Random Thoughts For A Monday

The Gall of the Decade award goes to George Warmonger Bush for his visit to New Orleans on the 10^th anniversary of Katrina.

The epitome of a slow news week is Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin interviewing  Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump. 

The next time a TeaNut Republican tells you he wants to “take America back.”  Ask him how far does he want to take it back, 1950’s or maybe 1850’s?

A liberal would say, “Better move over a lane.”

A conservative would say, “How do we know it’s the right lane? For all we know, it could be the wrong lane.”

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bubbles From My Soapbox

Guns may be more persecuted than Christians

Guns are under attack again and we all know because the fine folks in NRA (National Rabid Assholes) and all of the politicians that they have in their pocket have told us over and over again that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  So I have come to the conclusion that the only way to save the gun is to get them away from all those mean ole mentally ill owners.  

I know it’s a big job, but we can do this if we all pull together. We need to find a place where all those nice guns can live and not be made to do those terrible things by their owners. Maybe someday after we have developed a really rigid and strict means of vetting owners, that we can let a few guns have owners once again.

Of course the TeaNut Republican’s answer all of these shootings is very similar to their health care plan.  Pray that you don’t get shot.

I don’t know who those boneheads in Loseranna think they are, but, here is the real Duck Dynasty.

Enlightenment is not always pretty.  Like finding out that some of those so called friends on Facebook are actually misogynistic, homophobic, racist assholes. 
  

The National Association of Native Americans said that their estimate of illegal aliens in the country is around 315 million.   

Texas Attorney General Ken (I Fought The Law and The Law Won) Paxton’s lawyer quit yesterday.  I understand Ken has been inquiring about hiring Johnny Cochran. I hope nobody tells him Johnny is Jesus’s lawyer now.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Religious Freedom Is Being Able To Poke Fun At Religion

I get it that Creationist don’t believe in evolution.  It is very obvious that these boneheads haven’t evolved at all.

It’s odd that the Bible doesn’t mention dinosaurs. The only thing I could find in the scriptures that might be a reference about dinosaurs is in Ignoramous 4:16 which quotes Noah saying, “Holy shit, what the hell is that?”

Oh look, the pastor got a thesaurus for his birthday.

Don’t worry, new and improved Tide will get it out.

I think it is on page 127 of the Koran where it says a good Muslim should always pray to the East everyday so the West can kiss their ass.

A small cult known as Reaganites who were known to practice Voodoo economics have now trickled down to one bonehead who is still mired in chapter 11.

Gautama Buddha the founder of Buddhism, not to be confused with Gotcha Mamma the founder of the TV ministry of “Send me all your money,’ was thought to be asleep at the wheel most of his life.

Pat (I Have God On Speed Dial) Robertson of the 700 Club, although according to the latest survey, only seven people are now actually watching,  blamed the stock market plunge early this week on God being pissed off about abortions. I knew that Wall Street had certainly killed a number of good ideas, but I didn’t know they did abortions.

Two boneheads here in East Texas were arrested for preaching to the customers in a McDonald’s.   I never did find out if they were preaching Jesus is King or Burger King. 

 I myself am a member of the 1^st Church of the Frisbee.  We believe when you die, your soul goes upon the roof and you can’t get it down.   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Some Things To Ponder

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump proved once again that he is long on bullshit and short on substance. Details seem to bore the Don because details mean you have to actually know something about what you are spouting.  When asked how he would round up the estimated 11 million illegal aliens in the country, he simply replied, “management.”  I guess if he is elected President King he would simply appoint a Secretary of Management to take care of the problem.

  

One thing little Donny has done is to change the GOP to Bigots R’Us.  People have been heard shouting “white power” at his rallies.  

And then there is Josh (I’m Just A Touchy Feely Kind Of Guy) Duggar who represents the Family Values section of the Party.

Things do change.

The GOP 1950’s

The GOP today.

And some things just change their uniforms.

The KKK 1950’s

The KKK today.

  I have noticed that Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz can’t give a speech without mentioning his best buddy Jesus.  A lot of people growing up had an imaginary friend, but most folks leave them behind as they get older, but little Teddy is having an effect on some people.  The executive director of the American Society of Atheists says that every time that Texas Ted gives a speech, their phones ring off the hook of people wanting to know more about atheism.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday's Flakes

Here is a real Okie-Dopey from Muskogee.  The Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear gun store had put up a sign saying Muslims weren’t welcome and had received death threats so some concerned citizens boneheads arrived to guard the place. Everything was going fine until Quick Draw McGraw turned into Butterfingers Billy who dropped his gun and shot himself.  

U.S. District Judge Rudolph (My I.Q. And My Gun Are Both 45) Randa sentenced a man who was charged with 55 counts of buying firearms with fake I.Ds and then selling them without a license to probation…No Jail Time.  "People kill people," he said, "Guns don't kill people”. I am so tired of this extremely asinine statement. I am pretty sure the idiot who came up with “Just say No” is also the author of this oversimplified bit of stupidity. People kill people in all kinds of ways, but they use guns far more than any thing else.

A controversial drug to treat low sexual desire in women won approval from U.S. health regulators on Tuesday.  I understand Bill (Are You Sleepy Yet) Cosby has pre-ordered several bottles.  Also the Association of Alcohol manufactures were planning on suing, saying that was their job.

This is filed under one more reason why I hate religion. 

Evangelical End Times pastor Jonathan (I Love To Hear Myself Talk Even When I Utter Extremely Stupid Things) Shuttlesworth spewed this piece of shit out of the pulpit last Sunday.  He said Robin Williams committed suicide because he didn’t have Jesus living in his heart. It is quite obvious that Pastor Pinhead doesn’t have a brain living in his head.

Texas Attorney General Ken ( I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton recently said he was overwhelmed with all of the support he had received since being indicted on felony securities fraud.  According to Juanita Jean, he has gotten seven emails of support so far.  According to my sources, three are from Nigeria, two are selling Viagra, one from a Russian princess wanting to marry him and one from Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry saying maybe they could be Pen Pals.

This is filed under “This takes the cake.”

The Duggar family of the Nineteen Kids and Counting show on TLC that was recently dropped after it was revealed that their son Josh (I’m A Touchy Feely Kind Of Guy) Duggar admitted to molesting 4 of his sisters and one unlucky neighbor has come up with a plan to get back on TV.  They are pitching doing a show to give advice on sexual abuse.  I understand they would be showing a lot of home videos.

And for the Icing on the cake:

Little Joshy Poo has just admitted to being addicted to pornography and being unfaithful to his wife.  Seems Josh was a subscriber to the Ashley Madison website which caters to married folks who want to have sex with folks they are not married to.

Rumors are all over the internet about a giant asteroid hitting earth sometime in September.  I understand the cost of asteroid protection insurance has sky rocketed. 




Stay tuned for future adventures.