Weekend Recap

The world’s First International Conference on Men’s Issues was held over the week-end. Dozens of misogyny minded, looser, dickheads showed up in St. Claire Shores Michigan to whine, “Look what you made me do.”  I believe this massive international get together was held in the conference room at the local Motel 6.

Michigan does seem like a good place for these boneheads to meet as I just read about a guy from Michigan who is running for the State’s legislature.  He has multiple felony convictions, mostly for breaking into cars and then masturbating.  I have heard of people who think cars are sexy, but this seems a little over the top. I will say it sounds like he is perfect for politics.  

The “Just Say No”House Republicans in Congress have decided that they actually want to pass some legislation instead of rejecting it.  They are pushing for tax breaks for wealthy individuals.  They say since they have already given tax breaks to big corporations, that it is time to take care of the people. People with lots of money that is.

Louisiana State Representative Lenar (I’m Not a Scientist, but I am a Moron) Whitney said in her latest campaign video that climate change is “the greatest deception in history of mankind.”  She said it can be disapproved by using a thermometer. I’m not sure how that works but she also said the earth is flat and you can tell that by looking out your door.

Barbie (I Have The Brains of a Doll) Rogers, founder of the Patriots Information Hotline, has said that a blockade is being formed in Laredo, Texas by militia and concerned citizens (people who hate Mexicans) to keep illegal immigrants out.  What I want to know is what does a NFL football team have to do with stopping illegal immigrants?  Oh I know, they are still pissed about Aaron Hernandez

Faux News pulled country has-been singer Larry (Will Rogers Never Met Me) Gatlin out of obscurity to rant about liberals. The only thing new we learned about Larry is that obviously his grandmother was moron also. Larry once again proved he was “A Total Asshole from El Paso.”  Actually Larry is from Midland, Texas but I couldn’t think of anything that rhymed with Midland. .

The Supreme Court upheld Hobby Lobby’s motto, “barefoot, pregnant and work for minimum wage.”

A woman was shot in the leg at a gun show in Pennsylvania by a vender showing her how to use a concealed gun holster.  According to the Associated Press a “No Loaded Weapons” sign was posted at the entrance to the show.   I am pretty sure this proves that most hand gun owners can’t read. 

Stay tuned for future adventuires.

The Walking Dumb...Part 2

Politicians love attention and I think maybe New Jersey Governor Chris (I’m Not Overweight, I’m Overwrought) Christie may have hit the jackpot.  He is now the center of seven different investigations. 

 

House Whinner John (It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want Too) Boehner plans on suing President Obama because he thinks the Prez has abused his power of executive order.      Here's a list of executive orders used since little Ronnie (Bad Actor, Really Bad President) Reagan was in office.
Ronald Reagan: 381
George Bush: 166
William J. Clinton: 364
George W. Bush 291
Barack Obama 168

Bonehead Boehner obviously failed math in school.

 

The NRA (National Rabid Assholes) believes that obsessed wackos and wife beaters should have the right to own guns just like every other gun nut in the world.  You see there is proposed legislation that would prohibit people convicted of stalking and domestic violence from owning guns and they are against it.  After all, owning a gun is a God given right.  I believe it says so in Smith & Wesson, 38-45. Like Phil (Duck DickHead) Robertson says, if Jesus had had a gun, there wouldn’t be any of this crucifixion shit.

 

 I do have a couple of questions for the members of the NRA (Notoriously Ridiculous  Assholes). What well regulated militia are you a member of and when was the last time you had to take your precious gun and defend yourself from the United States Government?  Patriots of the Revolutionary War rebelled against a government of another country. Evidently gun nuts of today missed that section of American history.  Maybe home schooling isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? 

 

Arizona school superintendent John ( I Am A Equal Opportunity Offender) Huppenthal has apologized for posting anonymous hurtful blog comments.  It appears that he has a long history of making offensive and often racist comments about the poor, Hispanics, Blacks, Planned Parenthood, and others.  I understand Arizona Governor Janice Kooky Brewer has really come down hard on ole John.  She made him write “I Will Not Be An Asshole Anymore’ a hundred times on the blackboard. 

 

Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert was so pissed about all of the unaccompanied children coming across the Texas border that he had to go on the floor of the House and rant about it.

 Of course if these were fetuses, then he would down there welcoming them with open arms.

 

I haven’t watched any of the World Cup but I did hear about the player who bit another player and was kicked out.   I didn’t even know Mike (How Do You Like These Toothers) Tyson was playing soccer now.  

Speaking of the World Cup, Faux News faux psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablowhard is claiming the reason so many people in America are watching is because it is a conspiracy by President Obama to distract attention from him.  This so stupid it does even deserve one of my wise ass comments.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Mid-Week Blah Blahs

A church in Joplin, Missouri raffled off a couple of AR-15’s last week.  They said it was to get more people to follow Jesus. Hmm, I think I missed that part in Bible Brainwashing School about Jesus being a gun nut. Maybe he didn’t change water into wine after all, maybe he just held up a liquor store. 

 

Kate (Hear Me Roar) Kelly who founded the group Ordain Woman, which called for a bigger role for women in the Mormon Church, was excommunicated this week.  It seems the Mormons are pretty much like every other religion in the world and don’t want women to do much more than say “yes sir and what would you like for supper.” 

 

I was behind a man in line at the grocery store and he wrote a check.  As I stood there twiddling my thumbs I wondered if his home had a telephone with a rotary dial, television with an oval screen and a Corvair parked in the garage. 

 

School board members in Missouri said they believe armed guards in school would improve safety.  I have said this before but I will say it again, just combine prisons and schools. Plenty of armed guards and you know where the bad guys are at all times.

Here is an actual headline for you.  Bad Guys With Guns Hold Up Patrons Outside Gun Ranges, Take Their Guns

Need I say more?  Please feel free to add your own punch line. 

 

And another responsible gun owner in North Carolina shot himself dead while showing a friend how to handle a handgun.  The more I think about it, even though nobody is saying take away peoples guns except the gun nuts, we really don’t have to worry about it.  Give em time, they’ll kill themselves.

 

The faux scandal of Benghazi is definite proof that facts are like Kryptonite to Republicans.  Blaming the embassy attack on Hilary is like blaming Ben Franklin for people killed by lightning because he discovered electricity.   

 

You know how the Republicans have been harping for years about all of the voter fraud that is happening in the country and yet nobody anywhere can seem to find any?  Well, drum roll please, we finally have an actual case of voter fraud.  Robert (I Have Multiple Personalities and They All Like To Vote) Monroe a big time Republican donor in Wisconsin has been charged with voting multiple times in a number of different elections.  Sometimes that karma can bite you in the ass. 

 We also have voter issues in Texas.

Stay tuned for future adventures

Politicans, Preachers and Pinheads

Ralph (God is a Personal Friend of Mine) Reed’s Faith and Freedom Coalition held their “Road to Misogyny” summit last week.  I know, they called it Road to Majority but trust me, when you heard what all of the right wing-nut religious bonehead speakers were saying, you’ll see I’m right on the money.

Rafel( Rhymes With Fidel) Cruz, little TeaNut Teddy’s daddy preached about the Seven Mountains dominionism  which gives Right-Wing Nut Christians authority over the seven forces that control and shape our culture. (1) Business; (2) Government; (3) Media; (4) Arts and Entertainment; (5) Education; (6) Family; and (7) Religion; (8) Suppressing that pesky Feminism.  Let’s see, what would a country look like that was run and dominated by religious fanatics? Oh yeah. IRAN.

When you listen to the crap that TeaNut Teddy and DaddyNut Rafel both spew on a regular basis, you can see the fruitcake doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

Another speaker, Louisiana Governor Bobby (Jihad) Jindal had this to say, “I can sense right now a rebellion brewing amongst these United States, where people are ready for a hostile takeover of Washington, D.C.”   Little Bobby went on the whine about how he was tired of “the left trying to silence us.”  That seems like a funny thing to say while you’re standing up there spouting treasonous crap to the public.  

I am pretty sure Christian radio talk show host John (I Love Kids, Especially Little Boys) Balyo would have been on the speakers list if it wasn’t for the fact that he was arrested on child sex charges last week.  Gosh another preacher with his hand down some else's pants.  Who would of thought it?

I see where the Republican Party of South Dakota passed a resolution calling for the impeachment of President Obama.  I understand they also passed a resolution to change the name of The Black Hills where Mount Rushmore is located to The White Hills.

Stay tuned for future adventures. 

Hero To Zero

Has John (Civil War Veteran) McCain slipped into the early stages of dementia and nobody has the balls to say so?  There was a time when I had a lot of respect for John.  Of course that was pre-Palin and before he turned into the Uni-bomber.  John’s foreign policy consists of “Bomb the hell out of them.”  Yeah, like that worked for the Germans in WWII and us in Vietnam.

John has been jumping up and down for Obama to bomb the Sunni insurgents who are causing all of the trouble in Iraq.  Seems John has a little egg on his face today as a picture of John with these insurgents in 2013 has surfaced.    

 

Sometimes those little photo opts can turned into photo oops.

I had even let him off the hook for the Keating scandal because I thought he had been duped into being part of it.  Now I get it that I was duped and he was up to his eyeballs in that crap.  I never would have thought I would say this but I believe the world would be a better place if we had left his dumb ass in Vietnam.

So Dick (I Really Am a Big Dick) Cheney thinks that Obama has been wrong on everything since he took office. Let’s see, the DOW was down around 7000, hundreds of thousands of people were losing their jobs and unemployment was around 10% when Obama took over the office from George Warmoner Bush.  Compare that to today’s unemployment rate of around 6.3 and the DOW being over 16,000, I would say ole Dickhead is the one that is wrong. 

When you take in the fact that George Warmonger Bush and Darth Cheney inherited a budget surplus from Clinton and blew it in a couple of years, not to mention they started two unnecessary wars that has cost us billions of dollars and thousands of lives, I would say that makes Bush/Cheney the BIG winners in the "getting everything wrong" category.  Slick Dick really needs to slither back under his rock in Wyoming and stay there.  At least “W” has enough sense to stay in his room and paint cats.

And speaking of wrong on everything, which pretty much sums up the Republican Party, think about this. They are wrong on immigration, climate change, helping students out from under terrible debt from student loans that charge mob interest, helping veterans, removing voter rights and wanting to send troops back into Iraq.  That's what I consider wrong on everything.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Humps Day

I just read where a man in Georgia was trying to holster his gun and shot himself in the penis.  I find that hard to believe.  I didn’t think owners of hand guns had a penis big enough to hit.

Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney and his daughter Liz (My Daddy Is a Dick) Cheney wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal this week saying the crisis in Iraq is all Obama’s fault.  Cheney claims that we won the war in Iraq and he can prove it because he has a picture of Bush standing on a battleship under a sign that said “Mission Accomplished.”  Yessir, ole Dickhead is a true Republican and when it comes to taking responsibility, “Just Say No.”

When it comes to Iraq, Obama gets to legitimately use the Homer Simpson excuse, “It was like that when I got here.”

The captured Benghazi suspect says that the attack on the American Embassy was inspired by an anti-Islam video.  When this came to light, I understand Right-wing, TeaNut Republicans were seen crying, pulling their hair out and mumbling incoherently to themselves.

There is a bit of good news.  Yesterday in an interview, Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said he was considering moving to California.  I say we all meet in Austin tomorrow to help him pack.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Walking Dumb

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry opened his mouth and once again something really stupid fell out.  In San Francisco this week, little Ricky poo said, “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that.”  This asshole managed to slam two groups in the same sentence.  Well, you know how the “Just Say No” Republicans think that is the answer to everything.  Remember if you’re inclined to get cancer, “Just say no.” Although it appears Slick Rick can’t say no to being stupid.

 

Okalahoma GOP candidate for state Represenitive Scott (I’m A Okie From Must-Be-Dopey) Esk thinks that stoning gays to death would be alright. He actually posted this on Facebook a number of times. When it comes to throwing rocks, Sleazeball Scotty probably should remember the saying about “those who live in glass houses” because I have the feeling little Scotty is so far back in the closet that he probably knows the White Witch personally.

 

This just in, Texas Senaterrible TeaNut Ted (Look AT Me, Look At Me) Cruz is no longer half-assed Canadian, but is still a full time moron.  He has terminated his Canadian citizenship and as I understand it, Canada is having massive celebrations.   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day

The humps of the week.  

 St. Louis Archbishop Robert ( I Really Do Like Little Boys) Carlson testified last month that he wasn’t sure whether it was illegal for priests to have sex with children.  He also said he wasn’t sure about earth being round instead of flat and if the moon was made of cheese. Just another fine represenitive of the Catholic Cult.   

The Republican Party in Virginia replaced a jerk with a brat this week.  TeaNut Dave (I Really Am a) Brat defeated Republican House Majority leader Eric (Say No To Everything) Cantor in the primary contest.  Davy a little known economics professor at Randolph-Macon College has virtually no political experience. Seems that Eric didn’t either.

The Tea (The Extremist Asshole) Party has quite a wide range of followers I’m learning.  It is loaded with racist, misogynist, gun nut, religious wackos of all kinds.  I was going to say of all colors but we know they only see one color.  They are one dimensional, single minded and are void of having an original thought or idea which means they can some times win an election but are incapable of governing.

To be able to govern, you have to believe in moderation, have compassion and a certain degree of intelligence.  Politicians and members of the Tea Party that I know about, have none of these qualities.  

The GOP candidate from Iowa Joni (I’m Really Not) Ernst who got in trouble by calling the mass shooting in California “an accident” is back in the news. She had to apologize for remarks her husband Gail said on Facebook about Hillary.  Joni of course is a TeaNut and her husband is just a nut. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

GOP...Group of Pinheads

The Texas Republican convention cranked up in Fort Worth last Friday and Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look at Me, Look at Me) Cruz was hauling out more red meat than the Mad Butcher. This is the most bullshit that has come out of Fort Worth since they opened the stockyards.

TeaNut Teddy seems to think the Constitution is under attack and his precious religious freedom is going to be no more. Little Teddy ought to actually read the constitution before he shoots his mouth off about stuff in it.  The first amendment says. “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”  The first amendment is there to protect us from religious persecution. 

America is not a Christian country; it is a country of 360 million people who have all different kinds of beliefs and religions. The constitution is there to keep assholes like little Teddy from shoving their religion down our throat.

Of course TeaNut Teddy had to name drop Ronnie (The B-Movie Actor) Reagan who seems to be the only acceptable Republican presidential hero.  Funny how they never bring up anyone named Bush.

Yeah ole Ronnie, bad actor, bad President: now that is somebody to look up to.   

And at the end of the day it is no wonder that these boneheads are referred to as the Party of NO. Here is there platform for 2014.

The Republicans are still throwing a hissy fit about Obama releasing the five prisoners last week but never made a peep when George Warmoner Bush released 500 prisoners from Gitmo.  That selective amnesia sure comes in handy when you are a member of the GOP.

And here is the best article I have seen on the Tea Party yet. .

Thanks to Maris and Doyle for the heads up on the NY Times article. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.