Cyber Monday Blah Blahs

You may have noticed that I didn’t put up a post at the end of last week.  I was observing   Blank Friday and drew a blank all day.  It is one of my favorite days of the year to be totally blank on everything.  

I get it that the ignorant asshole shooter in the Colorado Planned Parenthood shootings pulled the trigger, but I contend that Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina and the jerks who made the fraudulent video of Planned Parenthood put the bullets in his gun.

Gall of the week goes to former preacher, musican, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee who said the real victim in last week’s shooting at Planned Parenthood was the Pro-Life movement.  What an asshole…Gee Mike why don’t you tell that to the families of the people who died and see what they think.  

And today we have “Buy Something On Line Monday,” which I have decided not to buy into.  I actually broke the rules and bought something on Saturday. I’m pretty sure the Cyborg police are looking for me as we speak.


Stay tuned for

Thankless Wednesday

A couple of big days coming up this week.  Tomorrow of course is Thanksgiving, or as Native Americans refer to it “The Last Supper,” where dysfunctional families all over the country get together for food and meaningless trivial unsubstantial conversation. 

The next day we have Black Friday, a day of remembering started by the relatives of the Thanksgiving turkey.

Most of the political remarks made this week by the Republican candidates for President can be summed up with this. “If you love war, Vote Republican”

 

Looks like Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump has come down with Fiorinaism.  This is a disease that can be contracted by standing too close to Snarly Carly( I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina.  One of the symptoms of this disease is seeing something that never happened.  Snarly Carly described a video that never existed and now little Donnie is describing an event he watched in Jersey City after 911 that there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of happening. 

Another symptom is exaggerating actual events.  Last week Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz told of Syrians being caught trying to cross the Texas border. The truth is the Syrians approached the authorities at the border and asked for asylum.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson may have the worst case.  I believe he is probably terminal.  There is an antidote for Fiorinaism: its facts, but of course facts won’t work for these boneheads as facts are like Kryptonite to Republicans.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Blah Blahs

With all of the incredibly stupid things being said on Facebook and by narrow-minded asshole politicians about the Syrian refugees, this jumped out at me as the best antidote I’ve read.  So in case you missed it, here it is.  I have no idea who wrote this but they get my compliments. 

JESUS CHRIST THE SYRIAN REFUGEES AREN'T COMING TO WHATEVER GLORIFIED TRAILER PARK / FEMA CAMP / OPEN AIR METH LAB OR DYSTOPIAN INNER RING TRACT HOUSING AND STRIP MALL FART-FUCK OF A SUBURB YOU CALL HOME, THEY WOULD TAKE ONE LOOK AT YOUR SAD EXCUSE FOR A LIFE AND THINK "I'LL GO BACK AND TAKE MY CHANCES, DID YOU SEE THAT WOMAN WITH THE 'BAD BITCH' TATTOO HER TORSO LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE WAS BAKING BREAD IN A HALTER TOP." THE FACT THAT YOU GOT A SECOND HARDEES (NEXT TO THE PELLAGRA CLINIC) DOES NOT MAKE PIGSKNUCKLE COUNTY AN APPEALING TERRORIST TARGET, IF ISIS ATTACKS THEY WILL ATTACK A CITY BECAUSE CITIES HAVE LANDMARKS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK PLACES. WHY WOULD ANYONE EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO KILL YOU WHEN THEY COULD SIT BACK AND LET CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE DO THE JOB, BE SURE TO BUY MORE GUNS THOUGH THEY'RE REALLY KEEPING YOUR VINYL SIDED RANCH HOUSE SAFE. YES THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT TO GET YOU BUT THEY'RE NOT CALLED "ISIS" THEY'RE CALLED THE COLLECTION AGENCY AND YOUR GUNS WILL ONLY IMPRESS THEM TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY WILL FETCH SOMETHING AT AUCTION WHEN YOUR PROPERTY IS SEIZED TO PAY THE MEDICAL BILLS FOR YOUR LAST SIX ANGIOPLASTIES BUT YOU REALLY SHOWED OBUMMER BY NOT SIGNING UP FOR INSURANCE YOU DANIEL FUCKIN' BOONE RUGGED INDIVIDUALIST YOU.

It looks like the folks in Loseranna are trying to drop the LOSER image of their state and actually get with the 21^st century.  They made a very positive move over the week by electing John (That Rings A) Bel Edwards as their new governor. Of course they could have elected a trained orangutan and it would have been a step up from Booby (Jihad) Jindal.  


Stay tuned for future adventures.

There's Dumb And There's Dumber

Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert  really is as dumb as he looks.  A local bonehead rancher here in Lufkin, Texas, Simon (Bullshtter Extraordinaire) Winston has decided to run against Louie next election.  Ole Simon who I understand has more bullshit than the Fort Worth stockyards says Loony Louie doesn’t get anything done and he can prove it because Louie is debt.

I think Slimy Simon’s thinking is along these lines.  The majority of the members of Congress are millionaires and a large number of these millionaires WERE NOT millionaires until after they got to Congress. So if Loony Louie is actually a hundred thousand in debt, it means he is even too dumb to steal.

Little Simon has the family pedigree to back up his right-wing nut ideology.  Seems his 83 year old momma was the person who paid for an extremely distasteful anti-Obama billboard in Lufkin a few years ago that caused quite an up roar.  I understand Simon’s campaign motto is, “If you’re into Dumb, I’m the one.”

More Kentucky voters are coming forward about being upset with their new Governor elect Matt (Just Another Horse’s Ass From Kentucky) Bevin who ran on a platform of destroying Medicaid expansion is actually doing it.  When a woman who was upset about it was asked why she voted for him, she replied, “I’m just a die-hard Republican.” No actually you are a die-dead with out insurance Republican.

Loseranna Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal has dropped out of the Presidential race.  He said he came to realize it wasn’t his time after the latest survey showed that only 2/3’s of his family knew who he was. 

All of the Republican candidates running in the Presidential race have actually agreed on something.  They are for expanding the Trump plan and are all for building a wall around the entire United States. 

  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrump Day

22 Republican Governors are showing just how faux Christian they are. They are all for turning down Syrian women and children refugees trying to escape their terrible situation.  I’ll bet Jesus is spinning in his grave. Oh wait, I forgot, he’s not dead, he is the original zombie.

Too bad these assholes and their supporters failed to read in their favorite book about helping the poor and disadvantaged. Their actions just proves that most of them don’t any more read the Bible than the man in the moon does. I mean why should they when they can get all the information they need from Faux News and ignorant boneheads like Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson and Franklin ( Daddy’s Little Moron) Graham. There are over 350,000 churches in this country and as far as I can tell not one church has stepped forward and said they would take a single refugee family.  Gee, what happened to all those folks that keep clamoring how we are a Christian Nation?  Of course if these were Syrian refugee fetuses wanting asylum, it would be a different story.

I get it why Texas Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott announced that he would not let any of the refugees in.  I’m pretty sure he thought the attacks over the weekend were in Paris, Texas.  

All these Republican boneheads want to do is ramp up the fear and paranoia so they can start another useless war. I think these facts from last week’s post bear another look.   

• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 153,144 people were killed by homicide in which firearms were used between 2001 and 2013, the last year that data are available (that number excludes deaths by "legal intervention").
• The Global Terrorism Database — which uses a criteria to determine terrorist attacks but also includes acts of violence that are more ambiguous in goal — estimates that 3,046 people in the U.S. died in terrorist or possible terrorist attacks between 2001 and 2014.

Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson was asked how he would handle ISIS.  The good dumb doctor said he would bring in a international military coalition.  When asked who would be in that coalition and after much hem hawing around, he said it would probably include the armies of Jupiter, Mars and Saturn.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Blue Monday

Nothing like a tragedy to bring the war hawks out in full force. Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush said, “we need to declare war.”  I’m not sure who Jebby wants to declare war on. ISIS is not a country; they are not even an army.  They are bunch of thugs that emerged from the old Iraq army.  The Iraq army that George Warmonger Bush disbanded and turned into disgruntled unemployed jerks. If you want to bomb something Jed, I would suggest your brother’s house.

The rest of the Republican boneheads remark’s are so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comeback.   

I am amazed at how the so called experts the media drags out when a tragedy like this happens and they give a lot more credit to ISIS pulling off a sophisticated attack. This was six mass shooting by 8 or ten thugs who had guns and watches and could tell time. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Soap Box Bubbles

Here is something to ponder.  Take a look at the chart below and see where Congress spends our money.  

As you can see we spend more by far, 54%, on the military than anywhere else. We spend more on the military than any other country in the world.  Almost 600 billion dollars a year. In fact we spend more than the next seven countries combined. Now what I can’t wrap my head around is the fact that we spend all of this money on the military and we haven’t won a war since World War II.  Then when you dump the dismal terrible way that we treat our veterans, it really doesn’t make sense.
On top of that, I hear a number of these TeaNut Republicans just dying to start another war.  They yammer on about all of the horrible stuff going on in the Middle East which by the way has been going on the whole 72 years I have been on this planet.

This little fact came out a few weeks ago.

•  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 153,144 people were killed by homicide in which firearms were used between 2001 and 2013, the last year that data are available (that number excludes deaths by "legal intervention").
• The Global Terrorism Database — which uses a criteria to determine terrorist attacks but also includes acts of violence that are more ambiguous in goal — estimates that 3,046 people in the U.S. died in terrorist or possible terrorist attacks between 2001 and 2014.

I do believe something is definitely wrong here. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Not Just Another Wednesday

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Monday Blah Blahs

Talk radio host Kevin ((I Have A Lower I.Q. Than Pat Robertson) Swanson hosted a little gossip session in Iowa this past weekend known as the National Religious Liberties Conference. Kev is also the pastor of The First Church of the Stupid. Their members believe that Eve shouldn’t taken that bite out of the tree of knowledge.  Little Kev is the poster boy for all misogynistic, homophobic assholes everywhere.  He thinks gay people should be stoned to death and that God wrecks havoc with floods and disease on nations that don’t follow his commandments.  

So with credentials like that Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee, Rafael ( I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz and Booby (Jihad) Jindal couldn’t wait to get up there to lick his boots and say really stupid things.  They all agreed that Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis was a real American and that if they became President, Jesus would be their Vice-President.
 

The latest Republican polls still show Carson and Trump leading, but there is some good news in there.  “None of the Above” has now moved up to number 4.  I don’t think there is a chance in hell of Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson being the Republican nominee, but I do think there is a medical procedure that could extend his run a little bit longer.  He could have his jaw wired shut.

Michele (Section Eight) Bachmann traveled over to Israel to try and convince those folks that Jesus had booked his flight and was heading back so they needed to convert to Christianity. And here in the good ole USA,  Christians are just beside themselves because Starbucks have taken the snowflakes and reindeer off of their Christmas cups and now they are just plain red.  They claim it is more of the "War on Christmas." I am at a loss to explain why having a plan red cup is an assault on Christmas. Maybe they think when Jesus decides to come back, he will be riding Rudolf.    I have said it before but it is worth repeating.  I will be so glad when the rapture gets here and these assholes will be gone.

Between denying climate change, the right for gays to marry, the economic recovery and the decline in unemployment, I think the GOP (Group of Panders) should now be referred to as the GOD (Group of Deniers).  After all it fits their image so well. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Freaky Friday

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush has a new campaign motto, “Jeb can fix it.”  Pretty spiffy huh?  I understand it was actually much longer before an editing process took place. It originally said, “Daddy Bush put the first dent in it, George damn near wrecked it, but now we think Jeb can fix it.”

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson believes that Joseph built the Pyramids to store grain.  Little Bennie also believes that the earth is only 6000 years old and I’m pretty sure he thinks Jesus discovered America.  My feelings are that people get to believe anything that they want to believe and I believe this bonehead is a total moron and so is everyone who supports him.

Looks like the good doctor had a Snarly Carly moment when he was writing his book “Gifted Hands.”  He said in the book that he got a full scholarship to West Point.  It turns out that this is a bold face lie. To think that this bonehead is a doctor is very scary.  Dr. Pepper has a higher I.Q. than this idiot.

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie has been sent back to the minor leagues in the debate world.  It seems Chrissie pooh’s numbers are not tall enough for ride.

Texas Lt. Governor Dan (Pig Face) Patrick was beside himself with glee over Houston rejecting the HERO bill which would prevent discrimination.  Danny said he was so proud that all those good Christians showed up at the polls loaded with hate in their hearts.  He reminded them that Jesus loves you, unless you are gay. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day

 Here are a some real humps.


Cary (I’m Not Very) Sharp is the husband of Lahoma, OK mayor Theresa (I Married A Dumbass) Sharp.  Cary and some of his buddies after a couple cases of beer thought it would be a good idea to dress up like KKK clansmen and take their picture lighting a cross.  They said, “they didn’t mean no harm.”  What do you expect from a state whose motto is Oklahoma is Okie Dopey?

A bonehead by the name of Marshal E. Leonard decided he would blow up a Wal-Mart store because they quit selling Confederate flags.  Even though Marshal hales from Tupelo, Mississippi, I am pretty sure the E stands for eegit and not Elvis. Thankfully ole Marsh had flunked his bomb making class with the KKK and no one was hurt.   

Arkansas preacher Jeff (Another Pinhead in the Pulpit) Crawford spouted this bullshit to the morons stuck in their pews on why women don’t have a choice about abortion.  He told the ladies that God owns them.  “What that means is that your arms and your legs and your head, it all belongs to God.”   I noticed that he didn’t mention the part of the body where the babies come out.  I am pretty sure when this asshole was born, his mom dropped him on his head. 

Today is National King Tut Day and I think we are supposed to walk around like an Egyptian and sing this song all day.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Sad Saga of The Elephant Men Continues

A quick review of last week's Republican debate debacle.

We learned that Dr. Ben (NutJob Neurosurgeon) Carson mumbled that he had absolutely no involvement with Mannatech, the supplement company that was fined millions of dollars for fraudulent advertising, other than going around the country making speech's for them and making videos explaining how great their products are.    He said they have great products which can cure everything from  acne to leprosy and if anybody was feeling a little nausea from the debate, that he had a couple of cases in the trunk of his car that he would let go at a bargain.

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard  Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee told everyone that he had no weaknesses.  In fact he said through the power of Jesus he could walk on water, heal the sick, and raise the dead.  He also said he was faster than a speeding bullet and could leap tall buildings with a single bound.

Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don't Have A Clue) Cruz went on a rant about the media and said moderators of the debate were not asking the questions that the public desperately wanted to know. Things like what was their favorite color and which TV shows did they watch.  He said since the debate was about economic policies that they should have been asking questions like, if an apple cost ten cents and Johnny spent ten dollars, how many apples did he get?

Jeb (At Least I'm Not Neil) Bush got into a big fight with Marco (I Have A Sugar Daddy) Rubio when he told little Marky that he wasn't doing his job as a Senator.  Rubio immediately fired back, "Am too" to which Jeb shouted "Are not".  This went on for about 15 minutes until they were both put in "Time out."

 New Jersey Governor Chris (I'll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie only had one thing to say all evening.  He asked if they were going to take a break and have snacks.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump kept asking why he wasn't number one in the polls anymore and said that if he didn't win the caucus in Iowa, he was going to build a wall around the state.

When Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fironia was asked if she considered herself a successful CEO, she said, "Hell yes, I put 21 million dollars in my bank account and scored another 21 million in stock benefits and if that ain't successful I'll kiss your ass on main street." 

The main thing we learned from last week debacle is that the moderators were too mean.  The RNC (Republican NutJob Crew) said that debates were not the place to ask tough questions. They said the tough questions should be asked and answered far, far away from the public and press.

 Stay tuned for future adventures