Thankless Wednesday

A couple of big days coming up this week.  Tomorrow of course is Thanksgiving, or as Native Americans refer to it “The Last Supper,” where dysfunctional families all over the country get together for food and meaningless trivial unsubstantial conversation. 

The next day we have Black Friday, a day of remembering started by the relatives of the Thanksgiving turkey.

Most of the political remarks made this week by the Republican candidates for President can be summed up with this. “If you love war, Vote Republican”

 

Looks like Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump has come down with Fiorinaism.  This is a disease that can be contracted by standing too close to Snarly Carly( I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina.  One of the symptoms of this disease is seeing something that never happened.  Snarly Carly described a video that never existed and now little Donnie is describing an event he watched in Jersey City after 911 that there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of happening. 

Another symptom is exaggerating actual events.  Last week Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz told of Syrians being caught trying to cross the Texas border. The truth is the Syrians approached the authorities at the border and asked for asylum.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson may have the worst case.  I believe he is probably terminal.  There is an antidote for Fiorinaism: its facts, but of course facts won’t work for these boneheads as facts are like Kryptonite to Republicans.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bubbles From My Soap Box On A Hump Day

The job nobody wants.

Through out America’s short history, and it is short compared to the rest of the world, we have had a number of people who have run for President that were totally unqualified and completely out of their realm of experience to handle the job. Unfortunately some of these boneheads even got elected. Hoover, Grant, Buchanan, Harding, Nixon, Reagan and both Bushes to name a few ran the gamut from mediocre to terrible. I  believe that when it comes to being so far-removed from reality to be able to even comprehend what the job entails, Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson is without a doubt at the top of the list.

Something is seriously wrong with this man.  I’m not sure if it is a mental illness that can be diagnosed or if he is that far out of touch with the rest of the world.  Possibly the good doctor saw Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina’s numbers go up after she blatantly lied about Planned Parenthood during the last Republican Debate Debacle so he decided that lying is a good thing.

First he told the bullshit story about being confronted by a gunman in Popeye’s Restaurant and now he told a totally fabricated story claiming Russian President Valdimir (Watch Out I’m) Putin and Iran’s Supreme leader Ali (I Really Am A) Khamemei being classmates in college. There is absolutely no evidence of this, plus they are several years apart in age and wouldn’t have been in school at the same time.    

Last week he said in a radio interview that legalizing gay marriage would lead to polygamy and of course after that I’m sure would be sex with animals and then fruit followed by sex with inanimate objects…Oh wait, we already have that. 

Bottom line is that out of the 44 Presidents we have had, only a few have made a difference by their accomplishments.  Most have been mediocre to down right useless, so the good part to remember is that no matter who wins, we will survive.

I really am tired of all the emails and ads on Facebook about Uber drivers.  When a Uber driver wins the Indy 500, I’ll pay attention.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Day Of The Humps

 Here are some really big ones. 

In the race to be the state with the dumbest citizens and elected officials, it looks like Tennessee is pulling ahead. The Lt. Governor of Tennessee Ron (Certified Gun Nut And Undisputed Moron) Ramsey encouraged all of the fine Christians in his state to get a handgun.  Obviously he doesn’t trust atheist, Hindus, Buddhist or any other religions to have guns and as we all know because the NRA (Nefarious Rabid Assholes) tells us so, that more guns, the safer we are. Of course the real problem with that statement is that America has more guns than any country in the world and we have more mass shootings than any other country in the world.

Clark ( Homophobic Moron) Plunk, city Commissioner in Lakeland Tennessee went on his Facebook page and told the gay kid who wasn’t allowed to bring a male friend from another school to his prom and was thinking about suing the school,    “As a whole, gays are mean, cruel spiteful people with an axe to grind, so let the little homo sue.”  Just another example of an elected official serving all of his constituents, as long as their not gay.

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee went on the TV and said “the mass shootings have nothing to do with guns.” Well Mikey, since the mass SHOOTINGS were not by bow and arrow,  I would say they are all about GUNS. You would think by now somebody in the Huckster’s family would have him back on his meds.

 Not to be outdone in the incredibly stupid department, Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson said he would be “much more comfortable” to know that there were more guns in school.  I would be much more comfortable if this bonehead would go back to practicing brain surgery on himself.  Ben the Bonehead would probably like this bunch to hang at his kids school.

I am still stunned that the TeaNut Republicans haven’t jump on my idea about guns and schools.  I have said this before, but I’ll say it again.  Combine schools and prisons and you have teachers, students and armed guards all in the same building and the bad guys are locked up.

Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company into the Ground) Fiorina is certainly living up to her reputation.  Four years after her failed Senate campaign she still owed almost a half-million dollars to 30 different groups.  One of her main political strategist died right before the election and she didn’t pay his widow the $30,000 that she owed until this year.  She did pay herself back over a million dollars immediately after the campaign. Yeah that Snarly, she knows how to take care of business. Remember if you want a lying sack of shit for President: Vote for Snarly.

This page is in the new Texas text books.  According to this, there were no slaves, just migrant workers.

The publisher McGraw-Hill has published a apology for it, but I haven’t heard a word from the assholes on the Texas Board of Education who approved it.

We did go see “The Martian” Monday and it was a great movie.  One of the best I’ve seen lately. I have to admit I was a little upset that they didn’t mention Bill Bixby or Ray Walston, but I got over it.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

You Know What Day It Is

I see why Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina is the new darling of the TeaNut Republicans. While CEO of Hewlett-Packard, Snarly spied on board members, did illegal business with Iran, laid off 30,000 employess, bribed officials in Russia to do business there and last week on national TV and blatantly lied about a watching a video that doesn’t exist.

Mrs. Pinocchio’s relationship with the truth is like a second cousin twice removed.  I understand this is Snarly’s new campaign song.

After hearing Dr. Ben (Nutjob Neurosurgeon) Carson's anti-Muslim statements it is quite obvious that he is the first brain surgeon in history who doesn’t have a brain.

Scott (I’m No Longer A Runner, But A) Walker is joining Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry in a Timothy Leary moment of “Tune in, Turn on, Drop out.” Little Scotty told his three supporters, “Today, I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to clear the field in this race so that a positive, conservative message can rise to the top of the field.” I’m not sure about the called part; I think the real reason is that no one was calling period.

I just noticed that Family Dollar stores are having their Red Tag Clearance sale, so if you needs some red tags, that’s where to go.

 

The CEO of Volkswagen Martin (What Pollution?) Winterkorn had this to say this week about the scandal involving Volkswagen decision to equip 11 million cars with devices to cheat emission testing.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Way I See It

The media is all a twitter about snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina standing up to Mr. Bluster in this week’s Republican Debate Debacle.   I found it interesting how none of them mentioned how Snarly blatantly lied about Planned Parenthood.  I have noticed that the rule is if a Republican lips are moving, they must be lying.

And since Miss Snarly is now a big war hawk when it comes to Iran, she clearly has some explaining to do about when she was head of Hewlet-Packard and they got caught doing millions of dollars worth of business with Iran when it was illegal. Sounds like some more of that well-known Republican disease; selective amnesia.

Texas Senaterrible Rafael ( I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz was greeted with dead silence when he introduced himself to the debate audience.  You would have thought that since his wife was in the audience, she would have had the decency to applaud.  When asked about it later, little Teddy said his supporters are members of the silent majority.  . 

Speaking of supporters, those enamored with The Don are calling themselves Trumpterians.  The rest of the world is calling them morons.

Irving Texas Mayor Beth (Not Only Do I Look Like A Fox News Host, But I’m Just As Dumb)Van Duyne has refused to apologize to the young student who was arrested for bringing a digital clock to school that he had designed and built himself.  "I do not fault the school or the police for looking into what they saw as a potential threat," she said this week. She went on to say that clocks are very scary and that she jumps every time hers goes off in the mornings.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

If It's Not One Hump, It's Another

I see where the Oaf Creepers, a quasi military group made up of old overweight boneheads who think they are in the Really Special Forces, are not coming to protect Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis after all.  I understand the leader’s mom wouldn’t let them borrow her van for the trip.

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee went on the TV this past week and wanted to know if the Syrian refugees were coming to America just for cable television.  I am stunned at this. You mean to tell me Syria doesn’t have cable TV.

The second Republican debate debacle will be on the TV tonight.  I believe it’s on the wrestling channel. There should be a lot of fighting outside the ring with people hitting each of other over the head with folding chairs and lots of body slams. I understand Trumpy Pooh is going to wear a Richard Nixon mask so nobody will know him and of course Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson will be wearing his surgical mask.

Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina has moved up from the kids table to participate in the shenanigans.  After The Don’s “look at her face” remark, she said she will be wearing a bag over her head.  

Former Florida Governor Jeb (At Least I'm Not Neil) Bush will be dressed as a pinata. 

Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don't Have A Clue) Cruz, Rick (I Need To Be In A) Santorum and Scott (I Need A) Walker are coming as the Three Stooges. In other words they will be dressed as usual.

 

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry won’t be making the big event fiasco tonight.  He didn’t have enough money in his campaign account for bus fare.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Much Ado About Nothing

The much anticipated first Republican debate was last night and it was quite a dud.  There were no fist-fights, cussing or name calling and no one threw anyone out of the ring and hit them over the head with a folding chair. It was BORING.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump started things off by leaving the door open to run as a third party candidate with the Whig Party.  He then followed up by insulting Rosie O’Donnell.  I didn’t even know she was running for President.

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In the minor league debate last night, South Carolina Seneterrible Lindsey ( I Need A Mint Julep For This) Graham had this to say about Mrs. Clinton, “She’s not going to repeal Obamacare and replace it. She’s not going to build the Keystone pipeline. She’s not going to change Dodd-Frank.”  Hey I couldn’t have said it better.

Rick (I Need To Be In A) Santorum said, “I have a track record of getting things done.”

Off hand he couldn’t think of any of those things at the time but he was sure he had done something.

Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina spit out these little gems, “We have to stop President Obama’s disrespect and disregard for so many Americans.”  This from the bonehead who laid off 30,000 people at HP.

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said that jobs in Texas grew by 1.5 million during his tenure.  Actually the only thing that grew was Ricky Poo’s nose as he was dropping this bullshit around the stage.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Bubbles From My Soapbox

The Republican Party is out in Arizona this week having their annual spring meeting cleaning.  Their conundrum is trying to figure out how to par down the number of boneheads eligible for the primary debates because it is likely they will have between 20 to 150 candidates running for President.

One way would be to have a TV show similar to The Bachelor or DWTS and eliminate somebody every week until you get down to one.  The perfect show would be to have them on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” but probably none of them could survive that one.

They could also just draw straws because in the end, I really doubt if it matters who winds up holding the bag.

Here is the line up as it stands now.

Officially signed up:

Edwardo Teddy (Pick Me, Pick Me) Cruz

Mike (I Need A Job) Huckster

Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson

Marco (I Need A Drink Of Water) Rubio

Rand )My Mother Invented Fish Sticks) Paul

Carly (Your Fired) Fiorina

  

Waiting Stage Far Right to throw hat into ring:

Lindsey (I Need A Mint Julep) Graham

Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry

Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neal) Bush

Chris (I'll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie

Bobby (Jihad) Jindal

Donald (Massive Ego, Minimal  Intelligence) Trump

Scott (Street) Walker

There are four more who have expressed interest in running making a fool of themselves on the public stage but their names are so low in recognition that even I can’t come up with a snappy name to give them.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Iowa had an old fashion religious tent revival this week end and they broke the hands off the National Bull Shit gauge.  

Thousands hundreds of conservatives converged on Waukee, Iowa to attend the Faith and Freedom Coalition’s 15^th annual let’s mix politics and religion to hear Eduardo (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz to talk about science. He said the earth is not totally flat, it’s sorta hilly.

Carly (No Business Is Too Big For Me To Run Into The Ground) Fiorina told how she could reduce big government just like she did in private business by firing everybody.

Rand (My Mother Invented Fish Sticks) Paul said “Washington is so out of step,” and that he would teach them how to “lock step”

Marco (I Don’t Have A Clue) Rubio gave a speech about the American dream and told why it only applies to Americans.  He said they sure as hell don’t call it the immigrants dream.

Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee told how the Christians of all the religions are the most persecuted people in the world.  I wonder why he didn’t show them this graphic.

Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Bobby (Jihad) Jindal also added to the pollution covering the skies of central Iowa, but their speeches were so forgettable that I have already forgotten what they said.

Stay tuned for future adventures.