Resolve This

It is almost time to start making brand new resolutions we can break in the coming year.  Coming up with new resolutions at this time of year is quite old.  The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar.
With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.
Hey ole two-faced Janus could fit right into our political system, but that’s another post.  Anyway I thought this year I would come up New Year’s resolutions that I could keep.  If you have any you would like to pass along, please do.

THIS YEAR I RESOLVE TO:

Not get any younger.

To eat all the hamburgers, ice cream, cookies and pizza that I want.

Not jump out of an airplane…..without a parachute.

Not attempt to stop a speeding train or bus by standing in front of it.

Not join the Tea Party, Republican Party, Democratic Party, Tupperware parties, pajama parties, or block parties.

Not to hold out any hope of the Houston Texans having a winning season.

To stay up and sleep as late as I want.

Not to join the Roller Derby or World Wrestling Federation.

Not to attempt to climb Mt Everest.

Not to swim the English Channel.

Not to run in the Houston marathon.

Keep breathing.



  AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

A guy in Michigan just returned a library book that he had checked out 76 years ago.  I’m assuming the man is not a graduate of the Evelyn Woods speeding reading school.


Top five unanswered questions in Hollywood for 2010.

1.    Did Ashton Kutcher cheat on Demi Moore?
2.    Is Miley Cyrus becoming the next Lindsay Lohan?
3.    When did Sandra Bullock really find out that Jesse had strayed?
4.    Does America really like Briston Palin or did the producers with “Dancing With The Stars” rig the results?
5.    Is Mel Gibson really mentally impaired?


And the answer to all five questions………



                            WHO CARES………


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Let's All Have A Great New Year

Well here we are wrapping up another year.  Time sure flies when you’re having fun and I have had some fun.  I also had some times that weren’t so fun but I am choosing to not remember those.  All in all, I’m a happy man.  My lovely wife and I have a roof over our head, food in the fridge and paid off automobiles.  I get to sleep til noon a lot of days and work on my writing. I have a good life and I am very grateful.  Diana came across this article this week and I really liked what it said so I thought I would pass it along to everyone.  It was written a few years ago so you may have already read it but it is well worth perusing again.  Here is wishing everyone a great new year.

 The Awakening  by Virginia Marie Swift

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

Re: The Awakening...definitely worth reading...I promise! timetobefree: You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.


Stay tuned for future adventures and check for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Going Postal

I got a little Christmas present in the mail.  It was a survey sent out by the postal system.  Now first of all, I think the postal system overall does a decent job.  I know some people who work for the post office and they are good people.  When you compare the prices on sending a letter, it is still one of the cheapest things going, which is why they lose billions of dollars every year.  

A lot of people, including myself, thought the post office had a motto.  You know the one about rain and snow and all of that stuff.  The original saying was actually "Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these courageous couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" and was said about 2500 years ago by the Greek historian, Herodotus. He said this adage during the war between the Greeks and Persians about 500 B.C. in reference to the Persian mounted postal couriers whom he observed and held in high esteem.

The actual U.S. Postal System motto is “Sorry, I’m off duty..”

So I’m not here to rant about the postal system, I’m here to bitch about my postman.  We have lived at the same address for over nine years and this jerk still can’t get the mail right.  About twice or more a month someone will call and say, “Did ya’ll move?  I got your letter back.”  Nope, same address. Don’t know what that’s about?  We still get mail for everybody who has ever lived at this address.  At least once a week, I get my neighbors mail or he gets ours.

My wife and I won’t order anything online unless we can’t get it anywhere else and then we have it sent to a friend’s house because the post office has lost so much stuff over the past few years. 

So I just filled out my survey and told the fine folks at the postal system what I thought of the mailman on my route.  I think it may be a part time job for him as he only shows up about four days a week and is obviously hitting the booze on the days that he does make it by.

 I’m not sure if he keeps the mail for himself, just loses it or is an idiot.  It could be all of the above.  I also know I’m not the only one in the neighborhood who thinks this guy is a jerk.  Every dog in a three block area hates him.

I am pretty sure my survey, if it gets delivered won’t have any impact or will make things worse (ha, I don’t think it can get any worse) but at least I got tell them what I think of my part-time mailman.

Also I want to tell you that my novel SURGE is now available on Kindle http://amzn.to/g9J3Qh


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Moon This

Through the years there have been great feuds, Hatfields and McCoys, Leno and Letterman, Barnes and Noble, macaroni and cheese to name a few, and I have the feeling the eclipse of the full moon early Tuesday morning really heated up the rivalry between werewolves and vampires.  The werewolves were hung up with do I change or not? And Tuesday being the winter solstice and the longest night of the year is a vampire’s best night of the year.

I was going to stay up and watch the eclipse which was suppose to be around 2am in the morning but then I remembered you are not suppose to stare directly at the moon during a eclipse, so I went to bed.

And now for something completely different…..
I’m still not sure why all the fuss about the Wikileaks stuff.  Mostly it has been embarrassing for a number of people in Government but so far no real damage seems to have been done to our national security. 

We have to look at it this way.  There is some really, really important stuff hasn’t been leaked.  Things like Colonel Sanders secret recipe for fried chicken and the real ingredients in Coca Cola.  How about what women want or McDonalds secret sauce?  These are things that could change the world.  

• Larry King’s last show was this past week.  He finally hung up his red suspenders which of course caused his pants to fall to his ankles and we got to see why he has been married eight times.

• Since the 1980s, The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery, or TIGHAR, has been engaged in a search effort called The Earhart Project for famed aviator Amelia Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan.  Earhart and Noonan disappeared in 1937 during their attempt to make a round-the-world flight. Evidence has come to light that has given them new hope.  They’re bags arrived this week.

• “Don’t ask, don’t tell” has moved into “Can’t ask, so shut the f*#k up” 

• Harris County commissioner Jerry Eversole and  Harris County's former facilities management director, Michael Surface, were indicted on conspiracy, accepting bribes and paying bribes.    "Anything they ever did with each other -- whether trips, presents or anything -- were always done as part of friendship and never had anything to do with Jerry Eversole's official duties," said Rusty Hardin, Eversole's attorney.  Rusty actually said this with a straight face.  No wonder they pay these guys so much.  This is Oscar worthy stuff.

Stay tuned for future adventures and see more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Beauty Rest: Scientific Fact

I have written about this before but a number of people have asked me if I really do sleep till noon.  I tell them that I do as many days as I can and here is the reason why.  It is healthier for you.   A new Swedish study out has proven my point.  You can check it out at http://on.msnbc.com/fiUr99

It states that people who get more sleep are not only healthier but more attractive.  I can attest to this.  I know I am stronger as some days I able to go the whole afternoon without a nap and I’m pretty sure I’m more attractive because stuff sticks to me a lot more.  I have an old sock and a gum wrapper stuck to me right now.

I started sleeping till noon as much as possible when I started this blog back in February and as you can tell from these before and after photos, it has made a difference.

This is before. 

And this is now.




It has done me a world of good. Not only do I feel better but my eighth grade teacher says my grades are improving every month.

There are some draw backs, not only have I had to replace my wardrobe but my favorite singers are now Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.  It’s a good thing that I quit drinking because I doubt if I could get a bar to serve me.  I have also noticed that my attention span is much shor….hey look at that, a movie trailer for TRON….cool.

Anyway I probably need to start getting up earlier in the morning because if I keep this up, I’ll be drooling, eating Gerber’s and back in diapers by the middle of next year.


Today's good read is Power Down by Ben Coes.  If you are a fan of Vince Flynn, you will enjoy this good read.







Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Hoping To Get Your Stocking Stuffed

If you were planning on getting that special Christmas gift from your sweetie this year, you might want to take a look at this.  There is a new sex questionnaire out that is causing quite a stir.  I’m not sure if it was in Cosmopolitan or GQ, but here are a few of the questions in it.

You are not getting any sex for Christmas if:


You think Viagra commercials are about a woman's Viagra.

You think erectile dysfunction is when the elevator is not working at your office

You think premature ejaculation is when your cd player ejects the disc before the song is over

You don't know the difference between a hand out and a hand job.

You think hot flashes have to do with global warming  

You think menopause is the middle button on your tv remote?

You think oral sex involves a telephone.

You think foreplay is a new rock group.

You think multiple organisms mean group sex. 

You need a resume to get a blow job.


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

More Pondering, Musing And Meditating

A friend of mine was injured on his trip back home.  Said he got a groin pull at the airport.

It looks like all the public’s complaints about the pat-downs at the airports are starting to have some effect.  A new directive has just come down from the TSA to all airport agents.  NO TONGUE.

Bret Farve’s 297 game streak of starts has come to an end.  The headline said Bret Farve was listed as inactive for the Monday night game.  That was a typo, it should have read Bret Farve listed as inaccurate.
  
Poor Haiti.  They have suffered through a terrible earthquake, a hurricane,an epidemic of cholera that has killed 2000 people and now a visit from Sarah Palin.  How much can a country take?

Larry King is retiring at the end of this week.  Larry has done over 50,000 interviews on radio and television.  His first radio interview was with Guglielmo Marconi, who invented the radio. Talk about being in the right place at the right time.
-
The incoming Speaker of the House John Boehner appears to have taken crying lessons from Glen Beck.  He can turn the tears on at the drop of a hat.  I came across a list of his songs which might give us some insight.
Cry Me A River
Cry Softly
Crying
Crying In The Chapel
Crying Time
Crying Game
Crying In The Rain
Cry Like A Baby
Cry
Cry Myself To Sleep
Cry Baby
But his all time favorite is “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”

A postal worker in Wisconsin said he was only trying to cheer up a woman on his route when he delivered her mail in the nude.  She said she didn’t think he meant her any harm; she was just upset where he was holding her letters.


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Keeping It Real

Here are some role models for you.  Kate Gosselin and her eight kids went on a camping trip with Sarah Palin in Alaska.  I understand Kate never left her tent, it was raining and she had just spent a thousand dollars on a new hair-do.  Sarah didn’t let that spoil her fun.  She shot a reindeer.  They haven’t released the name yet and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it wasn’t Rudolph.


Governor Charlie Crist of Florida has pardoned Jim Morrison’s conviction on indecent exposure in 1969.  Governor Crist said he was very pleased to grant the pardon and his next step was to bring Jim back to Florida for a concert.  When told that Morrison had been dead since 1971, the Governor told the reporter he was mistaken, Jim had never been a member of The Grateful Dead.

Howard Stern’s new contract is 100 million dollars less than his last deal.  Man I’m glad I got out of radio before the bottom fell out.

A key vote on the “Do ask, don’t tell” policy has failed.  When asked why, a spokesman said “They aren’t going to tell, so don’t ask.”

The Christian Right is having a problem finding a suitable candidate to back in 2012.

Mitt Romney won’t work.  They are looking for someone who can heal the sick and he just seems to make people sick.

Sarah Palin is not the one.  She’s a woman, the only way she could cut it is if she had had Bristol by Immaculate Conception.  

Newt Gingrich is not in the running because two ex-wives is two too many.

Mike Huckabee.  We had a President from Arkansas, enough said.

The hot new thing in the book world is Amish Romance novels.  I understand they are quick read.  There is no sex, so they are only three pages long.



Today's good read is Fall Of Giants by Ken Follett.  If you read Pillars Of The Earth and  enjoyed it, you will certainly like this one.  It is the first of new series by Mr. Follett.


 Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Wikileaks...Deep Throat Of The 21st Century

There has been a lot of controversy over the classified documents that have been leaked on the WikiLeaks website; however, I have come across some of their information that hasn’t been released yet.  As a public service I thought I would leak it on this blog.

Willie Nelson smokes pot.

Sarah Palin will be remembered as a half-ass Governor of Alaska.

Bret Farve is way too old to play football.

Charley Sheen has a drinking problem.

Over 290 million people DO NOT listen to Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck every week.

Air travel will be a touching experience this year.

Most members of The Tea Party are revolting.

Bristol Palin is not a very good dancer.

There is no Santa Claus.



This just in, the U.S. Travel Association is calling for the creation of a "trusted traveler" program for airline passengers.  Under this system, passengers would be screened for security risks before arriving at the airport.  You would go to room 213 at the motel 6 near the airport. Ask for John


Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Houston's Ten Million Dollar Kubosh

A number of cities around the country have what are called red light cameras.  These are cameras mounted at intersections and when people run the red light, they take a picture of the car’s license plate and send the owner a ticket.  We had red light cameras here in Houston for a couple of years until this last election. Then a proposition got put on the ballot and people voted to turn the cameras off.  I am still trying to figure out why.

The proposition was the brain child of a sleazebag ambulance chaser by the name of Paul Kubosh..  If you are wondering about the sleazebag reference, just google ole Paul and read some of the comments of people who have paid for his services.  Back to the red light cameras, I can’t quite get a grip on why he and his brothers were so all gung ho about getting them turned off. 

The only thing he ever said at every press conference was that it was just a scam for the city to take in money. It’s illegal to run a red light.  If you do, you get a ticket.  Where is the scam? Is it a scam for the cops to use a radar gun to give you a ticket for speeding? 

Here is what I can’t get my head around.  We expect the city to provide certain services to us, fire and police departments, emergency service, streets, garbage pick-up and libraries. You know, stuff that we need.  In order for the city to provide these things it takes money and supposedly the red light cameras were bringing in about 10 million a year.  Ten Million Dollars.  That is a pretty big chunk of change if you ask me and if you didn’t run a red light, you didn’t have to contribute one dime to that 10 million.  Only the jerks running red lights paid.

So now the only way the dipshits who run red lights will pay anything is if they happen to get caught red handed (couldn’t pass that up) or have a wreck and kill somebody.  By the way, the cameras are still on but they are not giving out tickets and a report out last week says that the number of people running red lights is up 27% since they turned them off. 

Now because of the Kubosh brothers we have to raise that money somewhere else.  Probably like raising property taxes or cutting out things we need. The city is in the middle of a multi-million dollar shortfall right now. The mayor is asking city employees take a voluntary furlough. The ten million wouldn’t bail us out but it would nice to have it.

Did these assholes owe a bunch of red light tickets?  I’m not sure what their angle is, but I believe there is one, and I have the feeling it involves them putting money into their pockets and taking it out of ours. 

Today's good read is Running Dark by Jamie Freveletti. Good plot and well written about today's piracy on the high seas.



Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Queen Of The Tea Party

No wonder Sarah Palin is the Queen of the Tea Party.  She is closer to the Red Queen in Alice In Wonderland than we thought.  You do remember that the Red Queen in Alice was nuts?  Ok, just wanted to make sure. 

The story coming out of Hollywood from one of the contestants on Dancing With The Stars is that Bristol didn’t want to be on the show but Sarah brow-beat and guilt-tripped her until she said yes.  Sarah, it seems, blames Bristol for losing the election.  You know the little thing about getting pregnant and not being married.  It sorta hangs up the family values crowd.

Anyway Sarah felt Bristol owed it to her and told her that this would pave the way to get back into the running for President; that with all the publicity, America would once again fall in love with Sarah.  Poor little Sarah who is so misunderstood, misguided, misquoted, misinformed, but mostly missing her last two years as Governor of Alaska.

The Sarah Palin who uses words like “refudiate” and “misunderestimate.”  Who thinks North Korea is our ally and that the Vice-President presides over the Senate.  I am pretty sure she thinks bipolar is how you get from her house to Russia.  Damn, this woman ought to be married to Gov. Rick Perry.  Talk about two peas in a pod…..or is that pea-brains in a pod.    

On a serious note, I don’t really think that Sarah the Queen of the Tea Party is insane.  I think behind the perky, winking, smiling mom from Alaska is a cold, calculating, self-centered bitch who would cut the heart out of anyone that gets in her way and could care less about anybody else.






Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Sleeps Til Noon Declaration

I think congratulations are in order to Steve Jobs. Seems Apple has dropped the app “Manhattan Declaration.”  It’s an anti-gay app which condemns same sex marriage and abortion.  The Manhattan Declaration is a group that was founded by Chuck Colson.  If you’re my age, that name rings a bell.

He was Richard Nixon’s hatchet man while Tricky Dick was screwing the country and he went to prison because he was smack in the middle of Watergate. He was once quoted saying “I would run over my grandmother to get Nixon re-elected.”  Nice guy, huh.  It’s very obvious that family values are important to him.

After he was indicted, he found Jesus.  Isn’t it funny how that happens?  Most people thought it was convenient timing.  He was sentenced to three years and did seven months.   So here he is lecturing the world about public morality.  What a creep.

Here is the Sleeps Til Noon declaration. I think it’s App.  If you are against abortion, then you should never have one under any circumstance.  If you are against gay marriage, you should never marry a gay person. 

I see where Bill O’Rielly called “The Simpsons” pinheads.  No, they are cartoon characters Bill.  I believe we know who the real “Pinhead” is here…..

According to news reports, Black Friday was great and Cyber Monday did a billion dollars worth of business on-line.  I guess the economy is doing better than all those Tea Party candidates claimed after all. 

Having Bristol Palin as spokesman for Abstinence is like hiring Michael Vick to head up the Humane Society or Charley Sheen to be the national representative for AA.   



Stay tuned for future adventures and look for more Sleeps Til Noon atwww.hotslop.com