A Great Day To Call In Well

It is too nice a day to sit in front of a computer so I am spending the day outside. We have had the monsoon season here for the last month, but the rain has certainly has been nice for our roses.

I also thought I would do a little final spring cleaning and here are a few phases that I have decided to throw out and never use again.

• Man, that Blue Bell ice cream is a killer

• Hey Baltimore isn’t so bad.

• Republicans have feelings too

• They say that ole Jeb is the smart one.

• Onward Christian soldiers.  Actually I have never said that in my life, but I thought it should be on the list.  

 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Iowa had an old fashion religious tent revival this week end and they broke the hands off the National Bull Shit gauge.  

Thousands hundreds of conservatives converged on Waukee, Iowa to attend the Faith and Freedom Coalition’s 15^th annual let’s mix politics and religion to hear Eduardo (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz to talk about science. He said the earth is not totally flat, it’s sorta hilly.

Carly (No Business Is Too Big For Me To Run Into The Ground) Fiorina told how she could reduce big government just like she did in private business by firing everybody.

Rand (My Mother Invented Fish Sticks) Paul said “Washington is so out of step,” and that he would teach them how to “lock step”

Marco (I Don’t Have A Clue) Rubio gave a speech about the American dream and told why it only applies to Americans.  He said they sure as hell don’t call it the immigrants dream.

Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee told how the Christians of all the religions are the most persecuted people in the world.  I wonder why he didn’t show them this graphic.

Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry and Bobby (Jihad) Jindal also added to the pollution covering the skies of central Iowa, but their speeches were so forgettable that I have already forgotten what they said.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

An Open Letter to Mike Huckabee

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just Another Day in Paradox

Today is National Pig in a Blanket Day around the country.  Here in Texas we have a pig in the State Capitol but he sure as hell isn’t anything to celebrate.

Speaking of Texas Lt. Governor Dan (I Used To Be A Sports Nut And Then A Religious Nut, But Now I’m Just A WingNut) Patrick told folks this week that he was tired of Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott and Speaker of the House Joe (I Don’t Have A Clue) Straus picking on him.  Little Danny said he was thinking about taking his ball and going home except that he didn’t have a ball, so he might just hold his breathe until he turned blue.  

Faux News in house psychopathic nut-job psychiatrist Dr. Keith (I’m Not Really a Doctor, I Just Play One On TV) Ablowhard says that if  Obama were more like the patron saint of the Republican Party, Ronald (I Was A Bad Actor and Worse President) Reagan, that Americans wouldn’t be joining ISIS.  Oh, more like this guy.

According to the latest statistics, about 150 Americans have traveled to Syria to join ISIS, which means approximately 359,999.850 million people have not traveled to Syria to join ISIS.

 Kansas is finding out the hard way what happens when you have a TeaNut Republican in the driver’s seat.  You will end up driven straight into bankruptcy. Governor Sam (I Have A Trickle Down I.Q.) Brownback’s radical economic experiment is a monumental failure. So far six school districts are closing early because of no money and the state’s budget is facing a $600 million dollar short fall. I think Dan's economic adviser was Bernie Madoff.

Lousiana TaNut Republican Governor Bobby (Jihad) Jindal told the New York Times that he is really, really, really, really against same sex marriage. Have you ever noticed that the homophobes who shout the loudest are usually the ones deepest in the closet?

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said he has been hitting the books.  Ole Oops said that if he decides to throw his Stetson into the ring that this time he will be prepared.  He explained that he didn’t realize that if you run for President you had to know things. I see his point. After all, this bonehead was Governor for 14 years and didn’t know diddly squat about anything. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

Former Congressmoron Michele (I Really Am Dumber Than Sarah) Bachman keeps saying extremely stupid things so she can keep her name in the public eye. This week she went on the radio and blamed Obama for the end of the world coming. I don’t get it. I thought the evangelicals were all for the rapture so why isn’t she thanking Obama instead of blaming him. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Personally I’ll be glad as hell when the rapture comes and we will be rid of all of these boneheads.

The fine folks in Parma, Missouri have figured out a way to rid their city council and police department of racist assholes.. They voted in a black woman for mayor and the city’s attorney, the clerk, waste water treatment plant manager and five out of the six members of the police department resigned. Way to go Parma.

Well I guess Texas Senaterrible Rafael (Rhymes with Fidel) Edwardo Cruz is not the Koch brothers favorite step-son after all. Looks like Wisconsin Governor Scott (Street) Walker is has been anointed the number one Koch-Head.  He certainly fits into their anti-government, anti-women, anti-union, anti-immigration, anti-same sex marriage, anti-education view of the world.   

Little Scotty hasn’t officially thrown his hat in the ring yet and there is still the chance that he may not. Back in 2006, Scott told everyone that God told him not to challenge Jim Doyle for governor.  I understand Scotty is hanging by the phone waiting for his orders.

Robert (At Least I’m Not Norman) Bates, the old rich guy who bought his way into being a reserve deputy on the Tulsa, Oklahoma police dept so he could shoot unarmed black people for practice, plead not guilty yesterday and immediately left for a vacation in the Bahamas. It’s a good thing ole Robert didn’t have to go before Judge Judy because she would have made him vacation in Harlem. Remember their state motto: Oklahoma is Okie Dopey.

If you were wondering what happened to former Air Force veteran Michelle (Let Me Wrap Myself in the American Flag) Manhart who was detained by police in Valdosta, Ga for wrestling a American flag away from some student protesters this week. It seems she just wanted to take it home and wear it.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

Former ambulance chaser and current Koch brothers step-son, Texas Senaterrible Rafael (Rhymes With Fidel) Edwardo Cruz likes to be called Teddy,. He says it’s his favorite article of clothing because it makes him feel all frilly under his suit. Anyway little Teddy seems to have a problem on deciding which side of the fence he is on.  He goes on CNN and says that Global Warming is a hoax and then scares a little girl to tears by saying, “your world’s on fire.”   Make up your mind Rafael Teddy, its one or the other.

Little Teddy is also against same-sex marriage.  He believes in the traditional biblical marriage of one man and multiple women.    

Treasonous Teddy also thinks the 2^nd amendment gives people the right to overthrow the government. Since he is part of the government, I say we throw his dumbass out.

Former Governor of Arkansas and blowhard talk show host, Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee has announced that he will announce if he is going to run for President again sometime in May.  There have got to be 6 maybe 10 million, thousand, hundred, people who are waiting with baited breath on this one.  

Ohio Governor John (I’m Waiting By The Phone) Kasich said over the weekend he is waiting for the Lord to tell him if he should run for President. So far the Lord hasn’t picked a winner yet. I remember him telling Michele (I’m Even Dumber Than Sarah) Bachman, Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain and Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum that they should run.  

I predict that by the time the primaries start next year, every single person in the Republican Party will be running for President. What the Republican Party really needs to do is find someone to run who has a normal name. I mean enough with the cutesy  Mitt’s, Newt’s Jeb’s and Rand’s. I’m surprised they haven’t run a Skip, Biff or Dub by us.

I just saw a headline on the internet that said “Has the Tea Party lost its touch?”  My question is when was the Tea Party ever in touch?

Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Ramblings From A Deranged Mind

Today is National Blah, Blah, Blah Day.  Supposedly the intent of this day is to do all the projects that people have been on your case to get done. To those people I say BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Personally I have always been a “Do it yourself” person.  I have told many folks in my life time, “Hey, if you want that done, then you do it.”

I understand that the NSA (Nosey Security Agency) is changing their name to Securing All National Telecommunications of Americans (SANTA).  They thought folks wouldn’t be so upset when they heard SANTA was making a list of those who had been naughty and who had been nice and checking it twice.  

The Tennessee House of Represenitives voted this week to make The Bible the state book.  I understand they also voted to make “Jesus Loves you” the state song.  

Former faux President George Warmnger Bush actually said this while giving a speech in Chicago this week.  “Jeb Bush’s candidacy has a problem, me.”  When Dick (I Really Am A Dick) Cheney was asked about “W’s” remark, he said, “I take full responsibility for that.  I wasn’t there to tell him what to say.”

Louisiana legislature is sending a message to the state of Indiana. The message is “Hey we’re even dumber than you.”  They are considering a new “Let’s make Christianity the only religion” law similar to Indiana. Governor Bobby (Jihad) Jindal said he had heard all of the controversy over the Indiana law being a vague discrimination law and that their law would not receive that criticism.  He went on to say there is absolutely nothing vague about their law.

Today is also the day after my birthday and I want to thank all of the fine folks who took the time to wish me a happy birthday. 




Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Random Thoughts

Time to pay your taxes….well unless you are a church or a giant corporation, then you get to keep all your billions.

Why is it the police seem to only shoot UNARMED people?

If the TeaNut Republicans in Congress really wanted a smaller government, they would all go home.

Major league baseball is underway…..WHO CARES?

The campaigning is beginning for the next Presidential election and I predict the Republicans will began a transition period, moving from racist to misogynist.

The NRA (National Rabid Assholes) held their national convention last week and declared open season on Hillary.

Easter has come and gone and once again Jesus was a no show.





Stay tuned for future adventures.

2016

Wow, Hillary (I’ll Be Married To The First Gentleman) Clinton announced that she is running for President.  Man, I didn’t see that one coming.

Texas Seneterrible Ted (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz was very upset about Hillary’s announcement. Little Teddy was beside himself for, “her complete and abject failure to mention Jesus. Hillary Clinton sent a very clear message today: she does not intend to bring Jesus with her to Washington,” I understand Jesus had no comment on the matter.

Kentucky Seneterrible Rand (I Have Two First Names) Paul also announced he was running for President.  I thought his announcement was pretty much in tone with his attitude toward the media.

Perennial Presidential loser Rick (I Really Need To Be In A) Santorum told Iowans last week that he found the key to winning his party’s nomination.  He said he has given up his quest to look like Mr. Rogers and burned all of his sweaters. Ricky Poo also said he had formed a testing the waters committee and if could get Jesus to teach him how to walk on water, he would throw his halo into the ring for President once again.   
Little Ricky was also straight forward about his love for fetuses.

Stay tuned for future adventures.