There Is Good News After All

News Flash:

The religious wackos are NOT having a gay ole time today and the Republicans are saying that the Supreme Court upholding Obamacare made them sick, but now the Republicans do have a new campaign slogan thanks to that ruling.  It is “If you would like to see six and half million people to lose their health care, vote for a Republican for President”

Loseranna Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal has officially become the 113^th or 114^th Republican candidate for President. Little Booby who has a 31% approval rating in his own state thinks he should be President.  Booby likes to call himself a small government politician, which actually means that very few people in Government know who he is. I understand his campaign slogan will be “Vote for me, I’m the only governor from Louisiana who hasn’t gone to prison.”

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie whose approval ratings are down to 30% and Wisconsin Governor Scott (Street) Walker whose approval ratings are down to 41%  are expected creep into the race next week. Evidently these three boneheads who have done a lousy job running their state would now like to do a lousy job running the whole country.

Really, really, really rich blowhard and egomaniac Donald ( Huge Ego, Tiny Brain) Trump said yesterday that Univision’s deciding not to run The Miss Universe Pageant because of the racist comments he made at his Presidential announcement made his hair stand on end. The Don went on to say that he loved Mexicans and thought everybody ought to have one.

Little Donny also said  he has some really big plans for the country as soon as he is elected President King.  To let the rest of the world know what is happening, he is going to change America to Trumpland.  We will no longer be called the United States Of America, or USA as we like to chant, but will known as Nimcompoops Under Trump’s Sanctions or as the rest of the world will refer to us, NUTS.  

He says his many years of being a slumlord has given him the experience of how to deal with poor people so he will have no problem dealing with the rest of the world. He said he would begin negotiating with ISIS just as soon as learns how to spell it.  

My prediction is that now little Donny has actually filed papers to run for President, his lawyers will find something in the fine print which will let him drop out of the race before they start checking his financials.  

Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin’s daughter Bristol (Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places) Palin is once again proving just how badly she failed abstinence only sex education class. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Queen Of The Tea Party Comes Out

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Michele (I want to be President of this great country even though I’m not sure what country this is) Bachmann has kicked her presidential run off with a bang today.  She said in Waterloo, Iowa when she was announcing her candidacy "Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too."

Unfortunately that particular John Wayne was from Winterset Iowa which is across the state.  The John Wayne of Waterloo is John Wayne Gacy, serial killer of 33 teenage boys. I wonder if Michele plans on hiring a speech writer soon that has heard of the Internet and Google?  

Here are a few other quotes from Michele (I’m even dumber than Sarah) Bachmann that will give you a little idea of how tuned in she is to the environment. This is what Michele said last week, "Look, I love the environment. I love clean air, clean water. I'm a sportswoman. I love the outdoors.”   Uh, right…this what she has said in the past.

• 'I came away with the idea that [the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge] is the most perfect place on the planet to drill.' [8/13/08]

• 'The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It’s all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.' [3/15/08]

• 'There isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. There isn’t one such study because carbon dioxide is not a harmful gas, it is a harmless gas. Carbon dioxide is natural. It is not harmful.' [4/22/09]

Of course this is what scientist claim about carbon dioxide.  They say it is toxic to the heart and causes diminished contractile force (whatever that means) but hey, what do they know? I can see why big oil loves this pin-head.

Former Governor of Illinois, Rod (Does anyone have a comb?) Blagojevich, was convicted on 17 out of 20 charges against him yesterday.  The former governor said he was very disappointed. He thought maybe they could run the table but that 17 out of 20 wasn’t bad.  When the jury was polled, they were unanimous on him having the world’s worse hair-do.

Bristol (I thought they said practice being obstinate) Palin has somehow managed to cram her vast knowledge of life into a 255 page memoir titled “Not Afraid Of Life.”  Of course 250 pages are dedicated to getting laid and running down Levi Johnson, the lay-er.  The real title should be “Get Drunk, Get Knocked-up, Get Rich.” 


Well I survived my 50th high school reunion in pretty good shape.  I was right to be a little nervous about there being a lot of old people there.  Not only were they old but they all seemed to have memory problems, most of them vaguely remembered me but they were all adamant that I wasn’t the valedictorian of my class.  I tried to explain that I helped our English teacher out occasionally and was vowel custodian.

The football coach was still pissed after all of these years and wanted me to bring back the equipment and my uniform.  The old high school was no longer standing but neither were most of the graduates.  I did get a picture of the homecoming king and queen.  They looked just as happy as they did on prom night.

I also got a photo of one my teachers who taught Health. 

All in all it was a fun time.  There were no fistfights, gun fights or knife fights but there was lots of shouting matches from those who were too vain to wear their hearing aids




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wikileaks...Deep Throat Of The 21st Century

There has been a lot of controversy over the classified documents that have been leaked on the WikiLeaks website; however, I have come across some of their information that hasn’t been released yet.  As a public service I thought I would leak it on this blog.

Willie Nelson smokes pot.

Sarah Palin will be remembered as a half-ass Governor of Alaska.

Bret Farve is way too old to play football.

Charley Sheen has a drinking problem.

Over 290 million people DO NOT listen to Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck every week.

Air travel will be a touching experience this year.

Most members of The Tea Party are revolting.

Bristol Palin is not a very good dancer.

There is no Santa Claus.



This just in, the U.S. Travel Association is calling for the creation of a "trusted traveler" program for airline passengers.  Under this system, passengers would be screened for security risks before arriving at the airport.  You would go to room 213 at the motel 6 near the airport. Ask for John


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com