Just Another Day in Paradox

Today is National Pig in a Blanket Day around the country.  Here in Texas we have a pig in the State Capitol but he sure as hell isn’t anything to celebrate.

Speaking of Texas Lt. Governor Dan (I Used To Be A Sports Nut And Then A Religious Nut, But Now I’m Just A WingNut) Patrick told folks this week that he was tired of Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott and Speaker of the House Joe (I Don’t Have A Clue) Straus picking on him.  Little Danny said he was thinking about taking his ball and going home except that he didn’t have a ball, so he might just hold his breathe until he turned blue.  

Faux News in house psychopathic nut-job psychiatrist Dr. Keith (I’m Not Really a Doctor, I Just Play One On TV) Ablowhard says that if  Obama were more like the patron saint of the Republican Party, Ronald (I Was A Bad Actor and Worse President) Reagan, that Americans wouldn’t be joining ISIS.  Oh, more like this guy.

According to the latest statistics, about 150 Americans have traveled to Syria to join ISIS, which means approximately 359,999.850 million people have not traveled to Syria to join ISIS.

 Kansas is finding out the hard way what happens when you have a TeaNut Republican in the driver’s seat.  You will end up driven straight into bankruptcy. Governor Sam (I Have A Trickle Down I.Q.) Brownback’s radical economic experiment is a monumental failure. So far six school districts are closing early because of no money and the state’s budget is facing a $600 million dollar short fall. I think Dan's economic adviser was Bernie Madoff.

Lousiana TaNut Republican Governor Bobby (Jihad) Jindal told the New York Times that he is really, really, really, really against same sex marriage. Have you ever noticed that the homophobes who shout the loudest are usually the ones deepest in the closet?

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said he has been hitting the books.  Ole Oops said that if he decides to throw his Stetson into the ring that this time he will be prepared.  He explained that he didn’t realize that if you run for President you had to know things. I see his point. After all, this bonehead was Governor for 14 years and didn’t know diddly squat about anything. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Walking Dumb...Part 2

Politicians love attention and I think maybe New Jersey Governor Chris (I’m Not Overweight, I’m Overwrought) Christie may have hit the jackpot.  He is now the center of seven different investigations. 

 

House Whinner John (It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want Too) Boehner plans on suing President Obama because he thinks the Prez has abused his power of executive order.      Here's a list of executive orders used since little Ronnie (Bad Actor, Really Bad President) Reagan was in office.
Ronald Reagan: 381
George Bush: 166
William J. Clinton: 364
George W. Bush 291
Barack Obama 168

Bonehead Boehner obviously failed math in school.

 

The NRA (National Rabid Assholes) believes that obsessed wackos and wife beaters should have the right to own guns just like every other gun nut in the world.  You see there is proposed legislation that would prohibit people convicted of stalking and domestic violence from owning guns and they are against it.  After all, owning a gun is a God given right.  I believe it says so in Smith & Wesson, 38-45. Like Phil (Duck DickHead) Robertson says, if Jesus had had a gun, there wouldn’t be any of this crucifixion shit.

 

 I do have a couple of questions for the members of the NRA (Notoriously Ridiculous  Assholes). What well regulated militia are you a member of and when was the last time you had to take your precious gun and defend yourself from the United States Government?  Patriots of the Revolutionary War rebelled against a government of another country. Evidently gun nuts of today missed that section of American history.  Maybe home schooling isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? 

 

Arizona school superintendent John ( I Am A Equal Opportunity Offender) Huppenthal has apologized for posting anonymous hurtful blog comments.  It appears that he has a long history of making offensive and often racist comments about the poor, Hispanics, Blacks, Planned Parenthood, and others.  I understand Arizona Governor Janice Kooky Brewer has really come down hard on ole John.  She made him write “I Will Not Be An Asshole Anymore’ a hundred times on the blackboard. 

 

Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert was so pissed about all of the unaccompanied children coming across the Texas border that he had to go on the floor of the House and rant about it.

 Of course if these were fetuses, then he would down there welcoming them with open arms.

 

I haven’t watched any of the World Cup but I did hear about the player who bit another player and was kicked out.   I didn’t even know Mike (How Do You Like These Toothers) Tyson was playing soccer now.  

Speaking of the World Cup, Faux News faux psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablowhard is claiming the reason so many people in America are watching is because it is a conspiracy by President Obama to distract attention from him.  This so stupid it does even deserve one of my wise ass comments.

Stay tuned for future adventures.