The autopsy
on Jeffery (I’m Really Hung Now) Epstein revealed he had multiple
bones in his neck broken. The injury is more common in strangulation homicides
than with hanging. Gosh I hope Epstein didn’t hurt himself when committing suicide.
Attorney
General William (I Cheated To Pass The) Barr has announced he has
removed the acting director of the Federal Bureau of Prisons from his job. Barr
said he should have acted better in his job.
Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump said he wants
to buy Greenland. When told it was mostly covered in ice and snow, he said, no
problem, I’ll just move it down to the Caribbean. That’s where his buddy Deader
Than Elvis Epstein had his island.
Daniel (Let Me Give You A Bear Hug) Pantaleo,
the New York police officer who choked Eric Garner to death five years ago was
fired today. Why isn’t Deadly Dan in jail?
Stay tuned
for future adventures.
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