T.G.I.F. (This Gibberish Is Free)

There is new truck stop not too far from my house called Fuel City. Fuel City is not quite as big as a Buc-ee’s, but it’s close.  All of the employees wear t-shirts that say, “Fuel City: Where all your dreams come true.”  I don’t know about you, but if all of your dreams come true at a truck stop, maybe you’re setting your sights a little low.

The question of the day is: Can Joe the Plumber get any dumber?  Joe wrote to the parents of the kids killed in latest mass shooting and said, “Your dead kids don’t trump my constitutional rights.” 

Joe believes owning a gun is way more important than life. I do believe if the doctors were to exam this asshole, they would pronounce him brain dead and pull the plug. 

Donald (I’m Not Really a Racist, I’m Just Stupid) Sterling, owner of the L.A. Clippers makes racist remarks and the NBA tells him that his punishment is that he has to sell the team.  So ole Donnie says ok and sells the team that he bought in 1981 for 12 million for 2 billion.  I think maybe I’m missing the point here. It seems like if you wanted to punish Don the Bigot, you would make him sell his 2 billion dollar team for 12 million.

  

The History Channel is doing a three-part mini-series called “The World Wars” and using John (Civil War Veteran) McCain, Colin (I’m A Bush Puppet) Powell, and Dick (I Really Am a Dick) Cheney as their talking heads.  That’s like doing a mini-series on Wall Street and using Bernie(I’m Not Stupid, I Really Am a Crook) Madoff as the host. 

Sunday will be the start of a brand new hurricane season.  It will also be the 10^th anniversary of my novel SURGE which had a category 4 hurricane hitting Houston dead on.  If you read SURGE, then you know that the hurricane was named Dolly. I just came across this year’s names for the hurricane season and noticed that we will have a Dolly this year. Let’s hope it does not live up to my version of it. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

Dan (I Was a Sports Nut, Now I’m Just a Nut) Patrick, the Mad Hatter of the Texas Tea Party is the Republican nominee for Lt. Governor of Texas. This will give you a little info on this wacko:

1. He wants to stop the invasion from Mexico.(I didn't even know we were at war)
2. He was named one of Texas’ Worst Legislators in Texas Monthly. (Well, at least he won something)
3. He has vowed to obstruct equal pay legislation.  (He prefers Sweet n' Low)
4. He has voted for 5.4 Billion in cuts to education. ( I told you he wasn't very smart)
5. He was the only opponent of the Veterans Entrepreneurship Program.(He has no friends)

I told you earlier in the week that Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz hears voices. Little Teddy says, “I just do what God tells me to do.”  That got me thinking how things have changed.  I can remember not too long ago when somebody would say something really stupid or do something shitty like little Teddy does on daily basis, that they would say, “the devil made me do it.”

After seeing all of the signs on the roadway, my wife and I thought maybe we would adopt a highway.  This is a lot more complicated than we thought.  First we told the lady that we would like to adopt The Road Less Traveled, but she didn’t seem to know which one that was.

Then we asked her about the history of the roads to be adopted.  If they were of the straight and narrow or snaky which could lead to trouble down the line and if she knew where they were from or where they were going?  We also wanted to know if they were country roads which seemed a little simpler to deal with or if they were freeways who were used to living in the fast lane.

When she told us we couldn’t take it home with us, we told her, we believed we were at a dead end and left.  

 I must admit that I am enjoying the new “24” but as always, Jack’s biggest problem isn’t the evil wacko wanting to kill everybody, but the arrogant, incompetent jerks who are supposed to be the good guys. 

And finally I do believe the ugly wires ads for Direct TV are some of the most creative and funniest things on television.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday, Monday

Here it is Memorial Day and time to remember our veterans. It is very sad that Congress doesn’t seem to be able to do that. 41 Republicans last week voted against a bill to extend veteran’s benefits. The bill of course failed.

 

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz hears voices. Last week little Teddy said, “I just do what God tells me to do. He speaks to me. Literally. In my head.”  Just think how many poor souls who hear voices are in mental hospitals, but this asshole is in Congress.  Go figure.

Here is a grand example of a Christian leader. Reginald (Warden) Miller, the president and founder of Cathedral Bible College is being charged with using foreign students as slave labor.  He would threaten to cancel foreign students' visas if they did not work long hours for little pay. Sounds like a Republican to me.

I just saw a list of speakers for the Republican Leadership Conference to be held in New Orleans next week.  Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain, Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin, Donald (Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow) Trump, Liz (My Daddy is a Dick) Cheney, Michele (I’m Happy but My Husband is Gay) Bachman, Rick( All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Newt (Newt is Short for Neutered) Gingrich.  I think there must have been a typo; I believe they meant Republican Lemmings Conference.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Some Days I Feel Like a Nut and Some Days.....

Some days I think funny and some days I don’t, but I always think. Today is one of those un-funny days and this is what I think.

I keep hearing people talking about the values and principles this country was built on,  but I find what they are spouting are mostly ad slogans and political talking points that were dreamed up by someone who had an agenda that had nothing to do with the welfare of the country.

How about having a fresh idea or a concept that you thought up, not just repeating what someone else said?  Are you a Republican or Democrat, Catholic or protestant because you really studied their different ideology or because mommy and daddy are?  I don’t care what you are, just be yourself, not a clone.

How many times have you heard that it just takes good hard work to be successful?  Really……how many rich coal miners do you know?  I can’t think of anything that would be harder work than being a coal miner and there are lots of rich people who haven’t hit a lick at a snake or never lifted anything heavier than a fork.

I always told all the artists I worked with that the music business is a total crap shoot.  Having a lot of talent doesn’t guarantee anything.  Mostly I think success comes from passion and perseverance..  A lot of success comes from being in the right place at the right time and that usually comes from persistence.  I also know that success and happiness are not always the same.

If you can live your life doing what you love to do, then you are a huge success no matter what your bank account says and if your happiness depends on what other people think of you or your talent, you will never be happy.  That only comes from what you think of you.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Let The Voting Begin

Early voting began here in Texas yesterday and I do hope you get out soon and cast your vote.  Of course if it were up to the Republicans, we wouldn’t have early voting.  They not only would like it to be only one day, but would really rather it be for only an hour.

Low voter turnout is the only way Republicans win.

Of all the countries in the world that allow voting, we have the lowest turnout. I think that is very sad.  Many countries where it is quite dangerous to vote have higher turnouts than we do.

 I also believe in voting for the person of your choice. 

 

 I think straight ticket voting is not good for the country.  Why would you put a political party platform ahead of an individual’s values?  I think that has to do with a lot of where we are today.  A few weeks ago on Facebook, some right-wing nuts put up a quote and attributed it to George Carlin.  The problem was they changed the quote to meet their views. Fortunately they got caught, but if you didn’t see it, here it is. What the wing-nuts did was change “real owners are the big wealthy business interests” to “Government.”  I believe George said it best.  Here is his quote.     

 "The real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians, they're an irrelevancy. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. They've got the judges in their back pockets. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. They've got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying ­ lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want; they want more for themselves and less for everybody else." 

 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Musings

Arizona Congressional District 1 candidate and gun nut Gary (I Have Way More Guns Than Brains) Kiehne said, “it’s a God-given, natural right to keep and bear arms.” in a Republican primary debate the other night. I’m not sure where ole Gary finds that in the Bible. It must be in Smith & Wesson 38:45.

When Karl (Bush’s Brain, Which is Why George Warmonger Bush was such a terrible President) Rove was told about former Congressmoron Jack (Hut.Hut) Kemp’s quote, “After eleven concussions in pro football, there was nothing left to do but run for Congress,” he didn’t have a response.  Maybe ole Karl has brain damage.  

 

And all of these pharmaceutical ads on TV that ask you to tell your doctor about them.  Why don’t they just say, tell your doctor to watch TV?

                

A fungus is causing damage to the coffee crops and it looks the price of coffee is going to explode.  To help consumers, I understand Starbucks is going to have Payday Loan officers in house.

 

Now here is a real coincidence.  I finally solved my Rubik’s cube this morning and today is their 40^th anniversary.  Time flies when you’re having fun.

 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Follies

The “American Spring” protest rally where promoters said over ten million people would march on Washington D.C. to arrest Obama and throw him in jail doesn’t seem too springy.  It was suppose to start around 10am today and it is now one o’clock CDT.  So far it looks like about twenty people have shown up.  Maybe the promoters said ten people would show up, anyway  I am pretty sure most of them didn’t have bus fare from North Carolina or bail money, either that or Washington State is being run over by wing-nuts with guns and no maps.   

The 2014 Congress is set to be the most do-nothing Congress in our history.  Actually I think the correct title would be Do-Nothing Right Congress.  What they have done is cut food stamps, cut off unemployment checks, and hand out corporate tax breaks.  Yes sir your tax dollars at work…I mean loafing as usual.

Wolfeboro, New Hampshire Police Commissioner Robert (I Am Old, Cranky and Really Ignorant) Copeland has refused to apologize for using the n-word to describe Obama.  He went on to say “For this, I do not apologize — he meets and exceeds my criteria for such.”  And I would like to say that Robert meets my criteria for using the S word (Stupid), A word (Asshole), D word (Dipshit), B word (Bonehead), and R word (Racist). He may be the long arm of the law but he is extremely short on brains. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wednesday Quickies

Florida Republican Senaterrible Marco ( I’m Stupid in Two Languages) Rubio had this to say about climate change over the weekend. “And I do not believe the laws (scientists) propose we pass will do anything about it, except it will destroy our economy,”   In other words, the only experts to rely on are financial advisors not actual scientists when it comes to what’s good for mankind. Marco went on to say that he didn’t believe humans had anything to do with climate change.  Oh yeah, well who do you think invented the thermostat you dumbass?

 

The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta has put out a warning that a extremely infectious virus is out of control.  It’s called Benghaziitus, but the good news is that it only seems to attack Republicans.  The experts say it should run its course by 2016.

 

John (Civil War Veteran)  McCain spent the last few days reminding everyone that he really wanted to be President.   McCain said that if he were the American president, he would already be doing several things to respond to the kidnapping of the over 200 girls by a Nigerian terrorist group. But since he is not the President, he will just show up on every TV show that will have him and complain about everything in the country except Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Back In The Saddle

 I had an unplanned road trip pop up this past week so I was away from my computer, but I am pretty sure these people said some really dumb things.  Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry, Louie (I Really am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert, Pat ( I Have God on Speed Dial) Robertson, Michele (I Am Nuts and My Husband is Gay) Bachman, Gregg (Hell on Wheels) Abbott, Tom (I Used to be the Hammer, Now I’m the Nail) DeLay and Sean (I’m Not as Tall as Bill O’Reily, but I am Just as Big an Asshole) Hannity. I don’t have a clue what any of these boneheads had to say last week, but I’d be willing to bet the farm that if they opened their mouth, stupid came out.

The Ku Klux Klan in South Carolina has announced that they are having a KKK Jam Rally this summer.  I understand they will be having a number of workshops. 

• Which Bible scriptures you can use to get out of any jam. 
• Cross Burning 101
• 
  
• What the thread count of your sheets say about you.
• How to justify hating Obama and loving the Lord
• KKK talking points. Killing, Kerosene, King James Bible

And they have quite a line-up of bands performing. 

The Rolling Stone-U-To-Death

U2, but Not U-Two

Guns N’Ropes

Van Hateful

The Who Cares

Red Hot Chili Pinheads

White Sabbath

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Home Again

We are back from our road trip to the big city safe and sound, but exhausted from yelling “look at that tall building” and “get the hell off of my bumper.”  Since we have become country bumpkins, traveling to the big city is quite taxing. We did get to say some nice words to old friends and a lot of cuss words at total strangers. 

Today is Cinco de Mayo day which celebrates the Mexican army defeating the French army.  In other words, all of the folks south of our border could be saying “Oui”instead of “Si.”

It is also National Oyster Day.  A day that raises the question, who was the first bonehead to say, “Let’s break open this rock and eat whatever is inside.”

 

Today is also Monday, which means that of all of the days of the week, this is one of them.

 

In the world of politics, a number of boneheads said some really stupid things.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Road Trip

Gassed up and ready to roll.

Next stop.

 Talk to ya next week.

Stay tuned for future adventures.