Not Any Ole Monday

Talk to ya on Wednesday.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

T.G.I.F These Goobers Invite Farce

Rowan County Clerk Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage license to same-sex couples and ordered to jail.  Little Kimmy is a born again Christian, but evidently didn’t get a brain this time around. 

Tom (Great Quarterback, Incredible Asshole ) Brady said he is thrilled to be starting next week against the Steelers and promised that his balls would be fully inflated just like his ego.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson is quietly sneaking up on Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump in the political polls, probably because he is wearing his scrubs and booties on his shoes so you can’t hear him.  I believe the main thing TeaNut Republican voters like about him is that he has even less experience in politics than Trump. The closest this bonehead ever came to politics is when he was voted “most likely to say something stupid in public” his senior year in high school.

Speaking of the polls, Trump is still polling at 23% which means that at least 23% of Republicans are racist.  Personally I think that number is a little low.

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush hit back at Trump yesterday saying, “Am not. Oh yeah, well it takes one to know one” and “I’m going to tell my daddy.”

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee said this week if he were elected President King, he would abort abortions with an executive order.  Little Mikey believes the unborn have constitutional rights just like real people.

I would suggest that the huckster ought to go back and read that book where he gets all of his twisted facts and note that in Genesis it says life comes with the first breath.  A fetus doesn’t breathe you dumbass. A baby takes its first breath when it comes out of the womb.

I have noticed that only 28 states have teams in the NFL which means there are a lot of states and cities that are not being represented and therefore there a number of great team names that are not being used. Here is what I would recommend to the folks running the league.

Albuquerque Turkeys
Boise TaterTots
Omaha Brouhahas
Casper Ghosts
Eugene Queens
Ames Flames
Tulsa Muscle
Louisville Sluggers
Little Rock Rollers
Butte Buttheads
Hattiesburg Borg
Burlington Coats
Bangor Gongs

Concord Super Jets
Honolulu Hooligans
Fargo cargo
Nome Gnomes
Las Vegas Show Offs
Roanoke Slow Pokes
Wheeling Dealing

Dover Dwarfs

Mobile Phones

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrarumph Day

Hump of the week.

Kentucky County Clerk Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis has refused to issue marriage license to same sex couples wanting to get married.  She filed a law suit asking that she be allowed to not issue the license because it went against her religious beliefs.

Little Kimmy believes in the traditional marriage of one man, one woman…as many times as you want. She is working on number four and counting.   It took the Supreme Court one day to come up with a decision.  They said their belief was that she could either do her job or get another one.

I understand that Rowan County Kentucky where Kim is clerk is so conservative that the public swimming pool has this sign.

More information on the new content in the recently revised text books that were approved by the Republican led board of education that is being used in Texas schools this year. .

The fall of the Alamo was due to President Obama not securing the Texas border.

The first line of the Constitution now reads, “We the white Christians of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect church, establish our kind of justice, pander to the lowest common denominator, promote general warfare against whoever doesn’t think like us, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of Christianity.” 

During the Vietnam War, George W. Bush did uncover work for the C.I.A posing as a draft dodger.

Darth (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney has declined to endorse Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump at this time.  I understand Darth is waiting to see if The Don wants him to be his Vice-President and engineer a plan to invade Iran under false pretenses. .  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Random Thoughts For A Monday

The Gall of the Decade award goes to George Warmonger Bush for his visit to New Orleans on the 10^th anniversary of Katrina.

The epitome of a slow news week is Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin interviewing  Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump. 

The next time a TeaNut Republican tells you he wants to “take America back.”  Ask him how far does he want to take it back, 1950’s or maybe 1850’s?

A liberal would say, “Better move over a lane.”

A conservative would say, “How do we know it’s the right lane? For all we know, it could be the wrong lane.”

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bubbles From My Soapbox

Guns may be more persecuted than Christians

Guns are under attack again and we all know because the fine folks in NRA (National Rabid Assholes) and all of the politicians that they have in their pocket have told us over and over again that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  So I have come to the conclusion that the only way to save the gun is to get them away from all those mean ole mentally ill owners.  

I know it’s a big job, but we can do this if we all pull together. We need to find a place where all those nice guns can live and not be made to do those terrible things by their owners. Maybe someday after we have developed a really rigid and strict means of vetting owners, that we can let a few guns have owners once again.

Of course the TeaNut Republican’s answer all of these shootings is very similar to their health care plan.  Pray that you don’t get shot.

I don’t know who those boneheads in Loseranna think they are, but, here is the real Duck Dynasty.

Enlightenment is not always pretty.  Like finding out that some of those so called friends on Facebook are actually misogynistic, homophobic, racist assholes. 
  

The National Association of Native Americans said that their estimate of illegal aliens in the country is around 315 million.   

Texas Attorney General Ken (I Fought The Law and The Law Won) Paxton’s lawyer quit yesterday.  I understand Ken has been inquiring about hiring Johnny Cochran. I hope nobody tells him Johnny is Jesus’s lawyer now.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Religious Freedom Is Being Able To Poke Fun At Religion

I get it that Creationist don’t believe in evolution.  It is very obvious that these boneheads haven’t evolved at all.

It’s odd that the Bible doesn’t mention dinosaurs. The only thing I could find in the scriptures that might be a reference about dinosaurs is in Ignoramous 4:16 which quotes Noah saying, “Holy shit, what the hell is that?”

Oh look, the pastor got a thesaurus for his birthday.

Don’t worry, new and improved Tide will get it out.

I think it is on page 127 of the Koran where it says a good Muslim should always pray to the East everyday so the West can kiss their ass.

A small cult known as Reaganites who were known to practice Voodoo economics have now trickled down to one bonehead who is still mired in chapter 11.

Gautama Buddha the founder of Buddhism, not to be confused with Gotcha Mamma the founder of the TV ministry of “Send me all your money,’ was thought to be asleep at the wheel most of his life.

Pat (I Have God On Speed Dial) Robertson of the 700 Club, although according to the latest survey, only seven people are now actually watching,  blamed the stock market plunge early this week on God being pissed off about abortions. I knew that Wall Street had certainly killed a number of good ideas, but I didn’t know they did abortions.

Two boneheads here in East Texas were arrested for preaching to the customers in a McDonald’s.   I never did find out if they were preaching Jesus is King or Burger King. 

 I myself am a member of the 1^st Church of the Frisbee.  We believe when you die, your soul goes upon the roof and you can’t get it down.   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Some Things To Ponder

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump proved once again that he is long on bullshit and short on substance. Details seem to bore the Don because details mean you have to actually know something about what you are spouting.  When asked how he would round up the estimated 11 million illegal aliens in the country, he simply replied, “management.”  I guess if he is elected President King he would simply appoint a Secretary of Management to take care of the problem.

  

One thing little Donny has done is to change the GOP to Bigots R’Us.  People have been heard shouting “white power” at his rallies.  

And then there is Josh (I’m Just A Touchy Feely Kind Of Guy) Duggar who represents the Family Values section of the Party.

Things do change.

The GOP 1950’s

The GOP today.

And some things just change their uniforms.

The KKK 1950’s

The KKK today.

  I have noticed that Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz can’t give a speech without mentioning his best buddy Jesus.  A lot of people growing up had an imaginary friend, but most folks leave them behind as they get older, but little Teddy is having an effect on some people.  The executive director of the American Society of Atheists says that every time that Texas Ted gives a speech, their phones ring off the hook of people wanting to know more about atheism.

Stay tuned for future adventures.