Friday Foolery

Looks like the accommodations for the Republican Convention are set.

Oh goodie, we have another bonehead who says he is going to climb into the ill-fated GOP Hindenburg.  Former Virginia Governor Jim (I Know, I’ve Never Heard Of Me Either) Gilmore says he checked his social calendar and didn’t have a thing penciled in for the next couple of years, so why not.  Jimbo was also a former U.S. Army Intelligence Officer.  I would say that this decision shows that the keyword here is former.

Little Jimmy says he thinks President Obama’s economic policies have been a big failure. Really?  Let’s see what Obama has done since inheriting George Warmonger Bush’s colossal financial implosion.

Here in Texas where people like to say everything is bigger, even the dumb stuff.  The new history books downplay the role of slavery in the civil war. Texas Education board member Pat (I Are A High School Graduate) Hardy says that the Civil War was fought over “states rights.” Not slavery.  Uh, yeah, the right for states to own slaves. It says so in the south’s declaration of secession eighteen times. 

This is just another example of a lame-brained TeaNut Republican rewriting history to suit their needs.  I can’t wait for the next edition to come out because I’m sure Texas wins the Alamo. 

I once read that the only reason Texas doesn’t fall into the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks so bad.  I am beginning to think that might be true. The Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled last week that the Ten Commandments monument in front of the state capitol would have to be removed. Oklahoma Governor Mary (I’ve) Fallin (And Can’t Get Up) says no way and is asking the state legislature to change their constitution.  That certainly fits right in with their state motto, Oklahoma: We’re Okie Dopey.

Here is another bonehead from the state of Loseranna, you know the fine state that has Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal and Phil (Duck Dickhead Dynasty) Robertson. Dale (Dr. Kevorkian Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me) Cox who is the acting District Attorney for Caddo Parish in Loseranna is all for the death penalty. Terminator Dale says we need to “kill more people.”  He went on to say, “Retribution is a valid societal interest,”  No Dale you dumbass, the death penalty is revenge, not retribution.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrrrumph Day

 Here are this week's Humps.

A Louisiana House committee voted 8-5 last week to recommend a bill that would make the Bible Louisiana’s first-ever state book. Gee I wonder which version they will use since there are 233 different English versions of the Bible on the market today.  They almost named Winnie the Pooh as their first state book a few years ago, but decided against it because they thought it was about gay people.

Oklahoma Governor, Republican Mary (Help Me, I’ve) Fallin must be kin to Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry since she also seems to have a total disregard for the working folks of Oklahoma. She just signed a law preventing cities in Oklahoma from raising the minimum wage. Like their motto says, “Oklahoma is OK, Not Great, Not Even Good, Just OK.”

The Republican Party in Wisconsin will be voting on a proposal that gives them the right to secede.  Probably the first thing they need to do is learn how to spell secede.

And the biggest humps of all, the Senate which will take up legislation that would extend $85 billion in tax breaks that benefit some of the biggest corporations and wealthy individuals on the planet.  Companies like these who pay NO taxes at all:

Verizon Communications: Profits: $19.8 billion    Effective tax rate: -3.8%
General Electric: Profits: $19.6 billion    Effective tax rate: -18.9%
Boeing: Profits: $14.8 billion    Effective tax rate: -5.5%
NextEra Energy (North America’s largest solar and wind power operator, based in Florida): Profits: $8.8 billion    Effective tax rate: -2%
American Electric Power (Electric utility based in Columbus, Ohio): Profits: $8.2 billion    Effective tax rate: -6.4%
Pacific Gas & Electric (California electrical utility): Profits: $6 billion    Effective tax rate: -8.4%
Apache: (Houston-based oil and gas company): Profits: $6 billion    Effective tax rate: -0.3%
Consolidated Edison: (New York energy company): Profits: $5.9 billion    Effective tax rate: -1.3%
El Paso: (Houston-based energy company that operates the country’s largest natural gas pipeline): Profits: $4.6 billion    Effective tax rate: -0.9%
CenterPoint Energy (Electric and gas utility company based in Houston): Profits: $3.1 billion    Effective tax rate: -11.3%

Stay tuned for future adventures.