterrible Brandon (I Make Shit Up) Smith told fellow Republicans this week that global warming is a hoax because Mars and Earth have the same temperatures.  Somebody really ought to take his temperature.  Mars is a much colder planet because it is farther from the Sun.  On average, the temperature on Mars is about minus 80 degrees F (minus 60 degrees C). I am pretty sure Bonehead Brandon was home schooled.

Late breaking news……

 Hell has frozen over.  Washington and Lee University in Lexington, Va has removed their confederate flags from campus.

A new survey out says that the majority of Americans have this to say to Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin. STFU…..

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hero To Zero

Has John (Civil War Veteran) McCain slipped into the early stages of dementia and nobody has the balls to say so?  There was a time when I had a lot of respect for John.  Of course that was pre-Palin and before he turned into the Uni-bomber.  John’s foreign policy consists of “Bomb the hell out of them.”  Yeah, like that worked for the Germans in WWII and us in Vietnam.

John has been jumping up and down for Obama to bomb the Sunni insurgents who are causing all of the trouble in Iraq.  Seems John has a little egg on his face today as a picture of John with these insurgents in 2013 has surfaced.    

 

Sometimes those little photo opts can turned into photo oops.

I had even let him off the hook for the Keating scandal because I thought he had been duped into being part of it.  Now I get it that I was duped and he was up to his eyeballs in that crap.  I never would have thought I would say this but I believe the world would be a better place if we had left his dumb ass in Vietnam.

So Dick (I Really Am a Big Dick) Cheney thinks that Obama has been wrong on everything since he took office. Let’s see, the DOW was down around 7000, hundreds of thousands of people were losing their jobs and unemployment was around 10% when Obama took over the office from George Warmoner Bush.  Compare that to today’s unemployment rate of around 6.3 and the DOW being over 16,000, I would say ole Dickhead is the one that is wrong. 

When you take in the fact that George Warmonger Bush and Darth Cheney inherited a budget surplus from Clinton and blew it in a couple of years, not to mention they started two unnecessary wars that has cost us billions of dollars and thousands of lives, I would say that makes Bush/Cheney the BIG winners in the "getting everything wrong" category.  Slick Dick really needs to slither back under his rock in Wyoming and stay there.  At least “W” has enough sense to stay in his room and paint cats.

And speaking of wrong on everything, which pretty much sums up the Republican Party, think about this. They are wrong on immigration, climate change, helping students out from under terrible debt from student loans that charge mob interest, helping veterans, removing voter rights and wanting to send troops back into Iraq.  That's what I consider wrong on everything.

Stay tuned for future adventures.