The Whole Nine Yards

The Yard Machine

The Yard Man

The Yard

The Yard Art

 This yard helps to keep my mind off of this stockyard which is always knee deep in bullshit.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday's Flakes

I have to admit that most of the time it is fairly easy to find some bonedheaded politician or some other goober that has said or done something really stupid that I can make fun of, but every once in a while I come across some things that are so incredibly stupid that even I am speechless. Almost that is.

First there is NRA (National Rabid Assholes) commentator Billy (My I.Q. and My Gun Are Both 44’s) Johnson who thinks everyone should have a gun including children.  Billy has made a video where he says,   “What if, instead of gun-free zones, we had gun-required zones?”  Billy believes kids should study guns in school along with math and science.  I guess Ole Buckshot Billy would have the first graders start out with bb guns and work up to AK-47’s by fourth grade so they can grow up to be this guy.

Let’s see, we have only had 74 school shootings since Sandy Hook in December of 2012, so this should kick those statistics into high gear. Some of those arguments at recess and in the lunch room could really have some fire works.  Bonehead Billy also thinks that arming the 50 million school age kids in America should be subsidized by the government.  Funny how the anti-government gun wackos think subsidizing big oil and guns is ok, but not poor people.   

 

And then there is Jody (I’m More Than Dumb, I’m Just Plain Stupid) Hice who wants to be a Republican Congressmoron in the state of Georgia. Too bad that is not the one in Russia, anyway ole Jody thinks that any citizen has the right to own any gun or weapon that the government owns. We’re talking bazookas, tanks, missile launchers and even nuclear weapons. Gee, what could possibly go wrong with that?      

Stay tuned for future adv

Double Hump Day

 

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry.

 

Macho Man or Mucho Gay?

Ricky Poo and Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott have decided to spend 12 million dollars a month to send Texas National Guard troops to stand around, shuffle their feet and try to stay awake along the Texas border.  They can’t arrest anybody or shoot anybody unless fired upon and as far as I know these kids don’t have any guns, bazookas or tanks.  They can’t even stop anybody and ask them how their trip was. All they can do is sit on their butts and draw taxpayer money.  

Ricky poo has said he will take the money out of unneeded parts of the budget such as health care and transportation.  Little Ricky believes in JesusCare.  Just pray that you don’t get sick and the bridges don’t collapse.

He and Gruesome Greggy will also demand the feds to reimburse the Lone Star state for this little political maneuver or little Gregg will sue them.   In other words, these assholes will not accept federal money to help sick Texans but will demand federal money for this fiasco.

So far Gregg has sued the Obama administration 27 times in 5 years and has lost 23 times costing the state around 3 million dollars.  Gregg is known around the courthouse as Hamilton Burger of Perry Mason fame.

Perry and Abbott have blossomed into Nixon/Agnew of Texas politics. Both of these assholes should be run out of the state on a rail and I don’t mean the Southern Pacific.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

New Week, Same Ole Stuff

 I went into a Payday Loan store.

 

And got this.

 

I have to come up with 99cents by next week or they will repossess my nuts.

 

Senaterrible John (Civil War Veteran) McCain went on the Tee Vee this weekend and blamed Obama for the downed plane over Ukraine.  He also went on to blame the President for the Iraqi, Vietnam, and Korean Wars. Then he said the financial crisis of 2008 and The Great Depression of 1931 was Obama’s fault too. John said that he suspected Obama of being the second shooter behind the grassy knoll in Dallas and was probably the cause of cancer.  McCain also said he couldn’t find his car keys and was pretty sure that Obama had stolen them.

Not to be outdone in the blame game, McCain’s Siamese-twin Senaterrible Lindsay (I’m Just a Poor Southern Boy with a Stick Up My Ass) Graham also said that Obama’s foreign policy was to blame for the downed airliner and pointed out numerous other Obama foreign policy failures such as the attack on Pearl Harbor and false information given to General Custer.

 

Texas TeaNut Ted (Would Someone Please Pay Attention to Me) Cruz said yesterday that President Obama was holding the migrant kids for ransom.  He didn’t say how much Obama was asking per kid.

 

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry has decided to send a thousand National Guard troops down to the border to take care of the migrant kid problem. I think if each Guardsman adopts 5 kids, it will take care of the situation. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flakey Friday

 More than 56,000 people have signed a “Draft Mitt” petition.  I would be willing to bet they are all Democrats.  I would love for this bonehead to run again.  

An atheist told me he had positive proof that there was no God.  He said Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney has had five heart attacks and is still alive.

 

I understand there is a new “I Miss George Bush” page on Facebook.  So far it has one like. Halliburton.

Speaking of “W”, the History News Network asked American historians from the nation’s top research universities and liberal arts colleges to grade the presidency of George Warmonger Bush.  Sixty-four historians responded of which over half rated his presidency an outright failure.

And the icing on the cake, a poll last week found that even 74% of newly insured Republican voters like their health coverage under Obamacare.

The Republicans have voted to have some work done on the Statue of Liberty

 

With the new inscription “To the tired, poor and huddled masses….Up Yours.

I don’t know why there is so much being made of Pope Frankie the Sissy saying that the priest no longer have to be celibate.  According the multitudes of lawsuits all over the world, they have been having sex for years.

 

Texas Congressmoron Louie ( I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert is still ranting  about the children crossing the border.  He went on the House floor to read Webster’s definition of “Invasion” I can think of a few other “I” words that are more associated with Looney Louie. Idiot, ignoramus, ill-advised, ill-bred, imbecile, immoral, impetuous, impious, impolite, improper, impure, inaccurate, inane, incapable, incendiary, incoherent, indolent, ineffective, inefficient, inexcusable, inferior, ingrate, innocuous, insane, insensible, insincere, insolent, inept, insulting, inappropriate, invidious, irrelevant and irresponsible.

And of course there is irony.  As in

 

Even though Looney Louie is the actual person, Mr Burns is the one with the actual brain.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

 

You Know What Day It Is...

Citigroup has agreed to pay $7 billion to settle with the Justice Department over accusations of misdeeds in the lead-up to the financial crisis.  Funny how if person robs a bank, it’s a federal crime and when a bank decides to rob its customers, it’s just misdeeds.

 

After a quick 1417 years, two-thirds of the governing body of the Church of England has approved women becoming Bishops. Evidently one-third still live in the Dark Dumb Ages.

  

OMG, this is really serious.  Apparently Louie (I’m As Dumb as I Look) Gohmert disease (Dumb for no apparent reason) is contagious.   Texas Congressmoron and House Homeland Security Committee Chairman Michael (I Really Should Be Recalled) McCaul, visited the Texas border over the weekend and said that some of the children "looked like a threat."   I think maybe they looked old enough to vote in few years.

 

Not to be outdone in the stupidity department, Arizona Republican candidate for Congressmoron Adam (I Just Need a Job) Kwasman who tweeted from a protest of immigrant children this. “I was actually able to see some of the children in the buses. The fear on their faces....”   The problem was that those weren’t immigrant children.  They were kids going to a summer camp. He will forever be known as “Wrong Bus Kwasman.”

 

And our Hump in Perpetuity, the always dumber than most, Texas Governor Rick ( All Hair, No Integrity) Perry.

Stay tuned for future adventures. 

Another Monday

Not only have my sweetie and I learned that we have moved into the epicenter of religious wackos, rednecks and Republicans but that East Texas only has two seasons.

                                                                           Cold.

                                                                           Hot.


 

 

I have a tip for all of the Christians who are worried they may be shopping in stores that are owned by atheist.  Atheist owned stores have a sign on the front door that says, “We accept Mastercard, Visa and American Express but not Jesus Christ”.

 

I understand there is a new Christian Facebook coming. It is just like regular Facebook except that it features a hate button.

 

The Mayor of Cleveland, Texas said he was stunned when he heard that LeBron James was moving there.  When told that LeBron was moving to Cleveland Ohio, he said, “ That makes more sense because we really don’t have a very good basketball team.”

 

Texas Attorney General Gregg ( Hell On Wheels) Abbott is considering suing President Obama for not protecting the Texas border. This President has already doubled the Border Patrol, deported more people than any other President and put more money into border security than any administration. 

So let me get this straight. Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry and  Gregg (I Just Love to Sue People )Abbott who won’t take federal money to help sick children, now want federal money to keep children out.  And on top of that, the President has asked for the money to beef up security at the border but the obstructionist Republicans voted against it. I believe that is having your cake and eating it too. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

GOP...Gang of Prevaricators

I find it interesting how the Republicans love to invoke Ronald (Bad Actor, Worse President) Reagan’s name all the time.  When you look at his record, he was a pretty lousy President.

• 32 convictions in his administration during 8 years.

• HUD Scandal 16 convictions   8 billion in taxpayer money lost  
• Ira-Contra scandal 14 convictions

• S & L scandal over a trillion taxpayer dollars lost

• Supply side (voodoo) economics.

• 130 separate investigations against the Defense dept contractors.

• Record deficts.

• Decisions made by Nancy’s astrologer

Then when you consider the Grand Ole Party has disintegrated into a mishmash of TeaNuts (Me Me Me), Libertyrants (Every Man For Himself), BirchBoneheads (Everybody is After Us), Religious Right (We Invented God So We Know He Is On Our Side) to a sprinkling of Leftovers (Tired Old Republicans Who Haven’t Died Yet). I doubt if little Ronnie could even get in the door today.  

I think this is the Republican dilemma. They are sure as hell aren’t going to mention One Term Daddy Do Nothing Bush, Dipshit Son “W” Do Nothing Right Bush, Crook and Quitter Nixen or I Didn’t Have to Do Anything Ike. I mean let’s face it; at the time when Ike was President, Mr. ED the talking horse could have done the same job.   

So that leaves Abe and Ronnie and since the Party has come barreling out of the racism closet, Abe is out of the picture.

Congressmoron Louie (I Am More Than Dumb, I’m Just Plain Stupid) Gohmert is back ranting to everyone who will listen about those little terrorist coming across the borders.  Louie is all for sending the military down there to shoot them. When asked what sorta terrorists were they, he said, the worst kind… Democrats.

Not to be outdone in the incredibly stupid department. Kentucky state senaterrible Brandon (I Make Shit Up) Smith told fellow Republicans this week that global warming is a hoax because Mars and Earth have the same temperatures.  Somebody really ought to take his temperature.  Mars is a much colder planet because it is farther from the Sun.  On average, the temperature on Mars is about minus 80 degrees F (minus 60 degrees C). I am pretty sure Bonehead Brandon was home schooled.

Late breaking news……

 Hell has frozen over.  Washington and Lee University in Lexington, Va has removed their confederate flags from campus.

A new survey out says that the majority of Americans have this to say to Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin. STFU…..

Stay tuned for future adventures.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

The Open Carry boneheads in Richmond, Virginia decided they would have a big rally on July 4^th.  They invited 300 people via Facebook to come walk around with their guns slung over their shoulders and their arrogance in full view.

 

Three showed up. That’s what I call firing blanks.

Two women have filed gender discrimination lawsuits against Goldman Sachs. Goldman is accused of a “boys club” atmosphere with binge drinking and trips to strip clubs.  I understand they have also asked that the name be changed to Goldman Sucks. 

  

 

Target’s in-store music system will only be playing Johhny Cash’s “Don’t take your guns to town” from now on.

 

When Republican boneheads John (Civil War Veteran) McCain and Lindsay (I’m Just a Poor Southern Boy with a Stick up My Ass) Graham went on Face the Nation they couldn’t run their mouth fast enough blaming Obama for everything they think is wrong with the country, but when host Bob Schieffer asked them, “How do you feel about being part of a Congress that doesn't do anything?" They immediately came down with lock jaw. .

Let’s take a look at the country under Obama’s watch.

Also June marks 52 straight months of private sector job growth, the longest ever on record, besting Bill Clinton's record of 51 continuous months of private sector job growth from February 1996 to April 2000. 

One thing for sure that Obama has proven is that racism is alive and well in America

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry is off his meds again. For the umpteenth  time he made a fool of himself on national television by telling everyone that Obama had a plan to fill up America with illegal immigrants. Ole Ricky poo really needs to keep his prescriptions filled up and stay off the television. 

 

Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who would like to be the next King of the Lone Star state believes that the fine citizens of Texas don’t need to know which chemical companies in Texas keep dangerous chemicals. He does believe in taking the chemical companies money however.   Little Gregory has taken big bucks from Koch Brothers(which makes him the Kochroach we thought he was), Dow Chemical, Lyndell, DuPont and Chevron.   

 

Texas Senaterrible TeaNut Ted (Will Somebody Please Pay Attention To Me) Cruz has jumped into the Cochran/McDaniel fiasco in Mississippi.  Little Teddy is talking about the horrible voter fraud that went on in the Republican primary.  Somebody ought to point out to Teddy that it was a primary where anyone can vote and it was Republican against Republican.  

 

And laugh of the week is Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin saying that she would make a good co-host on The View.  Sarah said she would be a voice of reason from America’s heartland. This could be the dumbest thing she has ever said and when you consider all of the stupid things she has said through the years, that is something.   I think it would actually be really fun to watch Whoopi chew her ass up in little pieces and show the world a real Half-Baked Alaska.

Stay tuned for future adventures.