What Day Is It?

How about these humps?

What we seem to have in abundance here in Texas is stupid (lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated) politicians who are voted into office by ignorant (lacking intelligence or common sense) voters.  A prime example is Texas Railroad Commissioner Barry( I Think I Can, I Think I Can) Smitherman who is now wanting to be the Attorney General of Texas.  Barry thinks that unborn fetuses would vote Republican. Actually I would tend to agree since fetuses do not have fully formed brains.

The former Vice-Chair of the Texas Republican Party, David (Part Time Moron, Full Time Religious Nut) Barton said recently that the disastrous floods, super storms and debilitating droughts have been brought on by God because of legalized abortions.  I can see where you could come to that conclusion if the weather only wiped out abortion clinics. 


Toronto mayor Rob (I’m Not Addicted to Drugs, I Just Like Them) Ford admitted during a heated city council meeting that he had bought illegal drugs in the past two years. He went on to say that he is a “positive role model for kids who are down and out.”  What, down and out of drugs?

A new pinhead to jump into the political scene is Kory (Full Time Gun Nut) Watkins. He likes to carry his assault rifle with him everywhere. I'm pretty sure he sleeps with it because I can't imagine anyone else going to bed with him.  Kory has decided to run against Texas Congressmoron Joe (Pollution) Barton because he says Joe is not conservative enough. Remember Congressmoron Barton is the idiot who apologized to BP for ruining their oil well with our salt water. Joe makes Michele Bachman look like a liberal so you can imagine what Kory’s political views are like. Sorta like looking at the world through a soda straw.       


The federal government has spent a $1 billion at airports on a TSA program called “SPOT” that profiles people who may be “bad guys” by talking to them. A report says that the program doesn’t work.  It seems if you ask bad guys if they are bad guys and are they going to blow up planes, they will lie to you.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Musing & Pondering

The number one SOB in Texas is Ken (Who Needs Evidence to Convict)Anderson, the former Austin District Attorney who withheld evidence and sent an innocent man to jail for 25 years.  Ken who most recently was a state judge will have to serve 10 days, that’s DAYS, in jail and pay a five hundred dollar fine. Let’s see, the man spent 25 years in prison and Ken is coughing up 500 dollars, I believe that is $20 a year. Boy that ought to teach him. 


By the way, Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Attorney General Gregg (I Only Want My Friends to be Able to Vote) Abbott are tied for number 2. 

I understand the Miami Dolphins are considering a name change.  Dolphins are not mean enough so they are thinking of going with the Miami Piranhas. Even legendary coach Nick (Either Do It My Way or Do It My Way) Saban couldn’t get a winning season out of this outfit.

All the media can talk about is Governor Chris (Inside I’m a Mean-Spirited Republican Just Like the Rest of Them) Christie and his landslide win for re-election for Governor of New Jersey.  What they seem to forget to tell you is that it was the lowest turnout for an election in New Jersey’s history.  When people don’t vote, Republicans get elected. Texas is a shinning example.

Did you notice how quickly Senaterrible Lindsay (The Mouth of the South) Graham came down with lockjaw after it came out that the 60 Minutes piece on Benghazi was full of lies? 

When Sarah (Half-Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin was asked about Governor Christie on the Today this morning she said, “There is no Ronald Reagan on the scene today. If he were on the scene, that’s who I would put my faith in.” Well Sarah if he were on the scene today he would be a zombie.  Ole Ronald is deader than a doornail and so are his policies, but then so is Sarah’s political career.   





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Follies

Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin is off on a 15 day book tour next week promoting her ghostwriter’s new book, “Good Tidings and Great Joy”. She’ll be hitting major markets like Fort Campbell, Ky., and Fort Benning, Ga.  Not to mention a Costco in Plano, Texas and a Wal-Mart in Wausau, Wis.  Wow, I’ve seen week old unknown garage bands hit bigger markets than this.

The Miami Dolphins coaching staff decided that offensive tackle Jonathan (I’m Just a Big Ole Teddy Bear) Martin wasn’t mean enough so they asked guard Richie (What concussion? I’m Just Stupid) Incognito to toughen him up by calling Jonathan on the phone and yelling racial slurs at him. Incognito by the way has a bad reputation going all the way back to college which caused a number of teams to pass on him.

 Wow what a great plan? What could possibly go wrong….other than Martin quitting the team, Incognito being suspended and the coaches in hot water up to their eyeballs with the league?  I didn’t realize that concussions are contagious but they seem to be spreading to the coaching staff.

Then, there was the middle school coach in Portland, Oregon who was fired for taking the team to Hooters for their victory celebration after being told not to by the school and parents. Man, those Hooter addictions are tough to kick.

Speaking of addictions, Toronto Mayor Rob (It Wasn't My Fault, I Was Drunk) Ford who admitted last week that he had smoked crack while in a drunken stupor and this week is fading the heat from a video where he is threatening to kill someone, is considering going to rehab.  You think!  Boy, I’ll bet Gerald and Betty are rolling over in their graves.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

Mid-Week Headlines

It is pretty obvious that Kentucky Senaterrible Rand (Why Do You Think They Invented the Copy Machine) Paul has never had an original thought as he has been caught plagiarizing someone else words for the second time.

Here are some very intelligent words from down under. Former Labor foreign minister of Australia, Bob Carr said during a recent interview how much he liked Fox News. He said,   
"I am delighted because it is a textbook experiment in how to make the Republican Party unelectable. If you are running as a candidate for the Republicans, you must do Fox News and you must pander to the table thumpers. By the time the general election comes around the candidate is too right wing to get elected. I think it is delightful.”  
As Crocodile Dundee would say, “That’s a knife.”

Litte Teddy’s Pa, Rafel (Rhymes with Fidel) Cruz is back at it again proving that the banana doesn’t fall far from the tree.  During a presentation he made to the Dean Bible Ministries he told them what he thinks of evolution.  He said, "That’s why communism and evolution go hand and hand. Evolution is one of the strongest tools of Marxism because if they can convince you that you came from a monkey, it’s much easier to convince you that God does not exist.” Rafel doesn’t seem to realize that sometimes evolution is slower in some than others.  Obviously he hasn’t made it though the monkey stage yet.

Pope Frankie the Sissy is launching a new survey on his flock asking them their opinions on same sex marriage.  Here is my prediction, if the majority says its ok; you will see a flock of marriages among Priests. 

Houston Texans football stars were out yesterday driving senior citizens to the polling booths as opposed to Attorney General Greg (I Want to Make Sure Only My Friends Can Vote) Abbott who has been doing his best to drive senior citizens away from the polls.

Pop star Justin (Just Because I Can Sing Doesn’t Mean I Have Any Brain Cells) Bieber must have looked thirsty during his concert in Sao Paulo, Brazil this week because someone hit him in the head with a water bottle. Justin stuck out his lip and walked off stage without even thanking the person who generously shared his water bottle with him.





 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

According to the latest polls Ted (Head Kochroach) Cruz is the leader of the Republican Party. This is probably the best news the Democrats have had in years. Let’s look back at some of the early poll leaders in Republican Party over the last few years.  There was Rudy Giuliani, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson, John McCain and of course Sarah Palin. Talk about a who’s who of losers.

The LAX shooter was carrying a “manifesto” associated with the antigovernment “patriot” movement.  Hmmm, sounds like he was a member of the Tea Party.  After all the Tea Party mostly consists of illiterate, gun toting, racist wrapped up in the American flag and spewing biblical crap who couldn’t spell Tea Party if you spotted them the T and A.

It appears that 60 Minutes has egg all over its face, the large 4 egg omelet kind. Last weeks interview with a man who said he was a security officer who witnessed the attack has turned out to be all lies.  According to his official report that he turned after the attack, he wasn’t even there. Even Fox News turned this guy down after he wanted money. I mean if the boneheads at Faux News turned down a chance to slam Hilary and the White House, you know this guy was pulling a Cruz. 

Mitt (I Was Wrong, 51% Didn't Vote for Me) Romney said Sunday that President Barack Obama’s "fundamental dishonesty" on the Affordable Care Act has “put in peril the whole foundation of his second term.”  Wow, I guess that puts Obama’s third term in office in real jeopardy..

I just saw a headline that said, Man pepper-sprays a woman, steals her monkey.  Is that code for something?




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Much Ado About Very Little

There is no doubt that the roll out of the Healthcare website is a total fiasco but to watch the do nothing jerks in Congress posture and act so upset in front of the cameras is ridiculous. These boneheads who have done NOTHING and then pretend they are upset at something that isn’t working is a joke and for the Republicans who shutdown the Government because they hated Obamacare so bad to be pissed off because now it won’t work is really galling. I haven’t seen acting this bad since the last World Wrestling Championship.

One of the lamest was Texas Congressmoron Joe (I Voted for J.R. for President) Barton, who tried to make some goofy reference to The Wizard of Oz movie.  This is the bonehead who apologized to BP after they spilled about a gazillion barrels of oil in the Gulf.

The big difference between the Obamacare website and Congress is that the website will get fixed. Get the hook, time for them to go. The latest polls show that 63% of people would replace their own representatives.

It is also sorta confusing to see everyone so upset over all of the spying but didn’t make a whimper when the Patriot Act (the most un-patriotic legislation ever) was passed which gave NSA and every other agency carte blanche to do what ever they wanted. Thank you George Warmonger Bush and Darth Cheney.

I got a postcard in the mail today from The Texas Brain Institute.  They wanted to know if I had one. Evidently they have been reading my blog.





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Trick or Tweet

I always thought that the NSA stood for National Security Agency, but now I see it stands for Nosey Spying Assholes.

I spent many years in the music business so when I first read about The Jonas Bothers breaking up, one question kept running through my brain. Who are the Jonas Brothers?

Here are a couple of politicians who will be working in the federal system at a pay rate that they deserve. Former (R) Congressmoron from Arizona, Rick (Half-Ass Con Man, Full Time Convict)  Renzi was found guilty on 17 felony counts, including wire fraud, conspiracy, extortion, racketeering, money laundering and making false statements to insurance regulators and sentenced to 3 years in federal prison.
And former (D) Congressmoron Jesse ( I’m Not a Crook, I’m Just Stupid) Jackson Jr. who pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit wire fraud, making false statements and mail fraud will serve 2 ½ years in federal prison.

I understand that the “Dancing with the Stars” show is considering a name change to “Popularity Contest with the Stars” since dancing doesn’t seem to count much.  Also long time DWTS Judge Len Goodman is taking another week off and filling in for him will be Cher.  I thought for sure they would bring someone who had some experience as a judge, like Judge Judy or Judge Reinhold. Maybe Judge Wapner, Judge Roy Bean or Judge Dredd.

Halloween is the favorite holiday for Republicans.  They don’t have to buy a costume to be scary.



Stay tuned for future adventures.