Boobs And Dumbasses

The day after The New York Post reported that a naked Charley Sheen had trashed his Plaza Hotel room in a drunken rage, a pr spokesman said that Charley had an allergic reaction to some medication.  I’m assuming the scantly clad unidentified woman in the room with him was a nurse.

It seems the picture Bret Farve texted to the woman with the New York Jets was just a regular picture of him and not of his genitals, which proves that Bret really is a dickhead.

 TSA agents are starting new pat down procedures at airports.  The agents are doing a full pat-downs including sliding a hand up the inside of your pants leg.  Airlines are reporting a large increase in 18-24 year old male passengers.

Evidently the only true reality show on television is Two & Half Men staring Charlie Sheen.

I just saw a Rick Perry ad that said “Obama’s policies would destroy our health care system as we know it.”  First of all, Obama is not running for Governor of Texas and secondly we pay more and get less in our health care system that just about every country in the world.  Gee, sure wouldn’t want to change that.

Looks like St. Peter has booked “Danno”.

Randy Quaid said that he and his wife’s lives were in danger because they were being stalked by “Hollywood Star Wackers”.  I don’t think Randy ever qualified under the “Star” category.  Maybe if they were being stalked by the “Hollywood WannaBeStar Wackers”

Billy Ray Cyrus and his wife are getting divorced.  Billy Ray issued this statement to the press.    “But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man,Ooo”

Well it seems that Rand Paul, son of Ron Paul is a chip off the ole block.  Or maybe I should say blockhead.  Maybe Mrs. Paul should have fed them more than fish sticks for every meal.

Charley Sheen got a text from Bret Farve that said “THANK YOU.”

I just saw where a guy robbed a bank inside of a grocery store.  Man I knew groceries were going up but that’s ridiculous.

So Bret Farve may not play this week because he has a broke foot?  What’s the deal?  He’s not the kicker.


Today's good read is The Lion by Nelson DeMille, one of my all time favorite authors.  This is the sequel to The Lion's Game and it is a great read.


 Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and checkwww.hotslop.com for more Sleeps Til Noon.

A Hooker's Lament ;Trick Or Treat

I have been trying to decide how to dress for Halloween.  Here are a few costumes I have come up with that I think are pretty scary.

Rick Perry……Perfectly Coiffured Serial Politician. 

Dick Cheney…..Evil smirk with shotgun in hand.

Sarah Palin …..As President.

Bret Farve…… Wranglers around your ankles.

Mel Gibson….. In a Nazi uniform

Charley Sheen……..Naked with a drink in hand.

Glen Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Michael Savage….. Giant fake lips and a large hot air ballon..

Lady Gaga….. A meat dress  (this only works at a vegetarian’s house).

Snookie from Jersey Shores……Dressed like a $2.00 hooker.

A Wall Street banker or CEO of a pharmaceutical company…..Suit made out of thousand dollar bills. 

Any Tea Party candidate…..A straight jacket.

A Catholic Priest.....Need I say more?


I just read the dumbest story ever on the internet.  It was about the ten good and ten bad Halloween candies.  How stupid, there is no bad Halloween candy.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.  Be sure and check Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Guess Who I'm Voting For

Well it’s finally election time and the politics are getting slimier and slimier.  Rick Perry is really showing his true colors with the ad using the wife of a slain Houston policeman. The policeman was killed while on duty by an illegal immigrant. Bill White was mayor when this happened.  I wonder how many people have been murdered in the state of Texas while Rick Perry has been governor.

It reminds me of Daddy Bush and the Willie Horton ad years ago.  Here are two people that have spent their entire life in politics and as far as I can tell, have never done one thing that has benefited anybody but themselves.

Rick (how do you like my hair-do) Perry who thinks students should be able to carry guns on campus, made pov virus vaccine mandatory for young girls, and has us pick up the tab for his $10,000 a month house and tried his best to ram the highway corridor down our throats so he could make a pile of money, is a lying, slimy, sleaze ball politician.  Over 16 million dollars has been given in state technology grants to companies run by Perry’s top donors.

This bonehead has even talked of Texas seceding.  I guess Governor is not enough, he would rather be king.  I wonder why he has refused to debate Bill White.  Could it be that he doesn’t have the IQ to get into a verbal battle without his spin doctors in the wings?

The sad part about this whole saga is that I am pretty sure Rick(smiling and lying) Perry is going to be a three-time winner and the state of Texas will be a three-time loser.





Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure check www.hotslop.com for more Sleeps Til Noon.

The Never Ending Saga Of Judge Pinocchio Thomas

I’m still laughing at Clarence (check my nose) Thomas’s wife calling Anita Hill and wanting her to apologize to her world famous liar husband.  I always knew that something must be really wrong with her, after all she married Clarence, but this takes the cake. It’s only been 19 years.. You know the asshole never utters a word in court so maybe he just now told her.

It seems the Parents Television Council, (doesn’t that sound like three religious right-wing-nuts from some dip-shit town in a red state) have decided the photo shoot that three cast members from the tv show Glee did for GQ Magazine borders on pedophilia.  Granted they portray fictional high school kids on tv but they are in real life, ADULTS.  One of the actors is 28, the other two are 24.  I know some people are very narrow minded but I would have thought by now that they might have figured out that things on tv are not real.  Even reality shows are not real, they just don’t have a script.  Hey maybe Dan Quyale is head of the Parents Television Council.


The highest teen pregnancy rates in the country are in New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma.  Looks like the fucker is working a tri-state area.

People are asking if Kanyne West, the rapper, really had his bottom row of teeth removed and replaced with diamonds.  Probably, I’m pretty sure he had his brains removed and replaced with a sack of shit.

I keep seeing an ad on tv from Texas Governor Rick (how’s my hair-do) Perry that says Texas added 850,000 since he took office.  To be honest, I find that very hard to believe.  I just read a report that out of the 50 states, Texas is now the 9th poorest and that we added 358,673 people this past year to the poverty level.  Now that I believe.


Today's good read is Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins.  This is the final book of the trilogy and I have to admit, I'm worn out.


Stay tuned for future adventures and check Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com
for more good stuff.

Some Stuff That Ran Through My Brain And Came Out My Computer

What A Deal.  Starbucks is now selling beer and wine.   You can go in and get hammered, then they sober you up so you can drive home.

I just saw where Wrangler has dropped Bret Farve.  I thought it was the other way around.

According to national statistics, a kid is bullied every seven minutes.  Damn, we need to find that kid and find him now…..

A new study out shows that men are better at sweating than women.  Now there is something to brag about.  I can’t wait to throw that one out the next time I’m out with the guys. Speaking for myself, I think it comes from doing far more dumb things to sweat about than my better half

Warning:  If you receive a text from Bret Farve, don’t open it.

I just saw the movie the trailer for Denzel Washington’s new movie, Unstopable 12.  I don’t know, I think it may be a train wreck.

For those of you holding your breath until the Health Care law is repealed, you need not worry.  You will be long dead before it is….

I guess we know now that Randy Quaid wasn’t acting in those Chevy Chase Vacation movies.  He really is a freeloader.

Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check out Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Penis Pen Pals

The NFL named Bret Farve this week’s MVP….  Most Viewed Penis.

The Situation, the guy from Jersey Shores got kicked off Dancing With The Stars.  He said the judges comments were “Unpositive.” I don’t think that is a word but I am pretty The Situation didn’t “Understand” what the judges were saying or was “Unaware” of the meaning of their words.  I do think The Situation is quite “Unbalanced” in the mental department and definitely in the motor skills area.  Mostly I think his time spent on the show was “Unexceptional, Uneven, Uneventful, Ungracious, Ungainly and Unfortunate.

I kept hearing about the minors trapped in the mine in Chile so when the rescue started I turned on the tv to watch and boy was I shocked.  There wasn’t a kid in the bunch.

Everybody is talking about Kim Jon-il’s son Kim Jon-un who is going to replace the dictator but they never mention anything about his daughter Kim Jon-Palin.  I think he is pissed at her for joining the Tea Party.

Bret Farve favorite pick up line. “Hey wanna see my dick?”

Christine O’Donnell who is running for the Senate from Delaware and now says she is not a witch, thinks she should do better in the next debate.  It will be held at midnight in a cemetery to be named later.  She also admitted that she didn’t attend Oxford but actually graduated from Hogwarts.

I guess Glen Beck is immortal.  He just announced on his radio show that he is not dying.  I’m pretty sure we are all dying, we just don’t know when.

When Bret’s wife was shown the picture of his penis that he sent to the female reporter, she said he must have used a telephoto lens.


There is a bracelet being sold around the country to help fight breast cancer.  They have sold 2 million so far. The bracelet says "I (heart) boobies."  Schools from Florida to California have banned the bracelets saying that the word boobies is inappropriate. No. Cancer is inappropriate. 


Stay tuned for future adventures and check out more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Inquiring Minds Want To Know.

I have had a number of people ask me about the name of my blog and if I really do sleep til noon.  I sleep til noon some days and would like to sleep til noon everyday but unfortunately I don’t get to.

Sleeping til noon is actually harder than it sounds.  Especially when you live in the world of barking, yapping, howling, growling, moaning dogs.  There are so many dogs in my neighborhood that sometimes it feels like I’m sleeping in a kennel.  There is also all the chirping, singing, whistling birds including a crowing rooster. 

Yes I have rooster in the area.  I don’t know if he has insomnia or if his body clock is screwed up but he crows at 4am or at 11am and sometimes 11pm.  I’m not sure where he lives or I would have already taken him down to meet the nice folks at KFC.
  
Another thing that makes it hard to sleep til noon is that the rest of the world is geared around getting up early.  Way too damn early if you ask me.   There is the phone, trash pick-up, the neighbors firing up their diesel trucks at 6am and school busses stopping and starting just to name a few loud irritating sounds that will completely destroy a great dream sequence.

I have been fortunate that I have had very few eight to five jobs in my life. One of the best things about being a writer is that I get to write when I feel like it and it is either flowing or not.  When it’s not flowing, you can’t force it. I sleep late and I work late, some of my best stuff comes at 2am.

All my life I have been a night owl and I have enjoyed sleeping late when I can and I have always been kidded, harassed and griped at for it.  So here’s the deal.  I have a loving wife that lets me sleep late whenever I can and to the rest of the world I say, my sleeping habits have no bearing on your life whatsoever, so get over it……

Today's good read is a book that came out a few years ago.  It is The Traveler by John Twelve Hawks.  It is the first book of The Fourth Realm Trilogy.  The second book was The Dark River and the third which has just been released is The Golden City.



Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check www.hotslop.com 
for more Sleeps Til Noon stuff.

Merry Christopher Columbus Day

I know I touched on this last week but now that it is here, explain to me why we give Christopher Columbus a national holiday?  I mean now that we know he didn’t discover America and have known that for quite a while.  Like years and years.

Here is a guy who at best discovered the Bahamas.  I can see why travel agents would hold him up as a hero, but by all accounts, Popeye was a better sailor.  He was said to be mean to his men; a slave owner and pretty much a jerk.  Now if we called it National Jerk Day, I would be in to it.  Just think, there are a lot of folks we could honor on that deal.  Just fill in the your nominees here:___________.

Or why don’t we have National Columbus, Texas Day?  That’s a nice little town up the road from Houston with a lot good folks living there.  And there is Columbus, Ohio, and Columbus Georgia. I’m sure all of those folks are nice. 

How about Columbo Day?  He had a pretty good TV show and always discovered who the real killer was.  Chris Columbus directed the first two Harry Potter movies.  I would go for him over Christopher the Bonehead Sailor.

Surly our textbooks don’t still say Chris discovered America, however with the religious right-wing-nuts running the Texas Education Board, you never know.  I’m pretty sure they think Jesus discovered America.

Hey don’t get me wrong, I’m all for holidays.  In fact my postman told me he needs another day off.  He said the stress of losing my mail every week was really wearing him out.

Stay tuned for future adventures and check out Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Observations From A Disturbed Mind

A man was found dead in a video booth in a adult book store last week … Oh My God, porn kills.

Larry King is moving from CNN to CSI.  It was recently discovered that Larry has been dead for three years.

Obviously Bruno on Dancing With The Stars found Micheal Bolton’s dancing as irritating as I find his singing.

The wilderness where Moses was lost for forty years can be walked across in about three weeks.  This guy set the precedent for a man not stopping to ask for directions.

Early voting has begun around the country, so get out and vote and vote often…remember you don’t get to bitch about the jerk who wins if you don’t vote.

At the end of the year, Comcast will take over NBC.  I have been trying to come up with a joke about that for over two weeks and absolutely nothing has popped up.  Apparently Comcast buying NBC is not funny.

A new survey out reports Americans use 41 different combinations of sexual acts.  When I ask a friend of mine what he thought about this, he said he only knew of two…..left or right hand.

A new report out this week shows that the obesity problem in this country is now at an extra large.

The pharmaceutical companies are extending their commercials to three minutes now so they can list all of the harmful side effects.

The DEA conducted a day long take back program today and collected 121 tons of unused drugs…..And that was just at Paris Hilton’s and Lindsay Lohan’s house.

Today's good read is Top Producer by Norb Vonnegut.  An excellent read and very timely.  It's setting is Wall Street and Mr. Vonnegut is to stockbrokers what John Grisham is to lawyers.


Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check out Sleeps Til Noon at. www.hotslop.com

Octoberfestering.....

 
Oh boy, it’s October and the month of one of my favorite holidays.  I’ll be getting my costume out shortly and making a list of all the creepy places I’m going to discover.  Of course I’m talking about National Lief Erikson day.  It’s coming up Friday the 9th and it will be great.  You can dress up like a rabid Minnesota Viking football fan for a day and run around eating a huge turkey leg while shouting for more wine.

Why Lief Erikson day?  I’ll tell you why.  Lief was vacationing in Cape Cod and on Martha’s Vineyard five hundred years before Christopher Columbus’s mom dropped her pants so Mr. Columbus could do a little exploring.  The real point here is that Chris was a terrible sailor and never set foot in America.   He got as close as an island in the Caribbean and that was it.  On top of that, how can you say Columbus discovered America when there were native Americans already living here?  It is obvious that Chris might have been a lousy sailor but he had a world class press agent. 

Chris would probably be bigger than ever in today's time.  He would fit right into the headlines of the day with, Paris, Jon & Kate, Bristol, and the Kardashians.  Boneheads who are constantly in the news only because they are boneheads.  The fact that we continue to read about them only proves that our rubbernecker gene is hereditary and at times much stronger than our common sense gene.  
So let's all dress up like Lief Erikson on Friday and see if we can make the local news.

A reminder to check Sleeps Til Noon on www.hotslop.com

Stay tuned for future adventures.