Thankless Wednesday

A couple of big days coming up this week.  Tomorrow of course is Thanksgiving, or as Native Americans refer to it “The Last Supper,” where dysfunctional families all over the country get together for food and meaningless trivial unsubstantial conversation. 

The next day we have Black Friday, a day of remembering started by the relatives of the Thanksgiving turkey.

Most of the political remarks made this week by the Republican candidates for President can be summed up with this. “If you love war, Vote Republican”

 

Looks like Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump has come down with Fiorinaism.  This is a disease that can be contracted by standing too close to Snarly Carly( I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina.  One of the symptoms of this disease is seeing something that never happened.  Snarly Carly described a video that never existed and now little Donnie is describing an event he watched in Jersey City after 911 that there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of happening. 

Another symptom is exaggerating actual events.  Last week Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz told of Syrians being caught trying to cross the Texas border. The truth is the Syrians approached the authorities at the border and asked for asylum.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson may have the worst case.  I believe he is probably terminal.  There is an antidote for Fiorinaism: its facts, but of course facts won’t work for these boneheads as facts are like Kryptonite to Republicans.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrump Day

22 Republican Governors are showing just how faux Christian they are. They are all for turning down Syrian women and children refugees trying to escape their terrible situation.  I’ll bet Jesus is spinning in his grave. Oh wait, I forgot, he’s not dead, he is the original zombie.

Too bad these assholes and their supporters failed to read in their favorite book about helping the poor and disadvantaged. Their actions just proves that most of them don’t any more read the Bible than the man in the moon does. I mean why should they when they can get all the information they need from Faux News and ignorant boneheads like Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson and Franklin ( Daddy’s Little Moron) Graham. There are over 350,000 churches in this country and as far as I can tell not one church has stepped forward and said they would take a single refugee family.  Gee, what happened to all those folks that keep clamoring how we are a Christian Nation?  Of course if these were Syrian refugee fetuses wanting asylum, it would be a different story.

I get it why Texas Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott announced that he would not let any of the refugees in.  I’m pretty sure he thought the attacks over the weekend were in Paris, Texas.  

All these Republican boneheads want to do is ramp up the fear and paranoia so they can start another useless war. I think these facts from last week’s post bear another look.   

• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 153,144 people were killed by homicide in which firearms were used between 2001 and 2013, the last year that data are available (that number excludes deaths by "legal intervention").
• The Global Terrorism Database — which uses a criteria to determine terrorist attacks but also includes acts of violence that are more ambiguous in goal — estimates that 3,046 people in the U.S. died in terrorist or possible terrorist attacks between 2001 and 2014.

Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson was asked how he would handle ISIS.  The good dumb doctor said he would bring in a international military coalition.  When asked who would be in that coalition and after much hem hawing around, he said it would probably include the armies of Jupiter, Mars and Saturn.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Freaky Friday

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush has a new campaign motto, “Jeb can fix it.”  Pretty spiffy huh?  I understand it was actually much longer before an editing process took place. It originally said, “Daddy Bush put the first dent in it, George damn near wrecked it, but now we think Jeb can fix it.”

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson believes that Joseph built the Pyramids to store grain.  Little Bennie also believes that the earth is only 6000 years old and I’m pretty sure he thinks Jesus discovered America.  My feelings are that people get to believe anything that they want to believe and I believe this bonehead is a total moron and so is everyone who supports him.

Looks like the good doctor had a Snarly Carly moment when he was writing his book “Gifted Hands.”  He said in the book that he got a full scholarship to West Point.  It turns out that this is a bold face lie. To think that this bonehead is a doctor is very scary.  Dr. Pepper has a higher I.Q. than this idiot.

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie has been sent back to the minor leagues in the debate world.  It seems Chrissie pooh’s numbers are not tall enough for ride.

Texas Lt. Governor Dan (Pig Face) Patrick was beside himself with glee over Houston rejecting the HERO bill which would prevent discrimination.  Danny said he was so proud that all those good Christians showed up at the polls loaded with hate in their hearts.  He reminded them that Jesus loves you, unless you are gay. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Politicians, Preachers And Pimps

In my world, politicians and preachers are both pimps.  

Quick summation of last week’s Bengotcha hearings.  Chairman Trey (I’m Just A Good For Nuthin Ole 

Southern Boy) Gowdy, TeaNut Republican from South Carolina, got his hat handed to him and boy did he need it with that incredibly stupid hair-do of his.  

Florida Senaterrible Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio says he is quitting the Senate because it’s just too hard. That’s what happens when you buddy up with Sarah (Part-Time Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin.  I guess he thinks being President is a easier job. I understand his new campaign motto is: Vote for me. Maybe I won’t quit.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump said on the Today show that his dad loaned him the measly sum of one million dollars and he took it and made billions.  He conveniently forgot to say that when dear daddy died, he left Trumpy Poo and estimated 120 million dollars. In other words, Donald made his money the old fashioned way. He inherited it.

After hearing Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson mumble something stupid on TV, I am convinced that he performed a frontal lobotomy on himself while attending brain surgery school. 

   

Pastor Ben (Another PinHead In A Pulpit)Bailey of the Tennessee Gospel of  Christ Ministries ask his flock flakes how would they feel about their own parents aborting them.  I think they should have asked him how he would feel if he had a brain.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrumping All Day

Humps of the week…so far.

Dr Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson is the 2015 version of Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain.  The only reason little Bennie is running for President is to promote his book, One Nation, What We Can All Do To Save America’s Future.  The title actually has a typo in it. The real title is What We Can All Do To Save America’s Furniture.  It’s a home guide on which is the best polish to use.

Remember if Dr. Carson is the answer, how stupid is the question?

Federal campaign laws state that book tours and campaign tours are to be separate, but Bennie’s campaign volunteers don’t seem to get that as they follow him everywhere on the book tour handing out campaign literature.  When the good doctor was asked about him breaking the campaign laws, he replied that Hitler took over the Jews by taking away their books so he is saving America by doing a book tour while running for President.

Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio actually showed up to vote yesterday.  He has missed 44% of Senate votes since deciding to run for President. Marky baby had the gall to chastise his fellow Senators about not voting on bills.   This asshole ought to take a look in the mirror. Anyway the bill failed so Marky might as well have stayed on the campaign trail.

The bill that failed was introduced by Loserana Senaterrible David (I’m A Real Family Values Guy When I’m Home) Vitter.  Pro-Life Dipshit David’s former mistress told the press this week that little Davy got her pregnant and then wanted her to get an abortion. I guess Davy feels if your not family, you have no value.   

Former Senaterrible Jim (Mr. Flip Flop) Webb who was a Republican most of his career, then switched to the Democrats a few years ago is now leaving the Dems and thinking about running for President as a Independent.  G.I. Jim who defended the Confederate flag a few months back might be better off waiting for the South to rise again and then run for President of the Confederacy.

Speaking of the Confederate Flag, deputy sheriff James (My Gun And My I.Q. Are Both 38 Specials) Randolph is just beside himself that the commissioners in Green County, Tennessee voted to remove the flag from the courthouse grounds. In voicing his lone no vote, Jimmy went on a little rant saying, “they want to take down Christmas signs and trees and everything.”  I guess Deputy Jimmy must decorate his Christmas trees with Confederate Flags.    



Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

There are 435 members in the House of Representatives consisting of 247 Republicans and 188 Democrats. So how is it that about 40 of these boneheads who comprise what is called the Freedom Caucus can stop any progress on anything they don’t like? I’m not a math genius but these numbers don’t add up to being able to control anything. It seems like the other 395 or so members could take them out back and slap some responsibility into them. 

I understand the House of Representatives is down to using Craig’s List to finding a new leader.

 

I see where Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump and Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson are threatening to boycott the next Republican Debate Debacle if it runs too long.  I can understand this.  When you only have about two minutes knowledge on any given subject, two hours can seem to be an eternity.  

Is this the wurst or what?

Today is National Boss’s Day.  They say this is the day that you can tell your boss what you think of him or her.  Sometimes it's known as Kiss your job good-bye day. It is also National Dictionary Day, so before you tell your boss what you think, you might look up the meaning of unemployment. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bubbles From My Soap Box On A Hump Day

The job nobody wants.

Through out America’s short history, and it is short compared to the rest of the world, we have had a number of people who have run for President that were totally unqualified and completely out of their realm of experience to handle the job. Unfortunately some of these boneheads even got elected. Hoover, Grant, Buchanan, Harding, Nixon, Reagan and both Bushes to name a few ran the gamut from mediocre to terrible. I  believe that when it comes to being so far-removed from reality to be able to even comprehend what the job entails, Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson is without a doubt at the top of the list.

Something is seriously wrong with this man.  I’m not sure if it is a mental illness that can be diagnosed or if he is that far out of touch with the rest of the world.  Possibly the good doctor saw Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina’s numbers go up after she blatantly lied about Planned Parenthood during the last Republican Debate Debacle so he decided that lying is a good thing.

First he told the bullshit story about being confronted by a gunman in Popeye’s Restaurant and now he told a totally fabricated story claiming Russian President Valdimir (Watch Out I’m) Putin and Iran’s Supreme leader Ali (I Really Am A) Khamemei being classmates in college. There is absolutely no evidence of this, plus they are several years apart in age and wouldn’t have been in school at the same time.    

Last week he said in a radio interview that legalizing gay marriage would lead to polygamy and of course after that I’m sure would be sex with animals and then fruit followed by sex with inanimate objects…Oh wait, we already have that. 

Bottom line is that out of the 44 Presidents we have had, only a few have made a difference by their accomplishments.  Most have been mediocre to down right useless, so the good part to remember is that no matter who wins, we will survive.

I really am tired of all the emails and ads on Facebook about Uber drivers.  When a Uber driver wins the Indy 500, I’ll pay attention.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Day Of The Humps

 Here are some really big ones. 

In the race to be the state with the dumbest citizens and elected officials, it looks like Tennessee is pulling ahead. The Lt. Governor of Tennessee Ron (Certified Gun Nut And Undisputed Moron) Ramsey encouraged all of the fine Christians in his state to get a handgun.  Obviously he doesn’t trust atheist, Hindus, Buddhist or any other religions to have guns and as we all know because the NRA (Nefarious Rabid Assholes) tells us so, that more guns, the safer we are. Of course the real problem with that statement is that America has more guns than any country in the world and we have more mass shootings than any other country in the world.

Clark ( Homophobic Moron) Plunk, city Commissioner in Lakeland Tennessee went on his Facebook page and told the gay kid who wasn’t allowed to bring a male friend from another school to his prom and was thinking about suing the school,    “As a whole, gays are mean, cruel spiteful people with an axe to grind, so let the little homo sue.”  Just another example of an elected official serving all of his constituents, as long as their not gay.

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee went on the TV and said “the mass shootings have nothing to do with guns.” Well Mikey, since the mass SHOOTINGS were not by bow and arrow,  I would say they are all about GUNS. You would think by now somebody in the Huckster’s family would have him back on his meds.

 Not to be outdone in the incredibly stupid department, Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson said he would be “much more comfortable” to know that there were more guns in school.  I would be much more comfortable if this bonehead would go back to practicing brain surgery on himself.  Ben the Bonehead would probably like this bunch to hang at his kids school.

I am still stunned that the TeaNut Republicans haven’t jump on my idea about guns and schools.  I have said this before, but I’ll say it again.  Combine schools and prisons and you have teachers, students and armed guards all in the same building and the bad guys are locked up.

Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company into the Ground) Fiorina is certainly living up to her reputation.  Four years after her failed Senate campaign she still owed almost a half-million dollars to 30 different groups.  One of her main political strategist died right before the election and she didn’t pay his widow the $30,000 that she owed until this year.  She did pay herself back over a million dollars immediately after the campaign. Yeah that Snarly, she knows how to take care of business. Remember if you want a lying sack of shit for President: Vote for Snarly.

This page is in the new Texas text books.  According to this, there were no slaves, just migrant workers.

The publisher McGraw-Hill has published a apology for it, but I haven’t heard a word from the assholes on the Texas Board of Education who approved it.

We did go see “The Martian” Monday and it was a great movie.  One of the best I’ve seen lately. I have to admit I was a little upset that they didn’t mention Bill Bixby or Ray Walston, but I got over it.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Flakes

Wisconsin Governor Scott (I Need A) Walker who acts like he wants to be President had this to say about foreign policy this week. "The best president in my lifetime when it comes to foreign affairs was a guy who was governor of California”. He was speaking about this guy of course.

I guess Scott thinks that we shouldn’t negotiate with Iran, we should SELL them weapons

Poor little Senterrible of Kentucky, Rand (My Mother Invented Fish Sticks) Paul is having another hissy fit because those gun nuts over at the NRA (Nutty Rabid Assholes) didn’t invite him to their little get together this weekend.  Word is that he doesn’t have near big enough gun. Personally I think he is mad because he won’t get to hang out with this guy.

Possible TeaNut Republican candidate for President and nutjobsurgeon Dr. Ben (I Prefer to Be Called Kit) Carson thinks that “selfies” are bringing down America.  Yes sir, that’s the kind of stuff you want the President of the United States dealing with. I'm telling ya, this guy is out to make Herman (999) Cain look like a genius. 

. 
Arkansas Senterrible Tehran Tom (My Brain Is Made Of) Cotton said that we should bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities. He went on to say that it wouldn’t take but a few days to do the job and wouldn’t be anything like Iraq. Well he is right about one thing; it wouldn’t be anything like Iraq.  It would be at least ten times worse.  What a complete bonehead.

Remember. If you love war. Vote Republican.




Stay tuned for future adventures.