Happy Hump Day

If this were dead-beat rancher Cliven (Cows Don’t Pay Taxes) Bundy, do you think all those bonehead militia jerks, Fox news blowhards and Tea Party morons would be raving about what a hero he is.  I don’t think so.  

The Boy Scouts of America have decided to close down a Seattle church troop for standing behind an openly gay leader, even after the organization revoked his membership.  I really can’t wrap my head around why they are so against gays.  It is an organization consisting only of boys and men hanging out together.  I mean it’s not Boys Scouting for Girls of America.

The Supreme Court has decided that lying in politics is ok.   Well sure, politics is just like liars poker.  The best liar wins.

Here is a fine example of your tax dollars at work. Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert thinks Congress should pass a resolution directing the Sergeant of Arms of Congress to arrest Attorney General Eric (I Have Always Been Black) Holder. Let’s see Louie, when did you assholes pass anything?  After all, you are the most do-nothing Congress in history.

Evidently there are a lot of dissenters out there over Pope John Paul George and Ringo II being declared a saint this Sunday.  Hey anybody that can have that many hits on Billboard’s top 100 is OK with me. 

Ray ( I Have the I.Q. of a Grapefruit) Moore, a Republican candidate for Lt. Governor of South Carolina said at Tea Party gathering that Christians should remove their children from public schools and have them home schooled.  This is an old Southern Tradition known as “don’t get above your raising’” which means keep your kids uneducated so that they don’t realize just how ignorant mom and dad really are. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

An Open Letter to Cliven Bundy and All His Supporters at Fox News and in The Tea Party

Dear Boneheads,

It is obvious that you despise the Federal Government and appear to be looking up to the ideals of Government hater Timothy (I Kill Children) McVeigh.  So here is my suggestion. Since there really aren’t very many of you, I mean in the scheme of things out of the 360 million people who live in the United States, you so small in number that you are completely insignificant, you can all move to Clark County where the Bundy ranch is located. There is no need for you to be thinking of seceding from the USA because we are evicting you.  Clark county Nevada will no longer be a part of the United States therefore you will receive no federal funds of any kind.  No Medicare or Medicaid, Social Security, Federal aid or ranch and farm subsides, postal service or any other Federal aid or assistance. Of course anything you wish to sell to the United States will have to come under foreign trade laws.  Also there is no need to build a fence around Clark County, anyone caught coming to the United States will simply be deported back to Clark County like any other illegal immigrant.

Since you are simply a bunch of boneheads who have decided that you don’t have to live by the laws of the United States and not an actual country, we will act as if you do not exist. Have a happy carefree life.

Yours truly,

Rod Tanner.

    

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Halloween Maybe Over but There Are Still Some Scary People Out There

There has been a lot of talk over the last couple of years about the 1% and the 99%, the growing gap between the rich and the rest of us, but there is another percentage group that I think is a much bigger deal. That is the 9%.  If you are wondering who the 9% are, I’m going to tell you. I’m not exactly sure who they are but they are a really scary bunch.  They are the ones who think that Congress is doing a good job. 91% of Americans think that Congress is doing a lousy job, include me in this group, and then somewhere scattered around America there are the 9% who think everything is just fine. Do these boneheads live under a rock? Are they like cicada’s who only come out every 17 years?  Are they members of Al Qaeda or some other anti-American organization?

What is really scary is that I think they probably look like everyone else.  They could be the guy standing next to you in the grocery line or the woman in front of you at the post office.  Of course the upside is that at 9% you probably have a better chance of meeting a lottery winner than one of these goobers.

Another scary group around is folks who claim to be members of the Tea Party (aka Kochroaches).  They consist of low intelligence, highly intolerant, gun totting, scripture spewing assholes. The one good thing about these boneheads is that they are fairly easy to recognize.   

And then there are those humps who work at Rupert (I Hear What You’re Saying Because I Tapped Your Phone) Murdoch’s Faux News Channel. They scored a double whammy this week as the latest survey shows that the average age and I.Q. of their viewers is the same….65.


Former NFL quarterback Donovan McBad said yesterday that Jimmy Johnson was not an athlete.  Jimmy who won his sixth Championship title yesterday and is one of the greatest race car drivers ever trains by running triathlons.  I doubt if Donnie can spell triathlon.

 Former Illinois Gov. Rod (Hair-Brained) Blagojevich is headed back to court next month to appeal his corruption conviction.  I understand he is going to tell the judge he was a simply a victim of a really bad hair day. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Halloweenies

There is a haunted house that has opened in Jacksonville, Texas that has a Christian theme.  I understand it is loaded with some really creepy scary people like Pat Robertson, Jerry Farwell, Rick Warren, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye, Robert Tilton and of course their old favorite The Holy Ghost.

Here are the hottest Halloween costumes for 2013.  If you really want something creepy to scare the hell out of your neighborhood try The Ted Cruz or The Sarah Palin.  If you are going for laughs and want a cartoon figure, you need The Rick Perry.  Maybe the goofy buffoon is your cup of tea, The John Boehner should do. If you are into zombies, it’s The Tea Party or monsters then The Koch Brothers will do nicely. If jailbird or convict is your thing, The Lindsay Lohan is perfect. If you are into the creepy guy from Nightmare on Elm Street then you want The John McCain. And for the sexy trick or treater, The Miley Cyrus. It comes with a crane and a wrecking ball.

 The University of California policeman who stirred public outrage by pepper-spraying peaceful student protesters has been awarded $38,000 in worker's compensation for psychiatric damage he claimed to have suffered from the 2011 incident.  Seems to me the psychiatric damage should have been compensation enough.




 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Creepy People And It Is Not Even Halloween

Okay, I will no longer refer to the so called third political group as the Tea Party.  These boneheads have absolutely nothing in common with the folks who dumped some tea in Boston Harbor these many years ago.  From now until forever or until I think of another name, I will refer to these nitwits as the Kool-Aid party and boy have they been drinkin’ it.

The Kool-Aid party is what happens when the other two parties become so sleazy, greedy and self-serving that everybody finally realizes how horrible a job they are doing.  The Kool-Aid party could also be known as The Knee Jerk party, jerk being the operative word here. You see the first people to rush in the door when this vacuum is created are always the ones with least knowledge and experience but with the biggest mouth and ego.
 
They can also be referred to as The Fault Finder party.  They have no solutions, they just point out everything that is wrong. (In their eyes of course). Fault finding takes no talent, no creativity or knowledge of anything deeper than where they had their last meal.Their motto is "No."

The Kool-Aid party thinks that they are patriotic, religious, and all around good Americans.  They are in reality narrow minded, insecure, afraid of anything they don’t understand or doesn’t look like them and are actually sheep that can be led to slaughter with the simplest of ease, like a wink and a “You betcha.”. As Bill Mahr so eloquently states it, The Kool-Aid party is Corporate America’s useful idiots.   .   


Why is it that gas prices can go up overnight but take months for them to come back down?  Could it be the oil companies are doing a little price gouging?   YOU THINK?…. Exactly how can it be that when something happens in the Middle East, the oil that is in reserve, the gas that has already been refined, goes up the next day?  Yet, months after things cool down or change, we still are paying too much at the pump. 

And don’t give me that crap about how we don’t have a high tax on gas like Europe and they have been paying over $5 dollars a gallon for years,  I don’t care… I don’t live in Europe, it has nothing to do with me.  I live here and the damn gas is a scam.  The oil companies make billions, BILLIONS and I don’t see them giving back anything. 

In fact we give them all kinds of tax breaks and subsidies.  I wrote about this last month (In a post called The Gas Scam) about the paper traders who run up the price of oil and yet never actually take possession of a single drop of crude. 

It is price gouging and there are laws against that so why doesn’t someone (insert favorite politician here) have the balls to go after them?  You think maybe some of that oil money ends up in their bank account?


I am sure plenty of good hard working Texans were praying for rain over the last week-end because Gov. Rick (I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry asked them to. The sad truth is we didn’t even get heavy morning dew.

I think the good Lord was really busy.  Every player in the NFL, two NBA players, a race car driver and three baseball players thanked him for helping them win. Then there was some guy who finally passed his automatic transmission repair course test, a lady who won $10 dollars playing the lottery, and a kid who made it another week on American Idol who also gave him full credit.  Hey, he’s got his priorities….

Stay tuned for future adventures

Costco Manifesto Part Deux

I was in COSTCO the other day and they had this booth by the exit that had a big read arrow under a sigh that said Tell Us What You Think.  Well I couldn’t pass that up.

I think the New York Jets after not being able to find the end zone in their first game, didn’t score with the female sportscaster either.

I think that genealogy is the study of Barbara Eden.

I think rock stars should have names like Boulder or Granite or maybe Marble.

I think, therefore I am….. Some what confused

I think the news media should be referred to as the here-is-what-we think-happened- today media.

I think that no matter how mad she was at him, Quasimodo’s mother never told him to straighten up and fly right.

I think war is stupid and peace is intelligent.

I think the only people involved in fighting the War on Poverty is the Salvation Army.

I think the law of gravity is the only true law and all others are man made and can be changed in a day.

I think that a lot of the members of the Tea Party are revolting. By the way, do they only get together in the afternoons?

I think banks think it’s their money.

I think music is wonderful and the music business sucks.

I think the next time that pop-up comes up on your computer screen about how much your car insurance will run or how much grant money you can get by calculating your age, you should plug in 103 or 6.

I think what I really hate about spam mail is all the time it takes to answer it.

I think baseball games should only be six innings long so we don’t have to sing that stupid “Take me out to the ballgame” song.

I think being a tattoo artist would be a really sticky job.

I think COSTCO didn’t really want to know what I think about everything.








Stay tuned for future adventures.