The Pinocchio Party

 Hey little Teddy (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz finally got some attention. He won several awards in the Washingtonian best and worse of Congress survey. He was named “most partisan, biggest show horse, most clueless and biggest disappointment.”  You know his family is proud of him. I just came across a new word that describes little Teddy to a T.

\MITH-uh-meyn\

noun 1. a person with a strong or irresistible propensity for fantasizing, lying, or exaggerating.

I also think this applies to everyone who works for Faux News.

Louisiana Congressmoron David (I Love Hookers) Vitter is trying to block Obama’s Ebola funding because he says most of the money is going to Africa. He thinks it should be spent on our borders. That reminds me of the drunk who was looking for his car keys. When asked where he lost them, he replied right over there by my car. When asked why he was looking over here, he said because this is where the light is.

I remember when little Davey got caught going to hookers a while back.  Someone asked him how he rationalized his family values stance and hookers, he said that hookers have family too.  

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman really should get a job with Cirque du Soleil.  I don’t know many people who can stick their foot in their mouth at the same time they have their head up their ass.  Short-on-brains Steve said this week on a radio show that he wondered if President Obama was using Ebola to take over the Government.  Huh? I can’t quite wrap my head around how that would work, but guess who’s show he was on when this dribble fell out of his mouth?  It was Christian radio host Rick (Born Again and This Time Without a Brain) Wiles who a couple of weeks ago said that Ebola was a good thing because it would get rid of the gays and atheists. Just anther good Christian spouting their version of compassion.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Texas SlimeMachine

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Don’t Have a Clue) Stockman is so stupid even the Tea Party doesn’t want him.  The Texas Legislature’s tea party caucus advisory committee have written little Stevie a letter telling how they feel about him.  They wrote, “We disavow your lack of accessibility to the people of Texas during this campaign and these unethical activities,” and they went on to say, “Your actions have disqualified you.”  Wow, when you are too unethical for the Tea Party boneheads that is saying something.
Stevie started the year off with a bang by missing 17 straight House votes.  Yessir, your tax dollars at play.

Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert told a group of  Tea Party faithful in Washington D.C. this week that they were, “the answer to my prayers.”  And here I was so sure that ole Louie had been praying for a brain. Oh Well.

 The airwaves here in East Texas have been so inundated with Republican candidate ads the last two weeks, the EPA has issued a Pinocchio alert.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Musings

Texas Senaterrible Little Teddy (Me,Me,Me, Look at Me) Cruz has decided since he did such a great job stopping Obamacare, that now he is going to stop same sex marriage. Ted says that the Bible tells us that a traditional marriage is between one man and one to three hundred women.  Next I understand Teddy is going to have the Law of Gravity repealed.

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Really Don’t Have a Clue) Stockman is back in the headlines. Little Stevie is running to unseat Texas Senaterrible John (I’m Not Dumb, I’m Just Mean) Cornyn in the upcoming Senate race. Steve is suing Cornyn’s PAC saying that they ran lies about him being in jail multiple times in his life.  The problem is that little Stevie admitted in two interviews, one in a Dallas paper and the other in a Houston paper in 1995, that he had been in jail a number of times. Boy that selective amnesia can really bite you in the ass. 

Steve’s real problem is that as of the last filing in September, Cornyn’s campaign listed $7 Million in the bank and as of Dec, 31 Little Stevie had $47,000.  Steve sure as hell won’t get my vote for Senator, (neither will John) but he certainly gets my vote for Bonehead of the Decade.

Speaking of selective amnesia, it seems to be in the genes of Republicans.  They are so upset with the debt deficit and yet they totally ignore George Warmonger Bush’s Iraq and Afghanistan wars.  A new Harvard University report out says that the Iraq and Afghanistan wars have cost us 2 TRILLION dollars so far and will probably end up costing between 4 & 6 Trillion. Why this asshole is not sitting in a cell with his sorry asshole buddy Dick (I Really am a Dick) Cheney is beyond me. After all, ole George can’t even use the “Stand your ground” excuse because neither country had anything to do with 911.

Kentucky pastor Jamie (Have You Hugged Your Snake Today) Coots who did a reality show about snake handling has met reality head-on.  The snake handling preacher was bitten Saturday and is going to get to talk to Jesus personally to see what his views are on snake handling. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

                                                                    Snowman

                                                                 Snowflake

Looks like Mother Nature is about to drag her cold front through town again and she may be dropping little snow flurries along the way.  I think I need to check the by-laws of Texas because I didn’t sign up for this kind of weather when I moved here.

I think the Westminster Kennel Club got a little more than they bargained for when they opened up entries to include mixed breeds.  So far Pluto, Goofy, Marmaduke, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Eddy, Shooby Do, and Benji have signed up.

I spent many years working in the music business and have never, ever watched the Grammys or paid any attention to anything they have ever done.  The reasons are many but here are a couple you can probably relate to.  Kanye West has won 21 more Grammys than The Beatles and Polka King Jimmy Sturr (I’ve never heard of him either) has as many Grammys as Aretha Franklin. 

Republican Congressmoron from Florida, Trey (Just Say No)  Radel is resigning after his conviction of cocaine charges back in November.  He said he is quitting so he can spend more time with his drug dealer, er family.

Texas Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman has popped back up after missing 15 votes in the House.  Steve said he has been on a fact finding mission.  He said that after hearing about the shortage of Velveeta Cheese before the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided to make a trip to the moon to see if it really was made of cheese.  Unfortunately there was no moon during that time of the month, so he just went to Tijuana.   

A vial of blood of Pope John Paul Ringo and George II  has been stolen from the Vatican.  Sounds like a paternity suit could be on the way.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Flakes

 We woke up to lots of snow on the ground this morning.  I think I will stay inside today with a good book. 

Justin ( Part Time Teen Idol, Full Time Teen Idiot) Bieber has been arrested on DWI Charges and is under investigation for causing damage to his neighbor’s house in LA. I predict his final step in his downward plunge to rock bottom will be to start dating Lindsay Lohan.

Former Arkansas Governor Mike ( Blah, Blah,Blah) Huckabee had this to say at the RNC conference in Washington D.C. yesterday.   "If the Democrats want to insult women by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it."
Even the Republicans don’t understand what he means. I am pretty sure ole Mike is one of those religious wacko’s that speak in tongue.  When asked if he also handled snakes, he smirked that he was a member of the Republican Party.

Jamie (The Real Wolf of Wall Street) Dimon, chairman and CEO of JPMorgan Chase & Co. was given a raise and will receive $20 million for his work in 2013.  This is after JPMorgan Chase annual profits fell 16% on his watch.  Wow, just think what they would have paid him if the profits were up. 

Congressmoron Steve (I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman is AWOL.  It seems he hasn’t shown up for a vote since January 9th and the last time he was seen in public was January 14th.  I am pretty sure his superiors from planet Numnuts have recalled him. Either that or the Intelligence Police have arrested him for being too stupid to be in public.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

All Goober, All The Time

Congressmoron Steve (I Could Be the Dumbest Person in Texas) Stockman has decided to run against incumbent Texas Senaterrible John (I’m So Conservative That I Even Hate Myself) Cornyn. Here is the really good part. Little Stevie wants John’s seat because he thinks Johnny is not conservative enough.  I’m still laughing. Cornyn makes Attila the Hun look like Mother Teresa.

The Houston Chronicle has been running a series of articles on Steve that names him as the defendant in multiple lawsuits. They also say he is associated with a number of different businesses that seem to exist only on paper.  Mr. Stockman is a better con man than Congressman.

It will be interesting to see how Steve fairs in a statewide election. The results of a recent survey in his district show that the only people who recognized his name were defense lawyers and debt collectors.

I’m sure Steve will be calling on his good buddy, draft dodger and washed-up rocker, Ted (My Gun Is a 45 and so Is My I.Q.) Nugent, to help him campaign. Both of these boneheads are transplanted Yankees from Michigan.  I think we should have extradition laws for situations like this.  I understand Steve’s high school class in Royal Oak, Michigan voted him most likely to be the most embarrassing person in their school history

The delegation that President Obama is sending to the Olympics in Russia is made up of Billie Jean King and another gay athlete.  Russian President Vladimir Putin-on-a-Show should get a big kick out of this. Mr. Putin, by the way, was quite well known before becoming the President of Russia.  I’m sure you remember his big hit in the 90’s, “I’m too sexy for my shirt.” 

This bonehead is so far in the closet, he probably knows the White Witch of Narnia personally. 

I understand A&E network is considering a name change for their number one show to "Daffy Duck Dynasty."


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrumph Day

The biggest humps of the day are the eighty House Kochsuckers (AKA Tea Partiers) who have held up the Government for the past couple of weeks.  You can tell the Kochsuckers from the other members as they all have that swarmy TV preacher look.  They usually have a condescending smirk on their face that says, “I groped the choir leader’s wife before I laid that hell fire and damnation sermon on ya.”

Now the folks who vote and support these boneheads are not called Kochsuckers.  They are called STOOPID.  You can pick these assholes out of crowd also.  They usually have a misspelled sign in one hand, a confederate flag in the other and a 45 strapped to their hip.  They also show a lack of empathy, brain cells and teeth.  

Local Dallas ambulance chaser and Texas Senaterrible little Teddy (Mad Hatter of TheTea Party) Cruz and Texas Congressmoron Louie (Single Digit I.Q.) Gohmert were caught having a secret session with 15 or 20 other conservative Republican House Kochsuckers at a Mexican restaurant this week. Talk about Dumber and Dumbest. These two boneheads couldn’t plot their way out of the men’s room with a road map and a satellite GPS system.

Texas Lt. Governor David (If You’re White, You’re Alright) Dewhurst and Congressmoron Steve ( I Haven’t Got a Clue) Stockman are the latest Republicans to drag out the impeach Obama crap.  Evidently they both believe that being black and winning the last election was an impeachable offense.

The folks in Palo Alto CA, are up in arms over the fire chief using the emergency broadcast system to announce a charity pancake breakfast. I had no idea people disliked pancakes that much.

I have often wondered how the Christian Right which is very conservative, reconciles that by any standard Jesus would be labeled a liberal. But then again, not much of anything they do makes much sense.




Stay tuned for future adventures.