Back To Civilization

We are back.  Nine days of sleeping late, reading books, looking at the water and then repeating the whole process. What a surprise to get back home and find that absolutely nothing happened while we were gone.

I fully expected Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz to be stupid enough to throw his beanie in the ring for President. I was sure that Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am As Stupid As I Look) Gohmert would go on Republican TV (Faux News) and say that we should immediately bomb Iran and that TeaNut Governor of Indiana, Mike (I Really Should Be On Duck Dynasty) Pence would make the political blunder of the year and sign the controversial “Religious Freedom” bill.  

Well, I have to go now and turn on the TV, internet and phone for the first time in nine days.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Brand New Spring

Spring has sprung,

So we are going to hit the road for some fun.

Talk to ya when we get back.

I’m sure there will be plenty of stupid political stuff to attack.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrarump Day

There are plenty of humps to go around today. Donald (Everyday Is A Bad Hair Day) Trump had this to say today. ”I am the only one who can make America truly great again!”  Wait a minute Donny, aren’t you the one that’s always running around saying how great America is.  Of course when you consider that America is ranked 36^th in the world in education and 27^th in health care, we aren’t looking so hot.

So little Donny has launched an exploratory committee to see how the waters are for a run at being King, er President. What the committee is going to find out before they even turn on their miners helmets is that a recent survey showed that 74% of Republicans wouldn’t vote for him. The Don is the only person I’ve ever seen who can truly be called “hair brained” and it be true.  

It seems that Prime Minster Benjamin (I Never Met An Arab I Liked) Netanyahu did learn something from the Republicans on his trip over here last week. He went on an 11^th hour rampage of fear-mongering rants that smacked of racism and pulled out a win in the election.   

Illinois Congressmoron Aaron (What, You Mean I Can’t Spend Taxpayers Money On Myself?) Schock resigned this week. Aaron told his constitutes that he was leaving Congress so he could spend more time with his family before he went to prison.   

Former Florida Governor Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush said in speech this week that he would eliminate minimum wage if he was elected. He said he knew for a fact that the private sector would be more than fair to their workers because he had given a number of speeches to these corporations and they had paid him over $3million dollars so far. He went on to say, hey if they are willing to pay me $50.000 a speech, imagine what they will pay someone who actually works there.  




Stay tuned for future adventures.

First Thoughts of a New Week

I’m pretty sure climate change is real.  This morning it was 55 degrees and already it is up to 73.

Last week Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz ranted at the International Association of Firefighters legislation conference this past week and instead of applause, you could hear a pin drop. Yesterday little Teddy finally figured out how to get a reaction from his audience. He screamed at a little kid "the world's on fire" and made her cry.  What a bonehead.

I can see why Arkansas Senaterrible Tehran Tom (Full Time Homophobic Misogynist, Part Time Christian) Cotton wrote the letter to Iran.  He has a lot in common with the leaders of Iran. Here are a few quotes from Tom Dumb. “Men are simple creatures. It doesn’t take much to please us. The problem is women.” “It’s women’s fault when couples divorce.” “Women are poor because they choose to not have a man in their lives.” “Women should be allowed to divorce only in cases of violence.”  Don’t you know his wife Anna is proud of him.

I noticed where the RNC is selling the official Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney cowboy hat to raise money.  I understand it is guaranteed to lower you I.Q. overnight.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States are affected by a fear of Friday the 13^th. I really don’t get this. It’s only a movie…and a not very good one at that.

I get it that Faux News is not about to fire Bill (America’s Bully) O’Reilly for lying about stuff.  I mean that’s what they do over there, but the guy has admitted to killing Jesus, Lincoln, Kennedy and Patton. I would think that murder should at least get him a slap on the wrist. Actually a slap in the face would be even better.



Stay tuned for future adventures. 

50 Shades Of Stupid

After the video of the Oklahoma University frat boys singing a song with racial slurs went viral, the Governor issued a statement saying that Oklahomans were not racist, they just didn’t like black people.  The Oklahoma state legislature condemned the video immediately saying the camera work was shaky and that it was hard to understand the words.  Oklahoma TeaNut Senaterrible Jim (I’m Not A Scientist, But I Am A Moron) Inhofe, who believes Climate Change is a hoax, said that he thought the video was a fake.  He said he had seen the Broadway musical Oklahoma nine times and he didn’t remember that song.

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry was running his mouth at a Republican fundraiser last week and said, “Thomas Paine wrote that ‘the duty of a patriot is to protect his country from his government.”  The problem is that Thomas Paine didn’t say that. I’m pretty sure it was Richard Thomas on The Waltons. Ricky pooh thought that John Boy was the coolest.

Florida Governor Rick (I Really Am As Creepy As I Look) Scott is a TeaNut Republican who believes in freedom of speech except for those words he doesn’t like.  He has banned the employees of the EPA in Florida from using “global warming” and “ climate change.”  Little Ricky also doesn’t like or believe in the words, honesty, integrity, and truthfulness.

Utah state Represenitive Paul  (Not Only Am I A Mormon, but I’m Also A Moron) Ray has sponsored a bill to use firing squads instead of lethal drugs. He said he would bring in Donald (I Have A Bad Hair Day Everyday) Trump to do the honors. He said nobody says “you’re fired” like the Don. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday boneHead Lines

I believe the Republican Party can now officially change their name to The Benedict Arnolds.  47 Republican Senators have sent a letter to Iran telling them not to deal with the President.  If that is not treason, I don’t know what is.  These boneheads must have a lot of money tied up in military defense stock because they are just dying to start another war.

Former ambulance chaser, full time misleader, Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz has written a book.  Well his name is on the title but I seriously doubt that he wrote anything other than his name. Anyway the title and I’m laughing quite hard right now so if there are any typos, ignore them, is Time For Truth.

The ironic thing about that title is it really is time for truth.  Truth from little Teddy that is. Politifacts which is in the truth finding business says that liar, liar, pants on fire Teddy only tells the truth about 20% of the time. The only person Teddy is more truthful than is Bill (America’s Bully) O’Reilly.

The problem with the Hilary email scandal is that there is no scandal.  Once again the TeaNut Republicans are playing the sky is falling game because that is the only game they have.

Here is news flash for you.  Lindsey (I Need Another Mint Julep) Graham says he has never sent an email.  Well of course, why would anyone who still lives in the 1950’s send an email.  




Stay tuned for future adventures. 

A Winter's Tale

It’s so cold my computer froze.

                        

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just A Few Thoughts

I predicted last Friday that with the CPAC (Creepy Pathetic Assholes Conference) beginning up in Washington that there would be a Bullshit Blizzard hitting the country.  Well I was wrong. It was a tsunami of bullshit.  Wisconsin’s TeaNut Governor Scott (I Really Don’t Like People) Walker’s compared his state’s protesters to ISIS terrorist and said that he is totally qualified to be President because he watched every episode of The West Wing.

Phil (Head Duck Dick Head) Robertson gave everyone a history lesson saying that hippies started sexually transmitted disease in America and that it wasn’t a snake that enticed Eve to take a bite out of the apple; it was a duck.

Donald (Everyday Is A Bad Hair Day) Trump told everyone he can handle ISIS because he is the “world’s greatest negotiator”.  I guess he is going invite them to on Celebrity Apprentice and then kick them off.  

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz simply asked for a moment of silent prayer for his favorite author, Dr. Spock.  Little Teddy said he always loved “The Cat in the Hat.”

Mostly it was a three day rant about Obama to which I think this bumper sticker says it all.

My understanding is that the Guinness Book of Records are looking at this conference as setting the record for the most stupid people ever gathered in one place.    

I understand the author of 50 Shades of Grey, the steamy book full of S &M sex, has got some sequels on the way.  
50 Shades of Green is about a man who is less than endowed and is obsessed with penis envy.
50 Shades of Red is about a couple who don’t have sex because taking their clothes off is too embarrassing.
50 Shades of Blue is about a depressed man who has been rejected for sex 1,049 times.
50 Shades of Yellow is about a woman who is afraid to have sex.
50 Shades of Black is about is about interracial sex.

There is a small town close to us named Alto.  I am shocked that it is not teeming with illegal aliens.  You would think that all those folks coming over from Mexico when hitting the city limits of Alto would stop.
Stay tuned for future adventures.