What Debate?

Well you can add another name to “The Clinton Body Count,” because Hillary absolutely buried Trump last night.  It was quite entertaining watching Trumpy Poo turn into a ranting incoherent buffoon on national TV.  

It is very clear that Donald (Little DICK-tator) Trump is running for C.E.O. King of America. According to The Don, his first day in office he would fire Congress (all those terrible politicians that have ruined America) and replace them with his staff from The Apprentice to do the paper work while he was rewriting all of the laws, rules and regulations for Americans to live by.  

I can see why Trump is making his move to be Dictator of America because he spent most of the night trying to convince everyone that America is a Third-World country.

Trump was adamant about being against the war in Iraq, even though he is on record saying he was for it.  I find it odd that the only person Trump ever told that he was against the war was Sean (Total Asshole & Proud Of It) Hannity.  I mean why would anyone tell Sean anything?

Texas Lt. Governor Dan (Obsessed With The Ladies Bathroom) Patrick told every one this week that his number priority in this year's legislature is to keep boys out of girls bathrooms. I believe there has almost been as many of these incidents happening as voter fraud.  Last count was zero. 

I have said for many years that I think Wolf (Real Name, Dodo Bird) Blitzer is the most useless newsman in the entire world, but now I believe he does have an equal in Chuck (My Last Job Was A Reporter For The Weekly Reader) Todd.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Harraumph Day

Really I think this hump is more like the ASSHOLE of the year.  Texas Lt. Governor Dan (All Mouth, No Brains) Patrick is proposing to cut $345 million dollars out of the budget that goes to help poor students in college.  Little Danny says that if poor people want to go to college they should chose rich parents.  I did a little checking on Dipshit Dan’s educational history and found that he claims to have gone to Smithfield Barber College on a football scholarship. I’m pretty sure this is a lie because I don't think he got past the seventh grade.

A contender in the Despicable Rotten Human Being of the Year award is Heather (Major Drug Dealer) Bresch.  She is the CEO of the Mylan Pharmaceutical company cartel.   They just raised the price on a life-saving drug that stops allergic reactions known as EpiPen from $56.64 to $317.82.  Little Heather also gave herself a raise of $18 million dollars.  She is evidently allergic to being poor.

Donald (Little DICK-tator) Trump’s new campaign manager pimp Kellyanne (Highly Paid Professional Liar) Conway says that there is hidden Trump vote that is not captured in the polls.  I think we have found them.

Speaking of Trumpy-poo. It looks like he wrote the note from his doctor on how healthy he is.  The main clue is that it was signed, “My doctor”.

Dave Ward is leaving KTRK in Houston after 50 years on the air. Dave has said he was shown the door at KTRK.  KTRK says that is because Dave didn’t seem to know where it was.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

One Hump After Another

The perennial hump of the week of course goes to Donald (Little DICK-tator) Hump for his shot at Hillary with the 2^nd amendment people quote.

Here in the Lone Star state the biggest hump of the week is Houston County Commissioner Steve (All Asshole And Nothing Else) Raddick  Slimy Steve said this week that some people in Houston liked getting flooded out every so often so they could cash in.  He went on to say, “they frankly enjoy floods. They’d like to see a flood about every 7 years, because they want new cars, they want their homes redone.”

I do believe Scumbag Steve might take the lead in the race to see who is the biggest asshole in Texas.  I really didn’t think anyone could out do Texas Lt. Governor Dan (All Mouth, No Brains) Patrick.  After all little Danny is as useless as the legs on Texas Governor Dipshit Gregg (Hell-On-Wheels) Abbott.

Runner up honors go to all Trump supporters imbeciles.

   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrarrumph Day

Could be the Hump of the Year.

Of all the incredibility stupid, arsine statements that have slithered out of slimy politician’s mouths in the last few days, this one takes the cake. Texas Lt. Governor Dan (I Was A Sports Nut, Then A Religious Nut And Now I’m Just Nuts) Patrick uttered these words today. "I would love to see Ted Cruz as president one day but I would really love to see him on the Supreme Court the next 40 years. He could be the greatest Supreme Court justice in our time.” 

Like they say, “Everything is bigger in Texas”, apparently that goes for morons too. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Muttering And Musing

Texas Lt. Governor Dan (I Am A Total Asshole) Patrick decided that those mean ole folks at Planned Parenthood should be looked into so he convinced the District Attorney in Houston to investigate them.  Well they did find wrong doing and two people got indicted.  Problem is, it was the two boneheads who made the fraudulent videos accusing Planned Parenthood of selling baby parts.  Karma strikes the GOP again.

Here is the early report on Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz being eligible to run for President.  Authorities have found that little Teddy’s dad is a Cuban, his mother is American and he is an idiot.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump told everyone that even if he shot someone in public, he wouldn’t lose a single vote.   Well yeah, his supporters love shooting people.  That’s why they all have guns and no brains. 

The Don’s supporters don’t wear t-shirts that say “I’m with stupid,” their’s say, “I Am Stupid.”

Then there was the couple who had an unplanned daughter after 40 years of marriage.  I understand they named her Cialis.

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Stay tuned for future adventures.

Freaky Friday

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush has a new campaign motto, “Jeb can fix it.”  Pretty spiffy huh?  I understand it was actually much longer before an editing process took place. It originally said, “Daddy Bush put the first dent in it, George damn near wrecked it, but now we think Jeb can fix it.”

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson believes that Joseph built the Pyramids to store grain.  Little Bennie also believes that the earth is only 6000 years old and I’m pretty sure he thinks Jesus discovered America.  My feelings are that people get to believe anything that they want to believe and I believe this bonehead is a total moron and so is everyone who supports him.

Looks like the good doctor had a Snarly Carly moment when he was writing his book “Gifted Hands.”  He said in the book that he got a full scholarship to West Point.  It turns out that this is a bold face lie. To think that this bonehead is a doctor is very scary.  Dr. Pepper has a higher I.Q. than this idiot.

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie has been sent back to the minor leagues in the debate world.  It seems Chrissie pooh’s numbers are not tall enough for ride.

Texas Lt. Governor Dan (Pig Face) Patrick was beside himself with glee over Houston rejecting the HERO bill which would prevent discrimination.  Danny said he was so proud that all those good Christians showed up at the polls loaded with hate in their hearts.  He reminded them that Jesus loves you, unless you are gay. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just Another Day in Paradox

Today is National Pig in a Blanket Day around the country.  Here in Texas we have a pig in the State Capitol but he sure as hell isn’t anything to celebrate.

Speaking of Texas Lt. Governor Dan (I Used To Be A Sports Nut And Then A Religious Nut, But Now I’m Just A WingNut) Patrick told folks this week that he was tired of Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott and Speaker of the House Joe (I Don’t Have A Clue) Straus picking on him.  Little Danny said he was thinking about taking his ball and going home except that he didn’t have a ball, so he might just hold his breathe until he turned blue.  

Faux News in house psychopathic nut-job psychiatrist Dr. Keith (I’m Not Really a Doctor, I Just Play One On TV) Ablowhard says that if  Obama were more like the patron saint of the Republican Party, Ronald (I Was A Bad Actor and Worse President) Reagan, that Americans wouldn’t be joining ISIS.  Oh, more like this guy.

According to the latest statistics, about 150 Americans have traveled to Syria to join ISIS, which means approximately 359,999.850 million people have not traveled to Syria to join ISIS.

 Kansas is finding out the hard way what happens when you have a TeaNut Republican in the driver’s seat.  You will end up driven straight into bankruptcy. Governor Sam (I Have A Trickle Down I.Q.) Brownback’s radical economic experiment is a monumental failure. So far six school districts are closing early because of no money and the state’s budget is facing a $600 million dollar short fall. I think Dan's economic adviser was Bernie Madoff.

Lousiana TaNut Republican Governor Bobby (Jihad) Jindal told the New York Times that he is really, really, really, really against same sex marriage. Have you ever noticed that the homophobes who shout the loudest are usually the ones deepest in the closet?

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said he has been hitting the books.  Ole Oops said that if he decides to throw his Stetson into the ring that this time he will be prepared.  He explained that he didn’t realize that if you run for President you had to know things. I see his point. After all, this bonehead was Governor for 14 years and didn’t know diddly squat about anything. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Stuff To Think About

If you haven’t voted yet, here is a last minute run down of some of the main candidates.

On the Republican side we have an Asshole, a Bonehead, a total Moron and a Criminal.  

The Asshole is Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who wants to be dictator of Texas. As Texas Attorney General he has sued the government 27 times and has lost 23 times costing the state of Texas well over 3 million dollars. He is for cutting millions of dollars out of education and of course doesn’t give a damn about anybody’s health care except his own.

The Bonehead is Dan (I Use to be a Sports Nut, Then I was a Religious Nut and Now I Am Just Nuts) Patrick who wants to be Lt. Dictator of Texas.  Dan told his constitutes that God was speaking to them through the Duck Dynasty TV show.  The Houston Chronicle, which endorsed his opponent Leticia van De Putte, said that Dan was divisive, disruptive and self-aggrandizing. Dan also has a long history of racial comments and slurs and has been named worst Senator in the state legislature every year he has been in Austin.

The Total Moron is Louie (I Am Beyond Dumb) Gohmert who is running for re-election for Congress. Looney Louie went on Christian radio this week and said the reason we shouldn’t have gays in the army is because they will sit around having massages all day and would not be ready to go to battle. That’s so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comment.

 The criminal is Ken (I’m Above the Law) Paxton.  Kenny wants to be the next Attorney General of Texas. Here is the poop on this creep.

1.       Ken Paxton broke the law when he solicited investment clients without being registered with the Securities Commissioner. (Source: Texas Tribune)

2.      The Texas State Securities Board fined Paxton for failing to register. Existing state law says that failure to register is a 3rd-degree felony, which can result in up to 10 years of jail time. (Source: Austin American-Statesman)

3.      Since news of Paxton's actions broke, his hometown police force withdrew their endorsement of him. (Source: Dallas Morning News). Paxton has not received the endorsement from a single major daily newspaper in Texas, and since winning the primary, he has gone suspiciously silent. 

4.      A Texas group filed a complaint with Paxton on the matter, and he is expected to face investigation after the November election. (Source: Austin American-Statesman).

If he wins, his first case will more than likely be himself.

On the Democrats Side we have three articulate, intelligent women and a man who is not under any kind of criminal investigation.

Wendy Davis….Governor
Leticia van De Putte… Lt. Governor
Shirley McKellar….Congress
Sam Houston….Attorney General
Need I say more?

Faux News co-host of The Five Kimberly (Stepford Wife) Guilfoyle went on the TV and said that young women should not vote. "It's the same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea," Guilfoyle said. "They don't get it!"  What I don’t get is why this ignorant bimbo is on TV.  Oh wait, that is all Faux News hires. Never mind.

Gee, I wonder why nothing gets done in Washington.  Here is what TeaNut Republican Congressmoron Jason (I Don’t Have a Clue) Chaffetz of Utah had to say on Faux News this week when asked about the President’s Ebola response coordinator. He said, “Why not have the surgeon general head this up? I think that’s a very legitimate question. At least you have somebody who has a medical background whose been confirmed by the United States Senate.”   You would have thought someone on his staff would have informed him we haven’t had a Surgeon General in over a year because his obstructionist party has blocked the nomination.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

HUMP Day

Humps of the week…possibly of the decade.

These five boneheads obviously were never were told about the birds and bees.  They have ruled that four contraceptives are somehow the same as getting an abortion.  It’s fairly plain and simple, in order to have an abortion one must be pregnant and for these boneheads who don’t know where babies come from, contraception’s prevent one from being pregnant.

And in case you didn't know it. The Constitution does not specify qualifications for Justices such as age, education, profession,or native-born citizenship. A Justice does not have to be a lawyer or law school graduate.  It is also obvious that they don't have to have compassion, empathy, or much common sense.  And these assholes are there for life. 

Even though I live in religious wacko east Texas, I am not a religious person, but the Hobby Lobby decision has converted me. I will now be getting down on my knees every night and praying that Michaels will build a store in Lufkin and put Hobby Lobby out of business. 

The Ku Klux Klan held a rally at Gettysburg National Military Park over the weekend.  They had ten members show up.  One klan protester shouted, "We are taking back this land."  To which I say, “Unless you are a Native American, shut the fuck up.”

The Texas State Boys State Government Training conference was held over the weekend.  It is being reported that photos and speeches which were degrading to women are showing up.  They held a mock county convention where one candidate stood up and simply said, “Cold beer and tities.”  Oh how nice.  A brand new crop of Rick(All Hair, No Integrity) Perrys, Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbotts and Dan (I Really Am Nuts) Patricks.

Surprisingly the Girls State conference, which is also sponsored by The American Legion, was held at the same time, but very different, more uh, let’s say mature. The girls discussed legalized same-sex marriage, passed legislation to address rape on college campuses, and debated raising the minimum wage.

Here is the real kicker. 30 State Senators and Representatives spoke at the boy’s conference but not a single member of the State legislature came to talk to the girls. When it comes to Texas politics, women are second class citizens.

  

Utah Republican Senaterrible Mike (I’m A Mormon and a Moron) Lee is perfectly fine with the government paying for boner pills but thinks that women who use contraceptives are basically sluts.  I think ole Mike probably has sex by himself a lot.

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 Stay tuned for future adventures.