Black Friday

After seeing some of the brawls take place in retail stores around the country I understand that they are thinking of changing the name to Black & Blue Friday.  Of course the real blue comes on Blue Monday. That’s when the overwhelming depression of overspending crushes the bargain shopping high of Black Friday. 


Executive Director Larry (Small Penis, Big Gun) Pratt of Gun Owners of America recently warned unarmed Americans that he had found firearms in the Bible, and that he was sure it was proof that God was "judging" unarmed Americans and "blessing" the gun owners.  I believe it was in the Gospels of Remington. He didn’t say where you could find the 2nd Amendment in the Bible, but I’m sure it is in there somewhere.  

I do believe that East Texas does have the most churches per square mile than any other place in the country.  I think every third building is a church.  You would think that Jesus was from around here.  Anyway I spotted one the other day that had the motto “Where people come to life.”  Wow, a church for zombies.


Congress is well on the way to becoming the least productive Congress in modern history and I have full faith that they will achieve this dubious honor.  This little note needs to be tacked on every one of their office doors. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Big Bird Day

Well are almost to that special day of year when we get together with family and friends and gather in a circle holding hands. It’s a time to have a song in our heart and be light on our feet and it’s coming up this week  I’m talking National Square Dance Day.  We can swing our partners and “Dosado” til our hearts are content. It’s "Allemande Left” and “To hell with the right,”  plus it’s great exercise and fun for the whole family.  Remember the family that square dances together, sashays together.  It is the one time in your life that you can be there and be square.

Of course there is another special day coming up this week.  It’s Black Friday.  I just learned Friday after Thanksgiving is called Black Friday because it is the biggest shopping day of the year.  Wow, I always thought it was called that because after a horrible, awkward, sit-down dinner with your extremely dysfunctional family, you'd spent the next 12 hours slamming down tequila shots and beer backs.

In 1621, the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast that is acknowledged today as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies.  This is so weird because my first recollection of Thanksgiving is when I was either 16 or 21, (I’m not sure) and waking up in the back seat of a Plymouth with my girl friend Wampanoag after a night of  slamming corn mash whiskey and listening to the Cleveland Indians on the radio.

I thought now would be a good time to start thinking about all those things that I am thankful for.


1.  I am not a turkey or a pig. (I always thought it was better to eat than be eaten.)

2.  I am not the Mayor of Toronto.

3.  I am not a member of any political party or religious organization.

4. I am not the coach of the Houston Texans.

5. I am not related to Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Gregg Abbott, Rick Perry or any of the Kardashians.



                    But mostly I’m thankful that I get to sleep till noon a lot. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Birds of a Feather

On the left is crack smoking Mayor of Toronto Rob (Hey I was Drunk) Ford and on the right is crack smoking chairman of a U.K. bank Paul (Hey I was Bored) Flowers. I am pretty sure they share a family gene.

On the left is Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry who thinks he raised his I.Q a few points by adding glasses and on the right is Rick’s clone, only sleazier, Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell on Wheels) Abbott, the Mad Hatter of the Texas Tea Party.

On the left is the evil Mr. Burns of  The Simpson’s fame and on the right is Congressmoron Looney Louie (I’m as Stupid as I Look) Gohmert  who is a real life cartoon character.   

On the left is Sarah (Half-Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin and on the right is Linda (Let Me Kiss It and Make It Better) Lovelace, porn star of Deep Throat fame. They both seem to have an oral fixation. 

'Delivery Man' debunked: Not just any guy can be a sperm donor 
Bill Briggs NBC News
This was the headline on MSNBC news over the weekend.  Note to Bill.  It’s a movie dumbass, not a documentary.   They just made it up. Why don’t you do some real investigative reporting?

A 13 year old boy in Dallas shot his 5 year old brother yesterday. The boy was not killed but is listed in serious condition.  I’m not sure if they were arguing over the second amendment or whether the 13 year old was exercising his “stand your ground” rights.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Follies

I saw a sign for a club in town that said, “Live DJ on Saturday nights”.  I’m assuming that on the other nights of the week they have a dead DJ.

Congressmoron Paul (We Need to Get Rid of All the Poor People) Ryan is at it again. He believes the biggest problem for poor people is the existence of government programs that give them money and health care.  He wants to cut all of these programs.  He went on to say,” Spiritual redemption: That’s what saves people.”  In other words, pray that you don’t get sick or starve to death. I’m not sure what section of the Bible says it is a sin to be poor but it must be in there somewhere.

I wonder who George (Quick Draw) Zimmerman is going to kill next and not if, but when.

Here is a real oxymoron for ya.  Texas Board of Education.

OMG, the Senate invoked the “Nuclear Option” on confirming nominees.  How will we ever live through it?  At least that’s what the media wants us to think.  What a crock, you can’t get the politics more polarized than what they are now and maybe, just maybe they can get a little business done.    


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Some Things To Ponder

Why do they have judges on Dancing with the Stars?

Why haven’t the Cheney family been invited to be on Family Fued?

Why are mega-church’s exempt from paying taxes?

Why do today’s Republican wackos repeatedly invoke Ronald Reagan's name when slamming President Obama and today’s policies?


•    Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.

•    Reagan legalized abortion as Governor of California.

•    Reagan supported gun control.

•    Reagan raised the debt ceiling 18 times.

•    32 convictions in his administration during 8 years.

•    HUD Scandal 16 convictions   8 billion in taxpayer money lost
•    Ira-Contra scandal 14 convictions

•    S & L scandal over a trillion taxpayer dollars lost

•    Supply side (voodoo) economics.

•    130 separate investigations against the Defense dept contractors.

•    Record deficts.

•    And of course the decisions made by Nancy’s astrologer

They have freed the San Antonio 4 but what about the Indianapolis 500?




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Halloween Maybe Over but There Are Still Some Scary People Out There

There has been a lot of talk over the last couple of years about the 1% and the 99%, the growing gap between the rich and the rest of us, but there is another percentage group that I think is a much bigger deal. That is the 9%.  If you are wondering who the 9% are, I’m going to tell you. I’m not exactly sure who they are but they are a really scary bunch.  They are the ones who think that Congress is doing a good job. 91% of Americans think that Congress is doing a lousy job, include me in this group, and then somewhere scattered around America there are the 9% who think everything is just fine. Do these boneheads live under a rock? Are they like cicada’s who only come out every 17 years?  Are they members of Al Qaeda or some other anti-American organization?

What is really scary is that I think they probably look like everyone else.  They could be the guy standing next to you in the grocery line or the woman in front of you at the post office.  Of course the upside is that at 9% you probably have a better chance of meeting a lottery winner than one of these goobers.

Another scary group around is folks who claim to be members of the Tea Party (aka Kochroaches).  They consist of low intelligence, highly intolerant, gun totting, scripture spewing assholes. The one good thing about these boneheads is that they are fairly easy to recognize.   

And then there are those humps who work at Rupert (I Hear What You’re Saying Because I Tapped Your Phone) Murdoch’s Faux News Channel. They scored a double whammy this week as the latest survey shows that the average age and I.Q. of their viewers is the same….65.


Former NFL quarterback Donovan McBad said yesterday that Jimmy Johnson was not an athlete.  Jimmy who won his sixth Championship title yesterday and is one of the greatest race car drivers ever trains by running triathlons.  I doubt if Donnie can spell triathlon.

 Former Illinois Gov. Rod (Hair-Brained) Blagojevich is headed back to court next month to appeal his corruption conviction.  I understand he is going to tell the judge he was a simply a victim of a really bad hair day. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine....Unless You're Sick.

Somebody told Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry that he need to change his image after last year’s Presidential run where he looked like a dufus, so he got himself a pair of black horn rimmed glasses.

Now he looks like a dufus with glasses.

Texas Senaterrible Ted (The Liar King) Cruz in an interview with Chris Wallace in front of a live audience said that he was against the government shut down which got a big round of laughs. I think maybe little Teddy is thinking of a career change to stand up comic.

Texas Attorney General Gregg (I Really Want to be King) Abbott who is now wanting to roll into the Governor’s office has released his campaign platform.  It does not contain one positive thing for any Texan. According to Texas Monthly “The Abbott proposals do not build one highway, they do not educate one child, they do not improve the health of one community. Abbott is doubling down on the tea party agenda.”  I doubt if ole Gregg saw the article since he gets all of his information out of “The Weekly Reader.”

The roll out of the new PlayStation 4 has been plagued with problems and I haven’t heard one complaint about it from the Republicans. I’m telling ya these boneheads don’t care about the important stuff.

House Speaker John (The Town Cryer) Boehner said yesterday that President Obama was wrecking the best health care delivery system in the world. My first thought when I read this is how is Obama wrecking the Canadian Health Care system, then I realized that he was talking about our health care system.

I think maybe John should do a little research before shooting his mouth off. Two different studies out this week show a very different picture.  These studies by the way go back 15 years or longer.  They show that Americans pay more per capita for health care than any other industrialized country in the world and we are sicker, die younger and are very unhappy with our system. I’m pretty sure Bonehead was talking about his health care plan which is first class and paid for by all of us taxpayers. 
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Stay tuned for future adventures.