More Bubbles From My Soapbox

I think if you have to get a loan to buy a candy bar, you may have bigger problems than a sweet tooth.

Here are a few Republican bumper stickers that crossed my mind over the week-end.  Feel free to use them.

          GOP
The BIGot TENT PARTY.

Vote Republican and take America back….150 years.

Republican Party seriously damaged by misgided Cruz missile. 

Texas Attorney General Criminal Ken (I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton was hit with a Federal civil suit from the SEC yesterday charging him with three counts of felony fraud.  This of course is on top of his state criminal charges on the same topic.  I guess little Kenny really is a triple threat guy after all. I don’t pray, but if I did I would be down on my knees hoping his buddy Gregg (Hell-On-Wheels) Abbott would be his cell mate.

Not to be out done in the sleaze department, Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid (It’s Never) Miller time was caught taking a trip to Mississippi to be in a rodeo and paying for it with taxpayer money.  He pulled the same stunt a few weeks ago on a trip to Oklahoma.  Sid is also known for giving relatives and close friends high paying jobs on his staff. I’m pretty sure J.R. Ewing was Sid’s role model.  



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Day One

What we learned in 2015.

• Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump is just a rich David (KKK) Duke.

• Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush is NOT the smarter one.

• The Christian Right is mostly wrong.

• Minorities are now the majority.

• Texas Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott is not a stand up guy.

• Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert really is as dumb as he looks.

• Ken (I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton was elected to be the Attorney General of Texas and turned out to be the Attorney Criminal of Texas.

• Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz is the creepiest politician since Richard (I’m Really A Dick) Nixon.

• Dr. Ben ( I Can’t Keep My Eyes Open) Carson has a dual personality. Brain-Surgeon/Moron.

• Dr. Huxtable is a rapist.

• The Confederate Flag controversy proved that when southerners said “the south will rise again,’ they weren’t talking about I.Q. levels.

• Same Sex Marriage is highly upsetting to a lot of Same-ole-sex marriages.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

It Just Keeps Getting Better

This Just In:

Texas Senterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz just shot himself trying to make a BLT sandwich.

Speaking of little Rafael, this is the bonehead who has dumped a ton of money in his lap. He is Robert (Just Because I Have A Billion Dollars Doesn’t Mean I Have A High I.Q.) Mercer and he is the CEO of the hedge fund Renaissance Technologies.  Little Bobby has donated a little more than 11 million to Cruz’s super PAC.  It seems Roberto doesn’t like to spread his cash around to everyone though.  In 2013, members of Mercer’s household staff sued him for not paying overtime and docking wages.

The fine folks in Mount Vernon, Texas didn’t think it was enough for the new Texas school books to rewrite history to their liking, so they covered the hallways with quotes from famous people like Ronald (Bad Actor, Worse President) Reagan and George (I Can Not Lie, Well, Maybe A Fib Here And There) Washington.  Problem is the quotes were fake.  They just made shit up.  Most of the quotes were promoting Christianity in government. I guess real quotes weren’t convincing enough to sell their worn out myths.

More good news for Texas, well not for Texas Attorney General Ken (I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton.  Last week he was indicted on multiple felony charges and now he has been ordered to appear before a federal judge in San Antonio to see if he should be held in contempt for violating a court order prohibiting enforcement of the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.  Boy, that Karma can sure bite you in the ass sometimes.

Former Florida Governor Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush may need to have the locks changed on the family closet.  It seems one of the skeletons has escaped.  Word is that Jeb’s granddaddy Prescott (I Think I’ll Start A Dynasty) Bush was a founding member of Planned Parenthood.  Whoops.   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Random Thoughts For A Friday

Hey it’s almost the 4^th of July
Time to blow off a finger or put out an eye.
I think I will watch the fireworks on TV
And avoid all possibility of bodily injury.

Now that Donald (HairBrained) Trump has proven to be the biggest asshole of 2015, I think it is time to change his name to Donald Rump.  I laugh when I see him high in the polls.  I think back to this time the last election and who was at the top of the polls..  Rudy (Open Mouth, Insert Foot) Giuliani, Newt (NitWit) Gingrich and Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain. Now there are some real winners for ya.

Former Baptist preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard, Mike (I Can’t Keep A Job) Huckabee made the front page of the Washington Post  this week, but not in a good way.   

I get now why Texas Attorney General Ken (I Really Am A Crook) Paxton was so upset with the same-sex ruling.  There may be some same-sex in little Kenny future.  It seems the Texas Rangers found some new evidence in his case and now the special prosecutors have announced they are planning to present a first-degree felony securities fraud case to the grand jury which potentially carries a life in prison sentence. 

Here is the way I see the election shaping up on the Republican side.

Huckabee, Santorum and Jindal will split the religious wacko vote.

Trump and Graham, will split the racist redneck vote

Cruz, Carson, Fiorina and  Perry will split the nut job out of touch vote

Bush will get the votes of the nine people in America who think his brother did a good job.

Christie will get the 12 votes of the toll bridge workers who he gave a four day vacation to in 2013.

Pataki and Kasich will get the marked the wrong box vote.

Walker will get the two Koch brothers vote.






Stay tuned for future adventures.  

Harrumping Day

Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie has officially jumped into the fray to be President, but since he couldn’t squeeze his large butt into the Republican Clown Car, it has now become the Republican Hindenburg which is destined to be the biggest disaster in Republican history.

Texas Attorney General Ken ( The Fox Guarding The Hen House) Paxton has said it is alright for clerks to not issue marriage licenses to gay people even though they would be breaking the law and subject to fines or punishment.  Ole Kenny boy whose case of securities law violations goes to the grand jury next week and could be indicted by end of summer doesn’t seem to have any problem with breaking the law.

Here is my question. Why aren’t they refusing to grant marriage license to people who eat shellfish or folks who are left handed.  The Bible says that both of these groups are sinners just like those mean ole gay people. My guess is that none of these homophobic assholes actually read the Bible.

Ted (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz was on the TV yesterday promoting his book “A Time For Truth” which is an odd title when you consider that Teddy Pooh wouldn’t know the truth if it bit him in the ass. During the interview the question was brought up comparing interracial marriage to same-sex marriage. Little Teddy said that there was no religious backing of banning interracial marriages. He indicated that discrimination against interracial marriage ended with the Civil War. Just when you think this asshole couldn’t possibly be any more out of touch with the real world, he opens his mouth out comes pearls of stupidity.

.

Wife Beater Bully O’Reilly really had his panties in a bunch this week over the recent Supreme Court rulings.  Little Billy Bully had this to say, “I do not believe the government has a right to impose upon me or any other American rules that deny my freedom to express myself, practice my faith, or earn my living.” 

Oh really. What if my freedom to express myself is to drive my car at 120 miles an hour down the highway or to run naked thru the streets?  Maybe practicing my faith is to go to the nearest church and interrupt the preacher in the middle of his sermon to ask why the Bible contains so many contradictions?  And what if I earn my living by robbing banks? 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Stuff To Think About

If you haven’t voted yet, here is a last minute run down of some of the main candidates.

On the Republican side we have an Asshole, a Bonehead, a total Moron and a Criminal.  

The Asshole is Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who wants to be dictator of Texas. As Texas Attorney General he has sued the government 27 times and has lost 23 times costing the state of Texas well over 3 million dollars. He is for cutting millions of dollars out of education and of course doesn’t give a damn about anybody’s health care except his own.

The Bonehead is Dan (I Use to be a Sports Nut, Then I was a Religious Nut and Now I Am Just Nuts) Patrick who wants to be Lt. Dictator of Texas.  Dan told his constitutes that God was speaking to them through the Duck Dynasty TV show.  The Houston Chronicle, which endorsed his opponent Leticia van De Putte, said that Dan was divisive, disruptive and self-aggrandizing. Dan also has a long history of racial comments and slurs and has been named worst Senator in the state legislature every year he has been in Austin.

The Total Moron is Louie (I Am Beyond Dumb) Gohmert who is running for re-election for Congress. Looney Louie went on Christian radio this week and said the reason we shouldn’t have gays in the army is because they will sit around having massages all day and would not be ready to go to battle. That’s so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comment.

 The criminal is Ken (I’m Above the Law) Paxton.  Kenny wants to be the next Attorney General of Texas. Here is the poop on this creep.

1.       Ken Paxton broke the law when he solicited investment clients without being registered with the Securities Commissioner. (Source: Texas Tribune)

2.      The Texas State Securities Board fined Paxton for failing to register. Existing state law says that failure to register is a 3rd-degree felony, which can result in up to 10 years of jail time. (Source: Austin American-Statesman)

3.      Since news of Paxton's actions broke, his hometown police force withdrew their endorsement of him. (Source: Dallas Morning News). Paxton has not received the endorsement from a single major daily newspaper in Texas, and since winning the primary, he has gone suspiciously silent. 

4.      A Texas group filed a complaint with Paxton on the matter, and he is expected to face investigation after the November election. (Source: Austin American-Statesman).

If he wins, his first case will more than likely be himself.

On the Democrats Side we have three articulate, intelligent women and a man who is not under any kind of criminal investigation.

Wendy Davis….Governor
Leticia van De Putte… Lt. Governor
Shirley McKellar….Congress
Sam Houston….Attorney General
Need I say more?

Faux News co-host of The Five Kimberly (Stepford Wife) Guilfoyle went on the TV and said that young women should not vote. "It's the same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea," Guilfoyle said. "They don't get it!"  What I don’t get is why this ignorant bimbo is on TV.  Oh wait, that is all Faux News hires. Never mind.

Gee, I wonder why nothing gets done in Washington.  Here is what TeaNut Republican Congressmoron Jason (I Don’t Have a Clue) Chaffetz of Utah had to say on Faux News this week when asked about the President’s Ebola response coordinator. He said, “Why not have the surgeon general head this up? I think that’s a very legitimate question. At least you have somebody who has a medical background whose been confirmed by the United States Senate.”   You would have thought someone on his staff would have informed him we haven’t had a Surgeon General in over a year because his obstructionist party has blocked the nomination.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.