IOWA: The Center of Nowhere

The Freedom Summit, better known as Annual Meeting of the Liars Club, was held in Iowa this week.  I am pretty sure with all of the bullshit that was spewed over the weekend; Iowa’s sea level height was raised by at least ten feet.

Sarah (Half Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin seems to be getting the most attention. Her teleprompter froze sending Sarah into a trance where she rambled incoherently one long sentence until she hyperventilated, put a paper bag over her head and ambled off into the sunset.  I’m not too sure about the hyperventilating and paper bag part.

 Excommunicated Speaker of the Penthouse, Newt (Which is Short For Nitwit) Gingrich tried to revive the already debunked Right-wing wacko smear about Hilary Clinton and Boko Haram.  The truth is some TeaNut overheard a staff member saying that one of Hilary’s favorite groups was Procol Harum whose hit was “A Whiter Shade of Pale.”

Head TeaNut wacko who hosted this total waste of time and breath was Iowa’s Congrssmoron Steve (I Never Met a Immigrant I Liked) King topped everyone by uttering in middle of his remarks that Americans  “come from every possible planet.”  If I had to guess which planet little Stevie was from, I would say it would be Uranus.

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry got heckled when he started speaking about immigration.  I assume they wanted him to migrate back to the Lone Star State.

Donald (Very Little Hair, Giant Ego) Trump told the fine folks of Iowa that he could have beat Obama in 2012 if he had stayed in the race. Yeah and I would have won the lottery last Saturday if I had picked the right numbers. I doubt little Donnie could win the super’s job at Trump Tower.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Flakey Friday

Iowa’s Congressmoron Steve ( I Never Met An Immigrant I Liked) King, the GOP’s (Gang of Prevaricators) biggest critic of immigration reform is hosting his Freedom Summit this weekend.  I am not sure why he calls it the Freedom Summit since there will be no free thinking allowed.

Here is a partial lineup of the boneheads attending this fiasco, Chris (I Don’t Burn Bridges, I Just Close Them) Christie, Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz, Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum, Mike (I Have God’s Vote) Huckabee and Ben (Oreo Cookie) Carson.  I am pretty sure none of these goobers ever had an original thought in there lives.

Speaking of Iowa, new Senaterrible Joni (I Really Am Not) Ernst who instead of delivering a rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union Address simply blathered on about how poor her family was during Ronald (Bad Actor, Worse President) Reagan’s time in office. I guess little Ronnie’s trickle down economics didn’t trickle down to Iowa.

Congressomoron Louie ( I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert is facing ethics complaint of using his PAC money for a trip to England to make political speeches. Since Loony Louie is a member of the Penthouse of Representatives and not a member of the House of Lords in England, that is a no-no.  Louie said he thought since we won the Revolutionary War that England was under American rules.

Here is the list of 48 Republican Senaterribles that voted to say climate change is not man made.
Barrasso, John (R – WY)
Blunt, Roy (R – MO)
Boozman, John (R – AR)
Burr, Richard (R – NC)
Capito, Shelley Moore (R – WV)
Cassidy, Bill (R – LA)
Coats, Daniel (R – IN)
Cochran, Thad (R – MS)
Corker, Bob (R – TN)
Cornyn, John (R – TX)
Cotton, Tom (R – AR)
Crapo, Mike (R – ID)
Cruz, Ted (R – TX)
Daines, Steve (R – MT)
Enzi, Michael B. (R – WY)
Ernst, Joni (R – IA)
Fischer, Deb (R – NE)
Flake, Jeff (R – AZ)
Gardner, Cory (R – CO)
Grassley, Chuck (R – IA)
Hatch, Orrin G. (R – UT)
Heller, Dean (R – NV)
Hoeven, John (R – ND)
Inhofe, James M. (R – OK)
Isakson, Johnny (R – GA)
Johnson, Ron (R – WI)
Lankford, James (R – OK)
Lee, Mike (R – UT)
McCain, John (R – AZ)
McConnell, Mitch (R – KY)
Moran, Jerry (R – KS)
Murkowski, Lisa (R – AK)
Paul, Rand (R – KY)
Perdue, David (R – GA)
Portman, Rob (R – OH)
Risch, James E. (R – ID)
Roberts, Pat (R – KS)
Rounds, Mike (R – SD)
Rubio, Marco (R – FL)
Sasse, Ben (R – NE)
Scott, Tim (R – SC)
Sessions, Jeff (R – AL)
Shelby, Richard C. (R – AL)
Sullivan, Daniel (R – AK)
Thune, John (R – SD)
Tillis, Thom (R – NC)
Toomey, Patrick J. (R – PA)
Vitter, David (R – LA)
Wicker, Roger F. (R – MS)

I really don’t understand why these boneheads think that man can’t change the climate.  Don’t they know who invented the thermostat?

Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Odds & Ends.

The New York Times is reporting that the winner of the longest winded bonehead in Congress goes to Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert.  Louie abused the ears and brains of his fellow congressmorons some 29 hours this past year.  A number of his fellow congressmorons said that next year they would chose water boarding over Louie’s inane rantings.

 The runner up long winded yacky doodle was Congressmoron Steve (No I Didn’t Write The Shining, but I Almost Wrote a Bill Once) King of Iowa. Steve only wasted some 9 hours harping on things that nobody cared about.  Thanks to my favorite bother-in-law for the heads up.  

I understand that now Sony Pictures has decided to release The Interview in select cities that Kim Jon-unhappy is really upset.  It seems that Pyongyang wasn’t selected.  Of course Pyongyang’s one theater can only run 16millimeter film.

I would also like to say happy birthday to a very special someone who was born on December 25^th.  That would be Isaac (Apple Core, Apple Core) Newton because if he hadn’t discovered gravity, we would all be floating around in space. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

New Species: KochRoaches

If you were wondering why the Kochsuckers in Washington have been pushing so hard for the Keystone pipeline?  A new report shows that the Koch Brothers stand to make around 100 million dollars from it.


As I have said before the Tea Party bonehead members of Congress are now referred to in my brain as Kochsuckers because the whole idea for the tea party and support has been funded by the Koch Brothers.  So all those Tea Party morons are beholding to the Koch Brothers, as in be holding the Koch Brothers money in their bank accounts. The Koch Brothers spent a little over 2 million lobbying the Kochsuckers to shut down the government which the Kochsuckers did with glee and then scurried back into the dark.

So their leader, former ambulance chaser, Teddy (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz will now be known as the Head Kochsucker, no pun intended.  Now the people who vote and support these Kochsuckers are known as Kochroaches.

HeadKochsucker Cruz was pheasant hunting in Iowa this week end with Congressmoron Steve (Minor Kochsucker) King.  Little Teddy kept his reputation in tact by continuing to shoot him self in the foot all day.  Teddy was back in Iowa to sew a few for seeds for 2016.  I understand he already has a motto and it seems to be aimed at the Taliban voter.  It’s “Death to America’s Government”

Castro supporter Rafel ( Rhymes With Fidel) Cruz, father of the aforementioned Teddy (Head Kochsucker) Cruz might be even wackier than his son. Rafel believes his son was anointed by God to be a King.  Dear Rafel and family, there are 44 countries in the world that still have monarchs. America is not one of them.  I believe it would be best for everyone if the Cruz family would move their sorry asses to one of those countries. Thank you and have a nice day.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday's Monologue

George (Quick-Draw McGraw) Zimmerman is being held by the Florida police for threatening to shoot his wife and father-in-law.  George said it was complications from a medical condition he had. He said it had been awhile since he had shot someone and just had a really itchy trigger finger.  


The S.W.A.T team in Pine Bluff Arkansas killed a 107 year old resident of a nursing home in shoot-out over the week-end.  They said they had no choice; the man had barricaded himself in his room and was shooting through the door.  Let’s see. He is in a room that he can’t get out of and everybody is safely away.  What was the urgency?  I am pretty sure the Pine Bluff “long arm of the law but extremely short on the brain cells” team could have waited a while. I doubt if he had a stockpile of bullets and at 107 he could have dropped dead in the next two minutes. I wonder if the head of the S.W.A.T team in Pine Bluff is named Zimmerman.

An off-duty police officer in Conroe,Tx has shot a 17 year old kid who was thought to have been shoplifting.  The officer said he shot the boy because the teenager was fighting him and he feared for his life.  The problem is that the boy was shot in the back of the head. Sounds like a wanabe Zimmerman to me.

The International Olympic committee wants Lance (I'm Not A Drug Addict, I'm Just Stupid)Armstrong to give back the Bronze Medal he won in the 2000 Sydney Olympics.  Lance said he didn’t have the medal, has never had it, has never been to the Olympics and has never ridden a bicycle.

The Three Stooges traveled to Egypt over the week-end to have a love fest with the head of the Military, General “I’m not a Sissy”, who overthrew the elected President Mohamed Morsi, who was a top Muslim Brotherhood leader.  The 2013 Stooges are Congressmorons Michelle (I Really Am Dumbass) Bachman, Louie (I Am an Even Bigger Dumbass) Gohmert and Steve (I’m Just Plain Stupid) King.  The three also mentioned that the Muslim Brotherhood was who attacked us on 9/11.  I guess they didn’t get the memo about Osama bin Laden and Al- Qaeda.

Stay tuned for future adventures.