I'm Just Sayin'

There are 435 members in the House of Representatives consisting of 247 Republicans and 188 Democrats. So how is it that about 40 of these boneheads who comprise what is called the Freedom Caucus can stop any progress on anything they don’t like? I’m not a math genius but these numbers don’t add up to being able to control anything. It seems like the other 395 or so members could take them out back and slap some responsibility into them. 

I understand the House of Representatives is down to using Craig’s List to finding a new leader.

 

I see where Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump and Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson are threatening to boycott the next Republican Debate Debacle if it runs too long.  I can understand this.  When you only have about two minutes knowledge on any given subject, two hours can seem to be an eternity.  

Is this the wurst or what?

Today is National Boss’s Day.  They say this is the day that you can tell your boss what you think of him or her.  Sometimes it's known as Kiss your job good-bye day. It is also National Dictionary Day, so before you tell your boss what you think, you might look up the meaning of unemployment. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

TGIF

Congress finally agreed on something.  They decided that the vacation that they just returned from was not long enough so they voted to take another eight weeks off and left town.  Apparently they believe in old adage, “When the going gets tough, the tough go home.”

TV evangelist Pat (I Have God on Speed Dial) Robertson of the 700 Club (that’s their total number of viewers) is just beside himself that the Air Force has decided to drop the phrase “So help me God” from their oath. Evidently Pat believes that if you don’t have God for a co-pilot, the plane will fall out of the sky like a lead balloon. I understand the Air Force is replacing the phrase with “so help me aerodynamics.”

 

The NFL (Numerous Felons League) is still the hot topic in scandal news.  A report shows that 57 players have been arrested on domestic violence charges while Roger (MoneyBall) Goodell has been commissioner. The 32 owners say they back Roger a hundred percent but are thinking about changing his title from commissioner to warden.

 

Another responsible gun owner has made the news.  A man in Florida was showing his sister at her birthday party how he could twirl his gun when he dropped it. It went off and shot his sister in the neck killing her deader than Elvis.  The police have not charged him. They said being extremely stupid is not against the law.    

 

Senaterrible Lindsay (I Want My Mommie….Oh, and Another Mint Julep) Graham is positive that those ISIS boneheads are going to come over here and kill us all.  Let’s just see how they rate against the US of A.

USA.                                                                                      ISIS

Army….Yes                                                                           Army…None

Navy….Yes                                                                            Navy…None

Air Force…Yes                                                                       Air Force…None

Total USA Military  1,369,532                                             Total number of boneheads                     

                                                                                               With guns and swords to cut  

                                                                                               People’s heads off.

                                                                                               30,000

Don’t get me wrong.  ISIS members are a bunch of deranged, twisted assholes who will kill people and they all need to be put away, but there is no way they can take over the world.  Ebola is way more scary than ISIS.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday, Monday

Here it is Memorial Day and time to remember our veterans. It is very sad that Congress doesn’t seem to be able to do that. 41 Republicans last week voted against a bill to extend veteran’s benefits. The bill of course failed.

 

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz hears voices. Last week little Teddy said, “I just do what God tells me to do. He speaks to me. Literally. In my head.”  Just think how many poor souls who hear voices are in mental hospitals, but this asshole is in Congress.  Go figure.

Here is a grand example of a Christian leader. Reginald (Warden) Miller, the president and founder of Cathedral Bible College is being charged with using foreign students as slave labor.  He would threaten to cancel foreign students' visas if they did not work long hours for little pay. Sounds like a Republican to me.

I just saw a list of speakers for the Republican Leadership Conference to be held in New Orleans next week.  Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain, Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin, Donald (Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow) Trump, Liz (My Daddy is a Dick) Cheney, Michele (I’m Happy but My Husband is Gay) Bachman, Rick( All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Newt (Newt is Short for Neutered) Gingrich.  I think there must have been a typo; I believe they meant Republican Lemmings Conference.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Follies

The “American Spring” protest rally where promoters said over ten million people would march on Washington D.C. to arrest Obama and throw him in jail doesn’t seem too springy.  It was suppose to start around 10am today and it is now one o’clock CDT.  So far it looks like about twenty people have shown up.  Maybe the promoters said ten people would show up, anyway  I am pretty sure most of them didn’t have bus fare from North Carolina or bail money, either that or Washington State is being run over by wing-nuts with guns and no maps.   

The 2014 Congress is set to be the most do-nothing Congress in our history.  Actually I think the correct title would be Do-Nothing Right Congress.  What they have done is cut food stamps, cut off unemployment checks, and hand out corporate tax breaks.  Yes sir your tax dollars at work…I mean loafing as usual.

Wolfeboro, New Hampshire Police Commissioner Robert (I Am Old, Cranky and Really Ignorant) Copeland has refused to apologize for using the n-word to describe Obama.  He went on to say “For this, I do not apologize — he meets and exceeds my criteria for such.”  And I would like to say that Robert meets my criteria for using the S word (Stupid), A word (Asshole), D word (Dipshit), B word (Bonehead), and R word (Racist). He may be the long arm of the law but he is extremely short on brains. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Black Friday

After seeing some of the brawls take place in retail stores around the country I understand that they are thinking of changing the name to Black & Blue Friday.  Of course the real blue comes on Blue Monday. That’s when the overwhelming depression of overspending crushes the bargain shopping high of Black Friday. 


Executive Director Larry (Small Penis, Big Gun) Pratt of Gun Owners of America recently warned unarmed Americans that he had found firearms in the Bible, and that he was sure it was proof that God was "judging" unarmed Americans and "blessing" the gun owners.  I believe it was in the Gospels of Remington. He didn’t say where you could find the 2nd Amendment in the Bible, but I’m sure it is in there somewhere.  

I do believe that East Texas does have the most churches per square mile than any other place in the country.  I think every third building is a church.  You would think that Jesus was from around here.  Anyway I spotted one the other day that had the motto “Where people come to life.”  Wow, a church for zombies.


Congress is well on the way to becoming the least productive Congress in modern history and I have full faith that they will achieve this dubious honor.  This little note needs to be tacked on every one of their office doors. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Halloween Maybe Over but There Are Still Some Scary People Out There

There has been a lot of talk over the last couple of years about the 1% and the 99%, the growing gap between the rich and the rest of us, but there is another percentage group that I think is a much bigger deal. That is the 9%.  If you are wondering who the 9% are, I’m going to tell you. I’m not exactly sure who they are but they are a really scary bunch.  They are the ones who think that Congress is doing a good job. 91% of Americans think that Congress is doing a lousy job, include me in this group, and then somewhere scattered around America there are the 9% who think everything is just fine. Do these boneheads live under a rock? Are they like cicada’s who only come out every 17 years?  Are they members of Al Qaeda or some other anti-American organization?

What is really scary is that I think they probably look like everyone else.  They could be the guy standing next to you in the grocery line or the woman in front of you at the post office.  Of course the upside is that at 9% you probably have a better chance of meeting a lottery winner than one of these goobers.

Another scary group around is folks who claim to be members of the Tea Party (aka Kochroaches).  They consist of low intelligence, highly intolerant, gun totting, scripture spewing assholes. The one good thing about these boneheads is that they are fairly easy to recognize.   

And then there are those humps who work at Rupert (I Hear What You’re Saying Because I Tapped Your Phone) Murdoch’s Faux News Channel. They scored a double whammy this week as the latest survey shows that the average age and I.Q. of their viewers is the same….65.


Former NFL quarterback Donovan McBad said yesterday that Jimmy Johnson was not an athlete.  Jimmy who won his sixth Championship title yesterday and is one of the greatest race car drivers ever trains by running triathlons.  I doubt if Donnie can spell triathlon.

 Former Illinois Gov. Rod (Hair-Brained) Blagojevich is headed back to court next month to appeal his corruption conviction.  I understand he is going to tell the judge he was a simply a victim of a really bad hair day. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Much Ado About Very Little

There is no doubt that the roll out of the Healthcare website is a total fiasco but to watch the do nothing jerks in Congress posture and act so upset in front of the cameras is ridiculous. These boneheads who have done NOTHING and then pretend they are upset at something that isn’t working is a joke and for the Republicans who shutdown the Government because they hated Obamacare so bad to be pissed off because now it won’t work is really galling. I haven’t seen acting this bad since the last World Wrestling Championship.

One of the lamest was Texas Congressmoron Joe (I Voted for J.R. for President) Barton, who tried to make some goofy reference to The Wizard of Oz movie.  This is the bonehead who apologized to BP after they spilled about a gazillion barrels of oil in the Gulf.

The big difference between the Obamacare website and Congress is that the website will get fixed. Get the hook, time for them to go. The latest polls show that 63% of people would replace their own representatives.

It is also sorta confusing to see everyone so upset over all of the spying but didn’t make a whimper when the Patriot Act (the most un-patriotic legislation ever) was passed which gave NSA and every other agency carte blanche to do what ever they wanted. Thank you George Warmonger Bush and Darth Cheney.

I got a postcard in the mail today from The Texas Brain Institute.  They wanted to know if I had one. Evidently they have been reading my blog.





Stay tuned for future adventures.