Former ambulance chaser and current Koch brothers step-son, Texas Senaterrible Rafael (Rhymes With Fidel) Edwardo Cruz likes to be called Teddy,. He says it’s his favorite article of clothing because it makes him feel all frilly under his suit. Anyway little Teddy seems to have a problem on deciding which side of the fence he is on. He goes on CNN and says that Global Warming is a hoax and then scares a little girl to tears by saying, “your world’s on fire.” Make up your mind Rafael Teddy, its one or the other.
Little Teddy is also against same-sex marriage. He believes in the traditional biblical marriage of one man and multiple women.
Treasonous Teddy also thinks the 2nd amendment gives people the right to overthrow the government. Since he is part of the government, I say we throw his dumbass out.
Former Governor of Arkansas and blowhard talk show host, Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee has announced that he will announce if he is going to run for President again sometime in May. There have got to be 6 maybe 10
Ohio Governor John (I’m Waiting By The Phone) Kasich said over the weekend he is waiting for the Lord to tell him if he should run for President. So far the Lord hasn’t picked a winner yet. I remember him telling Michele (I’m Even Dumber Than Sarah) Bachman, Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain and Rick ( I Need To Be In A) Santorum that they should run.
I predict that by the time the primaries start next year, every single person in the Republican Party will be running for President. What the Republican Party really needs to do is find someone to run who has a normal name. I mean enough with the cutesy Mitt’s, Newt’s Jeb’s and Rand’s. I’m surprised they haven’t run a Skip, Biff or Dub by us.
I just saw a headline on the internet that said “Has the Tea Party lost its touch?” My question is when was the Tea Party ever in touch?
Stay tuned for future adventures.
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