Another Flakey Friday

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump, the Racist Party nominee who is running for President Grand Wizard of America has announced that his Vice-Grand Wizard is another white guy.  He is Indiana Governor Mike (Who?) Pence.  Normally when referring to someone from Indiana they are called “Hoosiers”. In Mike’s case, it’s “Who’s that?”

It seems little Mikey hates gays as much as The Don hates Mexicans and Muslims so I think Adolf Trump has found his Mussolini.  According to the polls, Prejudiced Pence’s disapproval numbers in Indiana are quite a bit higher than his approval ratings, but now he will have the opportunity to be disapproved by the whole country.

I guess poor little Chris (Bridge Troll) Christie has been left out in the rain.

And then there is Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin who also didn’t get picked to be Trump’s VP, but didn’t even get invited to speak at the convention next week. Little Donny said he would have asked her to speak, but he said the convention was only going to be a week long.

A group of psychologists were asked if they thought Trump supporters were smarter than a 5^th grader.  They weren’t sure so they studied a number of focus groups his supporters attended and found out that they were not. In fact they found that 5^th graders are not the only ones smarter than Trump supporters.  Quite a bit smarter are a sack of mud, a fence post, all plants and most animals and birds excluding the DoDo bird.

A Florida woman told police after running through a stop sign and into a house that she had her eyes closed because she was praying.  This begs the question was she praying that she wouldn’t hit anything?

Wisconsin Congressmoron Glen (I Am Almost as Stupid As Louie Gohmert) Grothman said that President Obama was to blame for all of the race problems in the country because he had met with Al Sharpton over 100 times. I guess if he had only met with Al 99 times it would have been alright. Goofy Glen went on to say the situation with race relations were very good years ago.  You know before we didn’t have to go to school, drink from the same water fountain and go to the same bathroom with those uppity black people. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Somethings That Went Through My Mind And Came Out My Computer

A few things that happen during last night’s Republican Debate debacle.  

Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz played the “Chicken Little” card and ran around the stage yelling, “They’re going to take away our guns, they’re going to take away our guns.” 

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump told Cruz to shut up and go back home to Canada where he belongs.  When Rafael said that he was a natural born citizen, Donnie said there was nothing natural about him. The Don also said after listening to Cruz, he was thinking about building a wall between the U.S. and Canada.

The stupidest quote of the night came from New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie when he said that President Obama was going to get blown out of office in November.  Evidently Cissy Poo thinks Obama is running for a third term.

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blow-hard, Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee said that we should treat poor people the same way we train dogs.  I’m sure he found that in The Bible somewhere. Probably in Ignoramus 3:16 where it says," take care of the poor until they shit in the floor."  

Senaterrible Lindsey (I Need Another Mint Julep) Graham came out today and endorsed Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush for President.  Lindsay also said he thought the Houston Texans would win the Super Bowl. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Freaky Friday

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush has a new campaign motto, “Jeb can fix it.”  Pretty spiffy huh?  I understand it was actually much longer before an editing process took place. It originally said, “Daddy Bush put the first dent in it, George damn near wrecked it, but now we think Jeb can fix it.”

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson believes that Joseph built the Pyramids to store grain.  Little Bennie also believes that the earth is only 6000 years old and I’m pretty sure he thinks Jesus discovered America.  My feelings are that people get to believe anything that they want to believe and I believe this bonehead is a total moron and so is everyone who supports him.

Looks like the good doctor had a Snarly Carly moment when he was writing his book “Gifted Hands.”  He said in the book that he got a full scholarship to West Point.  It turns out that this is a bold face lie. To think that this bonehead is a doctor is very scary.  Dr. Pepper has a higher I.Q. than this idiot.

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie has been sent back to the minor leagues in the debate world.  It seems Chrissie pooh’s numbers are not tall enough for ride.

Texas Lt. Governor Dan (Pig Face) Patrick was beside himself with glee over Houston rejecting the HERO bill which would prevent discrimination.  Danny said he was so proud that all those good Christians showed up at the polls loaded with hate in their hearts.  He reminded them that Jesus loves you, unless you are gay. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrumping Day

Here are the top ten contestants humps who will be participating in Faux News new political game show, "The Liar's Club" tomorrow night.   The winner gets to go on to be a be humiliated by whoever the opposition runs in the general election.  Leading the pack is Dr. Republicanstein's monster.

1. Real estate mogul Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump
2. Former Florida Gov. Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush
3. Wisconsin Gov. Scott (I Need A) Walker
4. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike ( I Need A Job)Huckabee
5. Nut-job-surgeon Dr. Ben (No, I’m Not Kin To Johnny) Carson
6. Sen. Ted (I Don’t Have A Clue)Cruz of Texas
7. Sen. Marco (I Have A Sugar Daddy) Rubio of Florida
8. Sen. Rand (My Mom Invented Fish Sticks) Paul of Kentucky
9. New Jersey Gov. Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie
10. Ohio Gov. John (My Family Doesn’t Know Me Either) Kasich

 Texas Gov. Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry, Louisiana Gov. Booby (Jihad) Jindal, Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly (I Can Run Any Business Into The Ground) Fiorina, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey (I Need A Mint Julep For This) Graham, former Virginia Gov. Jim (Who Cares) Gilmore and former New York Gov. George (All I Have Going For Me Is A Really Dumb Name) Pataki will be on the taxi squad and be available if any of the top ten are sent to the penalty box for excessive stupidity. 

 I am pretty sure Faux News won’t even have to provide a laugh track.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump had this to say yesterday, “I’m going to win Hispanics, and I think I’m going to win the African-American vote.”  The Don went on to say that he also thought he could cure cancer, fly to Mars and build condos, get the price of gas down to 50 cents a gallon and teach the Middle East how to love one another. 

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie said in an interview yesterday, “I’m a Catholic but I’ve used birth control.”  I am stunned. This bonehead has a sex life. You have got to be kidding.

A new big game hunter has made the scene. Sabrina ( I Just Feel The Need To Kill Something) Corgatelli has posted a picture on facebook of the giraffe she killed and how good it made her feel.  She also said, “Giraffes are very dangerous animals,” and that’s why she will never buy anything from Toys R Us.  I believe little Sabrina deserves more than some really vile comments on her facebook page.      

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrumping Day

Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie has officially jumped into the fray to be President, but since he couldn’t squeeze his large butt into the Republican Clown Car, it has now become the Republican Hindenburg which is destined to be the biggest disaster in Republican history.

Texas Attorney General Ken ( The Fox Guarding The Hen House) Paxton has said it is alright for clerks to not issue marriage licenses to gay people even though they would be breaking the law and subject to fines or punishment.  Ole Kenny boy whose case of securities law violations goes to the grand jury next week and could be indicted by end of summer doesn’t seem to have any problem with breaking the law.

Here is my question. Why aren’t they refusing to grant marriage license to people who eat shellfish or folks who are left handed.  The Bible says that both of these groups are sinners just like those mean ole gay people. My guess is that none of these homophobic assholes actually read the Bible.

Ted (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz was on the TV yesterday promoting his book “A Time For Truth” which is an odd title when you consider that Teddy Pooh wouldn’t know the truth if it bit him in the ass. During the interview the question was brought up comparing interracial marriage to same-sex marriage. Little Teddy said that there was no religious backing of banning interracial marriages. He indicated that discrimination against interracial marriage ended with the Civil War. Just when you think this asshole couldn’t possibly be any more out of touch with the real world, he opens his mouth out comes pearls of stupidity.

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Wife Beater Bully O’Reilly really had his panties in a bunch this week over the recent Supreme Court rulings.  Little Billy Bully had this to say, “I do not believe the government has a right to impose upon me or any other American rules that deny my freedom to express myself, practice my faith, or earn my living.” 

Oh really. What if my freedom to express myself is to drive my car at 120 miles an hour down the highway or to run naked thru the streets?  Maybe practicing my faith is to go to the nearest church and interrupt the preacher in the middle of his sermon to ask why the Bible contains so many contradictions?  And what if I earn my living by robbing banks? 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Bubbles From My Soap Box

Looks like Lousyanna Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal has the Duck Dynasty vote tied up.  Let’s see counting the 11 family members on the show and the show audience of 23 unrelated boneheads, wow, he is almost up to fifty votes already. Little Booby went on the TV over the weekend to complain about the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage.  He said he believes in the traditional biblical marriage of one man and multiple women.

Surely the Republican Party can see that they are going to have to make some major changes very quickly.  Word is that New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie is going to do a cannonball into the Presidential pool next week and let’s face it, that clown car is packed as it is and Chissy Pooh is no lightweight.  I mean literally. This guy must weigh 330.  They are going to have to get a eighteen wheeler.

Texas Congessmoron Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert is afraid that God will leave America unprotected now that boys in black have ruled on same-sex marriage. I wonder if he is talking about the God who was asleep at the wheel during 9/11. Sandy Hook, Charleston Church massacre, Pearl Harbor, Influenza of 1918 and about a jillion other instances since the beginning of time.

Oklahomaphoic Senaterrible James (I’m Not A Scientist, But I Am A Moron) Inhofe said yesterday that he has gay friends who thought the Supreme Court ruling was wrong. That is probably the biggest lie this asshole has told yet.  This bonehead has no friends.

Pat (If You’re White, You’re Alright) Boone thinks the President shouldn’t talk about racism. This asshole who made his career standing on the shoulders of black people by covering their songs is the racist in this conversation.  When this jerk was singing “White Christmas” he wasn’t talking about snow.

 The first time I heard this no-talent bonehead’s version of Little Richard’s Long Tall Sally or Tuttie Fruttie, I wanted to throw up. He needs to crawl back under his rock and wait for rapture.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

There Is Good News After All

News Flash:

The religious wackos are NOT having a gay ole time today and the Republicans are saying that the Supreme Court upholding Obamacare made them sick, but now the Republicans do have a new campaign slogan thanks to that ruling.  It is “If you would like to see six and half million people to lose their health care, vote for a Republican for President”

Loseranna Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal has officially become the 113^th or 114^th Republican candidate for President. Little Booby who has a 31% approval rating in his own state thinks he should be President.  Booby likes to call himself a small government politician, which actually means that very few people in Government know who he is. I understand his campaign slogan will be “Vote for me, I’m the only governor from Louisiana who hasn’t gone to prison.”

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie whose approval ratings are down to 30% and Wisconsin Governor Scott (Street) Walker whose approval ratings are down to 41%  are expected creep into the race next week. Evidently these three boneheads who have done a lousy job running their state would now like to do a lousy job running the whole country.

Really, really, really rich blowhard and egomaniac Donald ( Huge Ego, Tiny Brain) Trump said yesterday that Univision’s deciding not to run The Miss Universe Pageant because of the racist comments he made at his Presidential announcement made his hair stand on end. The Don went on to say that he loved Mexicans and thought everybody ought to have one.

Little Donny also said  he has some really big plans for the country as soon as he is elected President King.  To let the rest of the world know what is happening, he is going to change America to Trumpland.  We will no longer be called the United States Of America, or USA as we like to chant, but will known as Nimcompoops Under Trump’s Sanctions or as the rest of the world will refer to us, NUTS.  

He says his many years of being a slumlord has given him the experience of how to deal with poor people so he will have no problem dealing with the rest of the world. He said he would begin negotiating with ISIS just as soon as learns how to spell it.  

My prediction is that now little Donny has actually filed papers to run for President, his lawyers will find something in the fine print which will let him drop out of the race before they start checking his financials.  

Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin’s daughter Bristol (Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places) Palin is once again proving just how badly she failed abstinence only sex education class. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Bubbles From My Soapbox

The Republican Party is out in Arizona this week having their annual spring meeting cleaning.  Their conundrum is trying to figure out how to par down the number of boneheads eligible for the primary debates because it is likely they will have between 20 to 150 candidates running for President.

One way would be to have a TV show similar to The Bachelor or DWTS and eliminate somebody every week until you get down to one.  The perfect show would be to have them on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” but probably none of them could survive that one.

They could also just draw straws because in the end, I really doubt if it matters who winds up holding the bag.

Here is the line up as it stands now.

Officially signed up:

Edwardo Teddy (Pick Me, Pick Me) Cruz

Mike (I Need A Job) Huckster

Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson

Marco (I Need A Drink Of Water) Rubio

Rand )My Mother Invented Fish Sticks) Paul

Carly (Your Fired) Fiorina

  

Waiting Stage Far Right to throw hat into ring:

Lindsey (I Need A Mint Julep) Graham

Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry

Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neal) Bush

Chris (I'll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie

Bobby (Jihad) Jindal

Donald (Massive Ego, Minimal  Intelligence) Trump

Scott (Street) Walker

There are four more who have expressed interest in running making a fool of themselves on the public stage but their names are so low in recognition that even I can’t come up with a snappy name to give them.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Flakey Friday

Iowa’s Congressmoron Steve ( I Never Met An Immigrant I Liked) King, the GOP’s (Gang of Prevaricators) biggest critic of immigration reform is hosting his Freedom Summit this weekend.  I am not sure why he calls it the Freedom Summit since there will be no free thinking allowed.

Here is a partial lineup of the boneheads attending this fiasco, Chris (I Don’t Burn Bridges, I Just Close Them) Christie, Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz, Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum, Mike (I Have God’s Vote) Huckabee and Ben (Oreo Cookie) Carson.  I am pretty sure none of these goobers ever had an original thought in there lives.

Speaking of Iowa, new Senaterrible Joni (I Really Am Not) Ernst who instead of delivering a rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union Address simply blathered on about how poor her family was during Ronald (Bad Actor, Worse President) Reagan’s time in office. I guess little Ronnie’s trickle down economics didn’t trickle down to Iowa.

Congressomoron Louie ( I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert is facing ethics complaint of using his PAC money for a trip to England to make political speeches. Since Loony Louie is a member of the Penthouse of Representatives and not a member of the House of Lords in England, that is a no-no.  Louie said he thought since we won the Revolutionary War that England was under American rules.

Here is the list of 48 Republican Senaterribles that voted to say climate change is not man made.
Barrasso, John (R – WY)
Blunt, Roy (R – MO)
Boozman, John (R – AR)
Burr, Richard (R – NC)
Capito, Shelley Moore (R – WV)
Cassidy, Bill (R – LA)
Coats, Daniel (R – IN)
Cochran, Thad (R – MS)
Corker, Bob (R – TN)
Cornyn, John (R – TX)
Cotton, Tom (R – AR)
Crapo, Mike (R – ID)
Cruz, Ted (R – TX)
Daines, Steve (R – MT)
Enzi, Michael B. (R – WY)
Ernst, Joni (R – IA)
Fischer, Deb (R – NE)
Flake, Jeff (R – AZ)
Gardner, Cory (R – CO)
Grassley, Chuck (R – IA)
Hatch, Orrin G. (R – UT)
Heller, Dean (R – NV)
Hoeven, John (R – ND)
Inhofe, James M. (R – OK)
Isakson, Johnny (R – GA)
Johnson, Ron (R – WI)
Lankford, James (R – OK)
Lee, Mike (R – UT)
McCain, John (R – AZ)
McConnell, Mitch (R – KY)
Moran, Jerry (R – KS)
Murkowski, Lisa (R – AK)
Paul, Rand (R – KY)
Perdue, David (R – GA)
Portman, Rob (R – OH)
Risch, James E. (R – ID)
Roberts, Pat (R – KS)
Rounds, Mike (R – SD)
Rubio, Marco (R – FL)
Sasse, Ben (R – NE)
Scott, Tim (R – SC)
Sessions, Jeff (R – AL)
Shelby, Richard C. (R – AL)
Sullivan, Daniel (R – AK)
Thune, John (R – SD)
Tillis, Thom (R – NC)
Toomey, Patrick J. (R – PA)
Vitter, David (R – LA)
Wicker, Roger F. (R – MS)

I really don’t understand why these boneheads think that man can’t change the climate.  Don’t they know who invented the thermostat?

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Random Thoughts From a Disorganized Mind

The 114 Congress has only been in session three days and they have already set a record.  For the first time in history, the majority of members of Congress are millionaires.  Well isn’t that just ducky.  From now on I think we should refer to congressmorons as members of the Penthouse of Represenitives and the Senaterribles as belonging to the Senate Manor.   

Let’s look at some numbers.  There are approximately 360 million people living in America and a little over 9 million have a worth of 1 million dollars.  In Congress, of the 534 members, 268 are millionaires. Gee I wonder which group of people gets the most representation.

It seems that Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert bid to take the Speaker of the Penthouse job has fallen a little short. Actually it didn’t get off the ground high enough to fall.  Looney Louie got three votes of which one was his own.  Now the burning question is who are the two dipshits that voted for this fool?

The new chair of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee is Oklahoma Senaterrible Jim( Gohmert is Dumb, I’m Just Plain Stupid) Inhofe.  This bonehead believes that Climate Change is hoax and is a member of the Flat Earth Society.  As Jimbo likes to say, “I ain’t a scientist but I can look out my front door and see that the earth is flat.” After all, this pinhead is from a state whose motto is Oklahoma is Okie Dopey.  A state by the way that won’t even talk about gun safety but is thinking about outlawing hoodies.  Yeah, that’ll fix things.

North Texas reported 9 small earthquakes this week but come to find out it was just aftershocks from New Jersey Governor Chris (I Don’t Burn Bridges, I Just Close Them) Christie jumping up and down in Jerry Jones private box at the Dallas Cowboy game Sunday.

Yesterday was Elvis Presley’s 80^th birthday. I’ve noticed there haven’t been any sightings of Elvis in quite a while. I hope he is not sick.



Stay tuned for future adventures.