Humps Day

I just read where a man in Georgia was trying to holster his gun and shot himself in the penis.  I find that hard to believe.  I didn’t think owners of hand guns had a penis big enough to hit.

Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney and his daughter Liz (My Daddy Is a Dick) Cheney wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal this week saying the crisis in Iraq is all Obama’s fault.  Cheney claims that we won the war in Iraq and he can prove it because he has a picture of Bush standing on a battleship under a sign that said “Mission Accomplished.”  Yessir, ole Dickhead is a true Republican and when it comes to taking responsibility, “Just Say No.”

When it comes to Iraq, Obama gets to legitimately use the Homer Simpson excuse, “It was like that when I got here.”

The captured Benghazi suspect says that the attack on the American Embassy was inspired by an anti-Islam video.  When this came to light, I understand Right-wing, TeaNut Republicans were seen crying, pulling their hair out and mumbling incoherently to themselves.

There is a bit of good news.  Yesterday in an interview, Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said he was considering moving to California.  I say we all meet in Austin tomorrow to help him pack.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday, Monday

Here it is Memorial Day and time to remember our veterans. It is very sad that Congress doesn’t seem to be able to do that. 41 Republicans last week voted against a bill to extend veteran’s benefits. The bill of course failed.

 

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz hears voices. Last week little Teddy said, “I just do what God tells me to do. He speaks to me. Literally. In my head.”  Just think how many poor souls who hear voices are in mental hospitals, but this asshole is in Congress.  Go figure.

Here is a grand example of a Christian leader. Reginald (Warden) Miller, the president and founder of Cathedral Bible College is being charged with using foreign students as slave labor.  He would threaten to cancel foreign students' visas if they did not work long hours for little pay. Sounds like a Republican to me.

I just saw a list of speakers for the Republican Leadership Conference to be held in New Orleans next week.  Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain, Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin, Donald (Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow) Trump, Liz (My Daddy is a Dick) Cheney, Michele (I’m Happy but My Husband is Gay) Bachman, Rick( All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Newt (Newt is Short for Neutered) Gingrich.  I think there must have been a typo; I believe they meant Republican Lemmings Conference.




Stay tuned for future adventures.