Thankless Wednesday

A couple of big days coming up this week.  Tomorrow of course is Thanksgiving, or as Native Americans refer to it “The Last Supper,” where dysfunctional families all over the country get together for food and meaningless trivial unsubstantial conversation. 

The next day we have Black Friday, a day of remembering started by the relatives of the Thanksgiving turkey.

Most of the political remarks made this week by the Republican candidates for President can be summed up with this. “If you love war, Vote Republican”

 

Looks like Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump has come down with Fiorinaism.  This is a disease that can be contracted by standing too close to Snarly Carly( I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina.  One of the symptoms of this disease is seeing something that never happened.  Snarly Carly described a video that never existed and now little Donnie is describing an event he watched in Jersey City after 911 that there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of happening. 

Another symptom is exaggerating actual events.  Last week Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz told of Syrians being caught trying to cross the Texas border. The truth is the Syrians approached the authorities at the border and asked for asylum.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson may have the worst case.  I believe he is probably terminal.  There is an antidote for Fiorinaism: its facts, but of course facts won’t work for these boneheads as facts are like Kryptonite to Republicans.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrrump Day

We’ve made it through Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday and now we are at Worried Wednesday as in What the hell was I thinking.  Tuesday you were adding up the hundreds of dollars that you saved on your shopping spree and today you are adding up the thousands of dollars you would still have if you had just stayed home over the weekend and unplugged your computer on Monday.

But hey it’s the reason for the season. To really show someone how much you love them, you need to give really expensive gifts or at least gifts you can’t afford. It's right there in the Good Book. I’m talking about the retailers manual of course.  The absolute best way to show your love is to use a taser gun on someone to get that big screen TV you wanted and have the video run on national TV.

Wisconsin Governor Republican Scott ( Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie)  Walker has jumped into the season of giving with both feet.  Ole Scotty asked that his constituents stay home on Black Friday and instead give him money for his reelection. Those snotty nosed kids don’t need more toys; they need a Governor they can play with.

Speaking of kids and Governors, Maine Republican Governor Paul (Mr. Bounderby of Dickens Fame) LePage wants to loosen up the child labor laws.  He thinks 12 year olds should be in the work place. I had no idea there was a shortage of labor in the Maine sweatshops.

If your are in need of a good laugh, I suggest you read some of the reviews on Amazon of Sarah (Half-Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin’s latest ghostwritten book, Good Tidings and Great Joy. 




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Black Friday

After seeing some of the brawls take place in retail stores around the country I understand that they are thinking of changing the name to Black & Blue Friday.  Of course the real blue comes on Blue Monday. That’s when the overwhelming depression of overspending crushes the bargain shopping high of Black Friday. 


Executive Director Larry (Small Penis, Big Gun) Pratt of Gun Owners of America recently warned unarmed Americans that he had found firearms in the Bible, and that he was sure it was proof that God was "judging" unarmed Americans and "blessing" the gun owners.  I believe it was in the Gospels of Remington. He didn’t say where you could find the 2nd Amendment in the Bible, but I’m sure it is in there somewhere.  

I do believe that East Texas does have the most churches per square mile than any other place in the country.  I think every third building is a church.  You would think that Jesus was from around here.  Anyway I spotted one the other day that had the motto “Where people come to life.”  Wow, a church for zombies.


Congress is well on the way to becoming the least productive Congress in modern history and I have full faith that they will achieve this dubious honor.  This little note needs to be tacked on every one of their office doors. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.