A Tale of Two Generals

The New York Attorney General is suing Donald (The Hump)Trump for $40million dollars saying he scammed five thousand students, who attended Trump University. out of their money. Even though I think The Don is an egotistical blow-hard jerk, I am finding it a little hard to feel sorry for folks who plunked hard-earned cash down to attend Trump University.  I mean you’re going to learn something from this guy?

Trump University which has no actual campus, offers a three-day real estate investment seminar that costs $1,495, a “Trump elite” package for $10,000, and a personal mentor-ship for up to $35,000.  I understand they also have a bridge they would like to sell you.

It would make sense if the University was offering classes on the art of hair comb-overs, professional hair-spray styling and how to say extremely stupid things to just get the public’s attention. None of the students got to meet The Hump but they did get their picture taken with a life size card board cut out of The Don.

I understand the Attorney General is just dying to tell Trump, “You’re fired.” 

Texas Attorney General Gregg (All I Do Is Sue) Abbott has decided that a law that would ban cities from discriminating against gays would be discriminating against some people’s religious beliefs. Obviously Gregg doesn’t believe in separation of church and state. I find it amazing that so many of the T-bag bonehead Republicans who rant and rave about the Constitution seem to have selective amnesia about what’s in it.  Sorta like the way they read the Bible.

So I have decided that ole Gregg, who is not a stand-up guy at all, is probably ten times the asshole that Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry ever thought about being and I would really like to see Gregg and what ever intolerant hate-filled church that he oozes into on Sunday be as far separated from the State of Texas as possible. Like maybe North Carolina, they seem to have a lot in common.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Grist For The Rumor Mill

Newly released tapes from Richard (I'm Not a Crook, I'm Just Stupid) Nixon’s time in office show him to be a really creepy lying asshole.  Man, I didn’t see that one coming.

If you think Republicans in Texas are totally screwed up assholes, check out the boneheads in Louisiana.  In a recent survey taken in the gumbo state asking who in government was to blame for poor response during Katrina in 2005, 29% of Republicans said Barack Obama.  Of course George Warmonger Bush was President and Obama was a freshman in the Senate.  Let’s see, I believe it was the Republican Governor of that fine state who said, “We have to quit being the stupid party.”  Obviously none of the Republican T-bag boneheads over there got that memo.  

Justice Department officials say they'll launch a new legal fight to block the Texas voter ID law.  Texas Attorney General Gregg (I’ll Make Sure Only Friends Can Vote) Abbott says he will fight the law suit.  Personally I don’t think Gregg has a leg to stand on.

A relative of Lt. Governor David (Of Course I Kiss Babies, but Mostly I Kiss Governor Perry’s Ass) Dewhurst gets arrested and Davy decides he should give the police a call and let them know who they have arrested.  After explaining exactly who he is in no uncertain terms and that “I am every year the No. 1 pick of all of the law enforcement agencies within Texas, the No. 1 pick.” He then tells the police sergeant, “I want you to do whatever is the proper thing.”  I am pretty sure what ole Davy thought was the proper thing and what the sergeant thought was the proper thing were two different things.  

 Davy’s opponents for the Lt. Governor’s seat were quick to pounce.  State Senaterrible Dan (I Maybe Holier than the Pope) Patrick said he was “sadden and disappointed” that little Davy "attempted to use his power and influence to get a family member out of jail."   Dan went on to say that God had called him and told him he needed to not let Davy off the hook for trying to use who he knows to help out a family member.

Will Manning the Army private sentenced for leaking classified documents says he will begin sex change in prison and wants to be called Chelsea. I believe that is a given. 

A five year old kindergarten student is in police custody after he fired a handgun in his elementary school cafeteria in Memphis. He said he was upset because his cereal was  soggy.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hey What Day Is It? Tell Me What Day It Is.

And it's more of the same ole humps.

Little Junior Senaterrible Teddy (Hey, I’m A North American) Cruz has announced he will be running for President of the United States and Prime Minister of Canada in 2016.  He said it would be no problem as he already knows how to talk out of both sides of his mouth at the same time. Teddy is also starting a new political party to be known as “Politicians Without Borders.”   


Teddy is just one of a number of sleazebag politicians here in Texas.  Some are very mean-spirited, narrow-minded, self-centered, greedy assholes. They are very detrimental to the future of Texas and we should be extremely wary of anything they say. They had rather lie than tell the truth about anything.  Rick (All Hair, No Integrity)Perry, Greg (Not Only Am I Disabled, I’m Also Dysfunctional) Abbott, John (I’m Not Naturally Stupid, I’ve Had to Really Work at It) Cornyn and of course Ted (I May Be a Junior Senator, but I Am a Extra-Large Moron)Cruz are the main perpetrators in this group.

Then we have those boneheads that are just idiots.  They are so clueless and stupid that they are simply a embarrassment to everyone living here.  This group includes Loooney Louie( I Really Am as Stupid as I Look)Gohmert, Debbie(Double Dumb) Riddle, Dan (I Use to be a Sports Nut, Now I’m a Religious Nut)Patrick, Jodie(I Make Michele Bachman Look Like a Genius) Laubenberg, Jerry (I May Have an Empty Brain, but I Have Loaded Gun) Patterson, Steve(Where can I buy a Clue) Stockman and John (If I Had a Brain, I Would Really be Dangerous) Culberson.

I am pretty sure the three teenage boys charged with shooting and killing a young athlete in Oklahoma were what the NRA would describe as good law biding citizens.  The boys said they were bored and decided to kill somebody, but they didn’t run over him with an automobile, beat him to death with a baseball bat, stab him with knives, poison him or blow him up with dynamite.  They just picked up their handy 22 and shot him.

The San Diego city council is still in closed conference negotiations with San Diego Mayor Bob (I Want to Kiss You All Over) Filner.  Nothing is settled yet on his recall but they did come to the unanimous decision that he was the ugliest Mayor they had ever had.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

East Texas Chainsaw Massacre

As most of you know, my lovely bride and I moved to the country a few years ago after spending many years living in the big city.  This has been quite a change in our lifestyle to say the least, but for the most part very satisfying.  We love the quite compared to the usual big city noises, sirens, gunfire, extremely loud music pulsating from cars and high-pitched wails and moans of domestic disturbances.  As you can probably tell, we didn’t live in an upscale neighborhood, but the upside was there wasn’t a Republican within miles of our house.

We also are getting accustomed to the language, I have learned that you don’t pronounce the e at the end of John Deere and that everyone wants you to have a “good-un.”  Also I have noticed that 90% of the yellow pages here are made up of the ABC’s for Attorneys, Beauty Shops and Churches. Evidently one must be legally good looking to meet Jesus in East Texas.  One of the many small churches down the road from my house had a message on their sign last week that said, “Jesus is coming, are you ready?” so I stopped in and ask them if they knew exactly when he would be here because I was planning making a trip back to Houston this week and didn’t want to miss him. They were quite rude about it and didn’t seem to have a clue when he was going to show up.

Anyway last week I bought a chainsaw.  I have never owned a chainsaw, not that I ever wanted or needed one, but it was on sale.  I decided to break it in right away and I am pretty sure I can now qualify for my lumberjack license.  Leatherface has nothing on me.

Yard Pre-Chainsaw

Yard Post-Chainsaw

This headline caught my eye this week on MSNBC news.  “Angry fire threatens thousands in Idaho.”  I read the whole article and it didn’t mention anything about what made the fire so mad.  There was nothing about it starting out as a lonely small blaze and then erupting into rage from neglect or being left alone when it was little.  There also was no mention of bringing in a therapist to try to find the reasons why it was so pissed off. 

I find it amazing that the Republican Party can continually get their constituents to vote against their own self-interest.  I don’t know if the politicians are that slick or their constituents are that extremely ill-informed. Maybe it’s a combination of both. Here is a party that is run by rich old white men that is concerned only with policies that only benefit rich old white men and they still get poor middle-aged white men and women to vote for them. 

There is no truth to the rumor that you can get Lyme Disease from drinking too many margaritas.




 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flippant Friday

Today is National Joke Day and everyone is supposed tell a joke so here goes.  This is one of the first jokes I ever wrote.  I had to quit eating carrots because I couldn’t sleep.  I could see right through my eyelids.  I know…but it is about 40 years old. I do enjoy making folks laugh and do hope that these post bring a chuckle every now and then. 

Here are a few things I hope will at least bring a smile to your face.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions….

This is the sign where to turn to get to Texas Governor Rick (I Know My A B C’s I Just Can’t Count to Three) Perry’s house.

Here is a sign outside of Louie (I Really Am Dumber Than a Sack of Mud) Gohmert's home town.  He is into the three R’s.

And here is a sign located on the “Road of Good Intentions”

                And the sign in front of George Warmonger Bush's house. 

Here is the sign on the road to the office of the RNC.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wednesday Monologue

The Republicans have finally come up with an alternative to Obamacare, it’s called JesusCare. It’s very simple; you just pray you don’t get sick.

CEO of AOL (Ancient Old Labyrinth) Tim (I May Not Have Trump’s Hair-do but I am Just as Big of a Asshole) Armstrong abruptly fired his creative director during a conference call last week.  Tim is now known as the SOB CEO of AOL.

 This just in from Hypocrites-R-Us.  Overweight drug addict Rush Slimebaugh called Oprah fat and America’s biggest buffoon, Donald Hump, said America is a laughing stock.    

And the really good one came from Republican National Committee Chair Reince ( Say My Name Three Times and You Will Turn into a Toad) Priebus slamming Obamacare on CNN last week. He said this, “What people don’t want are government panels deciding whether something’s medically necessary.”…Gee, I believe that is what Pro-Choice is all about.

A judge in New York City has ruled that the NYD’s “stop and frisk” policy amounts to racial profiling. You Think?  Statistics show that 52% of the people who were subjected to “stop and frisk” were black and 32% were Hispanics while a 100% of Caucasians were subjected to “Stop and welcome to New York”

A judge in Tennessee told a woman she couldn’t name her baby Messiah because there was only one person in the world that could have that name and it was Jesus. I checked the Library of Congress and found that he does have the copyright on it, but I did find six Messiah’s on facebook and I haven’t even checked the phone book yet. I personally think if the lady wants to name her son Dog Shit, she can.  

San Diego Mayor Bob (All Hands, No Brains) Filner who is under state and Federal investigations along with 11 civil suits of alleged sexual harassment had this reply to a recall effort to remove him from office. He said, “As your Mayor, I am committed to moving San Diego forward!”  Looking at a map, I would say forward is either into Mexico or the Pacific Ocean.

According to the latest poll, Anthony (You Wanna See My)Weiner’s campaign for Mayor of New York City has gone limp and probably won’t be able to get it up again. 






Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

 Speaking of dumb.

Mitt (Ok So It Was More Than 47%))Romney is out giving the Republican Party advice on how to lose the next election and let’s face it; Mitt has got it down to a science.  He said in a speech this week that the Party did not need to make any major changes, in fact they didn’t need to make any changes. Romney’s rules of politics are never admitting you are wrong, if it’s broke; don’t have anything to do with it and lie, lie, lie.

The next time some gun nut starts spouting off about how we need guns in schools to protect the children or some other NRA talking point like (this is my favorite) “It takes a good man with a gun to bring down a bad man with a gun.” Remind them of the military trial going on right now with Maj. Nidal Hasan who killed 13 and wounded another 32 people at Fort Hood back in 2009.  Let’s see, it’s a military base. Gee, I wonder how many people were armed that day? Didn’t seem to make much difference to the 13 who are now dead, did it?

The Congressional Black Caucus has recommended Congressmoron Sheila Jackson(You're Fired) Lee for Homeland Security Secretary. Now if the Homeland Security Secretary’s job was to get coffee for the person running the Homeland Security, that might work, otherwise this is a very bad recommendation. Mrs. Lee is a bonehead who has a long history of saying really, really stupid things.  Once on a visit to NASA, she asked if they had a picture of the Astronauts planting an American flag on Mars.  I’m pretty sure she thinks Lance Armstrong was the first person to ride a bicycle on the moon.  How did Texas go from Barbara Jordon to this bonehead?

And then there is the story about an ex-Victoria Secret model that has found Jesus and decided to start a Christian Clothing line.  I don’t even know what that means.  I guess it is to counter all of those atheist clothing lines out there. Her clothes have Christian phrases on them.  I didn’t see any of the good ones though like, “An Eye for an Eye.” “If Your Children don’t Obey, Stone Them to Death’” “Money is the Root of All Evil.” There is also all of those cute little phrases on signs by folks who claim to be Christians like “God Hates Fags” and “Homosexuals are an Abomination,” that would probably be big sellers.

Jurors deliberating in the federal murder and extortion trial of reputed Boston mob boss James "Whitey" Bulger asked their first question of the judge last week. They wanted to know how to get into the witness protection program.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Read This...

Hey it’s National Book Lovers Day.  They say this is a great day to pick up a book and do some reading. I am pretty sure this is not a day Republicans celebrate as few of them can read and they mostly celebrate National Book Burning Day. 

Speaking of good books I just finished one that I really enjoyed.  It is scary as hell but was a fascinating read.  It is Christian Nation by Frederic C. Rich.  It is a novel and the premise is that John McCain and Sarah Palin won the election and then John dies and Sarah becomes President.  The religious right wing-nuts take over and we become a Christian Nation.

We are not a Christian nation, never have been one and hopefully will never be one. Don’t just take my word, check out the Treaty of Tripoli, it states,” As the government of the United States of America is not on any sense founded on the Christian Religion.”  It was initiated under President George Washington, 1796 and signed into law by President John Adams, 1797. It was ratified unanimously by the Senate, 1797 and published in full in all 13 states, with no record of complaint or dissent.

This is from the Encyclopedia Britannica 1968. “One of the embarrassing problems for the early nineteenth-century champions of the Christian faith was that not one of the first six Presidents of the United States was an orthodox Christian.”

The United States was founded on the principal of religious FREEDOM, not any one religion.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day

 Here are this week's humps.

Michelle Tyler is the 11th woman to come forward with actuations of sexual harassment by San Diego Mayor Bob( I'm a Touchy Feely Gropey Kind of Guy) Filner.  She is a nurse and met with him to seek help for a Marine injured in Iraq.  Bob wanted to know if they could get together and play doctor. I understand Bob is up for Time Magazine’s Sleaziest Man of the Year award. 

New York Times spokeswoman Eileen Murphy confirms the sale of the Boston Globe and other media properties for $70 million, a massive drop from the record $1.1 billion it paid for it, to businessman John Henry.  Hey I guess ole John Henry really is a steal driving man


 

A-Rod (The A of course stands for Asshole)of the New York Yankees is planning on fighting his suspension from baseball, but I have the feeling that hiring Lance(The Truth Will Get Your Ass Sued) Armstrong as his spokesman is not a good start.

A long distance swimmer who calls himself “The Shark” is attempting to swim 22 miles across Lake St. Claire while pulling two dinghies full of bricks.  The dinghies may have a full load but I don’t think you can say the same for “The Shark.”

 

George Warmonger Bush had surgery to open blockage in a heart artery yesterday.  I’m confused.  I thought you had to have a heart to have heart surgery. 

Poor ole Congressmoron Looney (I Can Talk Out of Both Sides of My Mouth) Gohmert went on the radio this week and said that Obama made us look like cowards by closing some of our embassies around the world because of terror threats. When a reporter ask him, “What about Benghazi?” He replied that he never uses it, that he prefers Campho-Phenique.





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday's Pondering

The latest polls in the New York mayor’s race show that Anthony (How Do You Like This Head Shot)Weiner really didn’t have any supporters after all.  They were just rubber neckers who slowed down and couldn’t quit looking at the accident.  According to Anthony’s last tweet, even his jock strap has left.  Talk about no support.

I saw where George ( Rambozo) Zimmerman was in our fair state this week.  Let me be the first to say, Keep moving, YOU’RE NOT WELCOME.  George was stopped for speeding and fortunately for him the officer did not subscribe to the George Zimmerman method of arrest.

Here is something to think about.  The United States represents about 5% of the world’s total population but we represent almost 25% of the world’s prison population.  In other words we have more people locked up than any country in the world.  Hmmm, is America the land of the free or the world’s biggest penal colony?

Why is Morning Joe (My Mouth is Much Larger than My Brain) Scarborough on MSNBC?  He is certainly narrow mined enough to be on Fox and he has a low enough IQ to still be in Congress. He recently raved how much he loved Darth Cheney and what a great job George Warmonger Bush did in Iraq. Yeah Joe, that has really turned out great.

The GOP is about to propose cutting food stamps by 40 billion dollars over the next ten years.  They sure don’t have a problem funding useless wars, rich grain companies and dead farmers, but to hell with those poor people.  After all those people are poor because they chose to be poor. Sorta like all of those gay people.

San Diego mayor Bob (I'm a Hands-On Kinda Guy) Filner is a real piece of work. Now he is claiming that because the city didn’t provide a sexual harassment training session that he didn’t know he was sexually harassing women. The problem is that it has come to light that he is the one who canceled the program. I get it why he spent thirty years in Congress.  This moron is too stupid to do anything else.

Hey Congress finally agreed on something.  They all agreed to leave town.  Of course leaving doesn’t change anything because they don’t do anything when they are there. They are on track to be the most unproductive Congress in history.  As they were oozing out the door, the House Republicans voted for the 40th time to repeal Obamacare.

Yes sir, your tax dollars at work.  Someone please tell me why we pay these assholes a salary.  Salaries that cost us almost 94 million dollars a year and that’s not counting their fabulous health benefits and retirement.




Stay tuned for future adventures