Flakey Friday

Generally when someone endorses you, it’s a good thing. When former Vice-President Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney endorses you, it’s known as the kiss of death Dick. Kevin (Blabber Mouth) McCarthy dropped out of the race for Speaker of the House within hours after Dick puckered up..  I was actually pulling for this bonehead to become Speaker.  I thought the TeaNuts should get someone they really deserved. Not only would Kev have been the least experienced Speaker in history, except for the first one, but he would have been the first one to speak in tongues.  I guess he speaks in tongues, he hasn’t made a speech yet that makes any sense.

NEWS FLASH; There are hypocrites in the house….Oh wait; they are in the Senate too.

The seven CongressMorons and two Senators from South Carolina are asking for federal aid for the massive flooding in the Carolina and well they should, but four of the seven Congressmorons and both Senators voted no a couple of years ago to help New Jersey after hurricane Sandy.  

Of course the one with the most gall was Senaterrible Lindsey (I Need Another Mint Julep) Graham. When asked about his no vote,  Little Lindsey said,  " I don't really recall that, but I'd be glad to look and tell you why I did vote no, if I did."  Well yes selective amnesia prone Lindy, you did and the reason is because you are an asshole just like your asshole co-harts.  

  

Marco (I Have A Sugar Daddy) Rubio said this on the senate floor a couple of months ago when he was railing about the Iran nuke deal.  “If you don’t want to vote on things, don’t run for the Senate. If you don’t want to vote on things, don’t run for office,” since then Rubio has missed 59 votes.

If you ever wondered why Faux News is such a terrible opinionated, biased network, maybe this will help you out. Owner Rupert (Lex Luther Of The News) Murdoch said this week that he thought Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson would be a REAL black President.   This statement is so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comeback.

  

A group known as PEOPLE.com printed a list of the phone numbers, email addresses and twitter handles of all 535 members of Congress.  I do hope the boneheads on the hill get an earful.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrarumph Day

Hump of the week.

Kentucky County Clerk Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis has refused to issue marriage license to same sex couples wanting to get married.  She filed a law suit asking that she be allowed to not issue the license because it went against her religious beliefs.

Little Kimmy believes in the traditional marriage of one man, one woman…as many times as you want. She is working on number four and counting.   It took the Supreme Court one day to come up with a decision.  They said their belief was that she could either do her job or get another one.

I understand that Rowan County Kentucky where Kim is clerk is so conservative that the public swimming pool has this sign.

More information on the new content in the recently revised text books that were approved by the Republican led board of education that is being used in Texas schools this year. .

The fall of the Alamo was due to President Obama not securing the Texas border.

The first line of the Constitution now reads, “We the white Christians of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect church, establish our kind of justice, pander to the lowest common denominator, promote general warfare against whoever doesn’t think like us, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of Christianity.” 

During the Vietnam War, George W. Bush did uncover work for the C.I.A posing as a draft dodger.

Darth (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney has declined to endorse Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump at this time.  I understand Darth is waiting to see if The Don wants him to be his Vice-President and engineer a plan to invade Iran under false pretenses. .  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Ramblings From A Deranged Mind

Today is National Blah, Blah, Blah Day.  Supposedly the intent of this day is to do all the projects that people have been on your case to get done. To those people I say BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Personally I have always been a “Do it yourself” person.  I have told many folks in my life time, “Hey, if you want that done, then you do it.”

I understand that the NSA (Nosey Security Agency) is changing their name to Securing All National Telecommunications of Americans (SANTA).  They thought folks wouldn’t be so upset when they heard SANTA was making a list of those who had been naughty and who had been nice and checking it twice.  

The Tennessee House of Represenitives voted this week to make The Bible the state book.  I understand they also voted to make “Jesus Loves you” the state song.  

Former faux President George Warmnger Bush actually said this while giving a speech in Chicago this week.  “Jeb Bush’s candidacy has a problem, me.”  When Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney was asked about “W’s” remark, he said, “I take full responsibility for that.  I wasn’t there to tell him what to say.”

Louisiana legislature is sending a message to the state of Indiana. The message is “Hey we’re even dumber than you.”  They are considering a new “Let’s make Christianity the only religion” law similar to Indiana. Governor Bobby (Jihad) Jindal said he had heard all of the controversy over the Indiana law being a vague discrimination law and that their law would not receive that criticism.  He went on to say there is absolutely nothing vague about their law.

Today is also the day after my birthday and I want to thank all of the fine folks who took the time to wish me a happy birthday. 




Stay tuned for future adventures.

First Thoughts of a New Week

I’m pretty sure climate change is real.  This morning it was 55 degrees and already it is up to 73.

Last week Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz ranted at the International Association of Firefighters legislation conference this past week and instead of applause, you could hear a pin drop. Yesterday little Teddy finally figured out how to get a reaction from his audience. He screamed at a little kid "the world's on fire" and made her cry.  What a bonehead.

I can see why Arkansas Senaterrible Tehran Tom (Full Time Homophobic Misogynist, Part Time Christian) Cotton wrote the letter to Iran.  He has a lot in common with the leaders of Iran. Here are a few quotes from Tom Dumb. “Men are simple creatures. It doesn’t take much to please us. The problem is women.” “It’s women’s fault when couples divorce.” “Women are poor because they choose to not have a man in their lives.” “Women should be allowed to divorce only in cases of violence.”  Don’t you know his wife Anna is proud of him.

I noticed where the RNC is selling the official Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney cowboy hat to raise money.  I understand it is guaranteed to lower you I.Q. overnight.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Bubbles From My Soapbox

I am pissed off at Brian Williams and the reason why is that I like Brian and he did something really stupid.  The thing about it is that you can’t defend it because he certainly shouldn’t have done it but it seems the amount of criticism coming from mostly the media seems a little out of whack.

Brian told one lie which really was simply a embellishment of a true story to make himself look good.  No one was hurt, nobody got slandered or defamed, except himself. Where on the other hand George Warmonger Bush, Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney, and Donald (I’m Not The Smartest Guy In The Room Even When I Am The Only Guy In The Room) Dumbsfield according to a recent study lied 935 times about Iraq.   

Punditfactof found that Fox News lies about 72% of the time and Bill (America’s Blowhard Bully) O’Reilly once told people on a book tour of his combat experience when the truth is the asshole never served in the military.

Then there are the millions of parents who lie to their kids about Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

36 Senators from the “Just Say No” party found that occasionally they can say yes…Well when there is money involved.  A report just released shows that the Koch brothers paid an average of $250,000 to the Senators who said yes to the Keystone Pipeline and only $22,000 to the ones who voted no.  And the number one Kochhead is Texas Senaterrible John (Not Only Is My Gun Concealed, But So Is My Integrity) Cornyn who received a little over one million dollars from the Koch Bros to say yes on the Keystone Pipeline.  

This is a project that will benefit only the Koch bros.  It will transfer oil from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico to be exported to the rest of the world.   Not a drop stays here, well, only the hundreds of gallons that will run out into U.S. soil during a leak, and it will only employ 35 to 50 permanent jobs.  

More news from the state whose motto is Oklahoma Is Okie Dopey.  Congressmoron Dan (I’m An Okie And I’m Dopey) Fisher has introduced legislation to ban Advanced Placement U.S. History class. Little Danny thinks the course teaches “what is bad about America.”  I am pretty sure he doesn’t want those little Okies to hear about the Tulsa race riots of 1921 where an estimated 10,000 blacks were left homeless, 6,000 were arrested, 35 city blocks were destroyed by fire and up to 300 were killed.  You see all of this has been left out of Oklahoma’s history books.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Once A Dick, Always A Dick

Darth ( I Really Am A Dick) Cheney goes on the TV and says that he has no regrets and would do it all over a again and for the first time ever, I believe he is not lying. Wow, how did we get to here?  They always say that time will tell, I’m not sure who they are, but I really don’t think history will look too good for this time period.

This all started a number of years ago when a big time political consultant decided that he had found the perfect person to live up to the low standards of the Republican Party:  a bonehead who had no brains to speak of, but had the right last name.  This bonehead needed a vice president (possibly someone who had an inkling about politics since he didn’t) so he asked a friend of his daddy to select a running mate.  After much consideration, (about 15 seconds) the friend recommended himself.  Thus was born one of the worst administrations in American history.

But they still needed one last favor to get the door to the White House open. It seems that after their opponent had received over 550,000 more popular votes than they had, things were down to the wire in Florida where it just so happened that the bonehead’s brother was Governor. After much hand wringing, hours of discussing of what the hell a “chad” was and praying, they decided they needed someone with supreme powers to make the call.  So the men in black stepped in and selected the bonehead and his creepy handler to run the country.

Here we are years later still having to deal with  two needless wars, hundreds of thousands of lives dead and injured, billions of dollars wasted and now being accused world wide of being torturers while Bonehead sits in a room painting dogs and his handler gets to go on TV every five minutes and lie his ass off.  Only in America.



Stay tuned for future adventures. 

'Tis The Season For Unreason

Oh boy, only 15 more moping days til Christmas.

Since we are going to be subjected to non-stop Christmas music for the next couple of weeks, I thought I would do a little research into people’s favorite Christmas songs.

 The Smurf’s…. “Blue Christmas.”
Members of the KKK…  “White Christmas.”
Ringo Starr… “Little Drummer Boy.”
Sarah Palin… “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles…”I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”
Marlee Matlin…”Silent Night”
NSA…”Santa Claus is Watching You”
Mike Tyson….”All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth”
National Chamber of Commerce…”Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
The Weather Channel…”Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow”
And I understand the retail merchants favorite Christmas song is “Fleece a Naïve Dad”

Please feel free to contribute.

The report released by the Senate Intelligence Committee (now there’s an Oxymoron for ya) is a real stocking stuffer for the C.I.A, George Waterboarding Bush and Darth (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney.  The report not only tells of extremely harsh torture but that they also didn’t gather any useful information. The word “impeachment” was evidently not in the Republicans vocabulary in those days.  

Even though I think George Warmonger and his Waterboard Crew ought to be in prison for war crimes, I know they never will spend a second in a cold hard cell, but it seems like at the very least they should all have to go before Judge Judy and get their ass chewed out on TV.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flakey Friday

 More than 56,000 people have signed a “Draft Mitt” petition.  I would be willing to bet they are all Democrats.  I would love for this bonehead to run again.  

An atheist told me he had positive proof that there was no God.  He said Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney has had five heart attacks and is still alive.

 

I understand there is a new “I Miss George Bush” page on Facebook.  So far it has one like. Halliburton.

Speaking of “W”, the History News Network asked American historians from the nation’s top research universities and liberal arts colleges to grade the presidency of George Warmonger Bush.  Sixty-four historians responded of which over half rated his presidency an outright failure.

And the icing on the cake, a poll last week found that even 74% of newly insured Republican voters like their health coverage under Obamacare.

The Republicans have voted to have some work done on the Statue of Liberty

 

With the new inscription “To the tired, poor and huddled masses….Up Yours.

I don’t know why there is so much being made of Pope Frankie the Sissy saying that the priest no longer have to be celibate.  According the multitudes of lawsuits all over the world, they have been having sex for years.

 

Texas Congressmoron Louie ( I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert is still ranting  about the children crossing the border.  He went on the House floor to read Webster’s definition of “Invasion” I can think of a few other “I” words that are more associated with Looney Louie. Idiot, ignoramus, ill-advised, ill-bred, imbecile, immoral, impetuous, impious, impolite, improper, impure, inaccurate, inane, incapable, incendiary, incoherent, indolent, ineffective, inefficient, inexcusable, inferior, ingrate, innocuous, insane, insensible, insincere, insolent, inept, insulting, inappropriate, invidious, irrelevant and irresponsible.

And of course there is irony.  As in

 

Even though Looney Louie is the actual person, Mr Burns is the one with the actual brain.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

 

Hero To Zero

Has John (Civil War Veteran) McCain slipped into the early stages of dementia and nobody has the balls to say so?  There was a time when I had a lot of respect for John.  Of course that was pre-Palin and before he turned into the Uni-bomber.  John’s foreign policy consists of “Bomb the hell out of them.”  Yeah, like that worked for the Germans in WWII and us in Vietnam.

John has been jumping up and down for Obama to bomb the Sunni insurgents who are causing all of the trouble in Iraq.  Seems John has a little egg on his face today as a picture of John with these insurgents in 2013 has surfaced.    

 

Sometimes those little photo opts can turned into photo oops.

I had even let him off the hook for the Keating scandal because I thought he had been duped into being part of it.  Now I get it that I was duped and he was up to his eyeballs in that crap.  I never would have thought I would say this but I believe the world would be a better place if we had left his dumb ass in Vietnam.

So Dick (I Really Am a Big Dick) Cheney thinks that Obama has been wrong on everything since he took office. Let’s see, the DOW was down around 7000, hundreds of thousands of people were losing their jobs and unemployment was around 10% when Obama took over the office from George Warmoner Bush.  Compare that to today’s unemployment rate of around 6.3 and the DOW being over 16,000, I would say ole Dickhead is the one that is wrong. 

When you take in the fact that George Warmonger Bush and Darth Cheney inherited a budget surplus from Clinton and blew it in a couple of years, not to mention they started two unnecessary wars that has cost us billions of dollars and thousands of lives, I would say that makes Bush/Cheney the BIG winners in the "getting everything wrong" category.  Slick Dick really needs to slither back under his rock in Wyoming and stay there.  At least “W” has enough sense to stay in his room and paint cats.

And speaking of wrong on everything, which pretty much sums up the Republican Party, think about this. They are wrong on immigration, climate change, helping students out from under terrible debt from student loans that charge mob interest, helping veterans, removing voter rights and wanting to send troops back into Iraq.  That's what I consider wrong on everything.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Humps Day

I just read where a man in Georgia was trying to holster his gun and shot himself in the penis.  I find that hard to believe.  I didn’t think owners of hand guns had a penis big enough to hit.

Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney and his daughter Liz (My Daddy Is a Dick) Cheney wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal this week saying the crisis in Iraq is all Obama’s fault.  Cheney claims that we won the war in Iraq and he can prove it because he has a picture of Bush standing on a battleship under a sign that said “Mission Accomplished.”  Yessir, ole Dickhead is a true Republican and when it comes to taking responsibility, “Just Say No.”

When it comes to Iraq, Obama gets to legitimately use the Homer Simpson excuse, “It was like that when I got here.”

The captured Benghazi suspect says that the attack on the American Embassy was inspired by an anti-Islam video.  When this came to light, I understand Right-wing, TeaNut Republicans were seen crying, pulling their hair out and mumbling incoherently to themselves.

There is a bit of good news.  Yesterday in an interview, Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said he was considering moving to California.  I say we all meet in Austin tomorrow to help him pack.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

T.G.I.F. (This Gibberish Is Free)

There is new truck stop not too far from my house called Fuel City. Fuel City is not quite as big as a Buc-ee’s, but it’s close.  All of the employees wear t-shirts that say, “Fuel City: Where all your dreams come true.”  I don’t know about you, but if all of your dreams come true at a truck stop, maybe you’re setting your sights a little low.

The question of the day is: Can Joe the Plumber get any dumber?  Joe wrote to the parents of the kids killed in latest mass shooting and said, “Your dead kids don’t trump my constitutional rights.” 

Joe believes owning a gun is way more important than life. I do believe if the doctors were to exam this asshole, they would pronounce him brain dead and pull the plug. 

Donald (I’m Not Really a Racist, I’m Just Stupid) Sterling, owner of the L.A. Clippers makes racist remarks and the NBA tells him that his punishment is that he has to sell the team.  So ole Donnie says ok and sells the team that he bought in 1981 for 12 million for 2 billion.  I think maybe I’m missing the point here. It seems like if you wanted to punish Don the Bigot, you would make him sell his 2 billion dollar team for 12 million.

  

The History Channel is doing a three-part mini-series called “The World Wars” and using John (Civil War Veteran) McCain, Colin (I’m A Bush Puppet) Powell, and Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney as their talking heads.  That’s like doing a mini-series on Wall Street and using Bernie(I’m Not Stupid, I Really Am a Crook) Madoff as the host. 

Sunday will be the start of a brand new hurricane season.  It will also be the 10^th anniversary of my novel SURGE which had a category 4 hurricane hitting Houston dead on.  If you read SURGE, then you know that the hurricane was named Dolly. I just came across this year’s names for the hurricane season and noticed that we will have a Dolly this year. Let’s hope it does not live up to my version of it. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.