Oily Michele Bachmann

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Michele (I Heart Big Oil) Bachmann is once again talking out of both sides of her mouth.  On one hand she says she would consider allowing drilling in the Everglades, if it wouldn’t hurt the environment.  Well that could never happen.  Just ask Exxon or British Petroleum or the folks in Alaska or the Gulf of Mexico.  On the other hand, she says she is in favor or completely eliminating the Environmental Protection Agency.  Michele, why are you so concerned about big oil?  What have they ever done for you?

So Michele (I may be even dumber than you think) Bachmann says that the recent earthquake and Hurricane Irene was God’s way of getting politicians attention to the debt and deficit problem.  First of all isn’t she a politician and do you really think God is worried about the debt and deficit problem? 

Here is something to look forward to:  Mrs. Bachmann has written a memoir (I’m sorry but I have to roll in the floor here with laughter) and it will be coming out in November.  Who knew she could write?  No title as of yet but here are a few suggestions.
•    Open Mouth, Insert Foot
•    Running For President For Dummies
•    I Just Pray That I’m Not Married to a Gay Man
•    How To Get Attention by Saying Really Stupid Things.
•    I Believe Anybody Can Be President, Even an Idiot.
•    Bachmann Debacle
•    Minnesota Moron.
•    History of Minnesota: From Fats to Flake.

Here are few things that Rick (I’m so full of bullshit, it’s leaking out of my boots) Perry is not telling people about on the campaign trail. Texas has the most people in the country without health insurance and we are number one in the fewest people who graduate from high school. 

Or how about this one, Perry and the Republican-controlled Texas legislature requested, received and used $6.4 billion in stimulus money to help balance the budget. 97 percent of the budget shortfall was filled with stimulus money.

I keep reading about people bitching and harping about coverage of Hurricane Irene being over done.  Would ya’ll feel better if about 5000 people had been killed and billions of dollars worth of damage had been done?  I’m not saying the media didn’t do their usual over the top job, of course they did, but if it upsets you, don’t watch it.  And don’t blame the weather people; it’s the news directors that call the shots.  They say what goes on the air.

The rebels in Libya still haven’t found Gadafi but then again they haven’t searched Condoleezza Rice’s house yet...

After seeing the new list of contestants for “Dancing With the Stars” I’m wondering why the word “Stars” is still in the title?

Here is a headline for you…”Construction bounce seen from Irene”…YOU THINK?





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Another Dick Writes A Book

Tweet  According to the excerpts I’ve seen from former Vice President Darth (I am a Dick) Cheney, he really is the second coming of Darth Vader.  In the book he talks of trying to convince President Bush to bomb Syria.  He also wanted to bomb the National Democratic Headquarters, all of the blue states, Congress, The New York Times, the EPA, NPR, PBS,   and the houses of John McCain, Colin Powell, Valerie Plame Wilson and Condoleezza Rice.   The book stays true to his character in that he is an arrogant, belligerent, paranoid asshole and proud of it.

I just got a sneak peek at Michele (I’m not nearly as smart as I look) Bachmann’s health care plan which she will release later in the week.  It’s pretty simple.  It says if you get sick, her husband will pray you well.

Here is the latest word from FEMA.  “What hurricane?”

The latest national survey indicates most of the country is as fed up with Congress as I am. 



 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harraumph Day

The next Republican debate should be interesting if Prick (This is not a typo) Perry decides to join in the fun seeing as how he couldn’t even hold his own against a 9 year old in New Hampshire last week.

 
So Michele Bachmann blames gaffes on busy speaking schedule.  Maybe she ought to try “Shutting the fuck up.”   

A number of my out of state friends have asked me if the summer has really been that hot in Texas, so I decided to include this piece that was passed on to me by my friend Paul Kirby who lives in California.


June 1st:
Just moved to Texas!
Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
It is beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up.
Got to 100 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air- conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks.
What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing the lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking
longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool.
Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work.
What a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed my cat, Lomita, sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.
The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits.
I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.
Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again..

July 25th:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell.
The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200
just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.
$225,000 house and I can't even go inside.
Lomita is the lucky one.
Why did I ever come here?

August 1st:
It's 105 degrees.
Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85.
I hate this stupid state.

August 3rd:
If another wise guy cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to strangle him...Damn heat.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are
soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

August 5th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,
When I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire.
My skin melted to the seat.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt and baked cat.

August 6th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...Hot and sunny...
And the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state?
Water rationing has been on the last six weeks.
My $1,700 worth of cactus might just dry up and blow over.
Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

August 8th:
Welcome to HELL!
Temperature got to 110 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me???
“Hot enough for you today?"

August 10th
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas...
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes...

Author Unknown ~

The Skelton in the Bachmann Closet

Have you taken a really close look at Michele Bachmann’s hubby Marcus?  You know the one who says he can pray gay folks straight.  I believe this dude might be deep in the closet.  He may be spending time on his knees, but I don’t believe he’s praying.  Just an inkling I thought I would pass along.

The latest unemployment figures came out this past week and it shows Texas having the highest number of unemployed in 24 years. Looks like Governor Rick (Is my nose growing?) Perry’s “Texas Miracle” which began turning into the “Texas Mirage” earlier in the week is now full blown “Pure Texas Bullshit.”

Governor Rick (I may change my name to Bush) Perry used an experimental and controversial operation to treat his back problem.  Seems to me like the simplest thing to do would have been to just remove the large stick that is stuck up his ass.    

I have to admit ole Slick Rick (Serial Politician) has perfected pay to play politics to a fine art form.

Former Congressman Tom Davis, who was co-chair of the committee which recommended that Clemens be investigated for perjury following his testimony, said yesterday  that Clemens has already “suffered enough.”  He also said he also doesn’t take the underlying act of a ballplayer taking steroids to be all that serious in the grand scheme.  This is the guy that brought the use of steroids to the attention of Congress.   Huh, kind of like it’s no big deal for Congressmen to take money for votes, move projects along for friends and move right into lobbying after making all the important contacts in Washington.   Sorta like that Tom?

WHAT  … Donald Trump didn't attend Kim Kardashian’s wedding?  After some checking, it appears the Don was miffed.  That thing on his head didn’t get an invitation.  

A news story making the rounds among my ole radio buds is about a non-human DJ that will take to the airwaves this week in San Antonio, Texas.  It’s not news to me.  I worked with a number of folks in my old radio days who I am pretty sure were not human.
   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flippant Friday

The Republican Party has come up with a slogan for 2012.  After much teeth gnashing, head slapping and grumbling, the GOP has decided on a motto.  They went back and pulled out an old model, polished it up, re-worked it and tweaked it for today’s times.  I think it really captures the spirit of the party. 

Yesterday in New Hampshire Governor Rick ( I make “W” look like a genius) Perry said, "In Texas, we teach both creationism and evolution in our public schools."  Clay Robison, a spokesman for the Texas State Teachers Association, the state’s teachers’ union, says, “It is not part of the recognized official state curriculum.”  Later Slick Rick said he meant in Vacation Bible School. 

Icky Ricky also cleared up the reason Texas is suffering through one of the worst droughts ever and multiple days of over 100 degrees of heat.  He said that scientist have manipulated data.  I’m shocked…I had no idea he knew the word manipulated.

Michele Bachmann said in an interview this week that one of the biggest fears of the American people was the rise of the Soviet Union and that as soon as she was President she would meet with Nikita Khrushchev and put him in his place. Michele also said if she were elected President she would bring back $2 a gallon gasoline and the Beetles.  She said was going to get a hold of John Lennon in the next few days..  Does this bimbo need a keeper or what?

A former sheriff from a rural county in northwestern Missouri has pleaded guilty to coercing eight women to expose their breasts and other areas of their bodies during law enforcement searches. Neal Wayne “Bear” Groom served as Worth County sheriff for eight years.  Now I figure if your sheriff is named “Bear,” it’s pretty much a given that he is going to be a redneck yahoo.

HP, the poster child for how run a business….right into the ground.

Here is a headline for you.  Report: Most Adults Behind On Vaccinations
I believe that should read, Most Adults Vaccinations Are in the Behind.

Today's good read is Spiral by Paul McEuen.  This is Paul's debut novel and it is a page turner that takes you into the world of biological warfare. 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Michele Sticks It In Her Mouth Again

Just when you thought she couldn’t say anything dumber.   Michele (I make Sarah Palin look smart) Bachmann does it again.  Yesterday she gets off her bus tour and says happy birthday to Elvis.  Of course yesterday is when The King left the building.

Newsflash… THERE IS NO TEA PARTY.  There is only disgruntled, whinny, wacko fringe Republicans.  There is not a single member of Congress that has the initials TP(Tea Party) beside his name.  There is only R for Republican, D for Democrat or I for Independent.  Although I will admit that there are a number of people in Congress who should have TP beside their name for Total Pinhead. So for all you Tea Party wing nuts, take your Tea Party crap and shove it.  You are Republicans.

The economic experts are now weighing in on latest batch of snake oil that Rick (Mr. Landgrab) Perry is trying to sell to the country that is known as the “Texas Miracle.”  They have found that all of his bullshit about low unemployment comes from either government jobs or low income jobs. Texas is tied with Mississippi for the highest percentage of minimum wage jobs.  The “Texas Miracle” is actually the “Texas Mirage.”

The main reason that Texas has had a fairly robust economy for most of Icky Ricky’s time in office is because of the price of oil. Texas is also number one in having the most residents without health insurance. Perry handled the state’s budget shortfall by cutting millions from education and state agencies.  What a guy…

 According to the Mayans, Rick Perry will be elected President in 2012.

I just read where there is this 4 year old kid who is a preacher and then I see that he is from Mississippi….Never mind.

For the sports addicted out there whose mantra is “We can’t get enough sports on TV” there is hope.   ESPN (Every Sport Per Nauseam) will be televising 69 Little League games in a 19-day span before the championship Aug. 28.  I am sure they will be televising T-Ball by next year.

 A story making the rounds on the Internet about the tragedy in Indiana State Fair is causing a stir.  In the article written by some pinhead named Josh Grossberg, it states that Sugarland, the country music act that was supposed to play that day was saved because they were having a prayer circle. 

Josh has this line in the story, “Looks like God was listening.”  Let me see if I have this straight, as far as anybody knows, the five people who died could have uttered a last ditch, last minute prayer, but since they weren’t in a circle, God wasn’t listening? Since they weren’t country music singers, God couldn’t be convinced to spare them?  What the hell kind of God are we talking about here? 

Well gee, Josh, I wonder what the families of the five people who were killed thought about your theory?
What an absolutely stupid thing to say.  The fact is the prayer circle has nothing to do with it.  Sugarland could have been plotting to kill, maim and rob people and they still would have lived.  They were in the right place at the right time and the five that got killed, sadly weren’t.
 
I am weary of God getting the credit when someone doesn’t die and not being held accountable when someone does.  I am also weary of the self-appointed mouthpieces of God, who claim to know the mind of God and speak for he/she/it here on earth.




Stay tuned for future adventures

OMG..Not Again

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I am hoping the whole country is collectively saying, “Not another Texan in the White House.”  I live in Texas and I think Texas has a very poor record when it comes to Presidents. 

I believe “W” will go down as one to the worst Presidents we’ve had.  He was not evil; just inept.  I don’t believe the man has ever had an original thought.  The only thing “W” ever had going for him was the legacy of his last name and Karl Rove, who told him what to do.

The other Texan in the White House was LBJ.  I think Lyndon did one good thing, Civil Rights, for which he should get full credit, but according to many of the people who worked with him and have written about the experience, he was mean, dishonest, manipulating and over-all not a very good President. 

Our latest candidate for the gig is Rick (I really want to be King) Perry.  Of the three, Perry is without a doubt the most pure professional and polished politician, which on the Tanner scale means as a human being he is the lowest bottom feeder of all.  He strikes me as a truly despicable person with no moral or ethical standards.

But even if the country one year from this November went completely stupid for one day, I don’t think the world would end.  We have had some really bad Presidents during our 235 year history and we are still standing.  Calvin Coolidge, Woodrow Wilson, Warren Harding and Howard Taft to name a few, have resided at the White House for a while and the country didn’t fall apart.

In my life time we have suffered through three really bad Presidents besides “W.”  I think Richard Nixon really was “A crook,” and Ronald Reagan was a mediocre actor who was a terrible President.  He doubled the deficit; inflation went through the roof and the combination of his “Trickle-down-economics” which doesn’t work and de-regulation was the catalyst that got the ball rolling for the financial collapse of 2007 which we are still suffering through today.  I also think Jimmy Carter is a good person but was a bad President. 

Our real problem has always been Congress.  The latest polls show that 84% of the country thinks they are doing a bad job, but here is the kicker: a 56% majority think that their Representative or Senator should stay in office.  It’s always the other guy who is screwed up.  Since we can only vote for our guy and not vote out the other guy, nothing changes.  DUH…the Homer Simpson factor is alive and well.

If your Representative or Senator has been there for a long time, then he is doing a bad job.  He or she is part of the problem.  There are a number of people who have been in Congress almost as long as I can remember.  They are NOT doing a good job.  If they were, we wouldn’t be in the trouble we are in today.  The only way to change that is to vote them out!  In other words, if you really want change, YOU HAVE TO VOTE YOUR PERSON OUT.  Everyone should have some loyalty to the state they live in but we are Americans and that means doing what is right for the whole country.

I didn’t believe in term limits for a long time.  I thought the democratic process was the way but since the politicians have manipulated the system so badly, I think it is time to try it. 

John Boehner won’t even say the word compromise.  Hey, life is a compromise.  We don’t always get to have everything we want every time. To have no compromise is not a democratic society; it is a dictatorship, and I’m not ready to drag out the throne for any party.

I think that ole rock & roll philosopher Mick Jagger said it best, “You many not get to keep the Senator or Representative you want, but if you vote them out of office, you might get what you need.”



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

What to do, what to do?  Seems like everyday is filled with decisions that we have to make and a lot of the time without much information.  Sorta like this sign.  Gee I wonder which lane is going to be closed?   I wonder what dumbass made the decision about this sign?  My guess is that it would be somebody high up in management or Congress...

At least 76 salmonella illnesses nationwide have been linked to Turkey.  Damn, do we not have any allies in the Middle East?

Doctors in Houston are reporting a rise in foot and mouth disease.  I am really shocked by this.  I didn’t think that Michele Bachmann had ever been to Houston.

Congressman David Wu, Democrat from Oregon resigned this week.  In his letter of resignation he said, “There is no other job where you get up every day and ask, 'How can I try to make the world a better place today?'"  He evidently decided he could make the world a better place by resigning.  Now if the rest of Congress would just follow suit.

Dallas is coming up on it’s 5th day in a row of temperatures of 105 degrees or more.  Whew.  I'm sure glad Michele Bachmann has told us that global warming is a hoax.  I feel cooler already.  

A Swedish man who was arrested after trying to build a nuclear reactor in his kitchen has said that he bought some of the radioactive materials he used on eBay. They must have been listed under Terrorist Supplies.

The Postal Service said it lost $5.7 billion during the nine-month period that ended June 30.  And I thought they were just losing my mail.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

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The Wasilla, Alaska, beauty salon credited with giving Sarah Palin's trademark "up-do" hairstyle will be the subject of its own reality television show, it will be called,"Big Hair Alaska".  Also coming up on cable is a show about John McCain who is credited with introducing Sarah to the world.  It will be called “Big Moron in Arizona.”

I think Glen Beck’s fifteen minutes of fame are up.  Of course his lasted about fourteen minutes longer than it should have, but hey that’s show biz.  Last week Glen made an outstandingly asinine and outrageous statement about the tragedy in Norway and it didn’t even make the news.  Not a ripple.

It looks like Kansas Governor Sam (I’m so narrow-minded, my hat size is a 2) Brownback, who was the only Governor to say that he would attend Rick ( I may run for President, but I really want to be King )  Perry’s big pray-a-thon, “The Response,” is having second thoughts and this guy is a major conservative dip-shit.  Here is what the state looks like after only 5 months of Sam’s narrow minded tight fisted hand at the wheel. 

Kansas will soon become one of the most difficult places in the country for a woman to obtain an abortion and not only that, its public schools will have much leaner budgets. Government workers will have smaller pensions or pay more to keep what they have. Several state agencies have been closed or merged. Also Kansas will look for ways to spend less on health care for the poor in the Medicaid program. And they will be the first state to eliminate funding for the arts.

So if Governor Brownback is thinking this shindig is a little too icky, then you know “The Response” is a real freak show.  Word is that ole slick Rick is even backtracking on how involved he is going to be on August 6th.  Now he says he might not be a speaker, but he would be passing the collection plate.

The White House was in lock down yesterday as the Secret Service caught a man climbing over the fence surrounding the premises, but after a short period of time Obama was convinced to go back in and finish his term. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.