T.G.I.F These Goobers Invite Farce

Rowan County Clerk Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage license to same-sex couples and ordered to jail.  Little Kimmy is a born again Christian, but evidently didn’t get a brain this time around. 

Tom (Great Quarterback, Incredible Asshole ) Brady said he is thrilled to be starting next week against the Steelers and promised that his balls would be fully inflated just like his ego.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson is quietly sneaking up on Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump in the political polls, probably because he is wearing his scrubs and booties on his shoes so you can’t hear him.  I believe the main thing TeaNut Republican voters like about him is that he has even less experience in politics than Trump. The closest this bonehead ever came to politics is when he was voted “most likely to say something stupid in public” his senior year in high school.

Speaking of the polls, Trump is still polling at 23% which means that at least 23% of Republicans are racist.  Personally I think that number is a little low.

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush hit back at Trump yesterday saying, “Am not. Oh yeah, well it takes one to know one” and “I’m going to tell my daddy.”

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee said this week if he were elected President King, he would abort abortions with an executive order.  Little Mikey believes the unborn have constitutional rights just like real people.

I would suggest that the huckster ought to go back and read that book where he gets all of his twisted facts and note that in Genesis it says life comes with the first breath.  A fetus doesn’t breathe you dumbass. A baby takes its first breath when it comes out of the womb.

I have noticed that only 28 states have teams in the NFL which means there are a lot of states and cities that are not being represented and therefore there a number of great team names that are not being used. Here is what I would recommend to the folks running the league.

Albuquerque Turkeys
Boise TaterTots
Omaha Brouhahas
Casper Ghosts
Eugene Queens
Ames Flames
Tulsa Muscle
Louisville Sluggers
Little Rock Rollers
Butte Buttheads
Hattiesburg Borg
Burlington Coats
Bangor Gongs

Concord Super Jets
Honolulu Hooligans
Fargo cargo
Nome Gnomes
Las Vegas Show Offs
Roanoke Slow Pokes
Wheeling Dealing

Dover Dwarfs

Mobile Phones

Stay tuned for future adventures.