It Just Keeps Getting Better

This Just In:

Texas Senterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz just shot himself trying to make a BLT sandwich.

Speaking of little Rafael, this is the bonehead who has dumped a ton of money in his lap. He is Robert (Just Because I Have A Billion Dollars Doesn’t Mean I Have A High I.Q.) Mercer and he is the CEO of the hedge fund Renaissance Technologies.  Little Bobby has donated a little more than 11 million to Cruz’s super PAC.  It seems Roberto doesn’t like to spread his cash around to everyone though.  In 2013, members of Mercer’s household staff sued him for not paying overtime and docking wages.

The fine folks in Mount Vernon, Texas didn’t think it was enough for the new Texas school books to rewrite history to their liking, so they covered the hallways with quotes from famous people like Ronald (Bad Actor, Worse President) Reagan and George (I Can Not Lie, Well, Maybe A Fib Here And There) Washington.  Problem is the quotes were fake.  They just made shit up.  Most of the quotes were promoting Christianity in government. I guess real quotes weren’t convincing enough to sell their worn out myths.

More good news for Texas, well not for Texas Attorney General Ken (I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton.  Last week he was indicted on multiple felony charges and now he has been ordered to appear before a federal judge in San Antonio to see if he should be held in contempt for violating a court order prohibiting enforcement of the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.  Boy, that Karma can sure bite you in the ass sometimes.

Former Florida Governor Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush may need to have the locks changed on the family closet.  It seems one of the skeletons has escaped.  Word is that Jeb’s granddaddy Prescott (I Think I’ll Start A Dynasty) Bush was a founding member of Planned Parenthood.  Whoops.   

Stay tuned for future adventures.