Trick or Treat

Hope everyone has a happy Halloweenie and here are a couple tips if you plan on taking the kids out trick or treatin’.  Stay away from houses where Republicans live because your kids won’t get any candy.  Remember their motto is NO FREE STUFF.  Also try to avoid religious wackos.  They won’t get any candy here either unless they are dressed like the Holy Ghost.

Oh and I consider myself the big winner in this week's Republican debate debacle.  I didn't watch.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Road Trip

Well the big bus is loaded and gassed up and so are we.  We are headed south for a little time in the Bayou City.  I predict that while we are gone Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump will shout something stupid, Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson will mumble something stupid, Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz will just look stupid and the other boneheads riding the big elephant into oblivion will just be stupid.

I’ll be back making sarcastic remarks and witty little snide statements about politicians, preachers and pimps, among other things, next Monday.  In the meantime, please check out my sweetie’s latest at www.energizeyourcreativity.com
 
And as a Thursday throwback treat, this is what rock & roll looked like before long hair, tattoos and body piercing.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Politicians, Preachers And Pimps

In my world, politicians and preachers are both pimps.  

Quick summation of last week’s Bengotcha hearings.  Chairman Trey (I’m Just A Good For Nuthin Ole 

Southern Boy) Gowdy, TeaNut Republican from South Carolina, got his hat handed to him and boy did he need it with that incredibly stupid hair-do of his.  

Florida Senaterrible Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio says he is quitting the Senate because it’s just too hard. That’s what happens when you buddy up with Sarah (Part-Time Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin.  I guess he thinks being President is a easier job. I understand his new campaign motto is: Vote for me. Maybe I won’t quit.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump said on the Today show that his dad loaned him the measly sum of one million dollars and he took it and made billions.  He conveniently forgot to say that when dear daddy died, he left Trumpy Poo and estimated 120 million dollars. In other words, Donald made his money the old fashioned way. He inherited it.

After hearing Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson mumble something stupid on TV, I am convinced that he performed a frontal lobotomy on himself while attending brain surgery school. 

   

Pastor Ben (Another PinHead In A Pulpit)Bailey of the Tennessee Gospel of  Christ Ministries ask his flock flakes how would they feel about their own parents aborting them.  I think they should have asked him how he would feel if he had a brain.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday's Bubbles From My Soap Box

So here is a little something to ponder the next time you hear a NRA (Feverous Rabid Asshole) member rail on about how we need everyone carrying a gun to make America safer.  Yes sir, just like in the old wild west days. Two of the most famous places in our wild west history are Dodge City, Ka and Tombstone Ar, and there are plenty of accounts of how Wyatt Earp and his brothers tamed those two cities.  THEY TOOK AWAY EVERYBODY’S GUNS.  Yep when you came into town, you had to check your guns at the sheriff’s office.  Now if that doesn’t make a far-right gun-packin’ TeaNut Republican’s head explode, I don’t know what will.

You can always tell who the NRA member is in an AA meeting. He is the one to who says, “Hi, I’m Bill and I’m an alcoholic and I think the solution to our problems is more alcohol.  

One of the big mysteries of life to me and this could be bigger than why did the chicken cross the road, is why does Wolf (Clueless) Blitzer have a job?  Everybody knows that Fox News is simply the media arm of the Republican Party, they have an agenda to lie and give misinformation about President Obama and the Democrats and they do a good job of it.  CNN on the other is hand is simply incompetent.

Texas Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott announced that Texas would cut Planned Parenthood funding out of Medicaid and then yesterday state health department goons served subpoenas for patient records and for Planned Parenthood employees home addresses. Of course all of this is based on fraudulent videos made by an anti-abortion group of assholes.

This proves to me without a doubt that Gregg Pooh was hatched. Surly this asshole doesn’t have a mother. Yes I know he has a wife, but I understand she is from Stepford. I just don’t get why this jerk hates women.  It would make sense for him to hate trees, after all a tree fell on him and put his sorry ass in that chair for the rest of his miserable life.  

  Open letter to the Republicans of the Bengahzi panel.

Dear Assholes,
FUCK YOU and the narrow minded, intolerant, ignorant, mean-spirited, backward, racist, homophobic, misogynist and elitist asshole of an elephant you rode in on.     
Yours truly,
Rod Tanner




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrumping All Day

Humps of the week…so far.

Dr Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson is the 2015 version of Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain.  The only reason little Bennie is running for President is to promote his book, One Nation, What We Can All Do To Save America’s Future.  The title actually has a typo in it. The real title is What We Can All Do To Save America’s Furniture.  It’s a home guide on which is the best polish to use.

Remember if Dr. Carson is the answer, how stupid is the question?

Federal campaign laws state that book tours and campaign tours are to be separate, but Bennie’s campaign volunteers don’t seem to get that as they follow him everywhere on the book tour handing out campaign literature.  When the good doctor was asked about him breaking the campaign laws, he replied that Hitler took over the Jews by taking away their books so he is saving America by doing a book tour while running for President.

Marco (I’ve Got A Sugar Daddy) Rubio actually showed up to vote yesterday.  He has missed 44% of Senate votes since deciding to run for President. Marky baby had the gall to chastise his fellow Senators about not voting on bills.   This asshole ought to take a look in the mirror. Anyway the bill failed so Marky might as well have stayed on the campaign trail.

The bill that failed was introduced by Loserana Senaterrible David (I’m A Real Family Values Guy When I’m Home) Vitter.  Pro-Life Dipshit David’s former mistress told the press this week that little Davy got her pregnant and then wanted her to get an abortion. I guess Davy feels if your not family, you have no value.   

Former Senaterrible Jim (Mr. Flip Flop) Webb who was a Republican most of his career, then switched to the Democrats a few years ago is now leaving the Dems and thinking about running for President as a Independent.  G.I. Jim who defended the Confederate flag a few months back might be better off waiting for the South to rise again and then run for President of the Confederacy.

Speaking of the Confederate Flag, deputy sheriff James (My Gun And My I.Q. Are Both 38 Specials) Randolph is just beside himself that the commissioners in Green County, Tennessee voted to remove the flag from the courthouse grounds. In voicing his lone no vote, Jimmy went on a little rant saying, “they want to take down Christmas signs and trees and everything.”  I guess Deputy Jimmy must decorate his Christmas trees with Confederate Flags.    



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Monday

I don’t know if you have ever had any dealings with PayPal, but if you haven’t, I would suggest you keep it that way and if you have, you probably know what I am going to say. First of all they need to change their name.  They are not your pal; they don’t know you and you are better off not knowing them.  And as far as the pay part, they do pay……eventually.  Therefore I think they should change their name to Extremely Slow To Pay Stranger.

Today is National Evaluate Your Life Day.  This is a day you are supposed to pause and reflect on your life of where you’ve been and where you’re going.  So after a solid 15 minutes of reflecting, I’m going back to bed.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

There are 435 members in the House of Representatives consisting of 247 Republicans and 188 Democrats. So how is it that about 40 of these boneheads who comprise what is called the Freedom Caucus can stop any progress on anything they don’t like? I’m not a math genius but these numbers don’t add up to being able to control anything. It seems like the other 395 or so members could take them out back and slap some responsibility into them. 

I understand the House of Representatives is down to using Craig’s List to finding a new leader.

 

I see where Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump and Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson are threatening to boycott the next Republican Debate Debacle if it runs too long.  I can understand this.  When you only have about two minutes knowledge on any given subject, two hours can seem to be an eternity.  

Is this the wurst or what?

Today is National Boss’s Day.  They say this is the day that you can tell your boss what you think of him or her.  Sometimes it's known as Kiss your job good-bye day. It is also National Dictionary Day, so before you tell your boss what you think, you might look up the meaning of unemployment. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bubbles From My Soap Box On A Hump Day

The job nobody wants.

Through out America’s short history, and it is short compared to the rest of the world, we have had a number of people who have run for President that were totally unqualified and completely out of their realm of experience to handle the job. Unfortunately some of these boneheads even got elected. Hoover, Grant, Buchanan, Harding, Nixon, Reagan and both Bushes to name a few ran the gamut from mediocre to terrible. I  believe that when it comes to being so far-removed from reality to be able to even comprehend what the job entails, Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson is without a doubt at the top of the list.

Something is seriously wrong with this man.  I’m not sure if it is a mental illness that can be diagnosed or if he is that far out of touch with the rest of the world.  Possibly the good doctor saw Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina’s numbers go up after she blatantly lied about Planned Parenthood during the last Republican Debate Debacle so he decided that lying is a good thing.

First he told the bullshit story about being confronted by a gunman in Popeye’s Restaurant and now he told a totally fabricated story claiming Russian President Valdimir (Watch Out I’m) Putin and Iran’s Supreme leader Ali (I Really Am A) Khamemei being classmates in college. There is absolutely no evidence of this, plus they are several years apart in age and wouldn’t have been in school at the same time.    

Last week he said in a radio interview that legalizing gay marriage would lead to polygamy and of course after that I’m sure would be sex with animals and then fruit followed by sex with inanimate objects…Oh wait, we already have that. 

Bottom line is that out of the 44 Presidents we have had, only a few have made a difference by their accomplishments.  Most have been mediocre to down right useless, so the good part to remember is that no matter who wins, we will survive.

I really am tired of all the emails and ads on Facebook about Uber drivers.  When a Uber driver wins the Indy 500, I’ll pay attention.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bonehead Day

 

 

Merry Christopher Columbus Day

 

I would like for someone to explain to me why we give Christopher Columbus a national holiday?  I mean now that we know he didn’t discover America and have known that for quite a while.  Like years and years.

Here is a guy who at best discovered the Bahamas.  I can see why travel agents would hold him up as a hero, but by all accounts, Popeye was a better sailor.  He was said to be mean to his men; a slave owner and pretty much a jerk.  Now if we called it National Jerk Day, I would be in to it.  Just think, there are a lot of folks we could honor on that deal.  Just fill in the your nominees here:___________.

Or why don’t we have National Columbus, Texas Day?  That’s a nice little town up the road from Houston with a lot good folks living there.  And there is Columbus, Ohio, and Columbus Georgia. I’m sure all of those folks are nice. 

How about Columbo Day?  He had a pretty good TV show and always discovered who the real killer was.  Chris Columbus directed the first two Harry Potter movies.  I would go for him over Christopher the Bonehead Sailor.

Surly our textbooks don’t still say Chris discovered America, however with the religious right-wing-nuts running the Texas Education Board, you never know.  I’m pretty sure they think Jesus discovered America.

Hey don’t get me wrong, I’m all for holidays.  In fact my postman told me he needs another day off.  He said the stress of losing my mail every week was really wearing him out.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flakey Friday

Generally when someone endorses you, it’s a good thing. When former Vice-President Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney endorses you, it’s known as the kiss of death Dick. Kevin (Blabber Mouth) McCarthy dropped out of the race for Speaker of the House within hours after Dick puckered up..  I was actually pulling for this bonehead to become Speaker.  I thought the TeaNuts should get someone they really deserved. Not only would Kev have been the least experienced Speaker in history, except for the first one, but he would have been the first one to speak in tongues.  I guess he speaks in tongues, he hasn’t made a speech yet that makes any sense.

NEWS FLASH; There are hypocrites in the house….Oh wait; they are in the Senate too.

The seven CongressMorons and two Senators from South Carolina are asking for federal aid for the massive flooding in the Carolina and well they should, but four of the seven Congressmorons and both Senators voted no a couple of years ago to help New Jersey after hurricane Sandy.  

Of course the one with the most gall was Senaterrible Lindsey (I Need Another Mint Julep) Graham. When asked about his no vote,  Little Lindsey said,  " I don't really recall that, but I'd be glad to look and tell you why I did vote no, if I did."  Well yes selective amnesia prone Lindy, you did and the reason is because you are an asshole just like your asshole co-harts.  

  

Marco (I Have A Sugar Daddy) Rubio said this on the senate floor a couple of months ago when he was railing about the Iran nuke deal.  “If you don’t want to vote on things, don’t run for the Senate. If you don’t want to vote on things, don’t run for office,” since then Rubio has missed 59 votes.

If you ever wondered why Faux News is such a terrible opinionated, biased network, maybe this will help you out. Owner Rupert (Lex Luther Of The News) Murdoch said this week that he thought Dr. Ben (NutJob Surgeon) Carson would be a REAL black President.   This statement is so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comeback.

  

A group known as PEOPLE.com printed a list of the phone numbers, email addresses and twitter handles of all 535 members of Congress.  I do hope the boneheads on the hill get an earful.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Day Of The Humps

 Here are some really big ones. 

In the race to be the state with the dumbest citizens and elected officials, it looks like Tennessee is pulling ahead. The Lt. Governor of Tennessee Ron (Certified Gun Nut And Undisputed Moron) Ramsey encouraged all of the fine Christians in his state to get a handgun.  Obviously he doesn’t trust atheist, Hindus, Buddhist or any other religions to have guns and as we all know because the NRA (Nefarious Rabid Assholes) tells us so, that more guns, the safer we are. Of course the real problem with that statement is that America has more guns than any country in the world and we have more mass shootings than any other country in the world.

Clark ( Homophobic Moron) Plunk, city Commissioner in Lakeland Tennessee went on his Facebook page and told the gay kid who wasn’t allowed to bring a male friend from another school to his prom and was thinking about suing the school,    “As a whole, gays are mean, cruel spiteful people with an axe to grind, so let the little homo sue.”  Just another example of an elected official serving all of his constituents, as long as their not gay.

Former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee went on the TV and said “the mass shootings have nothing to do with guns.” Well Mikey, since the mass SHOOTINGS were not by bow and arrow,  I would say they are all about GUNS. You would think by now somebody in the Huckster’s family would have him back on his meds.

 Not to be outdone in the incredibly stupid department, Dr. Ben (Nut Job Surgeon) Carson said he would be “much more comfortable” to know that there were more guns in school.  I would be much more comfortable if this bonehead would go back to practicing brain surgery on himself.  Ben the Bonehead would probably like this bunch to hang at his kids school.

I am still stunned that the TeaNut Republicans haven’t jump on my idea about guns and schools.  I have said this before, but I’ll say it again.  Combine schools and prisons and you have teachers, students and armed guards all in the same building and the bad guys are locked up.

Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company into the Ground) Fiorina is certainly living up to her reputation.  Four years after her failed Senate campaign she still owed almost a half-million dollars to 30 different groups.  One of her main political strategist died right before the election and she didn’t pay his widow the $30,000 that she owed until this year.  She did pay herself back over a million dollars immediately after the campaign. Yeah that Snarly, she knows how to take care of business. Remember if you want a lying sack of shit for President: Vote for Snarly.

This page is in the new Texas text books.  According to this, there were no slaves, just migrant workers.

The publisher McGraw-Hill has published a apology for it, but I haven’t heard a word from the assholes on the Texas Board of Education who approved it.

We did go see “The Martian” Monday and it was a great movie.  One of the best I’ve seen lately. I have to admit I was a little upset that they didn’t mention Bill Bixby or Ray Walston, but I got over it.






Stay tuned for future adventures.