T.G.I.F These Goobers Invite Farce

Rowan County Clerk Kim (Homophobic Hick) Davis was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage license to same-sex couples and ordered to jail.  Little Kimmy is a born again Christian, but evidently didn’t get a brain this time around. 

Tom (Great Quarterback, Incredible Asshole ) Brady said he is thrilled to be starting next week against the Steelers and promised that his balls would be fully inflated just like his ego.

Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson is quietly sneaking up on Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump in the political polls, probably because he is wearing his scrubs and booties on his shoes so you can’t hear him.  I believe the main thing TeaNut Republican voters like about him is that he has even less experience in politics than Trump. The closest this bonehead ever came to politics is when he was voted “most likely to say something stupid in public” his senior year in high school.

Speaking of the polls, Trump is still polling at 23% which means that at least 23% of Republicans are racist.  Personally I think that number is a little low.

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush hit back at Trump yesterday saying, “Am not. Oh yeah, well it takes one to know one” and “I’m going to tell my daddy.”

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee said this week if he were elected President King, he would abort abortions with an executive order.  Little Mikey believes the unborn have constitutional rights just like real people.

I would suggest that the huckster ought to go back and read that book where he gets all of his twisted facts and note that in Genesis it says life comes with the first breath.  A fetus doesn’t breathe you dumbass. A baby takes its first breath when it comes out of the womb.

I have noticed that only 28 states have teams in the NFL which means there are a lot of states and cities that are not being represented and therefore there a number of great team names that are not being used. Here is what I would recommend to the folks running the league.

Albuquerque Turkeys
Boise TaterTots
Omaha Brouhahas
Casper Ghosts
Eugene Queens
Ames Flames
Tulsa Muscle
Louisville Sluggers
Little Rock Rollers
Butte Buttheads
Hattiesburg Borg
Burlington Coats
Bangor Gongs

Concord Super Jets
Honolulu Hooligans
Fargo cargo
Nome Gnomes
Las Vegas Show Offs
Roanoke Slow Pokes
Wheeling Dealing

Dover Dwarfs

Mobile Phones

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Mid-Week Blah Blahs

Don’t you just love the boneheads who think the answer to their problems is to secede? 

Then when a disaster strikes their chants of SECEDE turn into WE NEED!

South Carolina Senaterrible Lindsey (Dr. Doom, We’re All Gonna Die) Graham set the world record for the most negative, pessimistic, foreboding announcement speech ever made.  Little Lindsey said, the world is falling apart and he wanted to be President when it does.   Of course loopy Lindsey knows he hasn’t got a chance in hell of being President, but he just can’t pass up jumping on the money bandwagon like the other 113 Republican losers who are doing the same thing.

Just when you thought the NRA (Nefarious Rabid Assholes) couldn’t possibly do anything dumber.  It seems they are very upset that a mentally disabled or domestic abuser isn’t allowed to have guns.  I mean after all the second amendment doesn’t say anything about the mentally ill or wife beaters not being able to pack whatever kind of heat they want, especially when the little woman has burned the toast again.  It really gives a whole new meaning to “Gun Nut” when you think about it.  

 

 

 

Now that the Patriot Act is kaput, here is the question that is on everyone’s lips.  Does Tom ( My Balls Always Have Plenty Of Air) Brady still have to report to Guantanamo Bay?

 

Now that the Texas Legislature in all of their wisdom have decided to allow guns on college campuses, one might think about avoiding next year's University of Texas and Texas A&M shoot out. 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures.