Harrumping All Day

Humps of the week…so far.

Dr Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson is the 2015 version of Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain.  The only reason little Bennie is running for President is to promote his book, One Nation, What We Can All Do To Save America’s Future.  The title actually has a typo in it. The real title is What We Can All Do To Save America’s Furniture.  It’s a home guide on which is the best polish to use.

Remember if Dr. Carson is the answer, how stupid is the question?

Federal campaign laws state that book tours and campaign tours are to be separate, but Bennie’s campaign volunteers don’t seem to get that as they follow him everywhere on the book tour handing out campaign literature.  When the good doctor was asked about him breaking the campaign laws, he replied that Hitler took over the Jews by taking away their books so he is saving America by doing a book tour while running for President.

Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio actually showed up to vote yesterday.  He has missed 44% of Senate votes since deciding to run for President. Marky baby had the gall to chastise his fellow Senators about not voting on bills.   This asshole ought to take a look in the mirror. Anyway the bill failed so Marky might as well have stayed on the campaign trail.

The bill that failed was introduced by Loserana Senaterrible David (I’m A Real Family Values Guy When I’m Home) Vitter.  Pro-Life Dipshit David’s former mistress told the press this week that little Davy got her pregnant and then wanted her to get an abortion. I guess Davy feels if your not family, you have no value.   

Former Senaterrible Jim (Mr. Flip Flop) Webb who was a Republican most of his career, then switched to the Democrats a few years ago is now leaving the Dems and thinking about running for President as a Independent.  G.I. Jim who defended the Confederate flag a few months back might be better off waiting for the South to rise again and then run for President of the Confederacy.

Speaking of the Confederate Flag, deputy sheriff James (My Gun And My I.Q. Are Both 38 Specials) Randolph is just beside himself that the commissioners in Green County, Tennessee voted to remove the flag from the courthouse grounds. In voicing his lone no vote, Jimmy went on a little rant saying, “they want to take down Christmas signs and trees and everything.”  I guess Deputy Jimmy must decorate his Christmas trees with Confederate Flags.    



Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Pinocchio Party

 Hey little Teddy (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz finally got some attention. He won several awards in the Washingtonian best and worse of Congress survey. He was named “most partisan, biggest show horse, most clueless and biggest disappointment.”  You know his family is proud of him. I just came across a new word that describes little Teddy to a T.

\MITH-uh-meyn\

noun 1. a person with a strong or irresistible propensity for fantasizing, lying, or exaggerating.

I also think this applies to everyone who works for Faux News.

Louisiana Congressmoron David (I Love Hookers) Vitter is trying to block Obama’s Ebola funding because he says most of the money is going to Africa. He thinks it should be spent on our borders. That reminds me of the drunk who was looking for his car keys. When asked where he lost them, he replied right over there by my car. When asked why he was looking over here, he said because this is where the light is.

I remember when little Davey got caught going to hookers a while back.  Someone asked him how he rationalized his family values stance and hookers, he said that hookers have family too.  

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman really should get a job with Cirque du Soleil.  I don’t know many people who can stick their foot in their mouth at the same time they have their head up their ass.  Short-on-brains Steve said this week on a radio show that he wondered if President Obama was using Ebola to take over the Government.  Huh? I can’t quite wrap my head around how that would work, but guess who’s show he was on when this dribble fell out of his mouth?  It was Christian radio host Rick (Born Again and This Time Without a Brain) Wiles who a couple of weeks ago said that Ebola was a good thing because it would get rid of the gays and atheists. Just anther good Christian spouting their version of compassion.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Preachers and Politicans

First of all Billy (Generic Preacher) Graham’s son Franklin( Jesus Loves You, Well Not if You Are Gay) Graham praised Russian President Vladimir Putin-On-a-Show for persecuting gays in Russia and now Billy’s daughter Anne (I’m a Religious Nut Too) Graham Lotz has said that she thinks the missing Malaysian airplane may be part of the  Apocalypse.  I guess Heaven’s immigration is getting out of hand and can only take a plane load of folks at a time.

You know how the Republicans are big on family values; well one of their candidates running for Governor of California is a registered sex offender.  He told the L.A. Times that after he was arrested for picking up under aged prostitutes and was in jail, he found the Lord.   He didn’t say what the Lord was in for.

Another one of those family value Republican bonehead’s, Louisiana Senaterrible David (Who Says You Can’t Buy Love) Vitter, who was busted last year for soliciting prostitutes, told his colleagues last week how patriotic the Koch brothers are.  He said they loved America so much that they were willing to buy every seat in Congress, no matter how much it cost.

Florida Republican Governor Rick (I Thought I Was Elected King) Scott has been accused of campaign violations that could cost him as much as $82 million dollars. The one term Governor has already acquired a reputation of one of the worst Governors in the country.  Wow, it took Rick (All Hair,No Integrity) Perry a couple of terms to get that reputation.  

Jordan (I Am A Certified Crook) Belfort, the original “Wolf of Wall Street” who went to prison for scamming Wall Street investors out of millions of dollars, is selling a seminar on ethical persuasion.  He says it teaches you how to sell things without lying. This bonehead still owes victims nearly $100 million dollars in restitution.  I am pretty sure the Republicans have found their nominee for President in 2016. 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.