Last Hump Of The Year

The year that was.

The Republican Party stayed with their motto.

No Policies

No Solutions

No Candidates

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump has replaced the Confederate Flag as the symbol of racism and has proved without a doubt that racism and bigotry are alive and well in America. Trump wants to “Take America Back”…actually back to 1950, with his campaign, “Make America Hate Again”

His town hall meetings have been described as a proctologist's dream…assholes by the hundreds.

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush proved that his little brother George Warmonger Bush doesn’t have a lock on dumb.  Jeb even tried the “Prince Plan” to try improving his campaign by changing his last name to an exclamation point.

The boys in the black robes brought out the hypocrites with their ruling on same-sex marriage.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Monday Blahs

Not only did I sleep past noon today, but I woke up brain-dead and bored with writing about dumb politicians and sleazy preachers, so I decided to throw another rerun at you.  I wrote this a few years ago, but it seemed appropriate for today. 

Some days I think funny and some days I don’t, but I always think. Today is one of those un-funny days and this is what I think.

I keep hearing people talking about the values and principals this country was built on,  but I find what they are spouting are mostly ad slogans and political talking points that were dreamed up by someone who had an agenda that had nothing to do with the welfare of the country.

How about having a fresh idea or a concept that you thought up, not just repeating what someone else said?  Are you a Republican or Democrat, Catholic or protestant  because you really studied their different ideology or because mommy and daddy were?  I don’t care what you are, just be yourself, not a clone.

How many times have you heard that it just takes good hard work to be successful?  Really……how many rich coal miners do you know?  I can’t think of anything that would be harder work than being a coal miner and there are lots of rich people who haven’t hit a lick at a snake or never lifted anything heavier than a fork.

I use to tell all the artists I worked with that the music business is a total crap shoot.  Having a lot of talent doesn’t guarantee anything.  Mostly I think success comes from passion and perseverance..  A lot of success comes from being in the right place at the right time and that usually comes from persistence.  I also know that success and happiness are not always the same.

If you can live your life doing what you love to do, then you are a huge success no matter what your bank account says and if your happiness depends on what other people think of you or your talent, you will never be happy.  That only comes from what you think of you.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Merry Christmas

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and if Santa didn’t make it to your house last night, it was probably because it was a full moon Christmas Eve and a werewolf ate him.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harraumph Day

Humps of the week.

Arizona state senator Sylvia (I’m Just Plain Stupid) Allen has been selected to head up the Arizona Education Committee. Stupid Sylvia believes the earth is only 6000 years old, the government is using commercial airliners to spray the public with mind-numbing chemicals and that church should be mandatory.  Look for the next generation of kids in Arizona to fail to get out of the eighth grade.

Alabama Congressmoron Mo (Dumb Than Smart) Brooks thinks President Obama  “wants to make America a place where God-fearing white people are pushed out of the country.”   Moron Mo is just another racist asshole who feels it’s safe come out from under his rock sheet now that Trump is leading in the Republican polls.

Here are the results from the latest poll of Republican running oozing for President.

Trump…Loudest

Carson…Dumbest

Cruz……Sleaziest & Creepiest

Rubio…  Ineptest

Christie   Fattest

Bush…... Whiniest 

Fironia…Bitchest

Huckabee…Holiest

Poor Steve Harvey is getting creamed for announcing the wrong winner of the Miss Universe Pageant.  The whole thing was cleared up in a matter of minutes, yet when the Supreme Court did the same thing, we had to live through two useless wars and eight years of George Warmonger Bush. . 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Musings

The real reason for the season as I have said before is Santa Claus.  The story of Santa comes from Saint Nicholas who was a 4th-century Greek Christian bishop of Myra.  St. Nick as he was called was known for giving presents to the poor, but here is the real story.  Ole St. Nick led a double life and in his secret life he was a cat burglar.  

In the wee morning hours of December 25^th back in the fourth century, Ole St. Nick was caught filling his sack up with loot by the folks who lived there. The quick thinking naughty Nick told the people that he was bringing them presents and began taking things out of his bag that he had stolen from other neighbors. The people bought in and the myth began.

A few days later as the kids were playing with their new toys with other kids they recognized some of their own stuff and thus began the age old tradition of gift exchanging.

Tired of sitting at the kids table during the Republican debacles, Lindsey (I’ll Have Another Mint Julep) Graham has decided to go home and leave the mudslinging to better mudslingers.  Little Lindsey whose campaign of “Gloom & Doom” never caught on with people who had an I.Q. above 30.

Florida Senaterrible Marco (No-Show) Rubio had this to say last week about the spending bill before it was voted on, “We should use every procedural aspect that we have to slow it down and perhaps force some changes on these things that we’ve been discussing,” then he decided not to even show up and vote against it. Marco lives by the Republican motto: do as I say, not what I do.

When I first saw the headline, “The wrong winner of the Miss Universe Pageant announced”, I was sure they had announced that Miss Mars was the winner instead of someone from earth.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flakes of Friday

I am pretty sure that aliens have landed in Woodland, North Carolina.  Their city council voted to ban a solar energy farm from being built in their little burg because they said it would suck up all of the sun’s energy and all their vegetables would die.  Evidently the aliens have a brain sucking machine and used it on the local folks.

If you are like me and have been wondering why a good guy with a gun hasn’t made an appearance at any of the mass shootings in the last twenty years to take down a bad man with a gun, this could be the reason. 

New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie made this statement during the Republican debacle the other night, “When I stand across from King Hussein of Jordan, I say to him you have a friend sir who will stand with you to fight this fight,” Since King Hussein has been dead for sixteen years, I’m pretty sure he could give a shit. Don’t ya love it when a bonehead who wants to be President of the United States is really on top of things?

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush’s campaign has spent almost 60 million dollars so far and he is at 3% in the polls.  Of course he still has a long way to go to top his brother George Warmonger Bush on wasting money. Remember the pallets of cash sent to Iraqi that disappeared?

Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have a Clue) Cruz is proving that he is bi-lingual by talking out of both sides of his mouth. 

If you missed the Republican debacle this week, this pretty much says it all.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just Another Day Of Humps

The humps of the week are the nine boneheads who were on stage at last night’s Republican debate debacle.

I can’t figure out why people think Iowa is so important in the race to be President.  They have only picked the winner twice since 1972, but they are great at picking losers,their nose, teeth, seats, pockets, fights,cotton, corn and on each other.

So the really good news is that Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz is leading in Iowa.

Uh oh, it looks like somebody’s been naughty

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Jingle Bell Blahs

 I am out of pocket today so I thought I would throw a rerun at you.  I wrote this a few years back and it seems to work just as well in 2015.

Well Hanukkah is over so at least no more Hanukkah music.  Now if I can manage to get through the next few weeks of Christmas music and television shows with my sanity intact, I will have survived yet another Holiday season.

This is not as easy a task as it sounds since every radio station in the United States will be playing Xmas music 24/7 and there will be a continuous stream of worn out Christmas programs.  When I say worn out, I do mean worn out.  How many years have we been watching “Rudolf, the Red Nose Raindeer”, “Charley Brown’s Christmas”, “Frosty The Snowman” or “The Ginch Who Stole Christmas” and etc?  My point is, here we are in the midst of High Definition and 3-D TV and the networks are running 40 year old animation at us.  Are they that greedy that they can’t come up with something new?

Probably the main reason I’m really into the “Bah Humbug” this year is that my wife and I discovered a beautiful 350 year old village in Mexico called San Miguel de Allende a number of years ago and began spending the last couple of weeks of the year down there.  It is located in the mountains of central Mexico about 2 hours north of Mexico City.  Only in the last couple of years did we even see a Christmas tree or any hint of the yule tide greetings.

It is a small, lovely laid back place that is an absolute paradise for writers and artist, which we both can qualify.  We have dreamed of moving there, at least part time for quite a while.  We are not going this year because the drug cartels decided to have a war.  Being the peaceniks that we are, we're staying as far away from it as possible. Even though San Miguel has no problems, getting there and back is not something we care to chance at this time.

So here we are surrounded by tra-la-la’s, jingle this and buy that, until we could puke.  Christmas does not have a significant religious tie to us and the over-commercialization by the retail world is very offensive. The advertising world insists through guilt and manipulation that we should show that love with large quantities of gifts.  I say, for that much togetherness we need large quantities of alcohol.   

I know we must both sound like Mr. and Mrs. Scrooge but we really are nice folks who just get over-whelmed with the season (in fact we just can’t find a reason for the season) and this year we aren’t getting to make our escape.  Bah Humbug……..

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Signs of Christmas

It’s that time of the year and let’s be honest.  Here is the real reason for the season.

And for the question who is the world’s most famous fictional character?

Uh oh, it looks like somebody’s number is up.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day

 Oh look, Christian Humps.

Pastor Steven (Another Pinhead In A Pulpit)Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist church in Tempe, Arizona  says women shouldn’t read books of their choosing, dress how they like, have sex, acknowledge the existence of men apart from their husband, publicly speak and that they must always obey their husbands.

Dr. Ashley E. Ray, I’m pretty sure the E stands for eegit, who is senior pastor of Ridgeway Baptist Church of Memphis, told his congregation last week that women needed to submit to their husbands in all things, and that the "feminist rebellion" was responsible for many of the problems the country was facing.

Arkansas Pastor Jeff (I Swear To God I'm A Idiot) Crawford said that a woman has no "right over her own body" because it is owned by God.

Here is what I don’t understand. Why don’t these assholes move to Iran or Saudi Arabia because that is exactly how they treat women?

The next time I hear some idiot Texas secessionist say he wants to leave America, I going to tell him I will gladly help him pack. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Things I've Pondered Over The Weekend

-NRA (National Rabid Assholes) say more guns make us safer.

-Statistics say America has the most guns and the most mass shootings.

-Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz says “the only way to take down a bad guy with a -gun is a good guy with a gun.”

-In 355 mass shootings this year, not a single good guy with a gun has stepped up and taken down a bad guy with a gun.

-Guns don’t kill people.

-The medical examiner in every mass shooting in the U.S says that every victim died from a gun.

The 2^nd Amendment is 224 years old.  Too bad it wasn’t written by Apple because it would have been updated at least 224 times by now and possibly make some sense.  

I know what Kay Jewelers ads say, but the jewelers here in East Texas say that every kiss begins with the lips and then comes the tongue.

Washington D.C. unveiled the new statue of Darth (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney last week and I must say the likeness is unbelievable.

The latest survey of the Republican candidates for President revel that

31% of Republican voters are extremely stupid

16% of Republican voters are just plain dumb

9%   of Republican voters think Tom Cruise is running for President

7%   of Republican voters think that Marco (I Have A Sugar Daddy) Rubio invented the Rubix cube.

Stay tuned for future adventures.