Friday's Flakes

Here is a real Okie-Dopey from Muskogee.  The Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear gun store had put up a sign saying Muslims weren’t welcome and had received death threats so some concerned citizens boneheads arrived to guard the place. Everything was going fine until Quick Draw McGraw turned into Butterfingers Billy who dropped his gun and shot himself.  

U.S. District Judge Rudolph (My I.Q. And My Gun Are Both 45) Randa sentenced a man who was charged with 55 counts of buying firearms with fake I.Ds and then selling them without a license to probation…No Jail Time.  "People kill people," he said, "Guns don't kill people”. I am so tired of this extremely asinine statement. I am pretty sure the idiot who came up with “Just say No” is also the author of this oversimplified bit of stupidity. People kill people in all kinds of ways, but they use guns far more than any thing else.

A controversial drug to treat low sexual desire in women won approval from U.S. health regulators on Tuesday.  I understand Bill (Are You Sleepy Yet) Cosby has pre-ordered several bottles.  Also the Association of Alcohol manufactures were planning on suing, saying that was their job.

This is filed under one more reason why I hate religion. 

Evangelical End Times pastor Jonathan (I Love To Hear Myself Talk Even When I Utter Extremely Stupid Things) Shuttlesworth spewed this piece of shit out of the pulpit last Sunday.  He said Robin Williams committed suicide because he didn’t have Jesus living in his heart. It is quite obvious that Pastor Pinhead doesn’t have a brain living in his head.

Texas Attorney General Ken ( I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton recently said he was overwhelmed with all of the support he had received since being indicted on felony securities fraud.  According to Juanita Jean, he has gotten seven emails of support so far.  According to my sources, three are from Nigeria, two are selling Viagra, one from a Russian princess wanting to marry him and one from Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry saying maybe they could be Pen Pals.

This is filed under “This takes the cake.”

The Duggar family of the Nineteen Kids and Counting show on TLC that was recently dropped after it was revealed that their son Josh (I’m A Touchy Feely Kind Of Guy) Duggar admitted to molesting 4 of his sisters and one unlucky neighbor has come up with a plan to get back on TV.  They are pitching doing a show to give advice on sexual abuse.  I understand they would be showing a lot of home videos.

And for the Icing on the cake:

Little Joshy Poo has just admitted to being addicted to pornography and being unfaithful to his wife.  Seems Josh was a subscriber to the Ashley Madison website which caters to married folks who want to have sex with folks they are not married to.

Rumors are all over the internet about a giant asteroid hitting earth sometime in September.  I understand the cost of asteroid protection insurance has sky rocketed. 




Stay tuned for future adventures.