Mid-Week Blah Blahs

Tomorrow is National Emma M. Nutt Day which celebrates the first woman telephone operator in America.  She started her job on September 1^st in 1878.  Emma is not to be confused with Imma Nut who is the first Trump supporter imbecile in America. 

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry who has tap-danced his way through 30 years of public service has agreed to go on Dancing With The Stars People You Might Have Heard Of.  I don’t expect Ricky Poo to last very long as he is afflicted as all Right-Wing Republicans with two Right feet. 

I understand Donald (Little DICK-tator) Trump is on his way to Mexico.  He says he is going down to pick up a check from the President of Mexico for his wall. Trump said he is then going to fly over to Narnia to talk with their lion king.

Sarah (Part-Time Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin fell down and hit her head. She seems to be okay as her doctor said after examining her, she was “perfectly stupid as ever.”

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Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Flakey Friday

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump, the Racist Party nominee who is running for President Grand Wizard of America has announced that his Vice-Grand Wizard is another white guy.  He is Indiana Governor Mike (Who?) Pence.  Normally when referring to someone from Indiana they are called “Hoosiers”. In Mike’s case, it’s “Who’s that?”

It seems little Mikey hates gays as much as The Don hates Mexicans and Muslims so I think Adolf Trump has found his Mussolini.  According to the polls, Prejudiced Pence’s disapproval numbers in Indiana are quite a bit higher than his approval ratings, but now he will have the opportunity to be disapproved by the whole country.

I guess poor little Chris (Bridge Troll) Christie has been left out in the rain.

And then there is Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin who also didn’t get picked to be Trump’s VP, but didn’t even get invited to speak at the convention next week. Little Donny said he would have asked her to speak, but he said the convention was only going to be a week long.

A group of psychologists were asked if they thought Trump supporters were smarter than a 5^th grader.  They weren’t sure so they studied a number of focus groups his supporters attended and found out that they were not. In fact they found that 5^th graders are not the only ones smarter than Trump supporters.  Quite a bit smarter are a sack of mud, a fence post, all plants and most animals and birds excluding the DoDo bird.

A Florida woman told police after running through a stop sign and into a house that she had her eyes closed because she was praying.  This begs the question was she praying that she wouldn’t hit anything?

Wisconsin Congressmoron Glen (I Am Almost as Stupid As Louie Gohmert) Grothman said that President Obama was to blame for all of the race problems in the country because he had met with Al Sharpton over 100 times. I guess if he had only met with Al 99 times it would have been alright. Goofy Glen went on to say the situation with race relations were very good years ago.  You know before we didn’t have to go to school, drink from the same water fountain and go to the same bathroom with those uppity black people. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wrapping Up The Week

Talk about omens. First Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump gets endorsed by Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin and then the next day gets endorsed by a dead guy….John Wayne.  I’m not sure how this happened, I’m guessing that they had a séance and ole John gave em the high sign from the other side.

When John (Civil War Veteran) McCain heard about little Sarah’s blabbering endorsement, he called Trump and offered his condolences and said unfortunately there was no antidote.  

And yesterday Willie (If It Walks Like A Duck, Talks Like A Duck, It’s Probably A) Robertson quacked out his endorsement for The Don.  This should cause quite a stir in the duck blind this week as Daddy Phil (Duck Dick Head) Robertson endorsed Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz last week.  Wow, quite a week for little Donnie with endorsements from two dead-in-the-head people and one dead guy. 
  

And then there was this.  The National Review, the country’s most conservative magazine came out and ripped Ole Donald to shreds this week. The irony of all of this is that Trump is the sole creation of the Right-Wing Republican Party and now that he is alive and well, they don’t know what to do with their monster.  In order to get their unqualified people elected these many years, they have happily climbed into bed with the Dixie-Crats, religious-right wackos and narrow-minded boneheads and the results are the sorry mess they are in today.

Boy that Karma can sure kick you in the elephant's ass sometimes.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

Thursday's Tibits

Palin Gives Trump A Blow-Job. 

Actually Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin simply endorsed Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump to be President, but I liked that headline better. Little Sarah was a no-show the next day on The Don’s campaign tour as she had to go bail her son out of jail for drunken domestic abuse with a gun.  Sarah says her son suffers from PTSD.  In this case PTSD stands for Palin’s Tacky Son’s Debachery.

Speaking of the Don, how many Corinthians does it take to prove that Trump has never read the Bible?…..TWO.  Little Donnie in giving a speech at Liberty University this week, referred to a passage in 2^nd Corinthians as two Corinthians. He said he got confused because he intended to tell his favorite joke about the two Corinthians, three Episcopalians and a Jew who walked into a bar.

When the University was asked what they thought of Dim-Wit Don’s faux pas, the spokesman referred to scripture.  I believe it is in Ignoramous 4:23 where Jesus said, “if thou can’t sayeth something nice, thou should shut the fuck up.”

On a personal note, you may have noticed that in an earlier post I incorrectly said that the Iowa Caucus was being held this week.  That was totally wrong.  I still can’t believe that my editor, assistant editor, secretary, field reporters, large research staff, chauffeur and personal valet didn’t catch the mistake.  I swear sometimes it feels like I am in here doing this all by myself.  By the way, if you look for the mistake, I’ve already changed it.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Politicians, Preachers And Pimps

In my world, politicians and preachers are both pimps.  

Quick summation of last week’s Bengotcha hearings.  Chairman Trey (I’m Just A Good For Nuthin Ole 

Southern Boy) Gowdy, TeaNut Republican from South Carolina, got his hat handed to him and boy did he need it with that incredibly stupid hair-do of his.  

Florida Senaterrible Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio says he is quitting the Senate because it’s just too hard. That’s what happens when you buddy up with Sarah (Part-Time Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin.  I guess he thinks being President is a easier job. I understand his new campaign motto is: Vote for me. Maybe I won’t quit.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump said on the Today show that his dad loaned him the measly sum of one million dollars and he took it and made billions.  He conveniently forgot to say that when dear daddy died, he left Trumpy Poo and estimated 120 million dollars. In other words, Donald made his money the old fashioned way. He inherited it.

After hearing Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson mumble something stupid on TV, I am convinced that he performed a frontal lobotomy on himself while attending brain surgery school. 

   

Pastor Ben (Another PinHead In A Pulpit)Bailey of the Tennessee Gospel of  Christ Ministries ask his flock flakes how would they feel about their own parents aborting them.  I think they should have asked him how he would feel if he had a brain.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Humps For A Hump Day

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike ( I Need A Job) Huckabee and Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz were going to give last rites rights to Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis, but the Judge beat them to it and let her go home. As you can see Kimmy's number four dressed up for the occasion.

 Little Kimmy said she was going to go dig out her Bible out and see if she could find some other excuse for not doing her job.  Little Mikey said if Kim violated the conditions of her release, that he would go to jail in her place.  I'm not a religious person, but I would get down on my knees for that one.

Speaking of Cruz and Huckabee, I wonder why either one of these boneheads have not said anything about the flight stewardess for Express Air who was suspended.  She is Muslim and said her religion forbade her from serving alcohol.  Wrong religion I guess.  I am just waiting for the fun to begin when a county clerk somewhere refuses to issue a hunting license because they are vegan. 

Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin said on the TV this week that she would be a good Secretary of Energy for Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump.  She said that spoke American and could type at least 30 words every so often.  She also reminded him that she was not one of those feminist secretaries who wouldn’t get him his morning coffee and that she certainly had the energy to do the job…at least for half a term. 

Since the far right religious wacko TeaNuts took over the Republican Party, their platform has become fairly simple.

Health Care….Pray you don’t get sick.
Gun Issues…Pray you don’t get shot.
Employment…Pray that they don’t send your job overseas.
Economy…Pray that Wall Street doesn’t screw the country again.

I am pretty sure that the Governor of Nebraska Pete (Hang ‘em High) Ricketts wants to be the next famous serial killer.  Early this year the Nebraska legislature voted to abolish the death penalty, but that didn’t go well with ole Put-em-to-Sleep Pete so he vetoed it and vowed to kill as many prisoners on death row that he could before the law takes effect.  He has since spent two hundred thousand dollars out of his own pocket to put the death penalty on the next election ballot.  Now that is someone with the real need to kill.

It seems not everyone was sad to see Aunt Rose passing.

I am pretty sure these Presleyterians think that Elvis is coming back. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

There Is Good News After All

News Flash:

The religious wackos are NOT having a gay ole time today and the Republicans are saying that the Supreme Court upholding Obamacare made them sick, but now the Republicans do have a new campaign slogan thanks to that ruling.  It is “If you would like to see six and half million people to lose their health care, vote for a Republican for President”

Loseranna Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal has officially become the 113^th or 114^th Republican candidate for President. Little Booby who has a 31% approval rating in his own state thinks he should be President.  Booby likes to call himself a small government politician, which actually means that very few people in Government know who he is. I understand his campaign slogan will be “Vote for me, I’m the only governor from Louisiana who hasn’t gone to prison.”

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie whose approval ratings are down to 30% and Wisconsin Governor Scott (Street) Walker whose approval ratings are down to 41%  are expected creep into the race next week. Evidently these three boneheads who have done a lousy job running their state would now like to do a lousy job running the whole country.

Really, really, really rich blowhard and egomaniac Donald ( Huge Ego, Tiny Brain) Trump said yesterday that Univision’s deciding not to run The Miss Universe Pageant because of the racist comments he made at his Presidential announcement made his hair stand on end. The Don went on to say that he loved Mexicans and thought everybody ought to have one.

Little Donny also said  he has some really big plans for the country as soon as he is elected President King.  To let the rest of the world know what is happening, he is going to change America to Trumpland.  We will no longer be called the United States Of America, or USA as we like to chant, but will known as Nimcompoops Under Trump’s Sanctions or as the rest of the world will refer to us, NUTS.  

He says his many years of being a slumlord has given him the experience of how to deal with poor people so he will have no problem dealing with the rest of the world. He said he would begin negotiating with ISIS just as soon as learns how to spell it.  

My prediction is that now little Donny has actually filed papers to run for President, his lawyers will find something in the fine print which will let him drop out of the race before they start checking his financials.  

Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin’s daughter Bristol (Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places) Palin is once again proving just how badly she failed abstinence only sex education class. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Bubbles From My Soap Box

Once Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz threw his beanie with the propeller on top into the ring to run for President, the comparisons to Sarah (Half Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin began springing up all over the internet.  I have to say I don’t think there is any comparison.  

Mrs. Palin is an absolute moron.  This bimbo has never had an original thought in her entire life. Bonehead Sarah is nothing but a low life celebrity, right down there with Duck Dynasty and The Kardashians.  On the other hand, little Teddy is a narrow-minded, egotistical, misogynistic, homophobic asshole and pathological liar, but is not stupid.   This guy doesn’t have a chance to get elected, if fact I doubt if he can win his party’s nomination, but he is positioning himself to rake in a lot of money and be a major disruption to this country very much like former Senator Joseph (If My Lips Are Moving, I’m Lying) McCarthy.  The only thing stupid about Teddy Poo is his supporters.

Arizona Senaterrible John (Civil War Veteran) McCain has announced he is running for re-election.  Ole, Old John says he is ready to climb back in the cockpit and bomb Iran.  Bomb is also the name of John’s foreign policy plan.  I understand his campaign slogan is “If you love War. Vote Republican.”

 Here is a first. A policeman shoots an unarmed man and is arrested for murder in Charleston, North Carolina. Surely that is a typo. They probably meant acquitted for murder. The latest surveys show that there are between 300 and 310 million guns in America today and that is with a population of around 320 million people.  Doesn’t it seem odd that most of the police shootings are with UNARMED people?  The NRA is always harping on having a gun for protection.  I guess they mean protection from the Police.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flakey Friday the 13th

Ok guys, if you don’t want to end up like those seven dudes in a garage in Chicago in 1929, you had better get that wife, lover or sweetie a Valentine card or chocolate for tomorrow. I understand in Alabama when you buy candy or a valentine on this day you have to sign a statement saying it’s for the opposite sex or face jail time.

Of all the comments made in the media this week about Brian Williams lying about his experience in Iraq, I thought the one from Fox News was the best when they said, “What, you can’t lie on television?’ That is also the same thing they said to their being sued by the city of Paris for reporting that there were sections of Paris that had been taken over by Muslims. I’m pretty sure “Better call Saul” is the head of their legal department.

And these words came falling out of Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry’s mouth yesterday. "Texas has been criticized for having a large number of uninsured," he said, "but that's what Texans wanted”.  I wonder why he didn’t go on to say that Texans wanted to be in the bottom five states in education, and that we wanted to be dead last in voter turn out.

Sarah (Half Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin was in Texas yesterday ranting a few words at a program entitled “How Women are Showing 21^st Century Leadership”.  If the program had been called “People Who Quit Things in the Middle of It”, then I could understand why they had this bonehead speak. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.