Harraumph Day

The next Republican debate should be interesting if Prick (This is not a typo) Perry decides to join in the fun seeing as how he couldn’t even hold his own against a 9 year old in New Hampshire last week.

 
So Michele Bachmann blames gaffes on busy speaking schedule.  Maybe she ought to try “Shutting the fuck up.”   

A number of my out of state friends have asked me if the summer has really been that hot in Texas, so I decided to include this piece that was passed on to me by my friend Paul Kirby who lives in California.


June 1st:
Just moved to Texas!
Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
It is beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up.
Got to 100 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air- conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks.
What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing the lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking
longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool.
Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work.
What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed my cat, Lomita, sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.
The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits.
I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.
Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again..

July 25th:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell.
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200
just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.
$225,000 house and I can't even go inside.
Lomita is the lucky one.
Why did I ever come here?

August 1st:
It's 105 degrees.
Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85.
I hate this stupid state.

August 3rd:
If another wise guy cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to strangle him...Damn heat.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are
soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

August 5th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,
When I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire.
My skin melted to the seat.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt and baked cat.

August 6th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...
And the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state?
Water rationing has been on the last six weeks.
My $1,700 worth of cactus might just dry up and blow over.
Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

August 8th:
Welcome to HELL!
Temperature got to 110 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me???
“Hot enough for you today?"

August 10th
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas...
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes...

Author Unknown ~