Harrumping All Day

Humps of the week…so far.

Dr Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson is the 2015 version of Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain.  The only reason little Bennie is running for President is to promote his book, One Nation, What We Can All Do To Save America’s Future.  The title actually has a typo in it. The real title is What We Can All Do To Save America’s Furniture.  It’s a home guide on which is the best polish to use.

Remember if Dr. Carson is the answer, how stupid is the question?

Federal campaign laws state that book tours and campaign tours are to be separate, but Bennie’s campaign volunteers don’t seem to get that as they follow him everywhere on the book tour handing out campaign literature.  When the good doctor was asked about him breaking the campaign laws, he replied that Hitler took over the Jews by taking away their books so he is saving America by doing a book tour while running for President.

Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio actually showed up to vote yesterday.  He has missed 44% of Senate votes since deciding to run for President. Marky baby had the gall to chastise his fellow Senators about not voting on bills.   This asshole ought to take a look in the mirror. Anyway the bill failed so Marky might as well have stayed on the campaign trail.

The bill that failed was introduced by Loserana Senaterrible David (I’m A Real Family Values Guy When I’m Home) Vitter.  Pro-Life Dipshit David’s former mistress told the press this week that little Davy got her pregnant and then wanted her to get an abortion. I guess Davy feels if your not family, you have no value.   

Former Senaterrible Jim (Mr. Flip Flop) Webb who was a Republican most of his career, then switched to the Democrats a few years ago is now leaving the Dems and thinking about running for President as a Independent.  G.I. Jim who defended the Confederate flag a few months back might be better off waiting for the South to rise again and then run for President of the Confederacy.

Speaking of the Confederate Flag, deputy sheriff James (My Gun And My I.Q. Are Both 38 Specials) Randolph is just beside himself that the commissioners in Green County, Tennessee voted to remove the flag from the courthouse grounds. In voicing his lone no vote, Jimmy went on a little rant saying, “they want to take down Christmas signs and trees and everything.”  I guess Deputy Jimmy must decorate his Christmas trees with Confederate Flags.    



Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

Former ambulance chaser and current Koch brothers step-son, Texas Senaterrible Rafael (Rhymes With Fidel) Edwardo Cruz likes to be called Teddy,. He says it’s his favorite article of clothing because it makes him feel all frilly under his suit. Anyway little Teddy seems to have a problem on deciding which side of the fence he is on.  He goes on CNN and says that Global Warming is a hoax and then scares a little girl to tears by saying, “your world’s on fire.”   Make up your mind Rafael Teddy, its one or the other.

Little Teddy is also against same-sex marriage.  He believes in the traditional biblical marriage of one man and multiple women.    

Treasonous Teddy also thinks the 2^nd amendment gives people the right to overthrow the government. Since he is part of the government, I say we throw his dumbass out.

Former Governor of Arkansas and blowhard talk show host, Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee has announced that he will announce if he is going to run for President again sometime in May.  There have got to be 6 maybe 10 million, thousand, hundred, people who are waiting with baited breath on this one.  

Ohio Governor John (I’m Waiting By The Phone) Kasich said over the weekend he is waiting for the Lord to tell him if he should run for President. So far the Lord hasn’t picked a winner yet. I remember him telling Michele (I’m Even Dumber Than Sarah) Bachman, Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain and Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum that they should run.  

I predict that by the time the primaries start next year, every single person in the Republican Party will be running for President. What the Republican Party really needs to do is find someone to run who has a normal name. I mean enough with the cutesy  Mitt’s, Newt’s Jeb’s and Rand’s. I’m surprised they haven’t run a Skip, Biff or Dub by us.

I just saw a headline on the internet that said “Has the Tea Party lost its touch?”  My question is when was the Tea Party ever in touch?

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday, Monday

Here it is Memorial Day and time to remember our veterans. It is very sad that Congress doesn’t seem to be able to do that. 41 Republicans last week voted against a bill to extend veteran’s benefits. The bill of course failed.

 

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz hears voices. Last week little Teddy said, “I just do what God tells me to do. He speaks to me. Literally. In my head.”  Just think how many poor souls who hear voices are in mental hospitals, but this asshole is in Congress.  Go figure.

Here is a grand example of a Christian leader. Reginald (Warden) Miller, the president and founder of Cathedral Bible College is being charged with using foreign students as slave labor.  He would threaten to cancel foreign students' visas if they did not work long hours for little pay. Sounds like a Republican to me.

I just saw a list of speakers for the Republican Leadership Conference to be held in New Orleans next week.  Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain, Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin, Donald (Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow) Trump, Liz (My Daddy is a Dick) Cheney, Michele (I’m Happy but My Husband is Gay) Bachman, Rick( All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Newt (Newt is Short for Neutered) Gingrich.  I think there must have been a typo; I believe they meant Republican Lemmings Conference.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

According to the latest polls Ted (Head Kochroach) Cruz is the leader of the Republican Party. This is probably the best news the Democrats have had in years. Let’s look back at some of the early poll leaders in Republican Party over the last few years.  There was Rudy Giuliani, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson, John McCain and of course Sarah Palin. Talk about a who’s who of losers.

The LAX shooter was carrying a “manifesto” associated with the antigovernment “patriot” movement.  Hmmm, sounds like he was a member of the Tea Party.  After all the Tea Party mostly consists of illiterate, gun toting, racist wrapped up in the American flag and spewing biblical crap who couldn’t spell Tea Party if you spotted them the T and A.

It appears that 60 Minutes has egg all over its face, the large 4 egg omelet kind. Last weeks interview with a man who said he was a security officer who witnessed the attack has turned out to be all lies.  According to his official report that he turned after the attack, he wasn’t even there. Even Fox News turned this guy down after he wanted money. I mean if the boneheads at Faux News turned down a chance to slam Hilary and the White House, you know this guy was pulling a Cruz. 

Mitt (I Was Wrong, 51% Didn't Vote for Me) Romney said Sunday that President Barack Obama’s "fundamental dishonesty" on the Affordable Care Act has “put in peril the whole foundation of his second term.”  Wow, I guess that puts Obama’s third term in office in real jeopardy..

I just saw a headline that said, Man pepper-sprays a woman, steals her monkey.  Is that code for something?




Stay tuned for future adventures.