The Opposing Party

The Republicans say they are the “Alternative Party”. I agree, they are absolutely the alternative to anything of common sense or what is good for the majority of the country.

Here are some examples of the Republican Alternative Party. 

• New York Congressmoron Michael ( Make My Day Punk) Grimm tells a reporter that he will throw him off the balcony for asking a question he didn’t like.  He could have said no comment, but instead chose an alternative response.
• Georgia Congressmoron Jack ( Scrooge) Kingston says the free school lunch program which provides food for poor students should be dropped.   He said, “Poor kids should only have two options to get a school lunch. Either they should be bullied out of whatever change they may have in their pockets, or they should be forced to work for their meals as their classmates watch.” According to Kingston, this will teach kids that there is “no such thing as a free lunch.” A Savannah television station reported that taxpayers have provided $4,182 worth of free business meals to Kingston and his staff over the last three years alone.  I guess only Congressmorons get free lunches.
• Phil (Macho Man)Wilheit, Jr., who is the co-chairman of.Ole Jack the Scrooge’s Senate campaign told the people of Atlanta to quit whining about the snow storm that struck this week and “man up.”  I can see why Jack chose Phil to be his number one ass kisser.
• Texas Congressmoron Steve( I Don’t Have a Clue) Stockman gets up and walks out of the State of the Union speech.  He could have chosen to be respectful, but he too chooses an alternative response.
• Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am as Dumb as I Look)Gohmert wears his Santa Claus tie to the event to show his distain for President Obama. In fairness to Looney Louie, it’s the only tie he has.
• Kentucky Senaterrible Rand (I’ll Say Anything to Get on the News) Paul proposes that we penalize low-income women who have children.  Of course Ole Randy is also against contraception and abortion. In other words, for women there is no alternative. Rand has also said that if Hillary does run for President, the Republicans should bring up Bill’s womanizing while he was in office. I understand even Republicans are scratching their heads over that one.   
• Arizona GOP has censured Senaterrible John (Revolutionary War POW) McCain for being too liberal.  This is so stupid even I don’t have a wise-ass comment.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Pondering and Musing

Jay Leno is getting kicked off the Tonight Show for the second time and everyone is wondering whose show he is going to want to take over next.  I think I might have a clue.

The stomach bug finally caught up with me this week.  I spent most of the night throwing up with stomach cramps.  I felt like I had been on a Royal Caribbean cruise but didn’t have to pay $3000 dollars.  

The local TV station in our area is KTRE.  They have been running a promo about their weather alert system called ThunderCall.  The problem I have with it is that in the promo they feature a rotary dial phone.  It makes me a little suspicious of how up-to-date their technology is. 

A new survey says that the majority of Americans now feel marijuana should be legalized.  It’s not that they said “Yes,” to that questions, the majority of the people surveyed just looked glazed and said, “Did you say something?”

A young teenage girl from Texas has survived a 3500 plunge to the earth.  Her parents had given her the sky diving trip for her birthday.  She has multiple fractures of the ribs and pelvis, but will recover.  I don’t know but it sounds like maybe they should have given her a parachute for her birthday.

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth is down to only $1.6 million left in her financial reserves for the household budget.  A source says they overspent this past year.  It appears the largest item on the list was for hats.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

                                                                    Snowman

                                                                 Snowflake

Looks like Mother Nature is about to drag her cold front through town again and she may be dropping little snow flurries along the way.  I think I need to check the by-laws of Texas because I didn’t sign up for this kind of weather when I moved here.

I think the Westminster Kennel Club got a little more than they bargained for when they opened up entries to include mixed breeds.  So far Pluto, Goofy, Marmaduke, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Eddy, Shooby Do, and Benji have signed up.

I spent many years working in the music business and have never, ever watched the Grammys or paid any attention to anything they have ever done.  The reasons are many but here are a couple you can probably relate to.  Kanye West has won 21 more Grammys than The Beatles and Polka King Jimmy Sturr (I’ve never heard of him either) has as many Grammys as Aretha Franklin. 

Republican Congressmoron from Florida, Trey (Just Say No)  Radel is resigning after his conviction of cocaine charges back in November.  He said he is quitting so he can spend more time with his drug dealer, er family.

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman has popped back up after missing 15 votes in the House.  Steve said he has been on a fact finding mission.  He said that after hearing about the shortage of Velveeta Cheese before the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided to make a trip to the moon to see if it really was made of cheese.  Unfortunately there was no moon during that time of the month, so he just went to Tijuana.   

A vial of blood of Pope John Paul Ringo and George II  has been stolen from the Vatican.  Sounds like a paternity suit could be on the way.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Flakes

 We woke up to lots of snow on the ground this morning.  I think I will stay inside today with a good book. 

Justin ( Part Time Teen Idol, Full Time Teen Idiot) Bieber has been arrested on DWI Charges and is under investigation for causing damage to his neighbor’s house in LA. I predict his final step in his downward plunge to rock bottom will be to start dating Lindsay Lohan.

Former Arkansas Governor Mike ( Blah, Blah,Blah) Huckabee had this to say at the RNC conference in Washington D.C. yesterday.   "If the Democrats want to insult women by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it."
Even the Republicans don’t understand what he means. I am pretty sure ole Mike is one of those religious wacko’s that speak in tongue.  When asked if he also handled snakes, he smirked that he was a member of the Republican Party.

Jamie (The Real Wolf of Wall Street) Dimon, chairman and CEO of JPMorgan Chase & Co. was given a raise and will receive $20 million for his work in 2013.  This is after JPMorgan Chase annual profits fell 16% on his watch.  Wow, just think what they would have paid him if the profits were up. 

Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman is AWOL.  It seems he hasn’t shown up for a vote since January 9th and the last time he was seen in public was January 14th.  I am pretty sure his superiors from planet Numnuts have recalled him. Either that or the Intelligence Police have arrested him for being too stupid to be in public.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

The King of Dumb

Congressmoron Louie (I Really am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert hasn’t always been the King of Dumb.  Looney Louie’s sad saga began a number of years ago after he had failed to get his dream job as a crash test dummy.  It seems he flunked the written test.  He was telling a friend of his that he felt like he wasn’t fit to do any kind of a job.  His friend immediately told him that he was perfect for politics. He went on to tell Louie that he was in best place in world to be elected to Congress because he lived in deep East Texas where some of the dumbest people on the planet resided.

Louie’s got elected but little was heard from him during his first term.  He didn’t know that Congress met in Washington D.C. and simply went down to the courthouse in Tyler, Texas and waited for them to call his name.  Sometime during his second term he caught a ride to the Capitol and after wondering the halls for a couple of weeks found an office with his name on the door.

During Louie’s fourth term he was confronted by some of his constituents who told him that they were disappointed in him because they never saw his name in the paper or heard him on any talk radio shows.  Louie told them that he had been expressing opinions on the various matters before Congress but nobody seemed to care.  They told him the Congress or the media doesn’t want to hear about serious stuff they want someone who will say something outrageous.  Serious stuff doesn’t sell newspapers or get you a spot on Sunday morning TV, they said.

During Louie’s fifth term he let the inner Louie out to play and a star was born.  He had something stupid to say about everything from abortion to religion.  The finial proof that Louie really is the King of Dumb is that the vast majority of the folks in Congress are millionaires.  The interesting thing about that is that most of them were NOT millionaires before going to Washington D.C.  Louie, on the other hand, recently reported that he is $142, 000.00 in debt.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Fragments

I am pretty sure the proprietor is a member of the Tea Party.

It hasn’t been much fun up here in the country for the last few weeks.  If you have been reading this little blog, you know that we have been in major sick mode, but the good news is that things are steadily getting better. 

Speaking of fun, here is something that will pick up your day. The next time a couple of Jehovah Witnesses come to your door and ask if you have found Jesus tell them you didn’t know he was missing.  Then ask them if they have notified the police and began putting up posters in the neighborhood.  You can also ask them if they are there to recruit you for a search party.   

Something fishy is going on with the folks of Gilligan’s Island.  If they never got off that island, how do we know the professor died?

The movie “Lee Daniels, The Butler” got snubbed by the Oscars.  I think a lot of people thought it was the sequel to “The Help.”

West Virginia preacher Mark Wolford who use to believe that Christians should handle snakes to test their faith is no longer a member of that camp.  Mark is no longer a member of anything.  He died of a snake bite over the weekend.  Handling snakes is not a good thing to do at anytime, so I would be remiss not to remind you to never shake hands with Rick(All Hair, No Integrity) Perry or Gregg( Hell On Wheels) Abbott. 

Louie (I Really Am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert is really pissed at Oklahoma judges because they ruled that denying rights to same sex marriage was unconstitutional.  Louie said the Judges “basically needed some plumbing lessons.”  I am assuming that ole Looney Tunes thinks that the only reason to get married is if your pipes fit together.  Of course we all know what is basically needed is for Louie to have a brain.  I wonder how this moron finds his way home at night.  



Stay tuned for future adventures.

New Jersey Troll

New Jersey Governor Chris(I Know Nothing) Christie is finding that the toll on the George Washington Bridge may be a lot higher than he thought. It looks like the Republican Party’s Great White Whale, er, shark, Hope is sinking in a sea of lies, bad judgment and stupidity.  I am still laughing, couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.  The absolute stupidity of his deputy chief of staff Bridget Anne Kelly is stunning. Doing the deed is one thing, talking about it in an email is beyond comprehension.  This may be the dumbest political blunder since Watergate.

The two hour press conference was quite entertaining. Instead of the blustery Col. Klink showing up, he had turned into Sgt. Schultz and knew “nuthinz.” Everybody involved in this little episode was appointed by Christie and yet he didn’t know anything about it.  Sorry, not buying it. 

Dennis(I Really Am That Stupid)  Rodman has apologized for his stupid remarks when in North Korea last week.  He says he was drunk.  Oh well, that’s different then. I guess he was drunk when he decided to go visit his buddy Kim Jong un in the first place. I would stay drunk too if my only friend was a psychotic dictator.

Tom ( Hey Remember Me) Arnold said he dropped 90 pounds because he stopped eating like a jerk.  Now if he could just stop acting like a jerk.

Last Wednesday was Elvis’s 79th birthday.  I am a little worried that we haven’t had any Elvis sightings in a while.  I hope he is not sick. 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

I know I haven’t ranted and cursed the Kochroaches, aka Tea Party Boneheads, lately but I have been busy being pissed at another bug this past week.  My co-heart in crime, partner, best friend, lover and wife Diana has been in the hospital for the past week.  She came down with Flu-type B (BAD), which is not as terrible as Flu type A (Awful), but pretty nasty itself and then it moved to Flu-type P (pneumonia) which really kicked her butt.  If you read her blog Ida Clare then you know she is a very funny lady, but when it comes to being sick she has no sense of humor at all. And if you don’t read her blog, you are missing out on a great read.  The good news is we are home now and she is much better.

I will be back on the Do Nothing Boneheads in Washington next week.  I really do feel that every one of these assholes should pack it up and go home.  I’m talking all of them; I don’t care if they are Republicans, Democrats, Independents or Presbyterians.  These so called public servants could really do the public a great service and get out of politics. They have moved from public servants to public nuisance.  I know they won’t because they don’t have the brains or talent to do anything else, but we can always wish for someone with some integrity to take the job.



Stay tuned for future adventures.