Wrapping Up The Week

Talk about omens. First Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump gets endorsed by Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin and then the next day gets endorsed by a dead guy….John Wayne.  I’m not sure how this happened, I’m guessing that they had a séance and ole John gave em the high sign from the other side.

When John (Civil War Veteran) McCain heard about little Sarah’s blabbering endorsement, he called Trump and offered his condolences and said unfortunately there was no antidote.  

And yesterday Willie (If It Walks Like A Duck, Talks Like A Duck, It’s Probably A) Robertson quacked out his endorsement for The Don.  This should cause quite a stir in the duck blind this week as Daddy Phil (Duck Dick Head) Robertson endorsed Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz last week.  Wow, quite a week for little Donnie with endorsements from two dead-in-the-head people and one dead guy. 
  

And then there was this.  The National Review, the country’s most conservative magazine came out and ripped Ole Donald to shreds this week. The irony of all of this is that Trump is the sole creation of the Right-Wing Republican Party and now that he is alive and well, they don’t know what to do with their monster.  In order to get their unqualified people elected these many years, they have happily climbed into bed with the Dixie-Crats, religious-right wackos and narrow-minded boneheads and the results are the sorry mess they are in today.

Boy that Karma can sure kick you in the elephant's ass sometimes.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Bubbles From My Soap Box

Once Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz threw his beanie with the propeller on top into the ring to run for President, the comparisons to Sarah (Half Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin began springing up all over the internet.  I have to say I don’t think there is any comparison.  

Mrs. Palin is an absolute moron.  This bimbo has never had an original thought in her entire life. Bonehead Sarah is nothing but a low life celebrity, right down there with Duck Dynasty and The Kardashians.  On the other hand, little Teddy is a narrow-minded, egotistical, misogynistic, homophobic asshole and pathological liar, but is not stupid.   This guy doesn’t have a chance to get elected, if fact I doubt if he can win his party’s nomination, but he is positioning himself to rake in a lot of money and be a major disruption to this country very much like former Senator Joseph (If My Lips Are Moving, I’m Lying) McCarthy.  The only thing stupid about Teddy Poo is his supporters.

Arizona Senaterrible John (Civil War Veteran) McCain has announced he is running for re-election.  Ole, Old John says he is ready to climb back in the cockpit and bomb Iran.  Bomb is also the name of John’s foreign policy plan.  I understand his campaign slogan is “If you love War. Vote Republican.”

 Here is a first. A policeman shoots an unarmed man and is arrested for murder in Charleston, North Carolina. Surely that is a typo. They probably meant acquitted for murder. The latest surveys show that there are between 300 and 310 million guns in America today and that is with a population of around 320 million people.  Doesn’t it seem odd that most of the police shootings are with UNARMED people?  The NRA is always harping on having a gun for protection.  I guess they mean protection from the Police.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Bubbles From My Soapbox

Evidently the Seahawks, Russell (God’s Quarterback) Wilson is the NFL’s version of Tim Tebow with talent.  Little Rusty just couldn’t quit gushing and tweeting how God was on their side to win the game over the Green Bay Packers. He never did say what it was that the Packers did to piss God off.

Seems to me, he could have thanked his team for finally waking up from a coma to actually play football for the last two minutes of the game and also to Green Bay for not knowing how to score a touchdown when you are inside the five yard line.

I’m not a Christian, but if I were with all that’s going on in the world, I would be highly insulted about somebody giving God the credit for wining a FUCKING FOOTBALL GAME.

I do believe Russell is a good person and I know he does a lot for charities, but I would just as soon he keep his religious crap to himself.  

While I’m rambling on about religion, it seems to me like war hawks John (Civil War Veteran) McCain and Lindsey (My Panties Are Always in a Bunch Because That’s How I Buy Them) Graham and their necompoop buddies are just dying to get into a religious war.  You know my religion is better than your religion type thing.

I don’t understand this because the boneheads they want to get into a war with are a hundred times more religious than they are. I mean those goobers fall down on their knees and pray about every five minutes when the pseudo religious folks like ole John and little Lindsey make it to church about once a week - if that much, and I suspect it is more to be seen than anything else.


 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Brand New Year, Same Old Stuff

The 114th Congress will be sworn in tomorrow with the TeaNut Republicans in charge, so remember to set your clock back 40 years. With the unemployment rate at the lowest figure in 8 years, Wall Street numbers the highest in history, $2 dollar gasoline and Obamacare working, a GOP spokesman said that they realized they had a big challenge ahead of them. He said the first thing they will do is get everyone together and form a conscious on what to screw up first.

He went on to say that the upside was that they had a lot of new members being sworn in that had slithered in due to the lowest voter turnout since the early 40’s bringing their tiny reptilian brains with them.  Also he said with the help of God, that being the Religious Right, they would have them overwhelm the social media with crap that didn’t mean anything. He remarked that he understood why they call themselves “Believers” because they would believe anything the Republicans told them.

He pointed out that they already have three conservative think tanks working on a new crisis that will scare the shit out of the general public to peddle to the media. Also they have John (Civil War Veteran) McCain, Ted (Me, Me, Me) Cruz, Lindsey (My Panties Are Always in a Bunch) Grahm and Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert primed to hit the airwaves with some really stupid stuff to take the attention away from what is really going on. He said he felt sure that they could bring Washington to a grinding halt in about two weeks.  

AND THIS JUST IN: Louie (I Really Am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert says he is going to challenge John (It’s My Party, I’ll Cry If I Want To) Boehner for Speaker of the House. I’m laughing too hard to write anymore.



Stay tuned for future adventures. 

Hump Day

Number one hump of the week:

Arizona GOP Vice-Chairman Russell (I’m Meaner than a Junk Yard Dog and Just as Dumb) Pearce said this last week on his radio show.  "You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I'd do is get Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations," and went on to say, "Then we'll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to reproduce or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job."  

That was on Friday and Sunday he resigned saying that someone else wrote those comments and he just repeated them without giving the author credit.  I don’t care if they didn’t come out of ole Russel;’s brain, they sure as hell came out of his mouth.  In fact I am pretty sure this asshole has never had an original thought in his entire life. That may be the lamest excuse since the first bonehead who uttered, “The dog ate my homework.” 

Second Place:

Midland county sheriff, Gary (I Have the Same IQ as Quick Draw McGraw) Painter went on TV and said he had been hearing rumors about ISIS terrorist coming across the Mexican border. He reported that folks have found Muslim clothing along the roadside. Exactly how do you tell that it is Muslim clothing?  Does the label on the inside say Ahmed Abdi Armani or Mukhatr Abu Klien.   He went on to say, “if they show their ugly head in our area, we’ll send them to hell.”  Well Gary, that ain’t far. After all, you are already in Midland, Texas

Runners Up:

Senaterribles John (Civil War Veteran) McCain and Lindsay (We’re All Going to be Killed) Graham, Ted (Would Some One Please Listen to Me) Cruz and Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott just because they are John McCain, Lindsay Graham, Ted Cruz, and Gregg Abbott.   

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

New Week, Same Ole Stuff

 I went into a Payday Loan store.

 

And got this.

 

I have to come up with 99cents by next week or they will repossess my nuts.

 

Senaterrible John (Civil War Veteran) McCain went on the Tee Vee this weekend and blamed Obama for the downed plane over Ukraine.  He also went on to blame the President for the Iraqi, Vietnam, and Korean Wars. Then he said the financial crisis of 2008 and The Great Depression of 1931 was Obama’s fault too. John said that he suspected Obama of being the second shooter behind the grassy knoll in Dallas and was probably the cause of cancer.  McCain also said he couldn’t find his car keys and was pretty sure that Obama had stolen them.

Not to be outdone in the blame game, McCain’s Siamese-twin Senaterrible Lindsay (I’m Just a Poor Southern Boy with a Stick Up My Ass) Graham also said that Obama’s foreign policy was to blame for the downed airliner and pointed out numerous other Obama foreign policy failures such as the attack on Pearl Harbor and false information given to General Custer.

 

Texas TeaNut Ted (Would Someone Please Pay Attention to Me) Cruz said yesterday that President Obama was holding the migrant kids for ransom.  He didn’t say how much Obama was asking per kid.

 

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry has decided to send a thousand National Guard troops down to the border to take care of the migrant kid problem. I think if each Guardsman adopts 5 kids, it will take care of the situation. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

The Open Carry boneheads in Richmond, Virginia decided they would have a big rally on July 4^th.  They invited 300 people via Facebook to come walk around with their guns slung over their shoulders and their arrogance in full view.

 

Three showed up. That’s what I call firing blanks.

Two women have filed gender discrimination lawsuits against Goldman Sachs. Goldman is accused of a “boys club” atmosphere with binge drinking and trips to strip clubs.  I understand they have also asked that the name be changed to Goldman Sucks. 

  

 

Target’s in-store music system will only be playing Johhny Cash’s “Don’t take your guns to town” from now on.

 

When Republican boneheads John (Civil War Veteran) McCain and Lindsay (I’m Just a Poor Southern Boy with a Stick up My Ass) Graham went on Face the Nation they couldn’t run their mouth fast enough blaming Obama for everything they think is wrong with the country, but when host Bob Schieffer asked them, “How do you feel about being part of a Congress that doesn't do anything?" They immediately came down with lock jaw. .

Let’s take a look at the country under Obama’s watch.

Also June marks 52 straight months of private sector job growth, the longest ever on record, besting Bill Clinton's record of 51 continuous months of private sector job growth from February 1996 to April 2000. 

One thing for sure that Obama has proven is that racism is alive and well in America

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry is off his meds again. For the umpteenth  time he made a fool of himself on national television by telling everyone that Obama had a plan to fill up America with illegal immigrants. Ole Ricky poo really needs to keep his prescriptions filled up and stay off the television. 

 

Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who would like to be the next King of the Lone Star state believes that the fine citizens of Texas don’t need to know which chemical companies in Texas keep dangerous chemicals. He does believe in taking the chemical companies money however.   Little Gregory has taken big bucks from Koch Brothers(which makes him the Kochroach we thought he was), Dow Chemical, Lyndell, DuPont and Chevron.   

 

Texas Senaterrible TeaNut Ted (Will Somebody Please Pay Attention To Me) Cruz has jumped into the Cochran/McDaniel fiasco in Mississippi.  Little Teddy is talking about the horrible voter fraud that went on in the Republican primary.  Somebody ought to point out to Teddy that it was a primary where anyone can vote and it was Republican against Republican.  

 

And laugh of the week is Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin saying that she would make a good co-host on The View.  Sarah said she would be a voice of reason from America’s heartland. This could be the dumbest thing she has ever said and when you consider all of the stupid things she has said through the years, that is something.   I think it would actually be really fun to watch Whoopi chew her ass up in little pieces and show the world a real Half-Baked Alaska.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

T.G.I.F. (This Gibberish Is Free)

There is new truck stop not too far from my house called Fuel City. Fuel City is not quite as big as a Buc-ee’s, but it’s close.  All of the employees wear t-shirts that say, “Fuel City: Where all your dreams come true.”  I don’t know about you, but if all of your dreams come true at a truck stop, maybe you’re setting your sights a little low.

The question of the day is: Can Joe the Plumber get any dumber?  Joe wrote to the parents of the kids killed in latest mass shooting and said, “Your dead kids don’t trump my constitutional rights.” 

Joe believes owning a gun is way more important than life. I do believe if the doctors were to exam this asshole, they would pronounce him brain dead and pull the plug. 

Donald (I’m Not Really a Racist, I’m Just Stupid) Sterling, owner of the L.A. Clippers makes racist remarks and the NBA tells him that his punishment is that he has to sell the team.  So ole Donnie says ok and sells the team that he bought in 1981 for 12 million for 2 billion.  I think maybe I’m missing the point here. It seems like if you wanted to punish Don the Bigot, you would make him sell his 2 billion dollar team for 12 million.

  

The History Channel is doing a three-part mini-series called “The World Wars” and using John (Civil War Veteran) McCain, Colin (I’m A Bush Puppet) Powell, and Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney as their talking heads.  That’s like doing a mini-series on Wall Street and using Bernie(I’m Not Stupid, I Really Am a Crook) Madoff as the host. 

Sunday will be the start of a brand new hurricane season.  It will also be the 10^th anniversary of my novel SURGE which had a category 4 hurricane hitting Houston dead on.  If you read SURGE, then you know that the hurricane was named Dolly. I just came across this year’s names for the hurricane season and noticed that we will have a Dolly this year. Let’s hope it does not live up to my version of it. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wednesday Quickies

Florida Republican Senaterrible Marco ( I’m Stupid in Two Languages) Rubio had this to say about climate change over the weekend. “And I do not believe the laws (scientists) propose we pass will do anything about it, except it will destroy our economy,”   In other words, the only experts to rely on are financial advisors not actual scientists when it comes to what’s good for mankind. Marco went on to say that he didn’t believe humans had anything to do with climate change.  Oh yeah, well who do you think invented the thermostat you dumbass?

 

The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta has put out a warning that a extremely infectious virus is out of control.  It’s called Benghaziitus, but the good news is that it only seems to attack Republicans.  The experts say it should run its course by 2016.

 

John (Civil War Veteran)  McCain spent the last few days reminding everyone that he really wanted to be President.   McCain said that if he were the American president, he would already be doing several things to respond to the kidnapping of the over 200 girls by a Nigerian terrorist group. But since he is not the President, he will just show up on every TV show that will have him and complain about everything in the country except Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Opposing Party

The Republicans say they are the “Alternative Party”. I agree, they are absolutely the alternative to anything of common sense or what is good for the majority of the country.

Here are some examples of the Republican Alternative Party. 

• New York Congressmoron Michael ( Make My Day Punk) Grimm tells a reporter that he will throw him off the balcony for asking a question he didn’t like.  He could have said no comment, but instead chose an alternative response.
• Georgia Congressmoron Jack ( Scrooge) Kingston says the free school lunch program which provides food for poor students should be dropped.   He said, “Poor kids should only have two options to get a school lunch. Either they should be bullied out of whatever change they may have in their pockets, or they should be forced to work for their meals as their classmates watch.” According to Kingston, this will teach kids that there is “no such thing as a free lunch.” A Savannah television station reported that taxpayers have provided $4,182 worth of free business meals to Kingston and his staff over the last three years alone.  I guess only Congressmorons get free lunches.
• Phil (Macho Man)Wilheit, Jr., who is the co-chairman of.Ole Jack the Scrooge’s Senate campaign told the people of Atlanta to quit whining about the snow storm that struck this week and “man up.”  I can see why Jack chose Phil to be his number one ass kisser.
• Texas Congressmoron Steve( I Don’t Have a Clue) Stockman gets up and walks out of the State of the Union speech.  He could have chosen to be respectful, but he too chooses an alternative response.
• Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am as Dumb as I Look)Gohmert wears his Santa Claus tie to the event to show his distain for President Obama. In fairness to Looney Louie, it’s the only tie he has.
• Kentucky Senaterrible Rand (I’ll Say Anything to Get on the News) Paul proposes that we penalize low-income women who have children.  Of course Ole Randy is also against contraception and abortion. In other words, for women there is no alternative. Rand has also said that if Hillary does run for President, the Republicans should bring up Bill’s womanizing while he was in office. I understand even Republicans are scratching their heads over that one.   
• Arizona GOP has censured Senaterrible John (Revolutionary War POW) McCain for being too liberal.  This is so stupid even I don’t have a wise-ass comment.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

GOP...Gang of Pessimist

It is amazing how some people can be on the wrong side of every issue, every time, every day.  I am talking about Tea Bonehead Republicans.  Congress has actually come up with a budget deal and guess who is bitching and moaning about it? The Catholic Church has finally come up with a Pope who is trying to actually do the right thing and guess who has a negative opinion of him?  No matter what the question is or what the solution might be, they have one answer. NO, WE DON’T LIKE IT.  They never have an alternative solution, plan or answer, they just say no. They are self-centered obstructionist narrow-minded assholes and have the honor of being the most do-nothing Congress in history.  

Oh wait, they did do something. The Republicans in the Senate stayed up all night talking about nothing, do nothing and accomplishing nothing just to show the world that they were upset about the nuclear option that the Senate enacted recently. They were going to hold their breath until they turned blue but opted for a slumber party instead.


Congressmoron Loonie Louie (Single Digit I.Q.) Gohmert is at again. He got up on the floor of Congress and said that the reason we were having hurricanes and terrible weather conditions is because we don’t have the protection of God anymore. He says God is mad that we allow abortions. Hmmm, so God kills innocent women and children with hurricanes and such because we allow abortions. That Louie, he is a smart one isn’t he. I understand his high school class back in Mount Pleasant, Tx voted him most likely to say something really stupid.

Then there is the unemployed Presidential wantabe Rick (I Should Be In A) Santorum who was praising Nelson Mandela this week and tried to equate Obamacare with Apartheid. Wow, another real genius. I hear his high school class back in Mundelein, Ill voted him most likely to say something really offensive.


How about the World’s Grumpiest Old Man John (I Left My Brains in Vietnam) McCain who was upset that President Obama shook hands with Roul Castro.  This from the asshole who had his smiling picture made with terrorist in Libya.  His high school class in Alexandria, Va voted him most likely to say things that were totally irrelevant to anything.



I always thought Oklahoma’s motto, which they have on their license plates, was kinda dumb.  It is Oklahoma is OK.  Not Oklahoma is Great or Oklahoma is Super or Fantastic.  Well now I get it. It stands for Only Kooks. It seems that in their great wisdom the Oklahoma Republican controlled legislature passed a law allowing for religious monuments to be allowed on the Capitol grounds.  What they had in mind was putting up a monument of the Ten Commanments, but some folks beat them to the punch. A Satanist organization and the Hindus have applied for permits which have greatly upset all those fine intolerant Christians up there.  I am still laughing.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

According to the latest polls Ted (Head Kochroach) Cruz is the leader of the Republican Party. This is probably the best news the Democrats have had in years. Let’s look back at some of the early poll leaders in Republican Party over the last few years.  There was Rudy Giuliani, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson, John McCain and of course Sarah Palin. Talk about a who’s who of losers.

The LAX shooter was carrying a “manifesto” associated with the antigovernment “patriot” movement.  Hmmm, sounds like he was a member of the Tea Party.  After all the Tea Party mostly consists of illiterate, gun toting, racist wrapped up in the American flag and spewing biblical crap who couldn’t spell Tea Party if you spotted them the T and A.

It appears that 60 Minutes has egg all over its face, the large 4 egg omelet kind. Last weeks interview with a man who said he was a security officer who witnessed the attack has turned out to be all lies.  According to his official report that he turned after the attack, he wasn’t even there. Even Fox News turned this guy down after he wanted money. I mean if the boneheads at Faux News turned down a chance to slam Hilary and the White House, you know this guy was pulling a Cruz. 

Mitt (I Was Wrong, 51% Didn't Vote for Me) Romney said Sunday that President Barack Obama’s "fundamental dishonesty" on the Affordable Care Act has “put in peril the whole foundation of his second term.”  Wow, I guess that puts Obama’s third term in office in real jeopardy..

I just saw a headline that said, Man pepper-sprays a woman, steals her monkey.  Is that code for something?




Stay tuned for future adventures.