Happy Halloweener

Halloween seems to be a little different here in Far Right Religious Republican East Texas.  They really want to it to be a Christian themed holiday.  I can’t quite wrap my little brain around that scenario but when I remember that Jesus was the original zombie and you throw in the Holy Ghost plus the fact that these religious wackos are some of the scariest people I have ever met. Well….

I am still way more comfortable with spooks, goblins, scary stories and bags full of teeth-decaying candy for the kids rather than brain-washing myths from the Bible.

On a positive note, I met two really incredible ladies this week. If you haven’t voted already, I really urge you to vote for Leticia Van de Putte for Lt. Governor and Dr. Shirley McKellar for Congress. It was quite an honor to speak with both of them this week and hear what they want to do for the state of Texas.

I saw a very strange billboard in town this week. It said in very large letters. “Had Enough? Vote Republican.”  Now the Republicans have been running Texas into the ground for two decades and they have the gall to put up a sign that says “Had Enough”. What a bunch of Assholes. Every last one of them. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Mid-Week Blah Blahs

Have you seen the new Viagra ads on TV? They finally decided to put a woman in their commercial and she is a not very good blonde actress with a British accent.  After seeing the ad a few times I have decided their target audience is 13 year old boys, 50 year old men who act like 13 year old boys or old white men who watch Fox News.

I don’t know why Viagra spends tons of money making 2 minute commercials talking all around the subject when they could make a 15 second commercial that would sell their product by the truck loads.  The scene would open with a mature gentleman sitting in a doctor’s examining room.  The man says, “Doctor is my heart healthy enough for sex?” to which the doctor replies, “Hell yes, it’s your limp dick that is the problem.”

Pat (I’ve Got God on Speed Dial) Robertson is on a roll.  In the past week he has told his small audience (of 700, that’s why it’s called the 700 Club) that you could get Aids from towels in Kenya and that we have the ability to raise the dead but we just don’t use it.  Why hell no we don’t use it. Have you ever watched The Walking Dead?

If you missed Stephen Colbert talking about the Congressmoron Louie ( I Really Am the Dumbest Asshole on the Planet) Gohmert. Check it out.

It's the best laugh I have had all year.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday All Over Again

Here in TeaNut Republican Religious wacko East Texas, Farmers Insurance won’t cover you and the family doctor won’t see you if you’re a liberal minded person.

And the flip side really tells you what kind of assholes these boneheads really are.

If these jerks actually cared about children, they would have said, pray for the sick kids, or hungry kids, or kids without families, not the unborn. But no, once they come out of the womb, these assholes could care less. Needless to say, I will not be getting any insurance from Farmers or letting this quack near me.  
   
I wonder how the home office of Farmers Insurance feels about their agent here in Lufkin getting so political.  I think I’ll send them the picture and see what they have to say.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Stuff To Think About

If you haven’t voted yet, here is a last minute run down of some of the main candidates.

On the Republican side we have an Asshole, a Bonehead, a total Moron and a Criminal.  

The Asshole is Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who wants to be dictator of Texas. As Texas Attorney General he has sued the government 27 times and has lost 23 times costing the state of Texas well over 3 million dollars. He is for cutting millions of dollars out of education and of course doesn’t give a damn about anybody’s health care except his own.

The Bonehead is Dan (I Use to be a Sports Nut, Then I was a Religious Nut and Now I Am Just Nuts) Patrick who wants to be Lt. Dictator of Texas.  Dan told his constitutes that God was speaking to them through the Duck Dynasty TV show.  The Houston Chronicle, which endorsed his opponent Leticia van De Putte, said that Dan was divisive, disruptive and self-aggrandizing. Dan also has a long history of racial comments and slurs and has been named worst Senator in the state legislature every year he has been in Austin.

The Total Moron is Louie (I Am Beyond Dumb) Gohmert who is running for re-election for Congress. Looney Louie went on Christian radio this week and said the reason we shouldn’t have gays in the army is because they will sit around having massages all day and would not be ready to go to battle. That’s so stupid, even I don’t have a snappy comment.

 The criminal is Ken (I’m Above the Law) Paxton.  Kenny wants to be the next Attorney General of Texas. Here is the poop on this creep.

1.       Ken Paxton broke the law when he solicited investment clients without being registered with the Securities Commissioner. (Source: Texas Tribune)

2.      The Texas State Securities Board fined Paxton for failing to register. Existing state law says that failure to register is a 3rd-degree felony, which can result in up to 10 years of jail time. (Source: Austin American-Statesman)

3.      Since news of Paxton's actions broke, his hometown police force withdrew their endorsement of him. (Source: Dallas Morning News). Paxton has not received the endorsement from a single major daily newspaper in Texas, and since winning the primary, he has gone suspiciously silent. 

4.      A Texas group filed a complaint with Paxton on the matter, and he is expected to face investigation after the November election. (Source: Austin American-Statesman).

If he wins, his first case will more than likely be himself.

On the Democrats Side we have three articulate, intelligent women and a man who is not under any kind of criminal investigation.

Wendy Davis….Governor
Leticia van De Putte… Lt. Governor
Shirley McKellar….Congress
Sam Houston….Attorney General
Need I say more?

Faux News co-host of The Five Kimberly (Stepford Wife) Guilfoyle went on the TV and said that young women should not vote. "It's the same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea," Guilfoyle said. "They don't get it!"  What I don’t get is why this ignorant bimbo is on TV.  Oh wait, that is all Faux News hires. Never mind.

Gee, I wonder why nothing gets done in Washington.  Here is what TeaNut Republican Congressmoron Jason (I Don’t Have a Clue) Chaffetz of Utah had to say on Faux News this week when asked about the President’s Ebola response coordinator. He said, “Why not have the surgeon general head this up? I think that’s a very legitimate question. At least you have somebody who has a medical background whose been confirmed by the United States Senate.”   You would have thought someone on his staff would have informed him we haven’t had a Surgeon General in over a year because his obstructionist party has blocked the nomination.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Time to Vote

Early voting has begun here in Texas and hopefully everyone will get out and cast their vote.  It is a fact that low voter turn out produces Republicans in office.

This is the way Republicans like to see the voting process take place.

Here is something we should all be embarrassed about.  All of these countries, Belgium, Australia, Greece, Italy, Spain, Netherlands, Japan, Germany, Portugal, UK, Canada, Korea and France turn out to vote at a much higher percentage rate than we Americans do. Remember, you don’t get to bitch about the assholes in office, if you didn’t vote.    

Kim Jong-un, North Korea’s kid Dictator is alive after all. He showed up last week after playing hooky for six weeks. He said he was playing hide and seek except nobody came looking for him. He will now be known as Kim Jong-undead.



Stay tuned for future adventures. 

Monday Morning Quarterback

Texas Senaterrible Ted (Big Mouth, No Brains) Cruz was running his mouth off all week end about how those little Ebolas are going to get us. Little Teddy wants to stop all flights coming into the United States even though all of the experts say that is impossible and would actually make things worse. Teddy Boy has never been one to listen to the experts who know what to do. I find it stunning that about 35,000 people die in this country every year from the flu and one person dies from Ebola and these fear spouting boneheads want to close the airports.  

Of course we don’t have a Surgeon General during this time of need because Just Say No Teddy is blocking the President’s nomination. Teddy had this to say on the TV.  "And we don’t have one because President Obama, instead of nominating a health professional, he nominated someone who is an anti-gun activist.”  The man is a doctor so I’m pretty sure he is a health professional and I guess Two-Gun Teddy doesn’t think guns pose a health problem even though about 100,000 people get shot every year in the United States. 

Another future star in the NFL (Numerous Felons League) is playing football for Hoquiam High School in Washington.  He is still playing because Hoquiam school Superintendent Mike (Boys Will be Boys) Parker refuses to suspend him even though he is charged with two counts of rape. Mr. Parker said, "We felt that he's innocent until proven guilty."    Of course what he didn’t say was that he thought the two girls are obviously lying. Superintendent Parker must be going for the Asshole of the Year award in education.

More football: A Georgia high school football player went on Faux News last week to tell the world how devastated he was because his school has to remove a statue that stands in front of their stadium because it contains bible verses. Boy that silly ole Constitution can sure jump up and bite you in the ass.  Of course if that statue contained some verses from the Koran, he probably would be out there with a pile driver.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Picture is Worth a Bunch of Words

This church is down the road from my house.  I’m trying to figure out what the relationship is between their pastor and Michelle Obama.

 I would think that if they were talking about the pastor’s wife, they would have said “Pastorette”.

I noticed this place was closed so I’m assuming Him-a-laid-off.

 

I think I would just limp my car on down the road to the next garage.  

There are some pretty scary places that crop up this time of year.

But here is the one that is truly full of evil shit.

Stay tuned for future adventures.