The Fine Art Of Hypocrisy

All of the right wing-nut blowhards on radio, Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck and Sean Hannity are bashing the unions.  What you might not know is that they are all members of AFTRA along with Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin.  AFTRA of course is part of the AFL-CIO. Obviously they are also all members of The Hypocrite Society.  They get together once a day and talk out of both sides of their mouth at the same time.  Their motto is “The grass is greener on both sides of the fence.”

Michelle Obama’s national initiative targeting childhood obesity has drawn criticism from some conservatives who see it as an example of the government trying to exert more control over people's lives. Now these are the same conservatives who are against a woman’s right to choose, ie Roe vs Wade.  Most of these folks call themselves pro-life and are for the death penalty. Do I smell a little hypocrisy here?

How about the Tea Partiers?  This bunch is hammering on Congress to cut spending and shrink the government.  Now these people didn’t just move here last year.  No, they sat on their dead asses and didn’t make a peep while George W and the Republicans during their eight years in power started two wars and spent money like they were Democrats.

But the real winners in the fine art of hypocrisy goes to the U.S. government doctors who once thought it was fine to experiment on disabled people and prison inmates. Such experiments included giving hepatitis to mental patients in Connecticut, squirting a pandemic flu virus up the noses of prisoners in Maryland, and injecting cancer cells into chronically ill people at a New York hospital.

This all came out after the government's apology last fall for federal doctors infecting prisoners and mental patients in Guatemala with syphilis 65 years ago.  I don’t know about you, but I would love to do a little experimenting on these jackasses..  I guess these doctors missed the memo about “Do no harm first.”


And Now For Something Completely Different.


The missing Democrats in Wisconsin are now being referred to as the Wisconsin 14.  Wow, they will go into the history books along side the Chicago Seven, The Big Ten, The Indianapolis 500, San Francisco Forty Niners and Super Bowl XLIII.  Let’s not forget, Route 66, The Dirty Dozen, Butterfield Eight, , Henry the VIII, U-2, and Ocean's Eleven.  My many friends reminded me there is also The Fab Four, The Kingston Trio, The Terrible Two’s, The Three Amigos, The Dave Clark Five, Three Dog Night and Forty From The Top. 

Italian President Silvio Berlusconi gave a belly dancer over $300,000 dollars in gifts and Charlie Sheen spent $470,000 dollars buying cars for porn stars.  Damn, the wages of sin have gone up.

Tea Party favorite Christine O'Donnell says she's been invited to be a contestant on TV's "Dancing with the Stars." This doesn’t seem fair to me.  Christy being a former witch could probably put a spell on the other contestants and make them fall down a lot.

Moammar Gadhfi, his friends call him Moe, has pulled ahead of Hoss Murbarak and Kim Jon sic in the wackiest dictator in the world award.  I am surprised Moe’s brothers; Curly, Larry and Shemp haven’t said anything about all of this. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Internet Intervention

I had been thinking about doing something on all the different emails I get telling me all kinds of crappy things that I should know about and then a friend of mine sends me this.  After reading it, I decided I certainly could not say it any better.  So here it is.  Enjoy 

Thanks for your help
 By Charles Burton

As we finished the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally paranoid about everything now, and see little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to , , , and ..

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a quarter dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . ..

P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet


 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Preachers, Pimps and Politicians

In the world of Rod, the two lowest rungs on the ladder belong to Politicians and Preachers.  My feelings about politicians began with President Richard (I’m not a crook) Nixon and his Vice-President Spiro (I am a crook) Agnew.  When these two creeps got to the highest office in the land, I decided politicians were the lowest of the lows.

There have been a few, very few I might add, since then that have made me feel any different. I do not believe in serial politicians.  Politics was not meant to be a career.  I think it is wonderful to spend a short period of time in being a public servant and then you should go back to a real career.  Long term politicians do not gain experience, they only collect baggage. 

In today’s world of politics, it takes so much money to get elected, that you are beholden to so many people when you start the job, that you can’t make hard decisions that are right or meaningful to the country.  There is no governing going on, just constant campaigning.

The Senate today has 56 millionaires and 58 lawyers. The median wealth of a U.S. Senator in 2009 was $2.38 million. Over fifty percent of the Congressmen in Washington are millionaires and 170 of them are lawyers.   The wealthiest member of Congress has a minimum net worth of $167.55 million. 

So basically the laws are being made and the country is being run by millionaire lawyers.   By the way many of these people were not millionaires when they entered politics.  Isn’t that interesting?


The list of preachers that have fallen by scandal is a long one.  Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker, Ted Haggard, Bishop Eddie Long to name a few.  I don’t know too much about Joel Osteen other than he has the largest congregation in the United States and he is right here in Houston.  He did catch my eye the other day when he said homosexuality was a sin because it was in the scriptures.  I wonder if he believes its ok to kill your kids if they don’t obey you.  That’s in the Bible too.

One of the most recent scandals came from Rev. Cedric Miller the pastor of the Living Word Christian Fellowship Church in New Jersey who said Facebook was a "portal to infidelity."  It appears he has a few skeletons in his closet. 

It seems he had a three-way sexual relationship with his wife and a male church assistant. In court testimony he gave in April 2003, Miller said his wife had an extramarital affair with the church assistant. Miller said he participated in many of the sexual encounters and said the assistant's wife was sometimes present, too. Miller said the dalliances — which occurred in the Millers' home — sometimes took place during Thursday Bible study meetings and Sundays after church.

 Wow, a threesome. This gives a whole new implication to the Holy Trinity or Sermon on the Mount.  How about “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?”  Also, I would think that St. Peter was a big focus in the Bible study meetings along with chants of “Oh God, Oh God.” ….. Your rod and your staff take on completely different meanings as well as the laying on of hands.  Instead of the missionary work, I think they were mostly studying the missionary position.  I’m not sure but I would imagine speaking in tongues had a part in there somewhere.
It’s amazing how these jerks seek out the spotlight of national publicity only to find that it is a giant bug zapper. 

Pimps are one rung up but have very much in common with politicians and preachers.  They are never involved in the actual screwing but do receive a financial benefit from the action.  Of course now days they go by different names, sports agent, talent agent, radio consultant, political guru and chief of staff just to name a few.

Today’s good read is Rouge Island by Bruce DeSilva.  This is his first novel and I look forward to many more. It has great characters that are well written.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Imagine This

Someone asked me the other day, “What do you do?”  For most people it would probably been a easy question to answer, “Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief,” whatever, but I had to think about it for minute.  I finally said, “I use my imagination.”  He looked at me like I had two heads and walked off.

I am a writer and what I do is use my imagination.  I make things up. Stories, quotes, jokes, little tidbits of information that I hope will make people laugh or think about how our world works.  To me imagination is the most powerful tool man has.  If it wasn’t for imagination, we would still be standing around butt naked eating apples. 

Just think of it, everything in our world today was imagined by somebody first.  It makes no difference if you believe in evolution or creationism, it is still the same.  Everything on our planet besides us, animals and the vegetation was a thought first.  Mike Dooley, a writer I really like says “Thoughts become things.”  Albert Einstein once said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”  

One of the things that upset me the most is hearing people (mostly politicians) saying “Oh we can’t do that.”  Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.”  If we could go back in time and bring people into our time, how many things do you think they would see that they never would have believed was possible? 

Imagination is how we create the world. If you look around, we have created the world we live in.  So think good thoughts and use your imagination at its highest level.  Remember if you can imagine it, then it is possible.  I’m not saying it will happen or that it is even probable, but it is possible.  Imagine that.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Week That Was....Wasn't Too Good For Some.

This week was Kim Jon il’s birthday.  I understand he spent all day in his birthday suit.


There are four television shows on the air right now staring a Kardashian but there is not a single show on the air staring a Romulan, a Klingon, a Vulcan or anyone from the Borg Collective.  What’s up with that?

The founder of Wild Oats stores has resigned after he was arrested in a prostitution sting in Phoenix. I guess he was planning on sowing his.

A new report out says that laughing gas is returning as an option for laboring moms. Another good time for laughing gas is during conception.

Spanish media are reporting that Tour de France champion Alberto Contador will be cleared of doping charges by the Spanish Cycling Federation.  Apparently he finally passed a IQ test. 

I just saw this headline on MSNBC.  Wife stops tiger attack with wooden soup ladle.  I thought she hit him with a golf club?

Former Ohio State/Baltimore Colts quarterback/gambling fiend Art Schlichter was charged with a first-degree felony connected to over $1 million in theft to fund a ticket scam. Schlichter has been arrested 44 times for various crimes and is still scamming folks out of their money.  Who has this guy got for a lawyer?   Perry Mason?

Lady Gaga says she spent 72 hours in the egg, before the Grammys show.  Of course she had smoked a couple of joints before going in and was actually only in the egg twenty minutes.

If the Republicans in Congress were really serious about a smaller Government, they would all resign.

Spring training is about to begin for Major League Baseball. Hotels in Arizona and Florida are already completely booked…and that’s just the steroid salesmen.

A teacher in Pennsylvania has been suspended for writing about her students in a blog. She posted, “They are rude, disengaged, lazy whiners. They curse, discuss drugs, talk back, argue for grades, complain about everything, fancy themselves entitled to whatever they desire, and are just generally annoying."  Sounds to me like the students should have been suspended.


When asked his thoughts about Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi’s upcoming trial that he paid for sex with an underage girl.  Former Republican “Shirtless Chris Lee” said that would never happen here in America.  “We always ask for ID.”

Charley Sheen said in an interview this week he had some advice for Lindsay Lohan. “Work on your impulse control,” Sheen said from his been-there-done-that perspective. “Just try to think things through a little bit before you do them.”  This doesn’t even need a punch line.  I’m still laughing….
.
Today's good read is another blog I think you will enjoy.  http://thiscornerofmyworld.blogspot.com/ Check it out.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

PALINTOLOGY...The Study of Sarah

 Here are a few thoughts about Sarah Palin.  I know there are a lot of folks out there that think she ought to be President.  That’s fine, what a boring world it would be if we all thought the same way.  I don’t think so and here are some of the reasons I think she would be a terrible President.
 
Let’s look at her governing record.  She was mayor of a small town and then Governor of Alaska, for half a term.  SHE QUIT…..
Now let’s take a look at Alaska, the largest state in the union.  Did you know it has the smallest population?  Rhode Island which is the smallest state has about 350,000 thousand more people than Alaska does.  There are over 60 cities in the US that have bigger populations than Alaska.  Sorry but there are many mayors in the country that work with much larger budgets and have far more governing experience than Sarah.  The bottom line is they completed their terms.  SHE QUIT…..

She has the propensity to stick her foot in her mouth more often than Nancy Pelosi or Joe Biden and that’s saying something.  I was going to say she lies a lot but she’s a politician and they all lie a lot, so that’s moot.  She is great at throwing out little sound bites and talking points that some hack has thought up in a lobbyist’s back room to keep from talking about real issues but I have never heard her say anything that sounded like an original idea.  If you ask a Republican how to cure cancer, they will tell “Cut taxes.”  It’s their only answer.

 I don’t think she has any vision, plan or goal for America.  She just wants to be President. Now I’m just guessing here but I think being President of the United States is a much bigger job than being Governor of Alaska and if she can’t cut the mustard in that gig….SHE QUIT… why would I believe she can make it four years as President?  

The main thing I want in the President of the United States is that they be smarter than I am.  Sorry but I’m light years ahead of this woman and I’m not even the smartest person in my own family. This is the problem I had with “W”.

I could care less if Sarah makes a gazillion dollars selling books, making speeches to who ever is willing to pay her or doing TV shows.  She can run her mouth as long as she wants.  I just don’t want her running the country.



Today’s good read is a blog.  Check out http://juanitajean.com/   I look forward to reading Juanita everyday and I think you will too.
Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Valentine Wish

Here is hoping you have a great Valentine Day
and lots of love and candy come your way.
Thanks for taking a little bit of your valuable time
to stop and read Sleeps Til Noon and this dumb little rhyme.


AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

At the Grammy’s last night, the big winners were Lady Antebellum and Lady GaGa.   Somehow they completely over looked Lady Bird, Lady Marmalade, Lady Di, Lady and The Tramp, Lady Luck, Lady Chatterley, Lady Godiva, Lady Jane, Lady In The Water,  Our Fair Lady.and the Little Old Lady From Pasadena.

Egyptian President Mubarak has finally resigned.  The only troubling part is that he has named Conan O’Brien has his successor.  Haven’t we seen this before?

I see where Ron Paul just won the CPAC straw poll for President. This is a group of conservative Republicans who get together every year to try to decide who to back for President.  The only other one in contention was Mr. Ed, the talking horse. It seems they were so accustomed to being in a room full of horse’s asses that they didn’t notice Mr. Ed was a real horse.

Speaking of Ron Paul. He is the new chairman of the House Financial Services Committee's subcommittee on monetary policy.  Ron wants to go back to the Gold Standard.  The problem with that is there isn’t enough gold on the planet to back up the paper we have printed.  Yeah, good luck with that Paul.  Next I think he wants to go back to black and white TV, he says color cost too much.   I wonder why Ron never talks about his half brother/sister RuPaul?  What’s up with that?

The rumors are flying that Bret Farve will be on “Dancing With The Stars” next season.  The hang up seems to be that Bret doesn’t want a partner but would prefer using just a pole.

Republican Congressman “Shirtless Christopher Lee” joins “Shoeless Joe Jackson”, “Brainless George W. Bush”, “Heartless Dick Chaney”, “Clueless Nancy Pelosi” and “Sleepless in Seattle” in the history books.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around ole “Shirtless Chris."  This guy is worth 20 to 30 million dollars and he has to go on Craig’s list to find a date?  I'm not sure who is more clueless, Chris or the kid who was just arrested in Florida that went on Face Book to find a hit man to kill his girlfriend.  Don’t they know how the internet works?

NBC's America's Got Talent was in town holding auditions for its hit show this weekend and  I missed it.  They had the auditions in the mornings.  Damn…. I do believe America’s Got Talent, unfortunately none of it is on that show.

Here is a tweet from Lindsay Lohan about the dress she wore to court. “What I wear to court shouldn’t be front page news. It’s just absurd.”   No, what is absurd is what you wore to court….

Today's good read is Bury Your Dead by Louise Penny.  Excellent writing and a good story.  If you like murder mysteries, you will very much enjoy this.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

It’s the first year anniversary of my blog  and it certainly has been fun…for me for sure and I hope it has been for you too.  That is the whole point of this exercise after all…. To have fun.

Sleeps Til Noon has picked up quite a few new readers in last few months so I thought I would do an update and maybe re-visit why I began this adventure in the first place.  I am happy to report that Sleeps Til Noon now has readers in 34 countries around the world.  A number of these are in the Middle East which is a big surprise to me.  I’m not sure if I had anything to do with the protest in Egypt or not but I did report that former Vice-President Darth Cheney and President Mubarak use to go water boarding together. You just never know what can set off a spark anymore.

My main purpose is to try to make you smile, laugh or chuckle about things going on in this world today by poking fun at and ridiculing folks to need to be ridiculed.  A lot of this is pointed at politicians for two reasons.  First of all they are easy and I’m lazy and secondly because I don’t the think the forefathers of this country ever intended for politics to be an occupation.  My interpretation is that they wanted people to devote some of their time to public service and then go back to doing what ever it was that they did to make a living.  It was never meant to be a career.  When a person has been in Congress for twenty years, I don’t think it is experience, I think its baggage.

Celebrities also are fair game because they are celebrities.  The ones I really like to pick on are celebrities who have never done anything to become a celebrity other than being born rich or doing something dumb.

I am also a big reader.  I love books and read constantly, so I like to pass along recommendations when I come across a really good read.  This past year I burned through 145 books, mostly fiction but a number of non-fictions.  I don’t give reviews; I just recommend it if I think it is a really good read. 

I do hope you continue to read and enjoy Sleeps Til Noon. If you get a laugh out of it, please share it with your friends and if you don’t care for it, pass it along to people you don’t like.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

News From Around The World And Up Your Block

I saw where former Vice-President Darth Cheney said that Egyptian President Mubarak is a good friend.  Why does that not surprise me?  I think they use to go water boarding together.

Workers in Egypt have gone on strike.  They say they won’t build another pyramid until Mubarak leaves.

Donald Rumsfeld’s new memoir is eight hundred pages long.  What a blowhard!  He could have done it in three words,“I fucked up.”

I remember in November of last year when Governor Rick (How do you like my hair-do?) Perry, serial politician, was telling us how great the state of Texas was doing under his dynamic leadership and now we hear the state has a 15 to 20 billion dollar deficit.  Damn, the month of December must have been a bitch. 

Bristol Palin is writing a memoir.  Am I missing something here?  She’s twenty years old. I figure it should be about two pages long: "I had a baby and then went dancing."  The End... Bristol says she was inspired by her favorite author Snooki.

Prosecutors have decided to file charges against Lindsay Lohan for stealing a $2500 dollar necklace.  Looks like Lindsay’s criminal career is progressing nicely from drug abuse to theft.  She is moving from rehab to re-jail.

A survey shows that the day after the Super Bowl more people called in sick than any other day of the year. It seems the Steelers jumped the gun and called in a day early

I am sick and tired of Mother Nature dragging her cold front through town.  I didn’t sign up for cold weather when I moved to Houston.  I sorta get it now why Sarah Palin says so many stupid things.  I think her brain is frozen.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Cancer On Politics

I was talking to one of my Republican friends the other day. Yes I have a number of friends who are Republicans, we don’t agree much on politics but we are friends. I remember before Karl Rove and Lee Atwater came on the scene that most people could be on different sides of the aisle and still be friends.

Then Karl and his mentor Lee came along and made emotional wedge issues and other hot buttons that have no place in politics the main talking points. They concentrated on divisive points, not things that unite us but stuff that divide us. These are things that have nothing to do with running the country.

If you don’t believe in abortion, then I strongly urge you to never have one. If you don’t believe in gay marriage, then for God’s sake, don’t marry a gay person. But it’s none of your business if other people want to do both of these things.

Lee Atwater was a very mean, despicable person. In a campaign in South Carolina, he made fun of a 16 year old suicidal kid who had gone through electroshock therapy. He also created the Willie Horton ad for Daddy Bush. Lee ended up with brain cancer and lived the rest of his life in a wheelchair. It seems Lee discovered Jesus after he got sick and apologized for the way he had treated people. Sorry a little too late for me. Fuck him.

Karl Rove is made of the same cloth. Everything is about getting elected, nothing is about governing or actually running the country. Mostly it’s about getting elected so they can run up their bank account. After getting elected, politicians have one priority, getting re-elected. Everything else is secondary.

If we are ever going to get politics back to where we can discuss the real issues, issues that have to do with the betterment of our country, we have to weed these assholes out of it. As long as we have political consultants like this, political pundits with their agenda and the corporate world being involved in political decisions, we will end up with a sorry crop of politicians like we have today. I feel the same way about Karl as I do Lee. Fuck him too.


I was talking with another Republican person, not my friend, who was railing about those horrible immigrants coming over here and taking everything, our jobs, speaking a language we don’t understand and even killing people. I said, “I guess you know how the Indians felt.” By the way, fuck him too.


Today's good read is The Ice Princess by  Camilla Lackberg.  A excellent murder mystery and very well written.



 Stay tuned for future adventures

What Have We Learned This Week?

They are developing a car that won’t start if you have had too much to drink. If you have had too much to eat, the seat belts won’t fit. Ah the wonderful world of technology.

Looks like Charley Sheen’s home rehab is going great, He intends to go back to work at the end of Feburary. He evidently is using the Evelyn Wood Speed Rehab course.

Poor ole Jerry Jones, he was so excited to have the Super Bowl in Dallas this year. First the Cowboys wouldn’t cooperate and now Mother Nature seems to be pissed off at him.

Hey I have a great idea for a TV show. You go film a bunch of extremely untalented kids who don’t have a clue and show it on National TV so the whole country can make fun of them….Oh wait….That’s American Idol.

Do you think maybe the kids doing the hand jive in the McDonald’s commercial for their Carmel Mocca’s have had a little too much caffeine?

Egyptian President Mubarak has developed Bret Farve disease. He doesn’t know when to leave.

Sarah Palin said Friday that America is dangerously out of step with the values of former President Ronald Reagan...Really...The public debt tripled and the Government grew twice as big on Reagan’s watch. It seems to me we are right in step with him.

Mike Sorrentino, he’s known as The Situation on Jesery Shores, the MTV reality tv show, says he going to leave to be a movie star. Yeah right, next thing you know Snooki will write a book.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Sleeping Pills Are A Real Eye Opener

I know some of you out there won’t believe this because you know that I do like to sleep late in the mornings, but sometimes I have trouble getting to sleep at night. So I checked into a couple of sleeping aides, Cymbalta and Lunesta.

Here are a few of the side affects that are possible when taking these drugs. Prolonged drowsiness the next day, confusion, forgetfulness and dry mouth, an unsafe drop in blood pressure, itching of the skin, increased white blood cells, leg cramps, sore joints, rashes, welts, blisters, nausea, sweating and shaking, stuttering, hallucinations, addiction, bleeding gums, migraines, shortness of breath and hic-ups.

There is also gout, acne, baldness, amnesia, rickets, hoof and mouth disease, loss of hearing, fever, chills, ulcers, cavities, muscle spasms, blindness, ear infections, heart murmurs, psoriasis, stomach cramps, gas, halitosis, under arm chaffing, bunions, diarrhea, warts, jock itch, in-grown toe nails, corns, yeast infections, malaria, fever blisters, uncontrollable drooling and hemorrhoids.

Did I mention vomiting, poor coordination, clap, jaundice, extreme fatigue, sore throat, nasal congestion, dandruff, weight loss, anemia, skin lesions, constipation, athletes’ foot, erectile dysfunction and a swelling of the spleen and liver?

I think I will just stick to counting sheep.

And now for something completely different.


This just in from Pennsylvania, Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see the point of repealing the health care law, so therefore there will be six weeks of crying by John Boehner.

To show my support for the Green Bay Packers, I’m going to watch the Super Bowl at Chucky E Cheese.

The biggest loser on The Biggest Loser is the viewer.

A new study reports that apparently, money can purchase a whole lot of happiness. Now there is a news flash for you. I don’t how much they spent on this report but I could have told them that for free.

I understand CBS might be changing the name to: Two and Half Men, Five Hookers, and a Kilo.


Stay tuned for future adventures