Wrapping Up The Week

Talk about omens. First Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump gets endorsed by Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin and then the next day gets endorsed by a dead guy….John Wayne.  I’m not sure how this happened, I’m guessing that they had a séance and ole John gave em the high sign from the other side.

When John (Civil War Veteran) McCain heard about little Sarah’s blabbering endorsement, he called Trump and offered his condolences and said unfortunately there was no antidote.  

And yesterday Willie (If It Walks Like A Duck, Talks Like A Duck, It’s Probably A) Robertson quacked out his endorsement for The Don.  This should cause quite a stir in the duck blind this week as Daddy Phil (Duck Dick Head) Robertson endorsed Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz last week.  Wow, quite a week for little Donnie with endorsements from two dead-in-the-head people and one dead guy. 
  

And then there was this.  The National Review, the country’s most conservative magazine came out and ripped Ole Donald to shreds this week. The irony of all of this is that Trump is the sole creation of the Right-Wing Republican Party and now that he is alive and well, they don’t know what to do with their monster.  In order to get their unqualified people elected these many years, they have happily climbed into bed with the Dixie-Crats, religious-right wackos and narrow-minded boneheads and the results are the sorry mess they are in today.

Boy that Karma can sure kick you in the elephant's ass sometimes.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Foolery

Looks like the accommodations for the Republican Convention are set.

Oh goodie, we have another bonehead who says he is going to climb into the ill-fated GOP Hindenburg.  Former Virginia Governor Jim (I Know, I’ve Never Heard Of Me Either) Gilmore says he checked his social calendar and didn’t have a thing penciled in for the next couple of years, so why not.  Jimbo was also a former U.S. Army Intelligence Officer.  I would say that this decision shows that the keyword here is former.

Little Jimmy says he thinks President Obama’s economic policies have been a big failure. Really?  Let’s see what Obama has done since inheriting George Warmonger Bush’s colossal financial implosion.

Here in Texas where people like to say everything is bigger, even the dumb stuff.  The new history books downplay the role of slavery in the civil war. Texas Education board member Pat (I Are A High School Graduate) Hardy says that the Civil War was fought over “states rights.” Not slavery.  Uh, yeah, the right for states to own slaves. It says so in the south’s declaration of secession eighteen times. 

This is just another example of a lame-brained TeaNut Republican rewriting history to suit their needs.  I can’t wait for the next edition to come out because I’m sure Texas wins the Alamo. 

I once read that the only reason Texas doesn’t fall into the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks so bad.  I am beginning to think that might be true. The Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled last week that the Ten Commandments monument in front of the state capitol would have to be removed. Oklahoma Governor Mary (I’ve) Fallin (And Can’t Get Up) says no way and is asking the state legislature to change their constitution.  That certainly fits right in with their state motto, Oklahoma: We’re Okie Dopey.

Here is another bonehead from the state of Loseranna, you know the fine state that has Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal and Phil (Duck Dickhead Dynasty) Robertson. Dale (Dr. Kevorkian Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me) Cox who is the acting District Attorney for Caddo Parish in Loseranna is all for the death penalty. Terminator Dale says we need to “kill more people.”  He went on to say, “Retribution is a valid societal interest,”  No Dale you dumbass, the death penalty is revenge, not retribution.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just A Few Thoughts

I predicted last Friday that with the CPAC (Creepy Pathetic Assholes Conference) beginning up in Washington that there would be a Bullshit Blizzard hitting the country.  Well I was wrong. It was a tsunami of bullshit.  Wisconsin’s TeaNut Governor Scott (I Really Don’t Like People) Walker’s compared his state’s protesters to ISIS terrorist and said that he is totally qualified to be President because he watched every episode of The West Wing.

Phil (Head Duck Dick Head) Robertson gave everyone a history lesson saying that hippies started sexually transmitted disease in America and that it wasn’t a snake that enticed Eve to take a bite out of the apple; it was a duck.

Donald (Everyday Is A Bad Hair Day) Trump told everyone he can handle ISIS because he is the “world’s greatest negotiator”.  I guess he is going invite them to on Celebrity Apprentice and then kick them off.  

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz simply asked for a moment of silent prayer for his favorite author, Dr. Spock.  Little Teddy said he always loved “The Cat in the Hat.”

Mostly it was a three day rant about Obama to which I think this bumper sticker says it all.

My understanding is that the Guinness Book of Records are looking at this conference as setting the record for the most stupid people ever gathered in one place.    

I understand the author of 50 Shades of Grey, the steamy book full of S &M sex, has got some sequels on the way.  
50 Shades of Green is about a man who is less than endowed and is obsessed with penis envy.
50 Shades of Red is about a couple who don’t have sex because taking their clothes off is too embarrassing.
50 Shades of Blue is about a depressed man who has been rejected for sex 1,049 times.
50 Shades of Yellow is about a woman who is afraid to have sex.
50 Shades of Black is about is about interracial sex.

There is a small town close to us named Alto.  I am shocked that it is not teeming with illegal aliens.  You would think that all those folks coming over from Mexico when hitting the city limits of Alto would stop.
Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Fats Domino Day

I just saw where Gregg (Hell on Wheels) Abbott, who would like to be the next Governor, King of Texas, attended the Koch Brothers annual summit meeting in New Mexico.  I guess he was out there getting his marching orders and talking points together for the big run.  I understand the motto for his campaign is “Give em’ the Puppy Eyes but Lie Like a Dog.”

I guess we are the lucky ones.  It looks like little Teddy (LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME) Cruz is gearing up for a run at being President of the United States instead of Prime Minister of Canada.  Not only does little Teddy have a dual personality, Joe (I’m Making List and Checking Twice) McCarthy and Richard (I’m Not a Crook, I’m Just Stupid) Nixon, he has dual citizenship with Canada. He has an attorney checking into having his Canadian roots extracted. 

The holidays are rougher on some folks than others. A man in Illinois shot his CEO and then himself during a job review.  The local sheriff said,"All we know is something went wrong in the performance evaluation."  You think….?

I see where the A&E channel is reinstating Daffy Duck Dynasty leader Phil (I Think Ducks Are Gay, That’s Why I Kill Them) Robertson.  Evidently A&E stands for Assholes & Extremist. I wonder why Phil's brother Pat never has him as a guest on the 700 Club?  They sure think alike.

The Republicans rail on and on about government subsidies for the poor but then turn into Helen Keller when it comes to how much big business gets from the Government. A Bloomberg report has calculated that the top 10 US banks receive $83 billion a year in subsidies from the government and a NYT analysis of a Johnson Associates survey found that the top eight US banks set aside $91.44 billion for bonuses in 2013.  How big was your bonus this year?


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Happy Holidays

Boy it didn’t take long for the right wing-nut Christian conservative hypocrisy machine to come out swinging after ole Daffy Duck Dynasty leader Phil (Duck Dick Head) Robertson shot himself in the foot during an interview with GQ magazine.  They immediately went for the free speech angle. First of all I don’t think anyone tried to stop ole Phil from saying something stupid, so you can take your free speech bullshit and stick it. He has every right to say whatever dumb thing he wants to say, but it comes with a lot of consequences.

The first thing the Christian wackos ought to look at is that half of the crap ole Phil spouted is not in the bible. It was stupid stuff that originated in his tiny little bigoted brain.  I am pretty sure most of the right wing-nuts working the free speech thing didn’t take that angle with The Dixie Chicks.  Of course if I want to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas, that’s not free speech, it’s blaspheme. 

The righteous ones always want to have it both ways.  After all, that’s one of the main tenets of Christianity.  If Christians say something that is offensive it’s ok, but if someone else says that person is offensive, it’s not ok.  If your ass gets saved, it’s because God saved you.  If your ass doesn’t get saved, it’s God’s will. Seems to me it’s kinda of a win-win deal for God.

It is pretty amazing to see all of the hate filled rants and death threats that are coming out of those Jesus loves you Christians.  All of this over a dumb tv show that is totally meaningless to anything in the world.  It is a half-hour of dumb rednecks with ZZ Top beards sitting around saying stupid things. This little episode is just reinforces my belief that religion is one of man’s most destructive inventions.




Stay tuned for future adventures.